Attracted to penis

cockydude2018

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He might still find something helpful in the thread. He should understand his own sexuality. Is it a fetish? Is it bisexuality? What exactly is it he’s feeling? Something made him feel it was important enough to share with his wife.

That’s all I’m saying.
He thought it important enough to share with us......
 

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What if the OP while married was strongly attracted to women with large rears and large breasts, not belonging to his wife ? I guess he should not be afraid or guilty as the problem is with society and not him . Men who love women, do not loose the urge, if they commit to one person, they try to put those urges into their relationship, or suppress them; or hide them at least in their wives presence . A pissed off , jealous wife, is probably one of the most powerful and dangerous creation God, ever created .

I think an old song said it best. : Fools rush in where wise men fear to tread "
 

cockydude2018

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What if the OP while married was strongly attracted to women with large rears and large breasts, not belonging to his wife ? I guess he should not be afraid or guilty as the problem is with society and not him . Men who love women, do not loose the urge, if they commit to one person, they try to put those urges into their relationship, or suppress them; or hide them at least in their wives presence . A pissed off , jealous wife, is probably one of the most powerful and dangerous creation God, ever created .

I think an old song said it best. : Fools rush in where wise men fear to tread "
"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."
 

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I am fairly new to LPSG so I apologize if this has been discussed before. I am a straight, married man. Happy in my relationship. I am attracted to other men's cocks, big, small. Ok mostly bigger. I don't have any attraction to any other male body parts, and the thought of kissing or even caressing another male is not for me. When younger I had a best friend and we would get nude around each other and explore. Twice I gave him oral and a bunch of times we played with each other's cock. He never reciprocated in the oral as I am uncut and it kind of freaked him out. He was extremely well hung. Never measured it but it was big, especially soft. Soft he was larger than my 6" hard. I might have been near his thickness as I am 6" in girth. I wonder if this experience so far back in my formative years has something to do with my current fascination with cock? Maybe me being so envious of his incredible penis has stayed with me all these years. I see by reading many threads here that there are plenty of straight men the same as me, interested only in cock and not a relationship with other men. I feel a lot better after reading these other posts as sometimes I feel bad, guilty when watching gay or just male porn and wanking. I apologize to some if me using the term "straight" offends them as obviously I am not 100% straight. Are there a lot of men who are like me? A lot that wouldn't admit to watching other men and enjoying the sight of a large cock. I did make the mistake of telling my wife about my past experiences and interest in just men's penis, she didn't take it too well and we never discussed it again even though my greatest wish would be to talk about it with her. Oh well keep quiet and stay in a "normal" relationship.
I am straight in the sense that dick does nothing for me but I would suggest that more men feel like you do from my experience as a showoff.
 

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@Beelzebub

First and foremost, THANK YOU for your bravery and courage to put yourself out here like you did. That takes some gut, nerve, chutzpah, and to keep it related to LPSG--some huuuuuuggeeee cajones. Bravo.

Just know you are not alone in your thoughts, or feelings, or even desires. I've known several straight and bi-sexual men who have very similar thoughts. I've know Lesbians who confided about fantasizing about penis. Befuddled, confused, What's going on? was typical. So I'd say you are in good company, and least in my experience.

You Single? Go for it. Try it, you might like it. Or, maybe reality will eliminate the fantasy. Who knows? But this the time to find yourself.

You Coupled? Keep it to yourself. Unless you are with someone who is open to sharing fantasies, and/or pursuing fantasies; doing such individually or together. You've gotta figures out your relationship dynamic, sooner rather than too much later.

Only you know what might work in your relationship. From what you've described, perhaps your fantasies are best kept to yourself, and your friends here at LPSG, lol.

Whatever you decide, don't act upon your fantasy UNLESS you are will to face the worst possible outcome. And only you know what that might be. Best wishes to you!
Thanks, I learned my lesson about opening my big mouth and now it just resides in fantasy land and shared here on LPSG because I noticed more people who had the same desires, and I just wanted to say it helped me a lot not to feel so weird, guilty about it.
 

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You're not fucked up. But please try to understand for many of us who went though this same set of feelings young and who came out, we experienced hatred and violence and a whole host of very heavy things just to be honest about desire. We did that in part to make the world a safer place for you. And it is. That's the legacy of the gay liberation movement and it benefits any man who is sexually aroused by penises. So sometimes when men are claiming the very privilege we gave up to have the right to be, at the same time expressing what many of us experienced early in life, it's painful. I know that wasn't your intent. But it can be the result.

I'm very happy for you in your growth. But I will admit every time I read a man claim straight identity while expressing desire for what is when I do it, a gay sex act, it stings. It's because I had no such security. But that's normal and again not your fault. We have been not supported by straight men for a long time and this site has some active homophobia. I understand why you wrote straight.

I'm hoping one day a guy in your situation will write gay and say it's to support his gay brothers even if he is not sure. Because we are here helping guys grow too. Cheers.
I had no intent to harm anyone's feelings. I truly admire people who are brave enough to come out and say fuck you world, this is who I am, and I am not ashamed. I cannot fathom how it must feel for them. I feel a lot better after finding this board and knowing I am not alone. I seriously thought before this that I was alone in my desires and thoughts. If I caused any disrespect to anyone it was not my intention. My intent was just to say how glad I was I found this board and likeminded people. Again a truly heartfelt apology to anyone I might have slighted with the original post, just my awkward way of trying to express a little delight in having my mind opened up a bit.
 

