Attracted to penis

Beelzebub

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I am fairly new to LPSG so I apologize if this has been discussed before. I am a straight, married man. Happy in my relationship. I am attracted to other men's cocks, big, small. Ok mostly bigger. I don't have any attraction to any other male body parts, and the thought of kissing or even caressing another male is not for me. When younger I had a best friend and we would get nude around each other and explore. Twice I gave him oral and a bunch of times we played with each other's cock. He never reciprocated in the oral as I am uncut and it kind of freaked him out. He was extremely well hung. Never measured it but it was big, especially soft. Soft he was larger than my 6" hard. I might have been near his thickness as I am 6" in girth. I wonder if this experience so far back in my formative years has something to do with my current fascination with cock? Maybe me being so envious of his incredible penis has stayed with me all these years. I see by reading many threads here that there are plenty of straight men the same as me, interested only in cock and not a relationship with other men. I feel a lot better after reading these other posts as sometimes I feel bad, guilty when watching gay or just male porn and wanking. I apologize to some if me using the term "straight" offends them as obviously I am not 100% straight. Are there a lot of men who are like me? A lot that wouldn't admit to watching other men and enjoying the sight of a large cock. I did make the mistake of telling my wife about my past experiences and interest in just men's penis, she didn't take it too well and we never discussed it again even though my greatest wish would be to talk about it with her. Oh well keep quiet and stay in a "normal" relationship.
 

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I am fairly new to LPSG so I apologize if this has been discussed before. I am a straight, married man. Happy in my relationship. I am attracted to other men's cocks, big, small. Ok mostly bigger. I don't have any attraction to any other male body parts, and the thought of kissing or even caressing another male is not for me. When younger I had a best friend and we would get nude around each other and explore. Twice I gave him oral and a bunch of times we played with each other's cock. He never reciprocated in the oral as I am uncut and it kind of freaked him out. He was extremely well hung. Never measured it but it was big, especially soft. Soft he was larger than my 6" hard. I might have been near his thickness as I am 6" in girth. I wonder if this experience so far back in my formative years has something to do with my current fascination with cock? Maybe me being so envious of his incredible penis has stayed with me all these years. I see by reading many threads here that there are plenty of straight men the same as me, interested only in cock and not a relationship with other men. I feel a lot better after reading these other posts as sometimes I feel bad, guilty when watching gay or just male porn and wanking. I apologize to some if me using the term "straight" offends them as obviously I am not 100% straight. Are there a lot of men who are like me? A lot that wouldn't admit to watching other men and enjoying the sight of a large cock. I did make the mistake of telling my wife about my past experiences and interest in just men's penis, she didn't take it too well and we never discussed it again even though my greatest wish would be to talk about it with her. Oh well keep quiet and stay in a "normal" relationship.

I'm going to try to break this to you gently. Penis focused sexual desire is the result of a sexual awareness and learning path for men that practically doesn't exist. It's natural for all men to like at least one. Formative experience imprints. However it doesn't usually create desire and need where it was not before. I also think most men look at and admire other penises too. You can connect experience to a picture of a penis. Men lacking it cannot. That's erotic and powerful and it's just part of you now. Your wife's reaction is unfortunate and common. The fact that you want to talk to her about it matters. First it shows great care and consideration but secondly how important penis is to you.

The urges don't go away. The desire is natural. They can't be easily tamed. What does this mean? Don't hide, don't be afraid, the guilt is society and homophobia. Most of us have felt it. I think you have a fairly serious session of thinking about relationships as it's not possible to have penis time with another without it being a relationship of some kind. All sex is a relationship.
 
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Beelzebub

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I'm going to try to break this to you gently. Penis focused sexual desire is the result of a sexual awareness and learning path for men that practically doesn't exist. It's natural for all men to like at least one. Formative experience imprints. However it doesn't usually create desire and need where it was not before. I also think most men look at and admire other penises too. You can connect experience to a picture of a penis. Men lacking it cannot. That's erotic and powerful and it's just part of you now. Your wife's reaction is unfortunate and common. The fact that you want to talk to her about it matters. First it shows great care and consideration but secondly how important penis is to you.

