Attractiveness leagues.

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by Rugbypup, Jun 14, 2008.

  1. Rugbypup

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    Many of the veterans here may well know i have a bit of a struggle with self esteem. Most days I'm fine and even a little above average, though I've rarely felt confident, especially regarding my self and some days, I just want to sit behind the sofa just not to be seen.

    It can be kinda shit to deal with but hey, worse things have happened to better folk.

    I want to ask about attractiveness.

    We all know there are such things as alpha male and females. You know, the ubber attractive folk that you would just never try your luck with if you weren't one of them.

    But for the rest of us mere mortals, do you believe there is such a thing as an attractiveness league?

    Do you think there is an attractiveness league or scale and if so where do you feel you fit on it?

    Is it all horse shit and nothing more than an issue of confidence?

    Are you intimidated but very attractive people, do you know your place?

    Would you not think twice about dating some you considered to be a bit less than attractive if they were an attractive personality?

    Or is it really just Gods for Gods, dogs for dogs and up to whatever's left in the middle to find someone reasonable.

    Your thoughts my good folks,

    Pup, x
     
  2. deano-uk

    deano-uk Active Member

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    Well my little puppy friend, I reckon there is like an unwritten law that I think a lot of us adhere to.

    I might really like some really fit, hot girl or guy, but would feel a bit intimidated by them and would not approach them, even as friends, even going back to school.
    I was always a bit shy, getting a bit bolder and braver these days.

    I don't think of myself as really attractive, but again I don't consider myself a dog.
    It is the confidence thing though..
     
  3. 1BiGG1

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    When I was very young like seven years old three of my friends and I sucked each other off regularly and I knew I was only attracted to guys from then on. At age eight or so I was smitten with the picture-perfect older brother of one friend and spent several years feeling I could never measure up to such beauty. I thought about him all the time, I dreamed about him, I wanted to be him.

    Because I was not him thoughts of inadequacy started molding me into an overall negative undertone about myself and it made me want beautiful people even more.

    Glad the negative undertone thingy was just a short-lived phase as I went after one of the truly beautiful people in my teens and scored which led me to pursue others with great success depending on how you judge success! Looking back I now see I likely missed lots of great guys and/or great sex because I would only consider beautiful people.

    Long story short, beautiful people are fair game; all you gotta do is be a player. Like deano-uk said, “it is the confidence thing” as you would never believe the amount of beautiful people that lack it and admire those that have it.
     
  4. ZOS23xy

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    One of the reasons I got involved with exercise and yoga and meditation was the less stress I had the better I felt about myself. A subject of abuse from family members, I was also the lower end of the totem pole and expected to be the child of blame. I find it hard to think of myself as good looking because my early years were verbal abuse at telling me I was ugly.

    It comes and goes.

    Opening a dialog will be useful to you.
     
  5. D_Amyntas Lillydong

    D_Amyntas Lillydong Account Disabled

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    It does come from how you view yourself. I've had low self-esteem all my life. The people I would be attracted to would not return it. So sometimes years would go by and I would be celibate while I concentrated on other areas of my life. Now that I'm older I wished I had more sex.
     
  6. Ethyl

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    I wasn't an attractive child and was sometimes teased about it. Red hair, fair skin, freckles, scrawny, knock-kneed...certainly not the California ideal of beauty at the time. Oddly the adults my grandmother's age would compliment me on the colour of my hair because they saw it as something unusual and desirable. Everyone else my age didn't share the older generations' views on red hair so i've heard every redhaired label possible. It left me confused and insecure most of the time.

    It wasn't until my early to mid twenties that I began to realise that I was attractive in my own way. Due to my unusual colouring I wouldn't be everyone's choice but it was clear to me that I had some physical features that were appealing to others. I decided to embrace them, work on enhancing them, and stop fretting so much about what others thought and from that moment on, life became much easier for me. I enjoy the fact that my physical appearance is somewhat unusual and have been comfortable with it for some time.

    I don't know if i'm in a certain league of attractiveness but my life experience has broadened my range of what I find attractive in others. I often find that people who are extremely "picky" and have a narrow view of what they find attractive in others are often quite insecure about themselves.
     
  7. NCbear

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    I too was considered unattractive growing up. Strange clothing and horn-rimmed glasses just completed the look, as did amazing numbers of zits.

    After growing my beard and getting metal-rimmed glasses, though, I all of a sudden realized I was getting lots of glances from strangers. It was a nice feeling, especially when those strangers started coming up and talking to me. I had never been handsome, before. It was a nice change.