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I had no intent to harm anyone's feelings. I truly admire people who are brave enough to come out and say fuck you world, this is who I am, and I am not ashamed. I cannot fathom how it must feel for them. I feel a lot better after finding this board and knowing I am not alone. I seriously thought before this that I was alone in my desires and thoughts. If I caused any disrespect to anyone it was not my intention. My intent was just to say how glad I was I found this board and likeminded people. Again a truly heartfelt apology to anyone I might have slighted with the original post, just my awkward way of trying to express a little delight in having my mind opened up a bit.

No harm done and I think we all learned and grew. Welcome and thanks. It is a delight and I do well to remember what it was like for me. I am still very excited about penises...lol.
 

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I had no intent to harm anyone's feelings. I truly admire people who are brave enough to come out and say fuck you world, this is who I am, and I am not ashamed. I cannot fathom how it must feel for them. I feel a lot better after finding this board and knowing I am not alone. I seriously thought before this that I was alone in my desires and thoughts. If I caused any disrespect to anyone it was not my intention. My intent was just to say how glad I was I found this board and likeminded people. Again a truly heartfelt apology to anyone I might have slighted with the original post, just my awkward way of trying to express a little delight in having my mind opened up a bit.


I know you didn't mean to, and I am sorry for having been too harsh (even though it's likely I'm on ignore atm, which I can understand). I honestly think I unfairly flipped out at the "apologising to straight people for keeping the label" part, because it does inadvertantly ring across as a defence of privilege, I know that you did not intend to cause any offence, and frankly I should have tried to be more empathetic on this one (particularly given the distress and join date). I think this is a lot more common than some people think, so I hope you honestly can take comfort in knowing you're not alone on this one on the site :). To be honest, on the thinking you're alone due to your desires part, that actually does resonate with me to some degree. I also respect the commitment you have to your wife, and this must have been a challenging self-realisation too. Welcome to the site, enjoy your stay :)
.
 

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I know you didn't mean to, and I am sorry for having been too harsh (even though it's likely I'm on ignore atm, which I can understand). I honestly think I unfairly flipped out at the "apologising to straight people for keeping the label" part, because it does inadvertantly ring across as a defence of privilege, I know that you did not intend to cause any offence, and frankly I should have tried to be more empathetic on this one (particularly given the distress and join date). I think this is a lot more common than some people think, so I hope you honestly can take comfort in knowing you're not alone on this one on the site :). To be honest, on the thinking you're alone due to your desires part, that actually does resonate with me to some degree. I also respect the commitment you have to your wife, and this must have been a challenging self-realisation too. Welcome to the site, enjoy your stay :)
.
I think perhaps your "walking dildo" characterization and using the term penis "fetish" may deserve a rethink by all of us.
There's a tendency to use "fetish" beyond its actual meaning. A fetish is a sexual attraction to a normally non-sexual object or body part that overshadows all, and inclusion is a necessity for sexual release and gratification. The fetishist typically only needs that object to get off, but must have it. As typically described by guys regarding "straight but like penis", and specifically the OP, this isn't the case...he has a good marriage and sex life, and happens to find penises attractive. I can relate as I have this attraction. Does that make us bisexual? Probably, but that's another discussion. But feeling like a "walking dildo" whenever a guy expresses interest in nothing more than penis, might be a bit of an overreaction. I definitely understand that feeling if you are approached in a lewd manner.

I guess it depends on how the guy approaches you about it, if he does so at all. Being only sexually attracted to a guys penis but otherwise quite willing to be a friend on all levels but romance....would that make you feel objectified? Because such objectification certainly occurs in a lot of male relationships regardless of orientation. I know guys who only date women with a specific attribute like big tits, or red hair, etc. I know guys (and women) who only date guys with big cocks, or who were really muscular, as examples. It isn't the only thing they desire (otherwise it is a fetish) but it's something they desire enough to seek in a partner. For "otherwise straight" men, how do they go about appropriately expressing their male attraction if it's only centered on genitals? The OP tried very hard not to offend.

I get random occasional PM's from guys who admire my penis. Some just compliment, some ask if there's interest in more. None seek a relationship. Am I a walking dildo? It doesn't feel that way. Getting a compliment on something for which I just got lucky in genetics is flattering but can feel shallow. But it's normal for men to objectify visually. It's how we are all wired. I turn down all requests politely, as I am in a very committed relationship. But the compliment feels good. Hell, at 56, I'll take it!
 
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Beelzebub

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I think perhaps your "walking dildo" characterization and using the term penis "fetish" may deserve a rethink by all of us.
There's a tendency to use "fetish" beyond its actual meaning. A fetish is a sexual attraction to a normally non-sexual object or body part that overshadows all, and inclusion is a necessity for sexual release and gratification. The fetishist typically only needs that object to get off, but must have it. As typically described by guys regarding "straight but like penis", and specifically the OP, this isn't the case...he has a good marriage and sex life, and happens to find penises attractive. I can relate as I have this attraction. Does that make us bisexual? Probably, but that's another discussion. But feeling like a "walking dildo" whenever a guy expresses interest in nothing more than penis, might be a bit of an overreaction. I definitely understand that feeling if you are approached in a lewd manner.