The urges don't go away. The desire is natural. They can't be easily tamed. What does this mean? Don't hide, don't be afraid, the guilt is society and homophobia. Most of us have felt it. I think you have a fairly serious session of thinking about relationships as it's not possible to have penis time with another without it being a relationship of some kind. All sex is a relationship.
ya you are right about the relationships part. That is why I keep my desires to watching porn or reading about other experiences. I would never ever consider acting on this while married.
 

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As long as you don’t act on it, it’s not a bad thing. Fantasies are fantasies. It’s difficult for your wife because it changes her view of you. Give her time to think about it. Reinforce your commitment to her and your sexual attraction to her. It takes time. Maybe find some literature on human sexuality that she can read. Her fear may be that you will stray, that she will not be enough. She needs reassurance that this is not true (unless it is true, in which case, you have a whole different problem. Getting permission, or renegotiating your vows takes a very specific kind of woman).

There’s a whole thread on bisexuality. Some interesting reading. Links, too. You might find some help there.
 

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@Beelzebub With sentences like this:

"I see by reading many threads here that there are plenty of straight men the same as me, interested only in cock and not a relationship with other men"

"Are there a lot of men who are like me? A lot that wouldn't admit to watching other men and enjoying the sight of a large cock"

"I don't have any attraction to any other male body parts, and the thought of kissing or even caressing another male is not for me."


This is precisely why a lot of gay/bi men like me are not into the straight man fetish. I am not a walking dildo, I am not defined by my genitalia. I am a human being. I think that the mildest form of homoeroticsm going out there for men, is "penis fetish". I do not care though how you choose to label it. That is your business. Most of the men I have seen on the site like this are not going to act on this fetish, but my experiences as a gay man with photos on the site is, this group is very prevalent here. I can't say anything about wider society obviously, because at the end of the day, internet anonymity provides a cover for exploration on a website like this.

"I apologize to some if me using the term "straight" offends them as obviously I am not 100% straight."

People can stick whatever label they wish on it. If they get offended by you using the term "straight", then the subconscious subtext that could be read from that is "my sexuality is purer than yours."

"I did make the mistake of telling my wife about my past experiences and interest in just men's penis, she didn't take it too well and we never discussed it again even though my greatest wish would be to talk about it with her."

I don't understand why you would need to talk about it with her about a fetish that isn't related to her, and happened before you met her. This naturally would raise her concerns about your level of commitment to her.

"There’s a whole thread on bisexuality. Some interesting reading. Links, too. You might find some help there."

@LaFemme I'm honestly a little in two minds about this one. It could well be the case that his lack of desire to kiss men, be affectionate with them etc is a form of internalised homophobia, therefore supressing bisexuality. However, the other part of me thinks it is just a fetish, male sexuality is rather visually focussed a lot of the time, and men are of course more obsessed with penises in other ways too. I find it difficult to imagine a bisexual man to genuinely only be attracted to the male organ. I honestly think that actual bisexuality in men would result in a higher level of homoeroticism, i.e. at least sexual attraction to the entirety of the male form, rather than just the genitalia and would at least involve kissing and some sort of affection, even if not romantic attraction. But I think in this case if it is a fetish, he really shouldn't be bringing it up to his wife, because it happened decades ago, and it frankly isn't necessary. So not slightly surprised why his wife would be upset by this, it was totally unnecessary to mention it to her. He does need to give her reassurance on this one for sure, because she has reasons to doubt his commitment.
 
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@Beelzebub With sentences like this:

"I see by reading many threads here that there are plenty of straight men the same as me, interested only in cock and not a relationship with other men"

"Are there a lot of men who are like me? A lot that wouldn't admit to watching other men and enjoying the sight of a large cock"

"I don't have any attraction to any other male body parts, and the thought of kissing or even caressing another male is not for me."


