Astrology Readings. Horoscope Advice

Calboner

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My sign is Derry and Toms—April 29th to March 22nd, even dates only. But I already have the forecast: "You have green, scaly skin, and a soft yellow underbelly with a series of fin-like ridges running down your spine and tail. Although lizard-like in shape, you can grow anything up to thirty feet in length with huge teeth that can bite off great rocks and trees. You inhabit arid sub-tropical zones and wear spectacles."

What the stars foretell - Monty Python - YouTube
 
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deleted395785

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Scorpio over here....go on.. Lets hear it. Heh.

I hate Scorpios. You're evil as fuck. If you live in NYC, you will die by my hands, or someone pushing your evil ass in front of a train
 
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deleted395785

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Hit me with your best Libra :)

Self indulgent, lazy, loves luxury. Terrible with money. You will die from your addictions. Either in a couple years from cocaine or later in life by the hands of a mistress you cheating bastard
 

luka82

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Rofl, you gotta be fucking kidding me!
Now, please tell me that I`m going to die choking on dick!;)
 
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deleted395785

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I also give compatibility suggestions. Except for Geminis. Since their sign means duality they can go fuck themselves.
 

D_Tim McGnaw

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Self indulgent, lazy, loves luxury. Terrible with money. You will die from your addictions. Either in a couple years from cocaine or later in life by the hands of a mistress you cheating bastard



This is like the evil gypsy at the fair. brilliant. Everything sounds about right except I'm fiendishly good with money and I'd never die of such a passé drug, so it looks like it'll have to be the Mistress instead.

Now where do I find a homicidal mistress with a dick? :confused:
 

molotovmuffin

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Hard on the outside, soft on the inside. Like a booger. You will die of, well, Cancer



That's all you got? You suck. Anyone that reads a horoscope knows that about cancers...and I'll have you know that I'm going to be the second person with my name to be the oldest living person. Then I'm gonna fall off a curb and break my neck. So you are totally way off.:tongue:
 

Hoss

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Now where do I find a homicidal mistress with a dick? :confused:

If you go to the spot the impostors thread they have several candidates for you to choose from. Select wisely as many of them are femme fatales with spiked heels, whips and chains but lacking male appendages.