I guess it depends on how the guy approaches you about it, if he does so at all. Being only sexually attracted to a guys penis but otherwise quite willing to be a friend on all levels but romance....would that make you feel objectified? Because such objectification certainly occurs in a lot of male relationships regardless of orientation. I know guys who only date women with a specific attribute like big tits, or red hair, etc. I know guys (and women) who only date guys with big cocks, or who were really muscular, as examples. It isn't the only thing they desire (otherwise it is a fetish) but it's something they desire enough to seek in a partner. For "otherwise straight" men, how do they go about appropriately expressing their male attraction if it's only centered on genitals? The OP tried very hard not to offend.

I get random occasional PM's from guys who admire my penis. Some just compliment, some ask if there's interest in more. None seek a relationship. Am I a walking dildo? It doesn't feel that way. Getting a compliment on something for which I just got lucky in genetics is flattering but can feel shallow. But it's normal for men to objectify visually. It's how we are all wired. I turn down all requests politely, as I am in a very committed relationship. But the compliment feels good. Hell, at 56, I'll take it!
Consider me one to give you a compliment, what an amazingly beautiful penis. Thanks for you take on this whole thing.
 

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I think perhaps your "walking dildo" characterization and using the term penis "fetish" may deserve a rethink by all of us.
There's a tendency to use "fetish" beyond its actual meaning. A fetish is a sexual attraction to a normally non-sexual object or body part that overshadows all, and inclusion is a necessity for sexual release and gratification. The fetishist typically only needs that object to get off, but must have it. As typically described by guys regarding "straight but like penis", and specifically the OP, this isn't the case...he has a good marriage and sex life, and happens to find penises attractive. I can relate as I have this attraction. Does that make us bisexual? Probably, but that's another discussion. But feeling like a "walking dildo" whenever a guy expresses interest in nothing more than penis, might be a bit of an overreaction. I definitely understand that feeling if you are approached in a lewd manner.

I guess it depends on how the guy approaches you about it, if he does so at all. Being only sexually attracted to a guys penis but otherwise quite willing to be a friend on all levels but romance....would that make you feel objectified? Because such objectification certainly occurs in a lot of male relationships regardless of orientation. I know guys who only date women with a specific attribute like big tits, or red hair, etc. I know guys (and women) who only date guys with big cocks, or who were really muscular, as examples. It isn't the only thing they desire (otherwise it is a fetish) but it's something they desire enough to seek in a partner. For "otherwise straight" men, how do they go about appropriately expressing their male attraction if it's only centered on genitals? The OP tried very hard not to offend.

I get random occasional PM's from guys who admire my penis. Some just compliment, some ask if there's interest in more. None seek a relationship. Am I a walking dildo? It doesn't feel that way. Getting a compliment on something for which I just got lucky in genetics is flattering but can feel shallow. But it's normal for men to objectify visually. It's how we are all wired. I turn down all requests politely, as I am in a very committed relationship. But the compliment feels good. Hell, at 56, I'll take it!

Yes yes yes. People use fetish to mean kink or special interest when in fact as described. I gave up trying to make the case somewhere after being told bottoms and tops are real categories of gay men. But thanks for that reminded.

As for walking dildo this is much more a thing with gay men than straight men. Guys with big cocks definitely feel the pressure. Those who want to be fucked have adopted the notion that wanting a big penis is enough and being a so called total bottom under 25 means you are entitled. The opinion is popular among many cruisers. If the guy with the big cock says no the other party sometimes unleashes a torrent of abuse. It's insecurity and shame but also lack of boundaries and rules for play/engagement.

Finally, straight men coming out or exploring (us too really) require lots of emotional labour. We supply it to many and that's part of life. However there is often the perception that we are less valuable or not really there for much more than 'fun', a misogynist hold over but also growing denial about where they're headed. The work is rarely acknowledged nor rewarded and frequently the closet adds layers of shame expressed as hostility, sero/trans/homo phobia. So we are sensitive to this issue.

Which is certainly not to say that Beelzebub did not handle this brilliantly. That was a nice experience.
 

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I think perhaps your "walking dildo" characterization and using the term penis "fetish" may deserve a rethink by all of us.
There's a tendency to use "fetish" beyond its actual meaning. A fetish is a sexual attraction to a normally non-sexual object or body part that overshadows all, and inclusion is a necessity for sexual release and gratification. The fetishist typically only needs that object to get off, but must have it. As typically described by guys regarding "straight but like penis", and specifically the OP, this isn't the case...he has a good marriage and sex life, and happens to find penises attractive. I can relate as I have this attraction. Does that make us bisexual? Probably, but that's another discussion. But feeling like a "walking dildo" whenever a guy expresses interest in nothing more than penis, might be a bit of an overreaction. I definitely understand that feeling if you are approached in a lewd manner.