This is precisely why a lot of gay/bi men like me are not into the straight man fetish. I am not a walking dildo, I am not defined by my genitalia. I am a human being. I think that the mildest form of homoeroticsm going out there for men, is "penis fetish". I do not care though how you choose to label it. That is your business. Most of the men I have seen on the site like this are not going to act on this fetish, but my experiences as a gay man with photos on the site is, this group is very prevalent here. I can't say anything about wider society obviously, because at the end of the day, internet anonymity provides a cover for exploration on a website like this.

"I apologize to some if me using the term "straight" offends them as obviously I am not 100% straight."

People can stick whatever label they wish on it. If they get offended by you using the term "straight", then the subconscious subtext that could be read from that is "my sexuality is purer than yours."

"I did make the mistake of telling my wife about my past experiences and interest in just men's penis, she didn't take it too well and we never discussed it again even though my greatest wish would be to talk about it with her."

I don't understand why you would need to talk about it with her about a fetish that isn't related to her, and happened before you met her. This naturally would raise her concerns about your level of commitment to her.

"There’s a whole thread on bisexuality. Some interesting reading. Links, too. You might find some help there."

@LaFemme I'm honestly a little in two minds about this one. It could well be the case that his lack of desire to kiss men, be affectionate with them etc is a form of internalised homophobia, therefore supressing bisexuality. However, the other part of me thinks it is just a fetish, male sexuality is rather visually focussed a lot of the time, and men are of course more obsessed with penises in other ways too. I find it difficult to imagine a bisexual man to genuinely only be attracted to the male organ. I honestly think that actual bisexuality in men would result in a higher level of homoeroticism, i.e. at least sexual attraction to the entirety of the male form, rather than just the genitalia and would at least involve kissing and some sort of affection, even if not romantic attraction. But I think in this case if it is a fetish, he really shouldn't be bringing it up to his wife, because it happened decades ago, and it frankly isn't necessary. So not slightly surprised why his wife would be upset by this, it was totally unnecessary to mention it to her. He does need to give her reassurance on this one for sure, because she has reasons to doubt his commitment.
He might still find something helpful in the thread. He should understand his own sexuality. Is it a fetish? Is it bisexuality? What exactly is it he’s feeling? Something made him feel it was important enough to share with his wife.

That’s all I’m saying.
 

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He might still find something helpful in the thread. He should understand his own sexuality. Is it a fetish? Is it bisexuality? What exactly is it he’s feeling? Something made him feel it was important enough to share with his wife.

That’s all I’m saying.


Don't worry, LaFemme, this thread is a totally different kettle of fish in my opinion to the last one. So please don't worry, I'm not getting upset by this one. I think sometimes human sexuality can be a bit of a mind fuck to navigate, and just some factors in it are quite hard to literally define. I think he's mentioning it because frankly it's a case of him wanting to be honest regarding fantasies, but I think that was unnecessary because she naturally is going to feel like he wants to do it again. As the fetish isn't something she can partake in, I think that was asking a lot of her.

I have done some interesting analysing regarding this, and there was a guy who frankly had irrational insecurities regarding his penis size (he was above average in that department), and this was related to his mental health. If you want to read the whole thing feel free, but obviously it does naturally end up going into some sexual details, because I was trying to provide him support to show his feelings were irrational:

https://www.lpsg.com/threads/mental-health-as-it-pertains-to-penis-size.503107/

He had mentioned that he did get turned on by large penises due to a source of envy. Here are the cliffnotes for how I interpreted this desire:

"As an openly gay man, my homoeroticism is full blown, and I know full well what the full aesthetic value of the male body is for androphiles (people attracted to men). That's why I pointed out so many things about how good your body looks, that's the kind of body I like to see on a man. Even with less experience, you must sometimes turn heads when you are down the beach. So I wouldn't extrapolate this form of homoeroticism that you display to mean that people (in your case straight/bi women) are going to have the same focus as you."

