average penis - wife no orgasm

Kenyth

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maybe she is just asexual then, they've always existed in humanity but the term is rather new, newer than the term bisexual or homosexual.

Not enough studies has been done on asexualism, but you can maybe do some research on it, it is definitely very interesting, theres like different types of asexualism too.

If she doesn't like sex, then no point trying to satisfy her for something she just doesn't like. Just like the fact that I don't like seafood, no matter how someone cooks it or how tastefull or tasteless they are gonna make it, Im still not gonna take a bite.

So looking it from the good side, assumming you dont pressure her into sex, I applaud her for still having sex with you even though she doesn't like sex, so it shows how much she must of loved you. Maybe its your turn to see how you can satisfy her alternatively, something other than what you can do in the bedroom, theres plenty of things out there.

Is diamond really all women's bestfriend? haha :p
 

Lampwick

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Her periods have not been regular since she started having them as a teen. That's why the doc put her on birth control pills - to help her have regular monthly periods and prevent cancer. Is that hormonal perhaps? and could that be one of the causes?
Same with my SO. She may not have to go off birth control pills entirely; a different formulation may help. Our sex life went downhill when she changed jobs and insurance plans, and the new plan's insurance coverage required a different prescription. You'll also need an OB/GYN who is aware of this as a complication of birth control use, and if she does change formulas, it takes time for things to change.
 

dolfette

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I don't chase threads around but did you not post that no man had ever given you an orgasm?

What little I know about women can be verified but I do know this, usually sex is tied to some extent to emotion for women. Not deep seated love but some degree of attachment. A woman who just lays there, without feeling has some serious issues going on as you just said. A woman emotionally shut off to her husband is troubled.
that's two different issues.

not orgasming isn't a big deal to me. not all women are orgasmic.

not enjoying sex is different! i've been in that situation before and it's a very big deal.
 

Wyldgusechaz

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On the off chance that its hormonal: Have her testosterone levels checked. Low testosterone in females can lead to reduced libido.

And Dolfette you are right.
 

dolfette

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On the off chance that its hormonal: Have her testosterone levels checked. Low testosterone in females can lead to reduced libido.

And Dolfette you are right.
yup, full health check...including her emotional health.

i've got to say that i really admire the guy for staying with it.
lesser men would've walked out or cheated on her.
his loving, understanding attitude is wonderful.
 

IntoxicatingToxin

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I know this question had been asked once already, but I didn't see an answer... has your wife ever been molested or raped? That alone can cause enough emotional trauma in a woman to make her feel NOTHING when it comes to sex. Why doesn't she like you playing with her clit? Does it hurt her, or has she given you an explanation?
 

dolfette

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I know this question had been asked once already, but I didn't see an answer... has your wife ever been molested or raped? That alone can cause enough emotional trauma in a woman to make her feel NOTHING when it comes to sex. Why doesn't she like you playing with her clit? Does it hurt her, or has she given you an explanation?
that's such a common reason for women to shut off this way.
 

largeteeja

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I know this question had been asked once already, but I didn't see an answer... has your wife ever been molested or raped? That alone can cause enough emotional trauma in a woman to make her feel NOTHING when it comes to sex. Why doesn't she like you playing with her clit? Does it hurt her, or has she given you an explanation?

No molestation or rape history. She did have a short affair (sex) with an older married guy (about 26 or so) prior to meeting me, she was in high school (junior) at it he was a co-worker at a summer job she held. The guy was basically a jerk interested in getting an easy lay. I never asked her about the size of his dick - I don't know, maybe he was a donkey and I'm small in comparison? As far as the clit thing, she simply said that she didn't prefer it, not that it was painful in any way.
 

dolfette

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No molestation or rape history. She did have a short affair (sex) with an older married guy (about 26 or so) prior to meeting me, she was in high school (junior) at it he was a co-worker at a summer job she held. The guy was basically a jerk interested in getting an easy lay. I never asked her about the size of his dick - I don't know, maybe he was a donkey and I'm small in comparison? As far as the clit thing, she simply said that she didn't prefer it, not that it was painful in any way.
that might be it...

losing her virginity to someone who saw her as just cheap sex might have left her with guilt & shame.

or that might not be it.

but, dude. please!
stop obsessing over the inches :rolleyes: it's got nothing to do with your situation.
 

confusedman

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relax man.i have size and stamina and my girl can't come vaginally or orally or with fingers or hands.sometimes an orgasm is more mental for some women i believe.one time she was close to orgasm when i had 4+ fingers in her and i pounded her as hard as i could and she bleed and almost achieved orgasm.but if i have to be a butcher everytime in order to make her orgasm i prefer not to have sex with her.you have to look through into more mental ways of seduction and sexual satisfaction.it isn't normal for a girl to cum only when stretched like hell with 7.5"+girth pounding hard.no it isn't.
 

bigbrick

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Man, you sound like a very considerate lover. And there is nothing wrong with your penis. There can be a number of reasons for what is going on with your wife. First she should have a good medical work-up regarding her hormones, etc. Then, if she is interested, there are a number of books for women on self-pleasuring and helping a woman tune in to herself. For some women the neural pathways are a little underdeveloped, if you will. She is more likely to get them going herself (if she is interested in doing so) than from trying to learn to get off in the pressure of a situation with you. The other thing is to get a referral from your local psychological association for a sex therapist. There really are legitimate professionals who specialize in these types of things and can be quite helpful. But of course, all of this is predicated on her seeing this as something that needs to be addressed and being interested in getting some help. Good luck, you sound like a devoted husband.
 