I guess it depends on how the guy approaches you about it, if he does so at all. Being only sexually attracted to a guys penis but otherwise quite willing to be a friend on all levels but romance....would that make you feel objectified? Because such objectification certainly occurs in a lot of male relationships regardless of orientation. I know guys who only date women with a specific attribute like big tits, or red hair, etc. I know guys (and women) who only date guys with big cocks, or who were really muscular, as examples. It isn't the only thing they desire (otherwise it is a fetish) but it's something they desire enough to seek in a partner. For "otherwise straight" men, how do they go about appropriately expressing their male attraction if it's only centered on genitals? The OP tried very hard not to offend.

I get random occasional PM's from guys who admire my penis. Some just compliment, some ask if there's interest in more. None seek a relationship. Am I a walking dildo? It doesn't feel that way. Getting a compliment on something for which I just got lucky in genetics is flattering but can feel shallow. But it's normal for men to objectify visually. It's how we are all wired. I turn down all requests politely, as I am in a very committed relationship. But the compliment feels good. Hell, at 56, I'll take it!
Great post. Perhaps this goes a long way towards what it feels like to be a women. It’s not just being reduced to a set of breasts, or a hair colour; most of us women, frequently here, are treated like a collection of holes. Good for sexual purposes only. It’s not until my 40’s that men stopped treating me purely as a sexual object. I entered the ‘invisible’ years. It seems it’s one or the other. Mother or whore. Object or person. Do I miss it? No. I’ve always been a whole person. Too bad it’s so difficult to notice.
 

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Great post. Perhaps this goes a long way towards what it feels like to be a women. It’s not just being reduced to a set of breasts, or a hair colour; most of us women, frequently here, are treated like a collection of holes. Good for sexual purposes only. It’s not until my 40’s that men stopped treating me purely as a sexual object. I entered the ‘invisible’ years. It seems it’s one or the other. Mother or whore. Object or person. Do I miss it? No. I’ve always been a whole person. Too bad it’s so difficult to notice.
So much of what we're describing, absolutely what @Nudistpig wrote as well as what you just wrote, really boils down to people treating others with respect. Just be as you expect others to be toward you. It's so simple but many don't care.

I love the comment, "invisible years". I realized when I turned thirty that I had virtually disappeared to anyone younger.
 

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I think perhaps your "walking dildo" characterization and using the term penis "fetish" may deserve a rethink by all of us.
There's a tendency to use "fetish" beyond its actual meaning. A fetish is a sexual attraction to a normally non-sexual object or body part that overshadows all, and inclusion is a necessity for sexual release and gratification. The fetishist typically only needs that object to get off, but must have it. As typically described by guys regarding "straight but like penis", and specifically the OP, this isn't the case...he has a good marriage and sex life, and happens to find penises attractive. I can relate as I have this attraction. Does that make us bisexual? Probably, but that's another discussion. But feeling like a "walking dildo" whenever a guy expresses interest in nothing more than penis, might be a bit of an overreaction. I definitely understand that feeling if you are approached in a lewd manner.

I guess it depends on how the guy approaches you about it, if he does so at all. Being only sexually attracted to a guys penis but otherwise quite willing to be a friend on all levels but romance....would that make you feel objectified? Because such objectification certainly occurs in a lot of male relationships regardless of orientation. I know guys who only date women with a specific attribute like big tits, or red hair, etc. I know guys (and women) who only date guys with big cocks, or who were really muscular, as examples. It isn't the only thing they desire (otherwise it is a fetish) but it's something they desire enough to seek in a partner. For "otherwise straight" men, how do they go about appropriately expressing their male attraction if it's only centered on genitals? The OP tried very hard not to offend.

I get random occasional PM's from guys who admire my penis. Some just compliment, some ask if there's interest in more. None seek a relationship. Am I a walking dildo? It doesn't feel that way. Getting a compliment on something for which I just got lucky in genetics is flattering but can feel shallow. But it's normal for men to objectify visually. It's how we are all wired. I turn down all requests politely, as I am in a very committed relationship. But the compliment feels good. Hell, at 56, I'll take it!

I think it is easier for you to say this part, because you don't ever experience this offline, or probably in other online spaces. This will be the only website you likely experience that. That is the difference between you and me, so I do sometimes get approached in a very lewd manner because of this. Look occasionally that focus can be healthy, a compliment is a compliment, sometimes that can feel great too, but other times it crosses the line. It has gone way over the top on quite a few occasions. On this website particularly if I get messages from SPHers, they tend to be the most intense regarding this. But a lot of the messages are respectful, but occasionally they quickly get way too creepily fetishistic at times. I also used to spend time in the chat rooms, so witnessed it a lot there as well (though at the time that did provide confidence at the beginning).