"Just remember don't conflate it back towards reality, or what full blown androphilia in straight/bi women is like. You can treat large penis based pornography in the same way, happily get your rocks off on it but remember it isn't what reality or what the women you will date will be expecting from you."

"Your perception is flawed because you aren't interacting with or seeing that many NORMAL sized erect penises in your life, I'm assuming that based on your stated sexuality percentage."

I think what happens is with men that have this particular fetish, which probably emanates from a heightened eroticism to comparing what other men have (and regular comparing is just normal plain non-homoerotic sexuality, and I don't mean comparing by they do it in person, they usually just do it online). Because of course quite a few men do think about their penises too much, and for some reason they focus that as a sort of seat of self-worth based on their physical conceptualisation of their own masculinity, if that makes sense. They then end up extrapolating that form of homoeroticism to what other people (so in a straight man's case it would be straight/bi women) desire in a male partner physically. That thread was obviously a little different because it is related to penis size insecurity, but he has stated again a size based preference. But I think it is part of the compounding factor behind how it could just be a pure fetish, if that makes sense. It's almost like an inverted form of phallic narcisism that is projected onto others. It's just in his case it is more extreme than in some others because he has gone the extra mile in the past to act on it. There are obviously also guys that do act on it but less strongly, like men watching porn together, but not interacting with each other, for example. Obviously, I am no psychiatrist, but this is why I think it may just be a fetish.
 
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Beelzebub

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@Beelzebub With sentences like this:

"I see by reading many threads here that there are plenty of straight men the same as me, interested only in cock and not a relationship with other men"

"Are there a lot of men who are like me? A lot that wouldn't admit to watching other men and enjoying the sight of a large cock"

"I don't have any attraction to any other male body parts, and the thought of kissing or even caressing another male is not for me."


This is precisely why a lot of gay/bi men like me are not into the straight man fetish. I am not a walking dildo, I am not defined by my genitalia. I am a human being. I think that the mildest form of homoeroticsm going out there for men, is "penis fetish". I do not care though how you choose to label it. That is your business. Most of the men I have seen on the site like this are not going to act on this fetish, but my experiences as a gay man with photos on the site is, this group is very prevalent here. I can't say anything about wider society obviously, because at the end of the day, internet anonymity provides a cover for exploration on a website like this.

"I apologize to some if me using the term "straight" offends them as obviously I am not 100% straight."

People can stick whatever label they wish on it. If they get offended by you using the term "straight", then the subconscious subtext that could be read from that is "my sexuality is purer than yours."

"I did make the mistake of telling my wife about my past experiences and interest in just men's penis, she didn't take it too well and we never discussed it again even though my greatest wish would be to talk about it with her."

I don't understand why you would need to talk about it with her about a fetish that isn't related to her, and happened before you met her. This naturally would raise her concerns about your level of commitment to her.

"There’s a whole thread on bisexuality. Some interesting reading. Links, too. You might find some help there."

@LaFemme I'm honestly a little in two minds about this one. It could well be the case that his lack of desire to kiss men, be affectionate with them etc is a form of internalised homophobia, therefore supressing bisexuality. However, the other part of me thinks it is just a fetish, male sexuality is rather visually focussed a lot of the time, and men are of course more obsessed with penises in other ways too. I find it difficult to imagine a bisexual man to genuinely only be attracted to the male organ. I honestly think that actual bisexuality in men would result in a higher level of homoeroticism, i.e. at least sexual attraction to the entirety of the male form, rather than just the genitalia and would at least involve kissing and some sort of affection, even if not romantic attraction. But I think in this case if it is a fetish, he really shouldn't be bringing it up to his wife, because it happened decades ago, and it frankly isn't necessary. So not slightly surprised why his wife would be upset by this, it was totally unnecessary to mention it to her. He does need to give her reassurance on this one for sure, because she has reasons to doubt his commitment.
Yikes, sorry if I offended you by posting this. Man why don't you just take out a knife and dissect me while you are at it. I just posted what I personally felt after reading a bunch of posts here. I don't want to label myself or others just noticed that there seems to be quite a few men like me. It feels good to see such posts here as i don't feel so fucked up. The direct messages from other like minded males also helps with my feelings about a confusing mental state. I am not fucked up, some others feel as I do. Did it make you feel superior, smarter, more intelligent to cut up my post and refute what I feel and think? Thanks for the letdown after feeling kind of good to hear from others like me. Don't worry about replying I will get around to ignoring you after this.
 

