Assuming Your Gay

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Pene_Negro_Grande, Jun 4, 2005.

  1. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    Just curious if this has happened to you or do you have any friends who think are gay or that you think are gay...Lately for some reason I have had people ask me if I am gay more often...It really doesn't bother me and I never take offense because I know I like women...I live in a really trendy and gay friendly area plus from what I have been told I dress really well and I am a great cook (I worked as a cook when I was 16)...I really don't like the term "metrosexual" but that is what probably all my friends are considered so we all have got that question from time to time...

    It was funny because the other night I was kind of drunk and my friend's hot Russian wife seemed like she was flirting w/me...So I started flirting back and she for some reason started talking about gay guys and how she loved their sense of style and how they work out (snickering unlike her husband) and are well groomed...Then within the gay guys talk she slipped you guys...That is when I realize that she thought I was gay...So I laughed and said I am not gay and she had this look on her face of embarrassment...She said you are not and said you dress well and are well groomed but then she said that she was misinformed...That made me think her husband must have told her that...

    First of all I thought he was a little curious because he calls me a lot to hang out and he gets a little touchy feely and how he might walk up behind me and say something in my ear...And I swear lately alot of my straight friends get drunk and make overt passes at me...Like one friend one night kept grabbing my ass then when finally turned around he says "Yeah it's me I'm gay - just joking" and started laughing but last night gave me the distant indication that he wanted to go home w/me (using the too drunk to drive excuse) and rubbing his crotch area and looking at me on the cab ride back to my place...Glad I kind of helped him come to his senses about that and he went to this chick he use to hook up w/place that lived a block from me...

    Personally I think it is natural for a straight guy to be curious about another guy...I have explored that curiousity myself and kind of beyond that now (and that was over 2yrs ago)...But it is getting kind of weird that lately I am the friend that my straight friends want to explore that curiousity with...Most of these guys I have known for 2 to 5yrs and never had any indications of any attraction on either sides but lately it been happening a lot...So I guess that is why I wondering if my friends think I am gay and some have asked me that...And being gay would not be a problem w/them...All of them have gay friends, siblings or roommates who they hang out w/all the time...And most of my friends are married or have long term girlfriends too...Sorry for the long post...Just something I have been thinking about lately...I hang out w/about 10 core straight guys and at least half have made sexual advances when they are drunk...I usually laugh it off thinking it is just the alcohol...
     
  2. Dr Rock

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    who lives in the east 'neath the willow tree? Sex
    no, although I find people often assume I'm straight simply because I'm ugly.
     
  3. headbang8

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    Ditto here. It's convenient sometimes.
     
  4. tightfit

    tightfit New Member

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    People assume I'm hetero which really p*sses me off.
     
  5. hippyscum

    hippyscum New Member

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    I'm not particularly good looking, I can't cook, but I tend to have that "fag friend" relationship with girls, so almost every girl I know thinks I'm gay, and they have tried to set me up with guys in the past.
     
  6. D_Martin van Burden

    D_Martin van Burden Account Disabled

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    I'm hearing two messages in your post, Pene.

    The first -- and probably the more obvious of the two -- is that you're a little more than frustrated that because you take of your body, care about how you look, and can whip up a mean dinner that people automatically lump some stereotypes together and assume that you're homosexual.

    I dunno, bud. How much responsibility can you possibly take for all those circumstances that go on in your life in order to perpetuate that stereotype? Even if you don't like the word "metrosexual," you fit that perception; you live in a gay-friendly part of town; and for all intents and purposes, you as a person fit up that physical impression of what it means to be a gay guy in the city in which you live. Other than you choosing to live where you do, you can't take responsibility for people who choose to subscribe you to a stereotype? That's what makes those damn things so helpful -- they don't require people to make content with other people with all these preconceptions floating around.

    It's a matter of being gay until proven straight. To that end, correcting people as calmly as you can puts the egg on their face.

    I feel you, though. I get called gay a good bit, too. I was really self-conscious of it for a long time because I was trying to rack my brain figure what I was doing to merit this. And then it hit me. I'm straight, but I don't act like my typical meatheaded heterosexual brethren.

    I don't hoot and holler when an attractive woman walks by, and I can keep my eyes to her eyes when she speaks -- I'm a bit more sly if I notice her breasts. I treat women with respect. If I have sex with them and we get along, I'll call the next morning; fuck that whole three days nonsense.

    And if I'm in a mood for it, I like to make myself look nice because it makes me feel good. I'm lean like a rail and I'm okay with it. That's the body God gave me. I don't aspire to be some muscle god or to bench press a billion pounds. It's all good.

    I call my girl friends pet names -- "babe," "sweeheart." I think I caught that from Mom.

    Love to dance. It's really fun and I think it's easier for me to flirt with women on the dance floor than to start up conversation at a bar top.