As for other online apps, well I do get shit loads of "have you got xxx pics" all the time, even though it specifically says that I'm not looking for hook ups, and it is the general one that everyone is on, not more specifically sexually charged ones . Let's fuck in the first message, horny, fun, up for it, bla bla bla. I do put a vague size category on there (but obviously many of the others nudge that, and the vast majority of the guys put that up there even if they're only looking for relationships) because a) that can cause problems in the bedroom (so it is like a forewarning, and I am mainly a top) and b) it makes the creepier fetishists more known to me, so I can avoid them, and the last part c) it could be an extra titilating detail for someone I click with on a number of other levels. But obviously becuase I put identify as a top on top of that, I do get messages from bottoms who are just looking for a quick fuck, even though anal sex is frankly not my focus anyway. Getting unwanted colon pics and dick pics, instead of hello when it already says in the first line "Friends and relationships" long before seeing other details, is a pain in the arse, and some haven't been so respectful in the past. Though it does tell me to ignore them. This is particular true on dating apps (I'm just on one specific one) so I have a specific one. Or people asking for anal sex during the experience, when I've stated I don't want that beforehand.

Offline experiences you can experience, well I've had creepy men walking up to me in clubs and grabbing my bulge when I'm dancing with someone else. Don't think my wearing tight jeans is an excuse for that kind of behaviour. I know other well endowed gay men that won't use the urinals at gay clubs for that reason as well (because you invariably get a lot of attention for that), sometimes I have, sometimes I haven't. And this is coming from someone who isn't into anonymous hook ups.

If it is a friendship yes, that could be fine under the right circumstances, however that often does not seem to be the approach , it is often very forward and direct. But these are rarer

For the men that I like to have sexual with, I like it to be broader than that, that can happily be a detail of course. If they are turned on by that great, but they have to be interested in other factors as well. Even if I want a purely sexual relationship with someone, I need to click on a number of factors.

So yes, I see where you're coming from, but I'm over a quarter of a century younger and openly gay. And out of them, the genuinely closeted guys tend to approach with the least respect on this issue, that is not quite the same thing, but it can be in circumstances. So it is not easy to divorce both onsite experiences, other online experiences and offline experiences from my viewpoint on the topic.
 
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"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."

A woman you are in a relationship / married to, who has a reason to be pissed off, can be wayyy more furious than a woman you scorned. Ro, speaks from experience. :)
 

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@ItsAll4Kim Other stuff I can give you on experiences of the male gaze. So I am very well aware of how visually wired. I know you are trying to come at this from a different perspective, and taking that sort of focus in a positive light. That is frankly the only place that you likely the male gaze, and to be frank the only two photos you have up on your profile are of your penis. So it makes a lot of sense why you wouldn't feel like a walking dildo.

I have a lot more experiences with the male gaze than that. So I just mentioned obviously the urinals in gay clubs part, I have also seen that from an experience as a friend of mine does always avoid the urinals for that reason (I haven't yet asked him, but I can tell that is the reason based on my own experiences). Do you know how I find out he's well endowed? From a gay female friend, who was validating a comment off an ex.boyfriend of his and she said she was definitely aware of that, because she had been told that before, because she'd heard it from previous sexual partners of his. I never asked him about it, because that would have been an invasion of his privacy as he is a platonic friend and also quite a shy type, not the bragging type in the slightest.

He was one of our initial gay clubbing group, who were mainly LGBT women, literally every letter was represented (as most of my homosexual female friends labelled themselves as gay, there is quite a lot of variation between women on that issue, they called themselves gay women, and a few identified as lesbian). Most of that group happen to know I am well endowed as well, how did they get to know that? Again a gay guy at a club inappropriately blagging about it. I certainly wouldn't have told them that. My best straight female friend here, knows my exact penis size. How? I slept with a friend of hers who was staying the night for pride and told her immediately afterwards. That actually did feel a bit uncomfortable, because it frankly is too much information for her in my eyes.

Then there is also the fact I have seen a few heteroromantic bisexual men on this site too, and interacted with those types on other online spaces before. They hit me up wanting sex (rather than friendships), with usually a hefty penis based focus. That usually feels like you hold no value, other than as a sexual being. It is difficult to completely psychologically separate that with an otherwise straight man getting turned on by genitalia. But obviously, I am aware of the difficulties and stress that could cause the guy. So I do appreciate there is a difference between the two, plus I have acknowledged he didn't try to offend, and I've been considerably more welcoming and sympathetic to him after noting my reaction was too harsh.
 

ItsAll4Kim

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I think it is easier for you to say this part, because you don't ever experience this offline, or probably in other online spaces. This will be the only website you likely experience that. That is the difference between you and me, so I do sometimes get approached in a very lewd manner because of this. Look occasionally that focus can be healthy, a compliment is a compliment, sometimes that can feel great too, but other times it crosses the line. It has gone way over the top on quite a few occasions. On this website particularly if I get messages from SPHers, they tend to be the most intense regarding this. But a lot of the messages are respectful, but occasionally they quickly get way too creepily fetishistic at times. I also used to spend time in the chat rooms, so witnessed it a lot there as well (though at the time that did provide confidence at the beginning).

