I have told my story in several different threads here on LPSG.
My husband and I were never great sexually because we were both tops, but we met at the height of AIDS in 1988 and we were both "safe" choices since neither of us had bottomed. We still played safe for years...and then just stopped having sex, BJs, HJs, nothing. Masturbation in separate rooms at separate times. But at the same time, his disability was worsening and 2 operations left him on crutches or in a wheelchair. His pain levels went through the roof.
A few years later, a series of infections almost killed him several times, ending with an infection that required him to lose his large intestine. He's had an ostomy bag for 10 years now.
I love him as a person I have shared so much with for 32 years. So much joy, so much adventure, so much growth personally and as a couple, and so much pain. I can't leave him with so much love between us, and despite playing around in the steam room at the gym, I couldn't see myself playing outside our marriage in the first few years after his ostomy operation. But the end of all physical intimacy (we can no longer hug) and the trials of being a caregiver led me to looking for sexual connections elsewhere. A couple of close confidants/friends help me see the wisdom of finding SOME intimacy. At the same time, we began couples counseling because I was burning out AND I was reading a book by Dan Savage that made the point that if you can't get all of your needs met in a relationship, but want to continue the relationship, one must find a way to get those needs met outside the relationship.
We discussed this idea in therapy and he gave me permission to play.
Esther Perel makes a similar point in her recent book, "The State of Affairs". She says that it's insane to expect that ALL of one's needs can be met by one person. We expect that financial, career, emotional, intellectual, social and sexual needs can be met by just one person! She argues that monogamy is just not realistic as a life long goal.
I'm very comfortable with my decision, but Covid is really limiting my opportunities.