Does anyone else find that the more they get to know someone, the more attractive and appealing they become? In the sense that you notice more about the how they do the things they do instead of what they do, or something like that.
People you would never have found instantly attractive and at first even found off-putting.
I've noticed this with people I work with and spend long periods of time around.
I also notice that the people I find instantly attractive or am drawn to right away tend to be less attractive or appealing very quickly.
I think I might be a substance over style guy.
And if so, how do I find others like me?
One of the men I see, the one I feel the most attachment to, has a nice enough face and an okay body, but I was already being charmed by how kind and gentle he is before I even saw him. We're friends, sometimes we have sex, and we are slowly building on that. Maybe.
He is the admin of a secret Facebook group, and I needed access to the group. A friend put me on, and had tried to add me; this guy sent me a message to verify my credentials. He was professional at first, and then just a tiny bit flirty, just a little. We are supposed to behave in the group as if we are at work, so he was careful to express his attraction politely, and not until I no longer needed anything from him.
It was after I was already added to the group, and we were just having a friendly chat. I'm a decade (and a month) older than he is. I made a reference that gave away my age. We're both from the Bronx, but I have lived in several cities during the last eleven years. I lived in the Bronx though, for as many years as he's been alive. He asked my age, not something an interested man usually does. When I told him, he expressed surprise and attraction.
We have argued once, and it was as civil as any conversation can be. We have no hobbies in common. He watches sports and dramas. I make things and play games. But we both have ambition and hustle. We are both cheapskates. We both value public service. He's made that into a career. I serve charities as one of my hobbies.
We go on fun little dates to interesting restaurants, problem solving games, comedy shows, but mostly Netflix and chill. And no matter where we go out, we always go back to his apartment, "to snuggle" in front of the television. Only, we haven't stopped at snuggling in a very long time.
It's been a year. The last time I saw him, was just a quick visit because I happened to be near his apartment. He'd just gotten home from a 24-hour shift. I'd just spent 18 hours running my various hustles. We probably both could have benefitted from bathing. LOL It was the first time I'd ever seen him unwashed, and I thought he smelled tempting. He kissed me, and didn't stop when his son entered the room. Actually, I heard his son approaching and tried to pull away, but he held me closer, and resisted my withdrawal. It would take a stronger woman than I to turn away from the offer of more of his delicious kisses. We have generally been extremely discreet when his son is home, and the young man has met me as "Dad's friend, Miss [AlteredEgo]". So, I found that very surprising, but I guess the relationship continues to evolve.
He's not photogenic, and I held no physical attraction to him when I first saw snapshots and selfies on Facebook. I accepted a date anyway. He was sweetness personified, and he made me giggle, so I invited him to ask me out some time, and a few days later, he did. When I first laid eyes on him in person, he was so much better than his pictures that I didn't recognize him. He's adorable. Well, he was much cuter before he had to shave his facial hair off for work. But he's still cute. Still, if we're talking purely about looks and instant physical attractiveness, he's not exactly the hottest guy I've ever chosen. He is among the kindest though. Kindness means a lot to me. Kindness and humor go really, really far with me. I'm crazy about him, but we've both got emotional obstacles to overcome. His trigger mine, if I'm honest. We just keep reaching out for each other, leaning all the way in. This is the slowest momentum I've ever experienced in a courtship. I'm not complaining though.
I wrote to him a little while back. I kept remembering the times he invited me over after dates. He's got this way of stealing kisses, and when he succeeds, the look of boyish mischief on his face, this look that quickly shifts to self-satisfied and challenging, is just irresistible to me. I could be desperate for home and sleep, but if he looks at me like that and asks for my soul I'll give it to him. I'm so completely charmed in those moments. Anyway, I sent him a text asking if he knows what his face looks like right after he lands one of those surprise smooches. After his reply I described it to him, and told him how cute and charming I still find him. He seemed to get a kick out of that.
No, physical attraction wasn't instant, or intense, but I love the way his mind works, the way he carries himself, the way he treats people (especially me) and how comfortable his presence is. It doesn't hurt that he's lots of fun in private, intimate moments and adult situations. Yeah, attraction is mutual, and very strong.