As for other online apps, well I do get shit loads of "have you got xxx pics" all the time, even though it specifically says that I'm not looking for hook ups, and it is the general one that everyone is on, not more specifically sexually charged ones . Let's fuck in the first message, horny, fun, up for it, bla bla bla. I do put a vague size category on there (but obviously many of the others nudge that, and the vast majority of the guys put that up there even if they're only looking for relationships) because a) that can cause problems in the bedroom (so it is like a forewarning, and I am mainly a top) and b) it makes the creepier fetishists more known to me, so I can avoid them, and the last part c) it could be an extra titilating detail for someone I click with on a number of other levels. But obviously becuase I put identify as a top on top of that, I do get messages from bottoms who are just looking for a quick fuck, even though anal sex is frankly not my focus anyway. Getting unwanted colon pics and dick pics, instead of hello when it already says in the first line "Friends and relationships" long before seeing other details, is a pain in the arse, and some haven't been so respectful in the past. Though it does tell me to ignore them. This is particular true on dating apps (I'm just on one specific one) so I have a specific one. Or people asking for anal sex during the experience, when I've stated I don't want that beforehand.

Offline experiences you can experience, well I've had creepy men walking up to me in clubs and grabbing my bulge when I'm dancing with someone else. Don't think my wearing tight jeans is an excuse for that kind of behaviour. I know other well endowed gay men that won't use the urinals at gay clubs for that reason as well (because you invariably get a lot of attention for that), sometimes I have, sometimes I haven't. And this is coming from someone who isn't into anonymous hook ups.

If it is a friendship yes, that could be fine under the right circumstances, however that often does not seem to be the approach , it is often very forward and direct. But these are rarer

For the men that I like to have sexual with, I like it to be broader than that, that can happily be a detail of course. If they are turned on by that great, but they have to be interested in other factors as well. Even if I want a purely sexual relationship with someone, I need to click on a number of factors.

So yes, I see where you're coming from, but I'm over a quarter of a century younger and openly gay. And out of them, the genuinely closeted guys tend to approach with the least respect on this issue, that is not quite the same thing, but it can be in circumstances. So it is not easy to divorce both onsite experiences, other online experiences and offline experiences from my viewpoint on the topic.
@ItsAll4Kim Other stuff I can give you on experiences of the male gaze. So I am very well aware of how visually wired. I know you are trying to come at this from a different perspective, and taking that sort of focus in a positive light. That is frankly the only place that you likely the male gaze, and to be frank the only two photos you have up on your profile are of your penis. So it makes a lot of sense why you wouldn't feel like a walking dildo.

I have a lot more experiences with the male gaze than that. So I just mentioned obviously the urinals in gay clubs part, I have also seen that from an experience as a friend of mine does always avoid the urinals for that reason (I haven't yet asked him, but I can tell that is the reason based on my own experiences). Do you know how I find out he's well endowed? From a gay female friend, who was validating a comment off an ex.boyfriend of his and she said she was definitely aware of that, because she had been told that before, because she'd heard it from previous sexual partners of his. I never asked him about it, because that would have been an invasion of his privacy as he is a platonic friend and also quite a shy type, not the bragging type in the slightest.

He was one of our initial gay clubbing group, who were mainly LGBT women, literally every letter was represented (as most of my homosexual female friends labelled themselves as gay, there is quite a lot of variation between women on that issue, they called themselves gay women, and a few identified as lesbian). Most of that group happen to know I am well endowed as well, how did they get to know that? Again a gay guy at a club inappropriately blagging about it. I certainly wouldn't have told them that. My best straight female friend here, knows my exact penis size. How? I slept with a friend of hers who was staying the night for pride and told her immediately afterwards. That actually did feel a bit uncomfortable, because it frankly is too much information for her in my eyes.

Then there is also the fact I have seen a few heteroromantic bisexual men on this site too, and interacted with those types on other online spaces before. They hit me up wanting sex (rather than friendships), with usually a hefty penis based focus. That usually feels like you hold no value, other than as a sexual being. It is difficult to completely psychologically separate that with an otherwise straight man getting turned on by genitalia. But obviously, I am aware of the difficulties and stress that could cause the guy. So I do appreciate there is a difference between the two, plus I have acknowledged he didn't try to offend, and I've been considerably more welcoming and sympathetic to him after noting my reaction was too harsh.

Some continued thoughts:

I was never suggesting we should pass off all of these experiences as positive. I thought I was clear in my opening suggestion that we rethink the use of "fetish", and "walking dildo", as you seemed to jump to your initial opinion of the OP and then backed off, which was admirable.

Objectification in a penis forum? Not surprising. But we should treat people and encounters individually. Not all objectification is intended to be bad, which sounds like a contradiction and in a way it is. But for males, we are primarily visually stimulated. So we see, we want. HOW we go from that point is what makes things good or bad.

Environment is a huge factor. Go to clubs? Get hit on. I'm a nudist. Spend summer naked all weekend and a lot of the week. Women see my cock. Guys see my cock. Do I get comments from both? Yep. Do I get hit on? Not at my family-friendly camp/resort where everyone knows I'm married and where we do not pursue "lifestyle" interests or mention it. At lifestyle resorts? Yep. Do I feel objectified? Sure. Is it a problem? No.

Why not? Well, for me, I know I'm a complete person. My cock isn't my identity (see wally84) nor is it more than a part of who I am. Don't get me wrong, I love my cock. But that doesn't mean I get hurt if someone else is overly impressed or only wants fun with it. Or if they don't like it. I have a wife. She loves *me*. I'm pretty damned sure that makes it easier for me to feel like a complete person if someone treats me like only my cock matters. And I'm sure that the frequency of these experiences is a huge factor in making you more sensitive to the negative aspects of this attention.
 

