Attracted To Women?

DeclanBrent

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i identify as bi (although my whole life I've been politely told than I'm really gay and that being bi is a transitional phase).
My ideal sex is with a man and woman at the same time. I love being with men and women solo but nothing gets me as lusty as a mfm threesome.
A year or so ago I met a Spanish guy, gay, who I was really attracted to. He was a lovely man, young, liberal, open-minded. I asked him if he'd go a threesome with me and my gf and he was horrified. He to,d me there was no way he could contemplate sex with a woman.
This shocked me because in my (obviously very prejudiced) mind I'd always assumed that all gay guys were up for sex with anyone. Please don't judge me for thinking that, it was just my experience up until that point.
So my question to gay guys is - would you - could you - have sex with a woman? Or would it just gross you out? And Shar about sex with another gay or bisexual man and a woman?
 
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i identify as bi (although my whole life I've been politely told than I'm really gay and that being bi is a transitional phase).
My ideal sex is with a man and woman at the same time. I love being with men and women solo but nothing gets me as lusty as a mfm threesome.
A year or so ago I met a Spanish guy, gay, who I was really attracted to. He was a lovely man, young, liberal, open-minded. I asked him if he'd go a threesome with me and my gf and he was horrified. He to,d me there was no way he could contemplate sex with a woman.
This shocked me because in my (obviously very prejudiced) mind I'd always assumed that all gay guys were up for sex with anyone. Please don't judge me for thinking that, it was just my experience up until that point.
So my question to gay guys is - would you - could you - have sex with a woman? Or would it just gross you out? And Shar about sex with another gay or bisexual man and a woman?
Sex with a woman or MMF threesome wouldn’t disgust me and I might go for it under different circumstances but not now as have a bf (Spanish guy :))
 
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Savage69r

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When he was in the closest it would’ve been preferable doing it instead of just with a girl. You’re bisexual so wouldn’t understand, we can see when a girl is attractive but there’s no sexual attraction so we don’t get any pleasure looking at girls and can’t get feelings for a girl. My first time with a girl I was petrified, not knowing if I could perform and everyone would’ve known if I didn’t.
My body eventually reacted to the stimulation and even though I felt incredibly confident after, I was desperate to get away from her and every girl after was the same. First time with a guy was totally different, horny as Hell from the start and only worried how I was going perform, for years I felt incredible shame after being with a guy but it was myself I wanted to get away from. Even though I felt like crap I still enjoyed being with the guy.

You should try having sex and being in a relationship with someone who you aren’t sexually attracted to so you understand where he’s coming from.
 

DeclanBrent

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When he was in the closest it would’ve been preferable doing it instead of just with a girl. You’re bisexual so wouldn’t understand, we can see when a girl is attractive but there’s no sexual attraction so we don’t get any pleasure looking at girls and can’t get feelings for a girl. My first time with a girl I was petrified, not knowing if I could perform and everyone would’ve known if I didn’t.
My body eventually reacted to the stimulation and even though I felt incredibly confident after, I was desperate to get away from her and every girl after was the same. First time with a guy was totally different, horny as Hell from the start and only worried how I was going perform, for years I felt incredible shame after being with a guy but it was myself I wanted to get away from. Even though I felt like crap I still enjoyed being with the guy.

You should try having sex and being in a relationship with someone who you aren’t sexually attracted to so you understand where he’s coming from.
Your post speaks to me. I have very deep feelings for my girlfriemd and nothing to me comes close to sex with a woman and being inside her. Yet I'm only sexually (primally) attracted to men. I can't get hard though unless a woman is involved in the act. I feel like a freak. My Spanish friend was the first guy I came across who found the female firm beautiful but sexually dead to him. I couldn't get my head around it.
 

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Your post speaks to me. I have very deep feelings for my girlfriemd and nothing to me comes close to sex with a woman and being inside her. Yet I'm only sexually (primally) attracted to men. I can't get hard though unless a woman is involved in the act. I feel like a freak. My Spanish friend was the first guy I came across who found the female firm beautiful but sexually dead to him. I couldn't get my head around it.
You’re not a freak and you’ll eventually get over feeling like one when you accept who you are. You don’t know how lucky you are to be bisexual.
 
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My Spanish friend was the first guy I came across who found the female firm beautiful but sexually dead to him.

Hi Declan: Hello from the second guy you've come across who finds the female form beautiful but sexually dead to him. It's nice to meet you!

My two besties are women. I love them. Unequivocally. Without any reservations. I just have no carnal desires toward either of them. For any woman. But, that's ME.