Beelzebub

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Don't worry, LaFemme, this thread is a totally different kettle of fish in my opinion to the last one. So please don't worry, I'm not getting upset by this one. I think sometimes human sexuality can be a bit of a mind fuck to navigate, and just some factors in it are quite hard to literally define. I think he's mentioning it because frankly it's a case of him wanting to be honest regarding fantasies, but I think that was unnecessary because she naturally is going to feel like he wants to do it again. As the fetish isn't something she can partake in, I think that was asking a lot of her.

I have done some interesting analysing regarding this, and there was a guy who frankly had irrational insecurities regarding his penis size (he was above average in that department), and this was related to his mental health. If you want to read the whole thing feel free, but obviously it does naturally end up going into some sexual details, because I was trying to provide him support to show his feelings were irrational:

https://www.lpsg.com/threads/mental-health-as-it-pertains-to-penis-size.503107/

He had mentioned that he did get turned on by large penises due to a source of envy. Here are the cliffnotes for how I interpreted this desire:

"As an openly gay man, my homoeroticism is full blown, and I know full well what the full aesthetic value of the male body is for androphiles (people attracted to men). That's why I pointed out so many things about how good your body looks, that's the kind of body I like to see on a man. Even with less experience, you must sometimes turn heads when you are down the beach. So I wouldn't extrapolate this form of homoeroticism that you display to mean that people (in your case straight/bi women) are going to have the same focus as you."

"Just remember don't conflate it back towards reality, or what full blown androphilia in straight/bi women is like. You can treat large penis based pornography in the same way, happily get your rocks off on it but remember it isn't what reality or what the women you will date will be expecting from you."

"Your perception is flawed because you aren't interacting with or seeing that many NORMAL sized erect penises in your life, I'm assuming that based on your stated sexuality percentage."

I think what happens is with men that have this particular fetish, which probably emanates from a heightened eroticism to comparing what other men have (and regular comparing is just normal plain non-homoerotic sexuality, and I don't mean comparing by they do it in person, they usually just do it online). Because of course quite a few men do think about their penises too much, and for some reason they focus that as a sort of seat of self-worth based on their physical conceptualisation of their own masculinity, if that makes sense. They then end up extrapolating that form of homoeroticism to what other people (so in a straight man's case it would be straight/bi women) desire in a male partner physically. That thread was obviously a little different because it is related to penis size insecurity, but he has stated again a size based preference. But I think it is part of the compounding factor behind how it could just be a pure fetish, if that makes sense. It's almost like an inverted form of phallic narcisism that is projected onto others. It's just in his case it is more extreme than in some others because he has gone the extra mile in the past to act on it. There are obviously also guys that do act on it but less strongly, like men watching porn together, but not interacting with each other, for example. Obviously, I am no psychiatrist, but this is why I think it may just be a fetish.
If you read my previous reply I have stated that I would never ever act on these feelings as I am a happily married man and it would be cheating. Still doesn't stop the fantasies and watching and reading about this.
 

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As long as you don’t act on it, it’s not a bad thing. Fantasies are fantasies. It’s difficult for your wife because it changes her view of you. Give her time to think about it. Reinforce your commitment to her and your sexual attraction to her. It takes time. Maybe find some literature on human sexuality that she can read. Her fear may be that you will stray, that she will not be enough. She needs reassurance that this is not true (unless it is true, in which case, you have a whole different problem. Getting permission, or renegotiating your vows takes a very specific kind of woman).