    I don't crush beer cans against my head 'cause, hello, that doesn't feel good. (This list can go on and on and on and on.)

    And as far as I can tell, my straight buddies regard me as a really funny, entertaining guy who likes getting goofy on the spur of the moment. And if I have to be sassy, I'm okay with that. It gets more laughs than raised eyebrows. I had guy friends in college who understood that, and it's not too different now -- at home or at work.

    Like, there's this kid at work and I can't help but crack jokes on him. He's a wild kinda crazy guy too and he's as country-soundin' as he wants to be. Got some attitude on him. I think he's cool. It's safe to say that he flirts with me -- occasional nipple tweak, making fun of me when I dance along the line to get my food, and yesterday he kept playfully smacking me in the face when his hands were wet. (I hit him back after wiping my hand on the tea station and getting sugar on it. You know, 'cause he's sweet.)

    I flirt a little with my straight friends too, and there's not weirdness attached to it because they know that I don't wanna nail 'em in the butt. Once that's clear, everything seems cool.

    So, continue to educate and continue to weather it. While not every straight dude comes off as a meathead, until you live in a setting where these poor gals meet all these attractive men and not a damn one of 'em are into her cooch, you're just going to have to weather it or butch up.

    That second bit -- about your friends making passes at you that suggest experimentation. I think that's more of a compliment than anything else because they're saying that they feel safe enough around you to try it. Don't get me wrong. I would put a lot of caution on that too. You better have a damn secure relationship with your bud before you take it to the bedroom. And if you're not interested in pursuing that, why don't you elicit conversation about their curiosity? Somewhere private where you can talk for a bit. Even on the intoxicated side, people don't say or do too much that's far from their real feelings. The damn alcohol's so wonderful because it takes away with the inhibition.

    And that's their issue -- their feelings. Be a friend and support them in their need for exploration, but don't feel like it's your job to resolve their issues. And maybe it's their way to tell you that they think you're physically attractive and/or that you're a good person to boot. I dunno.

    Good luck sorting all this out. As for me, I'm gonna ice my fingers 'cause I typed way too damn much.
     
  7. Knight

    Knight New Member

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    It happened a few times. Usually because I didnt have a gf or didnt want to suck face with certain unattractive girls. Other times because I was still a virgin and because I took pictures of my cock :eek: (I think he assumed they were someone else's, then my aunt recognised my t shirt :eek::O)

    Alas I said I was not gay and that I took it as an insult. Now no one questions my sexuality. Rampant straight guy, raging sea of hormones. Seeks prolonged playtime inside hot and wet..P's ;)

    Of course it wasnt always like that lol. Its wrong though for people to assume anyone is gay, especially when they are not. It was obvious I wasnt gay (I would have thought).
     
  8. hippyscum

    hippyscum New Member

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    maybe it was wihful thinking on his part ;)
     
  9. viking

    viking New Member

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    Lot's of people assume I'm gay. Who knows why.
    I'm not very mainstream in my appearance, attitudes or interests.

    Sometimes I just let people think what they want without letting on whether I'm gay or not. I do wear a wedding ring, but lots of gay guys wear wedding rings in the bay area so it's not a reliable guage of sexual orientation.

    I'm a big flirt too, so I keep 'em guessing.

    :evilgrin:
     
  10. jonb

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    I have to agree with Dee. Except I always thought gay guys were supposed to spend too much time at the gym. (Ever seen the "Physical" video?)

    In my case, some people assume I'm gay. Maybe just a little . . . The reasons are simple:

    1. I'm skinny. Everyone knows straight guys don't take care of their bodies.
    2. I sometimes flirt with guys, and I've even done the "pretend to be gay to make your friend's boyfriend jealous" schtick before. This is probably the only legitimate reason for assuming I'm gay.
    3. I'm a drummer. I also sometimes paint, and I like to watch independent films.
    4. I'm polite around women. No catcalls or anything equally dumb. However, I don't keep eye contact. I think it's different cultural upbringing.
     
  11. B_hungrick

    B_hungrick New Member

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    I think that dee has said almost everything there is to say about this topic.
    My personal feelings are a bit more complicated. I was raised by hippie parents so in our house there were all sorts of people and animals roaming around. My mom had this thing for attracting artistic folks, so there would always be several gay or bi women & men hanging out at our place. When I was little sometimes the gay guys would dress me up in something they called "glam drag", or a word like that,where I'd look like some teen hooker. I was actually only 8 or 9 though. It was a hoot for me & all my friends. So I think I grew up with a more interesting take on gay guys & lesbians. Also when I was in college at UCLA our dorm had this liberation day where we all pretended to be gay for a day. It was actually kinda fun. All us guys would walk around on campus holding hands & we'd kiss each other on the mouth & grab at each other's butts. It wasn't much different from how the jocks on campus acted most of the time!! Although being gay for a day might have sounded homophobic, it really wasn't. It was just a way to understand how much prejudice lesbians & gay guys get directed at them all the time. So many people said they felt really uncomfortable seeing guys touching each other & generally being affectionate. It's still a strange quirky part of our culture.