That said, I totally understand where YOU are coming from. And totally respect that. Because, if what you describe is what brings you happiness and satisfaction without hurting others, then I'd say you've found your bliss. I truly wish you well.
 

DeclanBrent

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Hi Declan: Hello from the second guy you've come across who finds the female form beautiful but sexually dead to him. It's nice to meet you!

My two besties are women. I love them. Unequivocally. Without any reservations. I just have no carnal desires toward either of them. For any woman. But, that's ME.

That said, I totally understand where YOU are coming from. And totally respect that. Because, if what you describe is what brings you happiness and satisfaction without hurting others, then I'd say you've found your bliss. I truly wish you well.
Thank you for your input. It doesn't bring me bliss because my gf refuses to indulge that part of myself. I get zero satisfaction from the sexual act - even with a guy I'm attracted to - if my gf isn't involved, and she absolutely refuses to be involved. Hence my very curious situation. Stalemate.
 

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In all my life, I've never, ever had a sexual thought about a female, ever.
If a guy I'm attracted to were to ask me if I'd fuck with him if there was also a female involved, I would politely decline and not engage. I'd politely pass and suggest they find a different third party for whom there would be some level of interest in the female person. There's no reason she should be made to feel like an outsider, a third wheel when there are a fair number of bisexual guys who may lean more one way than the other but can accommodate both partners to some degree.

That's just not me. I don't have a problem with women in general, I have a number of female friends but that's where it maxes out: they're friends, not sexual interests. The idea of getting off with them is just strange and "wrong" for me. I like guys and it's 100% what works for me.

So had you suggested that threesome to me, I'd also be in that boat: Thanks but no thanks, I'm simply not the right partner you two should be playing with. And I'd take a raincheck for when you were available on your own or, if you wanted to play with a third, had another guy lined up. As long as all three felt good about playing with the other two, it would be a great fun time. All guy cast? I'm in!

But including a female in the bed sport, that just does not turn me on at all. I'd have to pass if only to let you and her find someone more suitable who'd actually enjoy, to some degree, the variety offered by the proposed the encounter. And there are gay guys out there who are 10% straight so even they could be a better third than I, a 100% gay Kinsey 6 dude.

There'd be no hard feelings or negative impressions of the situation, just a simple "Thanks, but I'll pass. I'll take that raincheck, however..."
 
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Thank you for your input. It doesn't bring me bliss because my gf refuses to indulge that part of myself. I get zero satisfaction from the sexual act - even with a guy I'm attracted to - if my gf isn't involved, and she absolutely refuses to be involved. Hence my very curious situation. Stalemate.

You are welcome.

Since your OP and subsequent posts made no mention of her disinterest until this response to me, I assumed that she was down with a 3-some. Oops, my bad.

Sounds like you've got a few things to work through. I truly hope you are able one day to find your bliss. Best Wishes to you.
 
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DeclanBrent

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In all my life, I've never, ever had a sexual thought about a female, ever.
If a guy I'm attracted to were to ask me if I'd fuck with him if there was also a female involved, I would politely decline and not engage. I'd politely pass and suggest they find a different third party for whom there would be some level of interest in the female person. There's no reason she should be made to feel like an outsider, a third wheel when there are a fair number of bisexual guys who may lean more one way than the other but can accommodate both partners to some degree.

That's just not me. I don't have a problem with women in general, I have a number of female friends but that's where it maxes out: they're friends, not sexual interests. The idea of getting off with them is just strange and "wrong" for me. I like guys and it's 100% what works for me.

So had you suggested that threesome to me, I'd also be in that boat: Thanks but no thanks, I'm simply not the right partner you two should be playing with. And I'd take a raincheck for when you were available on your own or, if you wanted to play with a third, had another guy lined up. As long as all three felt good about playing with the other two, it would be a great fun time. All guy cast? I'm in!

But including a female in the bed sport, that just does not turn me on at all. I'd have to pass if only to let you and her find someone more suitable who'd actually enjoy, to some degree, the variety offered by the proposed the encounter. And there are gay guys out there who are 10% straight so even they could be a better third than I, a 100% gay Kinsey 6 dude.

There'd be no hard feelings or negative impressions of the situation, just a simple "Thanks, but I'll pass. I'll take that raincheck, however..."
@Andrue Ha, so you're the second guy I've come across who feels this way, and doubtless there are hundreds of thousands more.
Thank you - your expression of your sexuality, ironically, makes me more comfortable in mine because it celebrates the differences between us.
 
