Attraction at first sight or over time?

arsenicalive

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Does anyone else find that the more they get to know someone, the more attractive and appealing they become? In the sense that you notice more about the how they do the things they do instead of what they do, or something like that.

People you would never have found instantly attractive and at first even found off-putting.

I've noticed this with people I work with and spend long periods of time around.

I also notice that the people I find instantly attractive or am drawn to right away tend to be less attractive or appealing very quickly.

I think I might be a substance over style guy.

And if so, how do I find others like me?
 

Gj816

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They are out there. You just have to be patient and go with it.

Some times it can be an infatuation with someone and that changes over time. While you may find that those you aren't necessarily attracted to initially, becomes an attraction as you spend more time with them.

You are definitely not alone there are lots of people like that. Just be ready to take the bull by the horns when the opportunity arises. Also sounds like a good way to have more fwb.
 

arsenicalive

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They are out there. You just have to be patient and go with it.

Some times it can be an infatuation with someone and that changes over time. While you may find that those you aren't necessarily attracted to initially, becomes an attraction as you spend more time with them.

You are definitely not alone there are lots of people like that. Just be ready to take the bull by the horns when the opportunity arises. Also sounds like a good way to have more fwb.

That makes sense, man. Well said!
 

C3sam

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Yes i feel you are rigjt . There are people i know that i dodnt really like and the more i got to know them it seemed the more i liked them till now i feel love towRds them like i do a family member . Like in a sense i was. Forced to like them then i got to know them. Thus loving them .make sense?
 

LilJock

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I'd have to say that women usually lose most of their attractiveness to me pretty quickly. You see a woman, say "Wow! She's hot!" pop a hard on, then talk to her a bit and find out she's an airhead or has a high squeaky voice. Or after you've dated her a few times find out she's not really that interesting after all. Or maybe the chemistry isn't right.

But a lot of women who've passed the initial test run may have unpredictable affects on me as time goes by.

My first wife was a cheer leader in high school. (I was on the football team.) She was really cute and quite attractive. And sexy. She copped my cherry after all! But she was intellectually incurious, never read anything more serious than the latest Danielle Steel, and, although she was always pleasant and lots of fun in bed (which can hide a multitude of sins), the attraction soon wore off and for most of our marriage I found her frankly somewhat boring. That probably explains why I soon started to cheat on her. (Please no outrage. She soon cheated on me when I was overseas in the Navy, and we ended up having what you'd call an open marriage.)

The girl I lived with for two years knocked me off my feet from the start. Prosaically enough, when I first saw her, she was ironing. She wasn't stereotypically beautiful. She was slim, small-breasted, freckled, tomboyish, always wearing boy's Levis or shorts, and men's shirts with the tails hanging out. The closest I've been to sex with a boy! But smart! smart! smart! There were always lots of books laying about, way beyond the comprehension of my small brain, some even in French or German! Definitely double my IQ. But oddly sexy, and she always kept my interest. Our sex was fairly vanilla (almost exclusively oral) but satisfying.*

My current wife caught my attention the moment I first saw her. She was obviously extremely good-looking. A "10" on anyone's scale. Even better, she was definitely attracted to me. She made that quite clear. However, I was going with someone else at the time and wasn't immediately interested. However, I kept on running into her, many times with the girl I was going with. Turned out they knew each other. My girlfriend soon became annoyed at my obvious interest in this girl. This probably contributed to our breakup. Unfortunately, the boat had already sailed. For one reason or another, although soon "best friends", my wife and I didn't get together romantically for close to five years; either she was going with someone, or I was. During this time, her attraction to me and the pleasure in her company increased daily, even to the point of obsession. Both have increased steadily since we got married.

So there's no predicting beforehand.


* Interesting fact: When we met (at the ironing board), she was going with a former teammate of mine in high school football. They'd met at the University of Wisconsin. He took me home to meet her, and two weeks later she and I were living together. He had one of the larger cocks on the team, and their sex was much more heavily oriented towards fucking. She readily admitted he was a fantastic fuck, but dumped him for me anyway! I guess you could say size mattered to her, but apparently I had something else going for me!
 

arsenicalive

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Yes i feel you are rigjt . There are people i know that i dodnt really like and the more i got to know them it seemed the more i liked them till now i feel love towRds them like i do a family member . Like in a sense i was. Forced to like them then i got to know them. Thus loving them .make sense?

