"At Christmas...How do You Measure Up?"

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by B_gagger, Dec 26, 2005.

  1. B_gagger

    B_gagger New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2005
    Messages:
    291
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Any of you girls ever bought this novelty card for your man?

    Inside: "The official Christmas Penis Meter." It's got five cut-outs of varying size on the back panel opposite of:
    1) ITSY-BITSY Don't deny it, size DOES matter!
    2) COMPACT MODEL You're not driving a luxury model so it's a STRETCH to get the job done.
    3) MR. MEDIOCRE Girls won't chuckle but they won't CHOKE!
    4) THE MOBY DICK A "MOBY" is hard to find, you lucky stiff, and a WHALE of a good time!
    5) THE GAGGER I find it hard to swallow that ANYONE could be that size.

    Wife got it for me a few years back (hence her nickname for me), and we found it among our Christmas boxes last week.
     
  2. B_fesoy11

    B_fesoy11 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2005
    Messages:
    15
    Likes Received:
    0
    where is that my gf would like one
     
  3. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2002
    Messages:
    83,922
    Likes Received:
    34
    Probably Spencer's.
     
  4. B_RoysToy

    B_RoysToy New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2003
    Messages:
    7,558
    Likes Received:
    64
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    memphis, tennessee
    The Penis Meter you quote is one of the models, but the one I've had at hand for years divides the organ's length into 8 catagories as follows:

    1 inch = just a water spout, should have been a girl!
    2 = 95 percent imagination
    3 = seen better days, but not much
    4 = just a teaser!
    5 = Woman's Home Companion
    6 = A secretary's delight
    7 = For Large Girls and Small Cattle
    8 = Home Wrecker Size
    9 = For Bar Room Betting Only

    Dick Size has fascinated humanity since Adam, I'm sure. That fascination is demonstrated by our eternally popular LPSG. Did your wife's finding in the past Christmas box produce genital tingling in both of you resulting in some fun activities that night, gagger?

    Luke (?)
     
  5. B_gagger

    B_gagger New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2005
    Messages:
    291
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    I'm not sure where she bought it. It looks like many of the cards you can find in the soft-core adult novelty section of many gift shops. We had a good time reminiscing about the first time she used it to "measure" me. I think she was proud to find I scored so high on the list of choices.
     
  6. ClaireTalon

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2005
    Messages:
    1,947
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Puget Sound
    Lol, it's a funny idea - gotta have one of these cards! Back in the old days with my girls, we used to modify a seamstress measuring tape a bit. We colored the first 5 inches of it red, then from 5 to 8 yellow, and 8 to 10 we colored it green, so we could immediately check whether a guy was a "unrestricted-go", a "gotta work to satisfy" or a "take care of another girl" man. Was a lot of fun, we reeled them up and fixed them on our keys. This card reminds me of our idea a lot.
     
  7. teasedsilly

    teasedsilly Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2005
    Messages:
    211
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    DC
    ^ lol Funny! The question is, did you ever use it? ;)
     
  8. ClaireTalon

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2005
    Messages:
    1,947
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Puget Sound
    It was a girls' fun, but in a frisky mood, why not? Some guys found it quite funny.

    Maybe I should add that the red area (5" and under) was the one labeled "Take care of another girl".
     
  9. D_Trumbell Trickledick

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2005
    Messages:
    95
    Likes Received:
    0
    As a red-zone guy, I'd think that was funny!
     
  10. ClaireTalon

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2005
    Messages:
    1,947
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Puget Sound
    Girls can be cruel, can't they? Maybe I should add that I had enough tact not to apply this tape to a red-zone guy, and only to guys who were at least yellow.

    Shawn, I'm sorry if I have insulted you, but when you're on a board for large-cocked guys, you should expect running into lines like the above.
     
  11. teasedsilly

    teasedsilly Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2005
    Messages:
    211
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    DC
    I don't think he was being sarcastic. :) I'm 5" and I'd probably find it funny too. Of course it would all be in the attitude of the girl with the tape.
     
  12. Altairion

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2005
    Messages:
    1,607
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    I definitely agree that it's all in the attitude of the girl. I'd find it hot to be measured by someone, but that may only be because I'd fall into Claire's "yellow" region. I'm not very self-conscious about my size, but others might be if they feel like they're being judged.
     
  13. ClaireTalon

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2005
    Messages:
    1,947
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Puget Sound
    Hmm, yellow? You know what that means then, baby, you have to put some work into me. But don't worry, I can make it easy for you ;-)

    The use of that tape usually went together with the consommation of a good deal of alcoholic beavarages over the evening. Then it was usually pretty fun when I got my keys out and put it on him, measuring and then... "Hm, Babe, I guess you can proceed right away to my pussy."
     
  14. D_Trumbell Trickledick

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2005
    Messages:
    95
    Likes Received:
    0
    You didn't insult me at all! I was just playing along. But thanks for asking.
     
  15. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2003
    Messages:
    28,022
    Likes Received:
    731
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    the pain behind your eyes
    It's highly unlikely Hallmark will have carried that subtle teaser, but hey, my current gf'd love to test it out. I'll check it out on a google search, and then see ifI can print it out.
     
  16. B_gagger

    B_gagger New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2005
    Messages:
    291
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    I thought about trying to scan/attach it, but I am having computer problems (hard drive SMART failure). Wasn't sure how to handle the original size issue anyway. Good luck with your search.
     
  17. Mr.Grande

    Mr.Grande New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2005
    Messages:
    249
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male

    Did you use this tape for girth also? I have to admit that is pretty bold to carry a tape on your keys. Would you only measure in private, or with others around? If you have any good stories, I'm sure many would like to hear them (myself included). :)
     
  18. ClaireTalon

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2005
    Messages:
    1,947
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Puget Sound
    No, it wasn't for girth, and looked rather unsuspicious - we reeled it up around a thread reel and attached it to our keys. We hardly used it anyways, it was more like a joke, an accessoire. I still have it, it's somewhere in the steamer trunk in my home office.

    I put it on a few hung guys I was with, and every of those thought it was neat thing, but it wasn't an instrument to make the fuck-or-no-fuck-decision, more a foreplay, have a guy stand straight and tall, and put the tape to his dick, act like you're the doctor at the fitness tests and tell him whether he's good to go (of course, they always were, I never used this one on a red-zone guy). A toy for girls who love being in charge!
     
  19. B_RoysToy

    B_RoysToy New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2003
    Messages:
    7,558
    Likes Received:
    64
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    memphis, tennessee
    I should have been more descriptive with my above post. My measuring 'stick' is a wooden paddle-like gauge with a handle to hold as it's placed along side of the penis or else with it firmly against the pubic bone above the penis. It's 2 inches wide and a little over 12 inches long, with pictures under each inch's division. Has anyone else seen such a handy instrument?

    Luke
     
Draft saved Draft deleted