    Still, I knew that all the new attention was based on my external attributes, not my internal ones. I lucked out by growing a beard and changing my glasses and through those minor changes becoming sexy overnight, seemingly. I have therefore kept my focus on others' deeper traits, not their superficial ones--since physical appearance seems so random, anyway.

    NCbear (who thinks genetics and plastic surgery are diametrically opposed in today's USA culture :biggrin1:)
     
  8. RamIt

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    What confidence you project affects how other perceive how attractive you are. If you feel sexy, others will find you sexier. Everyone has their own warped perception of the world around them, each as different as the individuals themselves. There is no "reality" that everyone else sees, only each persons version of it. You have the ability to alter and docter how other people see you just by seeing yourself as the sexy person you are.

    The only ugliness here is insecurity.

    PS-Kotch, you are a hottie
     
  9. ManlyBanisters

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    Firstly - 'alpha' status has almost nothing (if not entirely nothing) to do with perceived attractiveness. Alpha is all about attitude. Though I may hit 9 or 10 on a few people's scales I'm by no means one of those uber attractive people you are talking about - but I am an alpha female.

    I believe that when it comes to people who really believe in attractiveness 'leagues', well... I am out of their league :wink:

    Or, to put it another way - I don't believe in leagues. There are generic phyiscal types that people tend to find more attractive - this is a combination of things like facial symmetry, what we a told is attractive and what we are genetically conditioned to find attractive. But beyond that it is all completely personal.

    The things I find most attractive in people are not physical - the physical things I find attractive are so varied that if one person possessed them all he/she would look like a fucking extra off Doctor Who.

    Not the same subject matter - but this thread is not dissimilar and my post in it pretty much answers your question.

    Considered by other people to be less attractive? I don't give a fuck what other people think - If I'm attracted I'll date them, if I'm not I won't.

    You are attracted to the people you are attracted to for a multitude of reasons - likewise the people who are attracted to you feel that way for a multitude of different reasons. People who don't feel confident about their own attractiveness often simply don't believe that others find them attractive. There is no easy fix to that - building confidance can be difficult.

    I've had my ups and downs in confidance - but these days I know I'm attractive. I don't think for a minute I'm attractive to everyone, but I am attractive.
     
  10. HazelGod

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    Weeee have a weeeeenaaaaaah! :wink:

    I was going to say more, but Mlle. Motormouth Frogfucker up there pretty much voiced my thoughts on the matter, so...ditto. :tongue:
     
  11. D_Thoraxis_Biggulp

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    I was also goddamned ugly and awkward as hell in my preteen and early teen years. Now, well... I just don't bother with people who have nothing better to do than insult my appearance. So I don't know what the outside world thinks of me.
    I think it would be interesting to see then-and-now comparison pics of some people here.
     
  12. Catchoftheday

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    I was in the league once but I got relegated
     
  13. kalipygian

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    Who or what people are attracted to is pretty varied and personal. Watching people, it does happen that someone who I would consider very attractive I see eying someone who would not be attractive (at least in appearance) to me. Some very attractive people are are pleased with the interest of, and pleasant to, most anybody.

    RP, there are plenty of people who are totally attracted to your 'cub' type.

    I have some pretty self defeating habits with people I am attracted to, I tend to look down and scoot along, rather than looking at them and saying hi. I also go kind of brain numb, and can't think of anything not trite to say.

    Going just from pics posted here, people might presume I have more of a love life than I do. I haven't yet met IRL a single person from online.
     
  14. D_Ivana Dickenside

    D_Ivana Dickenside New Member

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    i'm sure no league would take me because i'm not attractive enough. if i were attractive i'd be getting hit on left and right, but noooo, that never happens.
     
  15. Bbucko

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    "Attractiveness" and "beauty" are not synonymous at all. You've got to figure in things like intellect and temperament.

    Everything is subjective and highly relative, which is why attitude counts for much more than externals (which don't always age so gracefully).
     
  16. B_Artful Dodger

    B_Artful Dodger New Member

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    I have never come accross anything like this and I feel confident in approaching all types of people.
    This "Atractiveness League" exists only in the minds of people who are in need of a little confidence boost.
    If this is really bothering you then go out and buy some new clothes, or get a haircut, or go to the gym. All those things will improve your confidence and you'll forget about the "league".
     
  17. Principessa

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  18. Jovial

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    I don't think I'm good enough for the good looking women I meet in real life. And I think they don't think they are good enough for me, so that makes it a little hard to start talking to them. I'm working on letting women know I'm attracted to them, so they are not intimidated by me.