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Some continued thoughts:

I was never suggesting we should pass off all of these experiences as positive. I thought I was clear in my opening suggestion that we rethink the use of "fetish", and "walking dildo", as you seemed to jump to your initial opinion of the OP and then backed off, which was admirable.

Objectification in a penis forum? Not surprising. But we should treat people and encounters individually. Not all objectification is intended to be bad, which sounds like a contradiction and in a way it is. But for males, we are primarily visually stimulated. So we see, we want. HOW we go from that point is what makes things good or bad.

Environment is a huge factor. Go to clubs? Get hit on. I'm a nudist. Spend summer naked all weekend and a lot of the week. Women see my cock. Guys see my cock. Do I get comments from both? Yep. Do I get hit on? Not at my family-friendly camp/resort where everyone knows I'm married and where we do not pursue "lifestyle" interests or mention it. At lifestyle resorts? Yep. Do I feel objectified? Sure. Is it a problem? No.

Why not? Well, for me, I know I'm a complete person. My cock isn't my identity (see wally84) nor is it more than a part of who I am. Don't get me wrong, I love my cock. But that doesn't mean I get hurt if someone else is overly impressed or only wants fun with it. Or if they don't like it. I have a wife. She loves *me*. I'm pretty damned sure that makes it easier for me to feel like a complete person if someone treats me like only my cock matters. And I'm sure that the frequency of these experiences is a huge factor in making you more sensitive to the negative aspects of this attention.

Sorry, but I am still picking up a privilege blindness off you. I don't consider it has struck you how a 30 year old gay man with a large penis might get objectified more than a 56 year old straight identified man in a mixed sex relationship. Unless you were regularly going to the same environments with the same male gaze and the same body type as I have in your twenties and at the start of your thirties.

I am not just talking about the website of course (and btw I have more than just dick pics on the website, body pics, face pics, back pics). I am also relating sexual experiences, and pushy responses that can come from partners based on my penis. That is different. This is why I tend to choose sexual partners who identify as versatile or other tops, because some guys who identify as bottoms are too focussed on anal sex. As that involves a lot of prep work, and because men are visually stimulated, we have the old saying of "the eyes are greedier than the hole". So it isn't something I would consider at all anymore on the first sexual encounter. Your experiences, though you are displaying that part of your body, so you just won't enter enough sexual experiences that are frankly the same as mine.

I know I'm a complete person as well, but this mild form of homoeroticism does not feel anyway near as wholesome as more full blown varieties of homoeroticism, if I'm going to be ojectified anyway, it is more fulfilling to have that on several levels. I cannot divorce these experiences from offline experiences.
 

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Sorry, but I am still picking up a privilege blindness off you. I don't consider it has struck you how a 30 year old gay man with a large penis might get objectified more than a 56 year old straight identified man in a mixed sex relationship. Unless you were regularly going to the same environments with the same male gaze and the same body type as I have in your twenties and at the start of your thirties.

I am not just talking about the website of course (and btw I have more than just dick pics on the website, body pics, face pics, back pics). I am also relating sexual experiences, and pushy responses that can come from partners based on my penis. That is different. This is why I tend to choose sexual partners who identify as versatile or other tops, because some guys who identify as bottoms are too focussed on anal sex. As that involves a lot of prep work, and because men are visually stimulated, we have the old saying of "the eyes are greedier than the hole". So it isn't something I would consider at all anymore on the first sexual encounter. Your experiences, though you are displaying that part of your body, so you just won't enter enough sexual experiences that are frankly the same as mine.

I know I'm a complete person as well, but this mild form of homoeroticism does not feel anyway near as wholesome as more full blown varieties of homoeroticism, if I'm going to be ojectified anyway, it is more fulfilling to have that on several levels. I cannot divorce these experiences from offline experiences.

I simply suggested that objectification isn't always negative to everyone, either by intent or by perception. I have related a tiny bit of my experience to express that it IS different from yours, not to make it seem similar, and that the differences are a huge factor in how we feel about them. I was originally specifically discussing online interaction because that's where this discussion was generated...by the OP's comments and your reaction to them.

Being objectified doesn't bother me so much because I have a full relationship. When I was seeking a full relationship, whether objectification was accepted by me as positive or negative depended where my head was at the time. If I just wanted to get laid, it was great. If I needed my ego stroked, also good. If the person was someone with whom I'd hoped to have a relationship, then it was disappointing and insulting.

While you claim "privilege blindness", I fail to see how the specifics of gender, or pairing make any difference. Do you know how it feels to be used by a woman? If you are sensitive to something, it hurts. If you need an ego boost, it helps. Does it matter to me whether a guy lusts for my cock or a woman? Nope...both flatter me. Neither will get me because I'm monogamous. The difference for me is that I never sought a bisexual relationship, therefore I wouldn't have felt negatively objectified by a man. But that didn't make for less letdown when the women who only wanted to take a ride indicated there wasn't going to be anything more than sex, and only because my cock is bigger. Feeling used or minimalized is the same regardless of who does it to you. At least it does to me. Your mileage may vary and I respect that.

