Autoerotic Asphyxiation

prepstudinsc

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Working as a funeral director, I've had the unfortunate opportunity to bury a couple of guys who died this way. This is not just a "young adult" phenomenon, it crosses the age gap. I've buried a middle aged man who died doing the same thing. Families don't know how to deal with ths subject because 1. they don't want to talk about masturbation, 2. they don't know how to deal with this topic. It's not a just a gay thing, it's a male thing. We've all heard how asphyxiation supposedly heightens pleasure. Look at how many females have been strangled in the "heat of the moment" by their partners, because they wanted the rush. The problem is that strangulation should never be done, and expecially never done when it's alone.

I wish that these urban legends could somehow be stopped. If people could see the families that are left behind, it would stop so quickly. When working with these grieving families, words just can't begin to comfort them, and I hope that my actions might begin to bring a little bit of peace.

What I want to do, though, is bitch-slap the people making rude comments about why and how the person died, because you wouldn't believe the insensitive questions from people who attend the funerals. Oh...and when someone dies, do not ever, EVER, tell someone "I know how you feel" or "I know what you're going through", because you don't, especially in cases like this.
 

B_Stronzo

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prepstudinsc said:
Working as a funeral director, I've had the unfortunate opportunity to bury a couple of guys who died this way. This is not just a "young adult" phenomenon, it crosses the age gap. I've buried a middle aged man who died doing the same thing. Families don't know how to deal with ths subject because 1. they don't want to talk about masturbation, 2. they don't know how to deal with this topic. It's not a just a gay thing, it's a male thing. We've all heard how asphyxiation supposedly heightens pleasure. Look at how many females have been strangled in the "heat of the moment" by their partners, because they wanted the rush. The problem is that strangulation should never be done, and expecially never done when it's alone.

I wish that these urban legends could somehow be stopped. If people could see the families that are left behind, it would stop so quickly. When working with these grieving families, words just can't begin to comfort them, and I hope that my actions might begin to bring a little bit of peace.

What I want to do, though, is bitch-slap the people making rude comments about why and how the person died, because you wouldn't believe the insensitive questions from people who attend the funerals. Oh...and when someone dies, do not ever, EVER, tell someone "I know how you feel" or "I know what you're going through", because you don't, especially in cases like this.

Yes. Your take on this is so valuable prepstudinsc. I didn't know you were a funeral director. But yes. I recall, early on, the speculation about why my brother was dead. Indelicate and thoughtless people said "how could someone with his whole life ahead of him just up and decide to hang himself". My brother was a cadet at a well known military academy when it happened. He was home on Christmas break in the middle of his junior year (second classman). The world, it appeared, was "his oyster".

We grew up in a rather insular upscale coastal town south of Boston and my family was well known. My father was in politics which only heightened the inclination to bury this thing in more ways than one. I recall being sworn to secrecy by my dad. "Never, ever divulge what you walked in on". That's exactly what he told me. So you see there exists a code of silence. And as Sorcerer so rightly put it we have no idea how prevalent this practice is.

I will only say this one more thing about my own involvement in this thing and I say it in reference to your 'bitch-slap' and 'know how you feel' comments; you're on the money.

I was the unfortunate family member who walked in and found the aftermath of my brother's self-indulgence. In that split second my world turned upside down. The image of my brother is forever freeze framed into my psyche. In the subsequent years I've had to accept and allow that my innoncence was lost the night I walked in to find my dead brother who, in truth, had not commited suicide but simply gotten caught as he tempted mortality.

Again, it could have been my mother, my father, or my sister who walked into to find his lifeless body but it wasn't. It was me. I don't know why, and I'm someone who loves answers. But this time there aren't any. The time it has taken me to forgive my brother for subjecting me to his whim (and indeed my whole family) is an ongoing process. He'll never be forgiven entirely for his selfishness. Only over the last few years can I visit his grave with some sense of fond recollection. It's as though this ONE ACT disolved a lifetime of happy memories of a loving brother.

Sexually, as many of you may have gathered, I'm a bit of a libertine. I enjoy hot sex and enjoy it in a variety of different ways none of which can be deemed a fetish. I don't condescend to suggest that my way is every way. I simply don't like to involve pain or extremes in my sexual practices. For that I'm grateful given my family history. My brother's selfish act brought all aspects of my sexual being into question. Could this predisposition be genetic? Will I suffer an irresistible urge to practice this same phenomenon?? All those thoughts plagued me for years until I sought good counsel and came out the person (for better or worse) I am today.

But I'll say this once more: For those who may possibly read this thread and see themselves in what many have contributed here I say stop this behavior at once. It's not worth it. I know you're out there. I'm living witness to it and I tell you that it's not only your private business. Should you fail in this method of self-gratification you take others with you. Part of me died when I lost my brother. I can't get that part back.

**prepstudinsc: I remember well the funeral director who was a close friend of my father's saying to my dad: "Gordon? This was perhaps one of the most difficult arrangements I have ever handled. I knew your son. He went to school with my boys. It was like tending to a member of my own family".

I want to thank you for you perspective on my experience. It's pretty telling that you have precisely the take my family's funeral director had all those years ago. I'm very grateful to you for sharing your experience. Please know that.

Richard

(end of catharsis)
 

B_Stronzo

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It seems no matter what one reads or bears witness to they remain intransient in the thinking "it only happens to others". The following pm has just arrived in my inbox and though I think it's not "cricket" to post pms in open forum I'd doing so for the greater good of this thread. It's author (an LPSG member) shall remain anonymous. Get ready it's callousness incarnate:

Don't go there you can get off with out offing yourself. Sex is like oxygen no big deal unless your not getting any.

To this individual I say only:

May God help you and those who love you.
 

madame_zora

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I worked as a cemeterian for five years, and without a doubt, the worst burial I ever planned was for a 12 year old boy who died this way. His family and I had met only about ten days before when I had made their pre-need arrangements. They were one of the nicest families I had met in a while, inviting me to stay for dinner, which I accepted. The dad was the boy's step-father, and one of the sweetest, most attentive fathers I've seen in a while.

After the burial, a couple weeks later I saw the dad out by the mausoleum where his son was buried eating a hamburger. I remember saying "Hi James, what are you up to?" and he replied, pleasantly enough, "I'm just having dinner with my son". I don't think anything in the world has ever hit me so hard.

Stronzo, I'm truly sorry for your loss. Anyone who even considers this should be well aware of how entirely wrong they are to believe they are safe. No orgasm is worth your life.
 

GoneA

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dolf250 said:
There was a special on one of the news magazine shows recently about this. I did not have time to catch it, though it seemed to be warning of the dangers of autoerotic asphyxiation. The closest I came to it was in junior high when I agreed to let someone “knock me out” by cutting off my air supply or blood supply. I never participated again. I do not like loosing control be it passing out, getting drunk or being tied up (I do not think I would do very well to be arrested as the idea of ‘cuffs makes me cringe.)
I hope that your story will show people how dangerous it can be and prevent people from taking part in such activities.

how very intersting, there was something about this in a magazine I often read, too. this particular article also explained what it was and warned of the dangerous consequences.

i'm glad you started this thread Stronzo, and i hope it steers people away from such activities, whether they be practioneers or even entertainers of the idea...