    As far as me not thinking I'm good enough, it's not that I don't think I'm physically attractive enough, but that I am not interesting in the ways women want. For example, I like to stay home and relax more than some people, so I imagine women are looking for guys that always like to go out and do stuff.

    Also, most women that I find very attractive are much younger (10+ years) than me, so I think that they wouldn't want someone as old as me. I am starting to believe that I'm wrong about this.

    So for me it comes down to confidence, which I'm improving lately.

    I do believe in attractiveness leagues, but the hard part is gauging what league you're in. This only comes from getting feedback from other people through dating or friends.
     
  19. Not_Punny

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    LOL. . . . . I love I-was-ugly contests!

    So... here's my ugly story...


    - - - -

    I was truly ugly as a child. I had an enormous mouth, world-class freckles, a broken nose, broken front teeth, and one of eyes kept looking for my nose.

    I didn't want to be seen, so I lived between the covers of books.

    I probably would have stayed right there if it weren't for my older sister. She wanted to be a ballerina, so I was dragged along to all her classes, and eventually to a school where we spent half the day dancing, six days a week.

    I developed physical grace and poise, almost against my will.

    Having just ONE really, really good thing about my body was a huge ego booster and a major source of confidence.

    Eventually, one by one, the "ugly" things fell away during my teens and twenties. My eyes eventually straightened out, the rest of my face caught up to the size of my mouth, the freckles faded, the teeth were finally fixed. The nose is still broken, but it doesn't bother me anymore.

    I learned how to dress to showcase my figure. I learned how to do my hair. I learned how to color my skin so it didn't scream "fake tan!" or "Hey! I'm Caspar the Ghost!" I learned how to dye my eyelashes so that my eyes look good without make up.

    ANd more than anything, I exercise to maintain my figure -- it was the one thing I had growing up, and when I'm old and wrinkled, it will STILL be the one thing that I will have. I might not be able to wear a bikini when I'm eighty nine, but damn, I'm going to stand straight and have strength and grace.

    - - - - - - -

    And so, RugbyPup -- here are the "lessons" that I learned:

    A) Physical training is ESSENTIAL.

    It takes discipline and dedication, but the rewards are huge. A person with a "trained" body exudes confidence. In time, your mental confidence will catch up to your body's attitude of confidence.

    What KIND of training is up to you. ANY will do -- weight training, tango dancing, rappelling, sky diving, skiing, snorkeling, whatever. You just have to WORK at it to a point of true competence, and with the competence will come confidence.

    B) NEVER compete with anyone else.

    There will always be someone who is smarter, stronger, taller, better looking, better dressed, younger, hipper, you name it. So what... get over it!

    But you can ALWAYS be better today than you were yesterday.

    (Yes, of course you compete during a competition, but outside of an organized competition, compete only with yourself -- always seek to do better, day by day, week by week.)

    - - - - -

    That's my two cents. :wink:
     
    #19 Not_Punny, Jun 14, 2008
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2008
  20. whatireallywant

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    I was also thought of as ugly when I was growing up, besides being unpopular for my personality (not that I had an awful personality, but I was a nontraditional female in a VERY traditionalist community.) I was considered too skinny (!), too flat chested, had those ugly glasses that they had in the 1970s, and an acne problem.

    Now, at my age (45) I'm usually considered average to slightly above, although I've gained TOO much weight and would like to get back that flat stomach I had when I was "too skinny" (but NOT the flat chest!). My skin has cleared up and more people complement me on my skin than any other feature! And I have the metal rim glasses that are not so obvious of "I WEAR GLASSES!" :biggrin1: (I would have had Lasik if I had been a candidate for it, but unfortunately I'm not - my astigmatism is too severe. And contact lenses, while I can wear them, don't really work as well for me as glasses, as far as being able to see clearly. When I get money I might get contact lenses again for wearing when I'm out on the town or "where the Beautiful People are", but I'd still wear my glasses most of the time for visual acuity and comfort).

    I'm still trying to figure out what to do with my hair for maximum attractiveness.

    As far as guys who are out of my league as far as looks, I still want them! :biggrin1: I actually did date a guy or two who were like this... very, very good-looking. (I've also dated guys who were too UNattractive for me! :eek:) I honestly don't see that many super-attractive people in real life, men or women. Most of the women, I compare very favorably to, and most of the men, I wish were better looking! :biggrin1:
     
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