ATTN: gay men, does this describe you?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Blagoblog, Sep 5, 2010.

  1. Blagoblog

    Blagoblog Member

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    It is a sparkling springtime afternoon in the heart of Gaytown, USA, that tony little section of your city where--by some marvelous and terribly convenient confluence of geography, affluence, urbanity, or simple safety--gay men come out to play, to see and be seen. It’s a special, all-too-brief season, a time of year when winter’s chill is not yet a distant memory and warm sunshine feels like a novelty, something to be savored before summer wears out its welcome.

    Strolling into the park that serves as an ad hoc gathering place on days such as this, you spy men of all shapes, sizes and ages “out” and about, the more confident among them doffing their shirts to show off all those hard months working out since last summer; now it’s time to soak up those first good rays from above, UV index be damned.

    That’s when you spot him. He’s a tall, well-muscled Adonis posed up on the lip of a marble fountain, wearing shorts, sunglasses, and not much else. You can’t really believe your eyes; he looks for all the world like one of those young men you find only in the pages of an underwear catalog, or sitting high up on a billboard above Times Square. They don’t really make guys like this in the real world, do they? But here he is, in the flesh. And what flesh it is...

    You circle over so as not to appear too anxious, all the while
    giving your best introductory phrases a mental once-over. Beautiful day, isn’t it? Or maybe: Wow, have you been working out a long time? I’d love to have a body like that. Well...you’ll surely think of something.

    Soon you’re within striking range and gathering up your courage, and just when you’re this close to pouncing, his friends appear, Starbucks frappucinos in hand. And that’s when your intended suddenly jumps up and fairly screams with delight. You stop in your tracks and stand there off to the side, unnoticed, taking in the scene. The lean body is still there, in fact he looks even better now that he’s standing fully upright and you see the shadows cast by ample pecs and tight abs that don’t suggest a six-pack as much as the whole freakin’ case. There’s even the flash of a gorgeous smile, and a glimpse of bright, wide-set eyes behind those Ray Bans...but now you’re seeing other things, like the fluid, theatrical motions of his hands as he talks, the toss of his head that can only be described as girlish. And the voice. It calls to mind that old expression: He opened his mouth, and a string of pearls hit the floor.

    You are somewhat dumbstruck by the transformation, wondering just how it is your Rhett Butler became Scarlett O’Hara in the space of a second. And you are also struck by the fact that your mental woody has pretty much gone with the wind. Make no mistake, your boy is still a vision, but that’s all he is now. Lovely scenery, like the green trees and the bright white fountain shimmering in the sun on a Saturday afternoon.
    Sissyphobia - by Tim Bergling
     
  2. bigbrisguy

    bigbrisguy Active Member

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    What's the question here? Are you asking if I/we have a high pitched voice? No, I don't choose to subscribe to that stereotype
     
  3. Dicklicker1

    Dicklicker1 Member

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    Gurl, turn the page and get an average Joe Nathan!
     
  4. D_Tim McGnaw

    D_Tim McGnaw Account Disabled

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    If you're asking is campness unattractive then in my case the answer's no. I like all kinds of guys, butch and hyper-macho, straight acting, ordinary regular guys, camp and flamboyant, etc etc, I've found sexually attractive examples of every type of man.

    I think at least a part of sissy-phobia is self reflective, I think it challenges many gay men's carefully constructed self image to be attracted to camp or effeminate guys and I think this is what turns them off when they encounter such men. There is an enormous amount of energy being expended right now by many gay men in trying to appear to be a very specific type of man , in some cases it's conforming to a camp stereotype, in other cases it's conforming to a new fashion for a equally stereotypical "straight acting" or (VOM) "normal" persona.

    What's incredibly attractive is when a man is perfectly, naturally, and happily being himself, and that shows, and that could mean him being his-camp-self or his-not-camp-self. Men come in an infinite variety of colours and types, I prefer to live in a full-colour world.
     
    #4 D_Tim McGnaw, Sep 5, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2010
  5. erratic

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    No. This doesn't describe me at all.

    Neither does the self-loathing/misogynistic/homophobic trinity of hating on guys with feminine qualities.
     
  6. Daddy Lucas

    Gold Member

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    Hot sissybois rule! (But I do love your "He opened his mouth, and a string of pearls hit the floor.") What an wonderful quote!
     
  7. B_mitchymo

    B_mitchymo New Member

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    I can relate to the story.

    I saw a lifeguard once, gorgeous face, great body, his smile was particularly fantastic.

    Then he got up from his seat and started to talk to someone and my initial turn on just dissipated. I'm not attracted to effeminate men. I like guys to be masculine.

    How i've always looked at the situation is, i'm gay and like the masculine, why would i be interested in a guy who has feminine qualities predominantly. If i was attracted to femininity, why am i gay?
     
  8. curioustitan

    curioustitan Member

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    Kudos to that Mitchy... i second that.
    I have no problems with the stereotyped and often caricatured "raging queens" however for me, the problems are more often than not, the emotional 'high maintenance' of maintaining a relationship-as it were-with one. And this may seem like a blanket statement, but from my experiences with the (let's just call it OTT) effeminate types i've often felt terribly drained as every situation big or small becomes a highly dramatised event of epic proportions.... often leading me to tell said 'queen' to just "calm down to a panic".... uuuggghhh memories!!!
    Perhaps this situation does differ from person to person and is not an actual symptom of 'queeniness' but as i said earlier.... my persoanl experience.

    "i love sam_solo26" and his pseudo-masculine persona!!!
     
  9. curioustitan

    curioustitan Member

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    *personal* - Yes .... i am a little "anal" about spelling.....
     
  10. D_Tim McGnaw

    D_Tim McGnaw Account Disabled

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    That's because you indulge in the somewhat specious conflation of femininity and effeminacy.