Hell, my first wife said she only married me for my cock. I usually thought she was joking, but from what I've learned about her since, it may have had truth. So 20 years of marriage was objectification? Should I be insulted? Probably. But I respect myself, always have, so fuck it. We let things be problems a lot more than others make them our problems.

I am enjoying this discussion and your perspective, thanks for sharing it.
 

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I simply suggested that objectification isn't always negative to everyone, either by intent or by perception. I have related a tiny bit of my experience to express that it IS different from yours, not to make it seem similar, and that the differences are a huge factor in how we feel about them. I was originally specifically discussing online interaction because that's where this discussion was generated...by the OP's comments and your reaction to them.

But I'm not even saying, it is always negative to my experiences either. Just there are a fair few borderline cases, and some go over the top. I think that is largely related to my sexuality.

But with the online interactions, mine are not only related to what I experience on this site. They do translate across the board. I've been on a few websites in the past, like gaydar, planetromeo, pof, fitlads etc. So obviously I am encountering homoerotically inclined men quite a bit.

Being objectified doesn't bother me so much because I have a full relationship. When I was seeking a full relationship, whether objectification was accepted by me as positive or negative depended where my head was at the time. If I just wanted to get laid, it was great. If I needed my ego stroked, also good. If the person was someone with whom I'd hoped to have a relationship, then it was disappointing and insulting.

The lust part is fine, a couple comments is fine. If it is an extra turn on that is great too. But you know, when it gets to the whole I need to tell everyone part, I think gay/bi men are more likely to do that than women. Hence why I provided examples of why both I and another well endowed gay male friend did get too.

While you claim "privilege blindness", I fail to see how the specifics of gender, or pairing make any difference. Do you know how it feels to be used by a woman? If you are sensitive to something, it hurts. If you need an ego boost, it helps. Does it matter to me whether a guy lusts for my cock or a woman? Nope...both flatter me. Neither will get me because I'm monogamous. The difference for me is that I never sought a bisexual relationship, therefore I wouldn't have felt negatively objectified by a man. But that didn't make for less letdown when the women who only wanted to take a ride indicated there wasn't going to be anything more than sex, and only because my cock is bigger. Feeling used or minimalized is the same regardless of who does it to you. At least it does to me. Your mileage may vary and I respect that.

No absolutely, the privilege blindness comment is not meant as an attack, it's just stating that I go through extra pressures being from a minority, and you've kind of already answered your own question as to why genders make a difference within this thread:

But for males, we are primarily visually stimulated. So we see, we want.

But it's normal for men to objectify visually. It's how we are all wired.

The male gaze is different to the female gaze. This is why androphiles and ambiphilies (so straight women/gay men and bi men/women respectively) are under more pressure to look physically "attractive" (obviously that is subjective). The straight male gaze as @LaFemme said earlier is very harsh on women, I am talking about the gay male gaze here.

I would never suggest women cannot be manipulative, nor harbour ill intentions. Personally I think it is as patronising to suggest all women are saintly, as it is to say they are all wicked. They are human beings with their own agency, just conditioned differently in gender conditioning and with a few innate differences to men. I know some women can use men in relationships, I have lots of straight friends who have discussed their relationships, emotional hurt is emotional hurt, and I do personally believe the differences between the sexes are MASSIVELY overblown. For example, I don't believe that the male sex drive is necessarily any higher, I think it varies way too much from person to person. I think this concept of "men just wanna get off all the time" is also totally overblown, I think it is mainly cultural conditioning. The one difference I have noticed is, that women seem to be less visually focussed in their sexuality. An interesting difference is when looking within the corresponding heterosexual populations regarding same sex sex:

For example, "lesbian" porn is made primarily for straight men.

Gay male fan fiction is consumed primarily by straight women.

And just simply put, there are proportionally more male size queens than there are female size queens. The majority of androphile or ambiphile women I know, have stated a very explicit preference for average. So I think the objectification would likely take on a slightly different flavour. They'd possibly be conscious of stroking a man's ego, but I think the raw sexual intensity wouldn't have the exact same flavour, though granted it's not something I'm expert at.

Obviously as well there are gender segregated spaces, in gay environments too. Imagine how sexualised a urinal can be sometimes in a gay male space, you have a bunch of cocks on display basically. That can occasionally be an ego boost after a few drinks, but sometimes that is too much, so you just avoid using them and go to the stalls. Because one of the blabbing mouths I was mentioning was a guy standing next to me at the urinal lol. I've seen some guys work themselves up to erections in those places, so they could have a sexually charged dance on the dance floor together.

Hell, my first wife said she only married me for my cock. I usually thought she was joking, but from what I've learned about her since, it may have had truth. So 20 years of marriage was objectification? Should I be insulted? Probably. But I respect myself, always have, so fuck it. We let things be problems a lot more than others make them our problems.

I am enjoying this discussion and your perspective, thanks for sharing it.

Lol, certainly not. I think there could be a small amount of truth to it, but I think a woman is likelier to humour a man to stroke his own ego. And she was probably throwing in a bit of wit too. That has a different flavour to it.
 
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