    Also no one has ever thought I was gay, assumed it or asked me about it. This is even true when I go to gay clubs with my girlfriend or with others. I think it must have to do with my utter lack of taste in clothing, jeans & teeshirts, and personal grooming, surfer mop. :D
     
  12. Alley Blue

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    Dee, love your post. I'm still in the middle of trying to digest it, and loving every juicey morsel :)

    Pene,

    I really wouldn’t read to much into all this. I get hit on a bit.....by guys and gals. For every man who hits on me there’s a women. If I focus to much on all the guys that hit on me, I would probably think there’s something about me that’s "really gay". But I come to realize that there must be something about me ( hair color......who knows) that both men ( straight and gay) and women find equally attractive.

    Instead of being bothered by all of this, I consider myself fortunate to be considered attractive by both men and women. If a man or women hits on me that’s a friend of mine, the only thing I can really do is say in my most sincere voice "I'm really not sexually attracted to you, though I'm really close to you as a friend" and leave it at that. If the person values the friendship they'll let it go.

    There are many things people see about ourselves that we will NEVER see FOR ourselves......this is simply one of the many odd little things about life. To be honest, if I could see what everyone else saw, would I really want to change and be something other then........me?
     
  13. B_thirteenpointhree

    B_thirteenpointhree New Member

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    I get this all the time..
    I am not really offended by people asking , it's just when they jump right into telling me what they want to do with me when I tell them to get lost.
     
  14. B_HungSpermBoy

    B_HungSpermBoy New Member

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    Hey thirteenpointhree, that's an outrageous avatar!! :wow:
     
  15. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    Yeah Dee hit on the right points...I really don't take offense to at all...My friends are all cool so I really wouldn't take offense or get weird if they really put it out there...Thanks everyone...
     
  16. B_hungrick

    B_hungrick New Member

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    My dad told me that when he was in college back in the day & doing his hippie thing, he would have guy friends ask if they could have sex with him. They wanted to know what it would be like with another guy & they trusted him enough to be right out there with it. He said he never took anyone up on it, but that it made him feel good that people had that much confidence in him. I think this is actually pretty cool.
     
  17. Alley Blue

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    Hey thirteenpointhree, that's an outrageous avatar!! :wow:
    [post=318409]Quoted post[/post]​
    [/b][/quote]

    "Outrageous" is a wee bit too mild......... :lol:
     
  18. jibikao

    jibikao New Member

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    I think your mannerism has MORE to do with why people think you are gay than how clean looking you are or how often you go to gym.

    Which is also why stereotyping is FALSE. Because not all girlish guys are gay and not all macho guys are NOT gay. :)


    Since I am into bear guys, I have to say when you see them on the street, you WILL THINK they are straight. lol My BF is probably the dirtiest "gay" guy I've ever met. He used to live on his own and his house is..... a FREAKING mess.


    I think most gay guys tell by "eye contact". Gay guys tend to stare longer with a look of "lust" in their eyes. It's really hard to explain but if you are a gay guy, you should know.

    But as for your female friends thinking you are gay, well, I am not a female and I am not sure how accurate females can be. I do know that not all "gay" guys are nice to women. I know my BF isn't. lol
     
  19. jibikao

    jibikao New Member

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    Well, to me, Bisexuality is a bigger issue.

    I know there are bisexual people out there but I just can't understand them.


    I had a girlfriend before. I used to FORCE myself to think about girls when I jerk off because I thought that's the "right" thing. But as I grow older and older, I have to put a man in my fantasy.

    Yes, pussy feels great and I won't say no to a pussy if somebody offers me one. But it DOES NOT mean I am bisexual. I appreciate women for their beauty but the fact that I think pussy feels great doesn't make me less Gay. In fact, I prefer watching porn with a chubby bear guy and a woman than two chubby bear guys.

    All I know is I think about guys when I jerk off. They are always in my fantasy and that makes me GAY. :)

    I think a lot of bisexual guys are confused and struggling to figure out what they like better. Many of them choose to stay married with a woman and THEN go out to suck some cocks behind their wives' back. You call this "bisexual"??? I call this "Lust for cocks"!! That's gay and there is nothing wrong about it. :)
     
  20. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    I might have to disagree about the bi-sexual thing...I think a person can be emotional and sexually attracted to women and just be sexually attracted to men...A guy might enjoy having his dick sucked by a guy and that is as far as it might go and still be very much into women...Personally I really don't like to assume a label on a person...I think Nixxy once said - I am not gay or straight, I am sexual...
     
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