Totally makes sense!
 

kutjebef

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Does anyone else find that the more they get to know someone, the more attractive and appealing they become? In the sense that you notice more about the how they do the things they do instead of what they do, or something like that.

People you would never have found instantly attractive and at first even found off-putting.

I've noticed this with people I work with and spend long periods of time around.

I also notice that the people I find instantly attractive or am drawn to right away tend to be less attractive or appealing very quickly.

I think I might be a substance over style guy.

And if so, how do I find others like me?
Im like that first time sex is hot but nothing compared to the depth it gets over time
 
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deleted1074483

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definitely in real life as opposed to virtual - I think I fall in lust quickly but in love slowly. If you're looking on line, then all you can go by is their initial look, but in real life, you get to see and know the person, so absolutely a grower over time can happen.
 
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willow78

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Same here - I don't believe in 'love at first sight'. I can be instantly attracted to someone as soon as I meet them, but that's lust not love. I think love - like platonic friendship - can only happen by spending time with someone, getting to know them and their personality and finding common ground/interests/beliefs/etc.

I'm a hopeless romantic.
 

marriedasian

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both. as you get to know a person and the truth about who they really are will take you in both direction. i've met beautiful women who turn into ugly bitches once i get to know them more while i've met average women who become very hot once i get to know them.

attraction is more than skin-deep. as their true personality comes out, it changes everything.
 
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hvdude

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There have been tons of times when I saw a guy and thought, "Holy crap he's hot!" Then after meeting him I felt more "meh". Attraction is one thing, connection is another. (Warning: broad generalization ahead!): In the gay community this can be a challenge. What starts out hot and heavy, appearing to be "it", slowly unravels as the connection just isn't there. In my 25 year relationship we started out hot and heavy but then realized we needed to know if there was a connection, so lots of communication and conversations about more important things that "are you a top or a bottom". Once we realized we had a lot in common the attraction element was just icing on the cake.
 

EllieP

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When I was single and living in Atlanta my crowd would go to lunch at the same outdoor cafe at least once a week. I saw this man from our office building eating there one day with his crowd. I'd see him in the elevator or the lobby almost every day, but now he was in a social setting, and he became something more than commuting wallpaper.

When I'd spy him at the cafe I'd become fixated on him. Sometimes I would even daydream about him. Yeah, I know how it sounds.

After weeks, no, months of this I finally decided to meet him. Seems he was dying to meet me too! We dated for quite a bit, and he was an awesome guy. I've met quite a few awesome guys. But he was on a career track with no intention of settling into anything.

Now, the first time I saw my now husband it was "boinnnngggg!" There was something about him that hypnotized me, but he was a big name guy on stage and way out of my league. Hell, I don't even think I had a league then. Probably just a pick up game gang.

Then we met, and he told me he felt the same way: there's no way I could be in her league.

So, we agreed to merge our leagues, and the rest is history.

Yeah, I believe in both love at first sight and learning to love someone over time.
 

AlteredEgo

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Does anyone else find that the more they get to know someone, the more attractive and appealing they become? In the sense that you notice more about the how they do the things they do instead of what they do, or something like that.

People you would never have found instantly attractive and at first even found off-putting.

I've noticed this with people I work with and spend long periods of time around.

I also notice that the people I find instantly attractive or am drawn to right away tend to be less attractive or appealing very quickly.

I think I might be a substance over style guy.

And if so, how do I find others like me?
One of the men I see, the one I feel the most attachment to, has a nice enough face and an okay body, but I was already being charmed by how kind and gentle he is before I even saw him. We're friends, sometimes we have sex, and we are slowly building on that. Maybe.

He is the admin of a secret Facebook group, and I needed access to the group. A friend put me on, and had tried to add me; this guy sent me a message to verify my credentials. He was professional at first, and then just a tiny bit flirty, just a little. We are supposed to behave in the group as if we are at work, so he was careful to express his attraction politely, and not until I no longer needed anything from him.