There’s a whole thread on bisexuality. Some interesting reading. Links, too. You might find some help there.
Only mentioned it to my wife as a fetish thing not to ever act on it. I would never ever dream of acting on it while still married.
 

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Yikes, sorry if I offended you by posting this. Man why don't you just take out a knife and dissect me while you are at it. I just posted what I personally felt after reading a bunch of posts here. I don't want to label myself or others just noticed that there seems to be quite a few men like me. It feels good to see such posts here as i don't feel so fucked up. The direct messages from other like minded males also helps with my feelings about a confusing mental state. I am not fucked up, some others feel as I do. Did it make you feel superior, smarter, more intelligent to cut up my post and refute what I feel and think? Thanks for the letdown after feeling kind of good to hear from others like me. Don't worry about replying I will get around to ignoring you after this.

I don't give a flying fuck what you think. Not all of us are going to humour you in this fetish, because frankly we have far more wholesome sexual experiences, both online and offline available. If your homoeroticism is only focussed on the dick, you are treating men like walking dildos. Don't see what's offensive about saying that, why should I humour you? And why should I comfort you? You posted, you got an opinion on it as a response. Deal with it.

I've humoured many men like you in the past to stroke my own ego, but don't see why I shouldn't be blunt, as to why I would never entertain someone in the bedroom, when their interest is that shallow. I am an attractive, young, intelligent, well endowed, compassionate, multilingual gay man living in a large city with enough wholesome sexual and romantic options available and a whole host of interesting factors about my personality, I couldn't care less about offending someone fetishising men like me purely for our dicks.
 
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Don't share any more with the wife. I don't know why men do that? It never ends well.
While men are visual, women are mental..

What I mean by that is that men get off more from the visual aspect of sex. While women are more mentally tuned to it. Maybe emotional is a better word.

We men, when having sex usually watch our cocks entering and moving in and out of our sexual partner. When we jack off we're watching our cock's and balls. When we see someone that turns us on. We envision our cock's going in and out of them.

Women don't have that luxury. It's just the anatomy of the body. So they are more into it from an emotional, mental attitude. While they know what we are putting into them they can't watch it unless of course you're holding a mirror.

There are a lot of men that like to look at other men's cock's. I know because there are always guys looking at me when I'm naked in the locker room. Just checking out to see how I compare with them I guess. I'd be lying if I said I'd never checked another guy out.

But like you I'm not interested in having a relationship other than friendship with another guy. I do however find the male body, that is taken care of attractive.

There is just something about an in shape guy that's aesthetically pleasing. Guys that don't take care of themselves do nothing for me. But a guy who invest in himself, works out, takes care of himself, is confident in himself catches my eye every time. I don't mean overly muscular guys either. They don't do anything for me either.

While a lot of guys are hung up on big cocks. I definitely wouldn't share anymore feelings like that with the wife. I would reassure her that she's all that I want. I'd also make love to her like I never have before. Reassurance comes in many forms. I'd do everything I could to make her know that she's all I want and need.

If you do feel the need to talk about this you can always PM me. I'd be glad to listen and talk to you. And welcome to lpsg buddy.
 

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Just to be more clear, the being attracted to other men's penises is more of a fantasy thing for me. I have no urge to act on this, have had an opportunity or 2 while married to do this but I couldn't go through with it as it is cheating. Kind of have a strong desire not to cheat on my wife as her first marriage ended with her ex cheating and it really did a number on her. She has always been quite honest with me of how it would affect her if it happened again. I love her and would never ever want to hurt her like this. I still have these desires but confine them to fantasies, watching male porn, mostly mutual masturbation porn, or reading others experiences on this forum. I only probably mentioned it to her as I in a fucked up way thought we might use my fantasies in our sexual relationship. Just to explain to her while when we watch porn i get very worked up when watching one with a very well hung guy. Sorry if this doesn't make sense to some, just how my brain was and is working. If I had all the answers i wouldn't be here.
 