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DeclanBrent

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You are welcome.

Since your OP and subsequent posts made no mention of her disinterest until this response to me, I assumed that she was down with a 3-some. Oops, my bad.

Sounds like you've got a few things to work through. I truly hope you are able one day to find your bliss. Best Wishes to you.
Thank you @MisterB
 
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englad

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This shocked me because in my (obviously very prejudiced) mind I'd always assumed that all gay guys were up for sex with anyone. Please don't judge me for thinking that, it was just my experience up until that point.

Umm, this part's utter bollocks. But I think you realise that. An incredibly short look at the body types included in gay men's magazines or on any posters in any gay clubs could have told you that.

So my question to gay guys is - would you - could you - have sex with a woman?

Highly doubtful.

Or would it just gross you out?

No, it would neither gross me out nor would it appeal to me. The female form is neutral and non-sexual as far as I'm concerned.


And Shar about sex with another gay or bisexual man and a woman?

I've had an MMF threesome before. I shared a man with a woman one evening. It was interesting, both of them are good friends of mine.
 
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DeclanBrent

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@englad Thanks for your post. Actually, I don't know any such things. My experience growing up in a repressed part of the world was that I knew very few out gay men, but plenty of men who married women to conceal their sexuality until coming out as gay years later. Not bisexual - gay. How did they have sex with women all those years? And very often, effective enough sex that it ended up producing children? When you combine that background with the very clear sexual erotic differences between men and women (notably, that men in general are overtly more physically sexually oriented than women in general), it's not a massive leap of logic to assume gay men could far more easily be bi than straight men could.
Obviously, having read responses here, and after some good discussions with my Spamish friend, I now know I was naive to say the least.
 

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@englad Thanks for your post. Actually, I don't know any such things. My experience growing up in a repressed part of the world was that I knew very few out gay men, but plenty of men who married women to conceal their sexuality until coming out as gay years later. Not bisexual - gay. How did they have sex with women all those years? And very often, effective enough sex that it ended up producing children? When you combine that background with the very clear sexual erotic differences between men and women (notably, that men in general are overtly more physically sexually oriented than women in general), it's not a massive leap of logic to assume gay men could far more easily be bi than straight men could.
Obviously, having read responses here, and after some good discussions with my Spamish friend, I now know I was naive to say the least.

Well, here are some examples:

Eating Disorders in LGBTQ+ Populations

"42% of men with eating disorders identify as gay"

  • Up to 42% of homeless youth are LGBTQ+-identified
  • 33% of youth who are homeless or in the care of social services experienced violent assault when they came out

pietroboseli-attitude.jpg


489946-800w.jpg


I think a bit of reading between the lines is required here, you seem to be under the impression that sexual attraction is required to be able to have sex with another person, it isn't. You just need an erection and a willing partner. Despite the fact that there have been numerous advancements on LGBT rights, both on a legal and social level in the western world, we live in a heteronormative society that primarily caters to the straight male gaze. Everyone is bombarded with what straight men are attracted to, almost everywhere they go. There is (and particularly was in the past) a huge amount of social pressure to get married and have children. Many people still assume people they meet to be straight, unless explicitly stated otherwise. I'm 31, I don't come from a religious country and yet, when I was at school the only form of sexuality that was legally allowed to be discussed was heterosexuality. Coming out still entails considerable risks for people, the LGBT youth suicide and homelessness rates are considerably higher than their straight counterparts. The internal closet (admitting to yourself) is often just as hard to leave as the external closet (telling other people) is. Given all those factors, it's hardly surprising that a number of gay men end up trying to be straight, it's just a case of some come out far earlier than others.
 
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DeclanBrent

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@englad I think - in fact, I know - that you are preaching to the converted. I have lived all my life being 'suspected' of being gay and identify very strongly with everything you say and have experienced some of it first-hand. (It's important to note that I've known some gay men who have been as vicious about me 'pretending' to be bi to avoid coming out as gay as I have known countless straight men who, whenever any deviation from heterosexuality was detected in me, showed their true colors. The difference between these two responses, clearly, is that the power has been held by the heterosexual wold).
The nuance in my question is this (and I concede that I asked it in a rather clumsy fashion): can a man exclusively attracted to men bring himself to have sex with a woman? The answer, clearly, is yes - but what I've now discovered is that that doesn't mean there are many gay men who would not put themselves in that situation in the first place or would actively avoid it, or who just wouldn't contemplate it.
My generalisation was ignorant but that ignorance has now been corrected, happily.