It was after I was already added to the group, and we were just having a friendly chat. I'm a decade (and a month) older than he is. I made a reference that gave away my age. We're both from the Bronx, but I have lived in several cities during the last eleven years. I lived in the Bronx though, for as many years as he's been alive. He asked my age, not something an interested man usually does. When I told him, he expressed surprise and attraction.

We have argued once, and it was as civil as any conversation can be. We have no hobbies in common. He watches sports and dramas. I make things and play games. But we both have ambition and hustle. We are both cheapskates. We both value public service. He's made that into a career. I serve charities as one of my hobbies.

We go on fun little dates to interesting restaurants, problem solving games, comedy shows, but mostly Netflix and chill. And no matter where we go out, we always go back to his apartment, "to snuggle" in front of the television. Only, we haven't stopped at snuggling in a very long time.

It's been a year. The last time I saw him, was just a quick visit because I happened to be near his apartment. He'd just gotten home from a 24-hour shift. I'd just spent 18 hours running my various hustles. We probably both could have benefitted from bathing. LOL It was the first time I'd ever seen him unwashed, and I thought he smelled tempting. He kissed me, and didn't stop when his son entered the room. Actually, I heard his son approaching and tried to pull away, but he held me closer, and resisted my withdrawal. It would take a stronger woman than I to turn away from the offer of more of his delicious kisses. We have generally been extremely discreet when his son is home, and the young man has met me as "Dad's friend, Miss [AlteredEgo]". So, I found that very surprising, but I guess the relationship continues to evolve.

He's not photogenic, and I held no physical attraction to him when I first saw snapshots and selfies on Facebook. I accepted a date anyway. He was sweetness personified, and he made me giggle, so I invited him to ask me out some time, and a few days later, he did. When I first laid eyes on him in person, he was so much better than his pictures that I didn't recognize him. He's adorable. Well, he was much cuter before he had to shave his facial hair off for work. But he's still cute. Still, if we're talking purely about looks and instant physical attractiveness, he's not exactly the hottest guy I've ever chosen. He is among the kindest though. Kindness means a lot to me. Kindness and humor go really, really far with me. I'm crazy about him, but we've both got emotional obstacles to overcome. His trigger mine, if I'm honest. We just keep reaching out for each other, leaning all the way in. This is the slowest momentum I've ever experienced in a courtship. I'm not complaining though.

I wrote to him a little while back. I kept remembering the times he invited me over after dates. He's got this way of stealing kisses, and when he succeeds, the look of boyish mischief on his face, this look that quickly shifts to self-satisfied and challenging, is just irresistible to me. I could be desperate for home and sleep, but if he looks at me like that and asks for my soul I'll give it to him. I'm so completely charmed in those moments. Anyway, I sent him a text asking if he knows what his face looks like right after he lands one of those surprise smooches. After his reply I described it to him, and told him how cute and charming I still find him. He seemed to get a kick out of that.

No, physical attraction wasn't instant, or intense, but I love the way his mind works, the way he carries himself, the way he treats people (especially me) and how comfortable his presence is. It doesn't hurt that he's lots of fun in private, intimate moments and adult situations. Yeah, attraction is mutual, and very strong.
 
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They are out there. You just have to be patient and go with it.

Some times it can be an infatuation with someone and that changes over time. While you may find that those you aren't necessarily attracted to initially, becomes an attraction as you spend more time with them.

You are definitely not alone there are lots of people like that. Just be ready to take the bull by the horns when the opportunity arises. Also sounds like a good way to have more fwb.

100% Accurate.
 
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ohiorod

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I generally will not be more attracted to someone’s looks over time, but I definitely develop more of an attraction to someone once I know their true personality, their moral code and values, their hobbies and most important to me.......their sense of humor. Those are things I definitely find more attractive as I get to know someone.
 
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I think relationships always start with 2 steps. the first step is lust where you instantly have that feeling that you know you want have a date with this person and a long term relationship. The second step is love and that takes many months if not years after you get to know them well.
 

EquusAZ

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I've only had about three really serious long term relationships. Out of those three, one was love at first sight. I can remember when Aithon opened the door and I saw him standing there and I knew - just knew - he'd change my life. And he has!