Gj816

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I don't give a flying fuck what you think. Not all of us are going to humour you in this fetish, because frankly we have far more wholesome sexual experiences, both online and offline available. If your homoeroticism is only focussed on the dick, you are treating men like walking dildos. Don't see what's offensive about saying that, why should I humour you? And why should I comfort you? You posted, you got an opinion on it as a response. Deal with it.

I've humoured many men like you in the past to stroke my own ego, but don't see why I shouldn't be blunt, as to why I would never entertain someone in the bedroom, when their interest is that shallow. I am an attractive, young, intelligent, well endowed, compassionate, multilingual gay man living in a large city with enough wholesome sexual and romantic options available and a whole host of interesting factors about my personality, I couldn't care less about offending someone fetishising men like me purely for our dicks.
Ouch!
 

Nudistpig

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Yikes, sorry if I offended you by posting this. Man why don't you just take out a knife and dissect me while you are at it. I just posted what I personally felt after reading a bunch of posts here. I don't want to label myself or others just noticed that there seems to be quite a few men like me. It feels good to see such posts here as i don't feel so fucked up. The direct messages from other like minded males also helps with my feelings about a confusing mental state. I am not fucked up, some others feel as I do. Did it make you feel superior, smarter, more intelligent to cut up my post and refute what I feel and think? Thanks for the letdown after feeling kind of good to hear from others like me. Don't worry about replying I will get around to ignoring you after this.

You're not fucked up. But please try to understand for many of us who went though this same set of feelings young and who came out, we experienced hatred and violence and a whole host of very heavy things just to be honest about desire. We did that in part to make the world a safer place for you. And it is. That's the legacy of the gay liberation movement and it benefits any man who is sexually aroused by penises. So sometimes when men are claiming the very privilege we gave up to have the right to be, at the same time expressing what many of us experienced early in life, it's painful. I know that wasn't your intent. But it can be the result.

I'm very happy for you in your growth. But I will admit every time I read a man claim straight identity while expressing desire for what is when I do it, a gay sex act, it stings. It's because I had no such security. But that's normal and again not your fault. We have been not supported by straight men for a long time and this site has some active homophobia. I understand why you wrote straight.

I'm hoping one day a guy in your situation will write gay and say it's to support his gay brothers even if he is not sure. Because we are here helping guys grow too. Cheers.
 

Nudistpig

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Just to be more clear, the being attracted to other men's penises is more of a fantasy thing for me. I have no urge to act on this, have had an opportunity or 2 while married to do this but I couldn't go through with it as it is cheating. Kind of have a strong desire not to cheat on my wife as her first marriage ended with her ex cheating and it really did a number on her. She has always been quite honest with me of how it would affect her if it happened again. I love her and would never ever want to hurt her like this. I still have these desires but confine them to fantasies, watching male porn, mostly mutual masturbation porn, or reading others experiences on this forum. I only probably mentioned it to her as I in a fucked up way thought we might use my fantasies in our sexual relationship. Just to explain to her while when we watch porn i get very worked up when watching one with a very well hung guy. Sorry if this doesn't make sense to some, just how my brain was and is working. If I had all the answers i wouldn't be here.

You have a commitment to your wife and honoring it is a wonderful thing. I'm going by experience here though and I am confident telling you that this isn't just a fantasy it's a need on some level. I think you know that already because you are grappling hard.

Like I said before, this won't go away, it will get more intense as you watch more porn and bate and camming or chatting is a kind of infidelity. Guys think its harmless but it sets more real possibilities and is sexual sharing with others. It will stop being enough. And so on.