    It's also because you have a very narrow definition of masculinity which does not encompass the actual variety in which masculinity can manifest itself.

    But I'm not knocking you, I'm not fussed either way who you're attracted to and who you're not, but you might be more careful when you start to widen your personal tastes to include what you think being gay means.
     
  11. jorpollew

    jorpollew Member

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    OP: If this is a "has this ever happened to you?" question, then yes. (A nice read, btw.)

    There have been plenty of times I've been in a gay setting, and a guy's physical presence has caught my attention. I tend to like a tall, broad and beefy guy. I'll observe him for a while, plan my method of attack and then advance to his "zone area". But then sometimes, when Mr. Beef-Man talked, all his "inner-woman" came out!

    It's like a splash of cold water at first, but it wouldn't necessarily be a deal-breaker for me. I doubt I would still have that same animal attraction with which I approached him. However, if he was pleasant and friendly, then I'd certainly have a nice conversation with him.

    People are often drawn to an image, and then they create an illusion to go along with it. In fact, people do it on LPSG all the time. Being able to ONLY IMAGINE who we are reading about and messaging is a big part of LPSG's popularity and success.
     
    #11 jorpollew, Sep 5, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2010
  12. D_Phil_R_Upp

    D_Phil_R_Upp New Member

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    Yeah, that happens a lot, I think. Like jorpollew said above, a lot of what we see when we're out is all an illusion/image.

    I learned that lesson at a leather bar I was in a few years back. I'm not much for the "twink" types and often go to bars then tend to have older men, leather men and/or "bears."

    Anyway, I was in the bar and everyone was scowling and posing, etc. as you do. Then Cher's "Believe" came on and in about 30 seconds, they all went from Leather Daddy Top to The Full Minnelli.

    I'm not locked into a super-rigid definition of masculine/feminine, and I think we're not all one or the other - there are many thousands of points along the continuum in between. I've been with very feminine guys and very masculine ones, and a lot of in between. I'm just attracted to authenticity - someone who really IS who they are saying they are. It's hard to explain/define, but when someone is authentic, you can just tell. Confidence, comfort in their own skin, etc.

    I'd be just as disappointed about a big growly daddy really being a "princess" as I would if a guy sent me a photo and then, when I went to meet him, he was ten years older (with a dick two inches shorter).

    I'm not all that and a bag of chips. But I try to be brutally honest about what I bring to the table.
     
    #12 D_Phil_R_Upp, Sep 5, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2010
  13. flame boy

    flame boy Account Disabled

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    I've read all three of Tim Berglings books, they are excellent and certainly provide a lot to think about. Personally for me, finding someone attractive is so much more than just one aspect. If I was single and looking for a guy I think I would be more attracted to dominant and alpha males, but this doesn't mean that if I would be put off if I found a guy who was very dom, but also campy. I personally believe a lot of people confuse masculinity and dominance - for me, they are worlds apart.
     
  14. jorpollew

    jorpollew Member

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    EXCELLENT STATEMENTS. I TOTALLY AGREE!!

    (..and "hilaire", you got a nice dick, man!! :wink:)
     
    #14 jorpollew, Sep 5, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2010
  15. jorpollew

    jorpollew Member

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    LMAO!! So funny and so true!!

     
    #15 jorpollew, Sep 5, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2010
  16. B_mitchymo

    B_mitchymo New Member

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    QUOTE=hilaire;2972041
    Neither 'specious' or 'conflation' were in the mitchymo vocab, so had to use google. Thats doubled the quota of learning something new every day.

    Anyway, perhaps it would be more accurate to say i'm interested in neither femininity or effeminacy in sexual interest of others or exploration of my own sexuality.

    Can you give examples of some varied manifestations.

    Could you elaborate? I've missed your point.
     
  17. luka82

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    I just want to point out that effeminate men were the first gay rights activists. Not the butch truck drivers. I have seen a great documentory about this....but I forgot the name:(
     
  18. Bbucko

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    Personally I was turned off at "tall": personally I'm not attracted to guys much bigger than me, and I'm 5'6 :rolleyes:

    You can also put me in Hilly's corner here. He's stated everything beautifully and probably better than I could.

    My personal idea of hot is a lean, short Latino with "child-bearing" hips and a plump, malleable culo. These guys tend to be high-maintenence and rarely conform to the American standard of "butch". John Leguizamo could be my bitch anytime he wants :wink:
     
  19. jpk338

    jpk338 Well-Known Member

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    as for me being the submissive male that i am. i try and only put myself in situations where i'll be mounted and bred. hopefully i won't be wearing pearls when this happens.
     
  20. D_Connocke Cocknocker

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    hilaire
    was quite eloqent about this issue. I for one can appreciate the need to be, nondiscript. The flamboyant types that I call the FLAMERS. SORRY GUY'S! No insult intended. Are just a little to over the top for me. And the truck/motorcycle driving nazi hat wearing types, again please dont be insulted if your one of them. Just dont work for me. Why cant we happy being the quiet stay at home with our favorite guy type. Really do we have to march in a parade or wear leather to prove our sexual preferanrance? I for one don't think so. I like the idea that I can have a great relationship with a guy and not have to be butch or flamboyant. I dont dance to disco or techno' Slow dancing hip to hip and gazing into each others eyes. Now that makes me hot. I have found that I wont take anyone to bed I cant look straight in the eyes. Guy's the lights will come on sooner or later. And it usualy happens when your with a bunch of friends and thats when he walks up and say's Hi. Getting laid isnt worth the embarrasement of meeting again at an inopportune time. In closing.... ha ha It isnt the size of the meat that keeps a carnivore like me cumming back. it's truly weather or not we are compatible in the logic and communication department.
     
    #20 D_Connocke Cocknocker, Sep 6, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2010
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