The sooner you get support and a plan to either put this aside and not jeopardize your marriage or decide to branch out, the sooner you are in control. I met a 79 year old man at a touch session last year. He had not let himself explore for 70 years. He cried in my arms. He was so happy but realized his choices robbed him. She had died the month prior. I wish you the best.
 

englad

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You're not fucked up. But please try to understand for many of us who went though this same set of feelings young and who came out, we experienced hatred and violence and a whole host of very heavy things just to be honest about desire. We did that in part to make the world a safer place for you. And it is. That's the legacy of the gay liberation movement and it benefits any man who is sexually aroused by penises. So sometimes when men are claiming the very privilege we gave up to have the right to be, at the same time expressing what many of us experienced early in life, it's painful. I know that wasn't your intent. But it can be the result.

I'm very happy for you in your growth. But I will admit every time I read a man claim straight identity while expressing desire for what is when I do it, a gay sex act, it stings. It's because I had no such security. But that's normal and again not your fault. We have been not supported by straight men for a long time and this site has some active homophobia. I understand why you wrote straight.

I'm hoping one day a guy in your situation will write gay and say it's to support his gay brothers even if he is not sure. Because we are here helping guys grow too. Cheers.

You are right in all these aspects, and in retrospect, it was too coarse and harsh a message. I have just interacted with a lot of men like that on the site, and it can honestly seem shallow, tedious and fetishising at times too. I have been a lurker for years, but I was still active on the site and using the chat rooms all the time. People can get turned on by whatever they like, but frankly that kind of sole sexual focus with no other interests can actually feel dehumanising sometimes. And the "no kissing" revelation is also dehumanising in my book. I know we are discussing fantasies, but that honestly feels like a lack of respect for our humanity. Also apologising for straight people that might be offended by him keeping the label. I don't like this implication of straight is a pure sexuality, and so much purer than the others. Think that sentence wasn't called for, though it clearly wasn't his intent to be offensive. I understand why he would identify as straight (which as you said confers a privilege), but apologising for those being offended that this desire would be deemed as not straight was a bit much. No sexual orientation has any more value than the next one.
 

Nudistpig

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You are right in all these aspects, and in retrospect, it was too coarse and harsh a message. I have just interacted with a lot of men like that on the site, and it can honestly seem shallow, tedious and fetishising at times too. I have been a lurker for years, but I was still active on the site and using the chat rooms all the time. People can get turned on by whatever they like, but frankly that kind of sole sexual focus with no other interests can actually feel dehumanising sometimes. And the "no kissing" revelation is also dehumanising in my book. I know we are discussing fantasies, but that honestly feels like a lack of respect for our humanity. Also apologising for straight people that might be offended by him keeping the label. I don't like this implication of straight is a pure sexuality, and so much purer than the others. Think that sentence wasn't called for, though it clearly wasn't his intent to be offensive. I understand why he would identify as straight (which as you said confers a privilege), but apologising for those being offended that this desire would be deemed as not straight was a bit much. No sexual orientation has any more value than the next one.

I think the key here for me was brand new member who said he was really messed up.
 
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MisterB

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@Beelzebub

First and foremost, THANK YOU for your bravery and courage to put yourself out here like you did. That takes some gut, nerve, chutzpah, and to keep it related to LPSG--some huuuuuuggeeee cajones. Bravo.

Just know you are not alone in your thoughts, or feelings, or even desires. I've known several straight and bi-sexual men who have very similar thoughts. I've know Lesbians who confided about fantasizing about penis. Befuddled, confused, What's going on? was typical. So I'd say you are in good company, and least in my experience.

You Single? Go for it. Try it, you might like it. Or, maybe reality will eliminate the fantasy. Who knows? But this the time to find yourself.

You Coupled? Keep it to yourself. Unless you are with someone who is open to sharing fantasies, and/or pursuing fantasies; doing such individually or together. You've gotta figures out your relationship dynamic, sooner rather than too much later.

Only you know what might work in your relationship. From what you've described, perhaps your fantasies are best kept to yourself, and your friends here at LPSG, lol.

Whatever you decide, don't act upon your fantasy UNLESS you are will to face the worst possible outcome. And only you know what that might be. Best wishes to you!