Not_Punny

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Wow, bummer dude. The brain is the main sex organ of the body, and something, somehow, sometime has interferred with her brain waves. (A woman gets wet, sometimes REALLY wet, when aroused.) I suggest sex therapy. She is very lucky to have you. '-)
 

SweetWilliam

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How long does your average sexual encounter with her take? How long between when you start discarding clothes and when you penetrate her?

Occam's Razor says she most likely is not excited enough to enjoy it. The cause could be that she's got some emotional issues that she doesn't realize, but more likely you just need to SLOW DOWN.

For example, my wife needs to have at least one orgasm before I try to penetrate her. Before that, she's just not aroused enough. She also has to be really aroused before she will tolerate any direct stimulation of her clitoris. She's not the first woman I've met who's like that.

If your wife just doesn't enjoy cunnilingus, you need to work up to it, probably over several sessions. There are VERY few women who don't like the way it feels physically, even if you're not an expert at it. So most likely you're dealing with timing and maybe an emotional issue. You need to force yourself to slow WAY down for the next few months. In this way you both will learn what timing will work for her AND you will help her overcome any emotional barriers. This is the fun part!

Start touching her before anyone is naked. My wife is very fond of foot rubs in any case, but as a lead-up to sex it's second-to-none. It relaxes her completely and takes her mind off whatever happened during the day. If she has no idea that you're planning to get busy, that's probably a Good Thing for now.

Try just touching and kissing her all over, everywhere BUT there (and I mean everywhere; do not pay undue attention to the boobies!), for at least 10 minutes after she's naked. After that, you can lightly run your fingers over the outside of her pussy, just soft short gentle strokes, almost like you'd tickle her with a feather. After a few more minutes (seriously, glance at a clock because your sense of time should be pretty distorted by now :biggrin1: ) try licking one finger and very lightly stroke her inner lips. Don't go for the clit yet! Whisper to her, stroke her hair with your other hand, enjoy how her skin smells and tastes. Pay some attention to parts of her body OTHER than her breasts and pussy. Make sure your finger(s) stay wet; you want them sliding over her labia and not sticking. The skin there is VERY sensitive and will become irritated if you're not careful to keep things pretty slippery. In time, increase the pressure; let your finger slide between her lips but do not penetrate her vagina for several minutes. Once she's wet enough for the tip of your index finger to easily penetrate her, THEN she's probably ready (and yearning!) for more stimulation. Now you can start to stray toward her clitoris, but GO EASY.

At that point, substitute your tongue for your finger and repeat pretty much all of the above. The slower the better. Ideally, you get to a point where she is asking you to do more and go faster, but that may not happen the first few times. You can encourage feedback just by asking her to talk about her feelings, by asking her if she likes what you're doing (if she sounds uncertain, you probably want to back off and try again in a few minutes, or next time). When you're finally going down on her, hold her hand; most women will squeeze your hand involuntarily when you're doing it right.

What position(s) do you try during sex? What's worked well for me is her on her back with her knees raised, feet on the mattress/couch/floor/table/desk, me kneeling with my knees alongside her hips. That's an easy position and generally even shy/self conscious women can handle it. I don't get very deep penetration but when I lean back a little, the head of my penis gets her right in the G-spot. I can take gentle, slow, shallow strokes and gently rub her clitoris. In this way I can last for 20-30 minutes and she gets 3 - 4 orgasms (after at least one during foreplay). After a while she generally locks her ankles behind my butt and pulls me down to her, demanding without words that I give her a good pounding. Generally by then I'm not thinking too coherently so I just go along with it, banging away, holding her to me as hard as I can, hoarsely whispering the nastiest stuff with my lips on her earlobe and I nearly faint when I finally come.

We've found doggy style gets the same or more stimulation for her (and me), but I'm not sure your wife is ready for that.
 

Aplus

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Wyldgusechaz - maybe I was too dramatic on the "not so much as a peep" comment. She isn't vocal at all when we have sex, but she does breath harder.

Hmmmmm, is it possible that your maybe misjudging things. Heavy breathing isn't necessarily a bad thing. Not every woman is vocal in bed, although there is usually other body language that sort of replaces it. Also wondering how often you guys actually talk about sex? I do believe that communicating sex is very very important. Great sex doesn't always just happen, although most of it probably wish it would.
Wetness can be a real issue with some woman I've heard, although I've mostly heard about it with older woman....well woman maybe near or older than 40. I suspect it could be a real issue with younger women too in some cases.

The comment you made about the before guy being an older 26, leads me to believe you guys are fairly young. Sometimes it takes people a little longer to find their sexual groove.
 

SweetWilliam

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Whoa, William... SWEET! Never had that! Your wife is lucky too!

And there you have it, largeteeja, that oughta tell you all you need to know about my advice.

Seriously, forget about orgasms for now. The worst possible thing is for her to feel pressure to perform, so avoid any mention of orgasms and don't be asking "was it good for you?" Of course it was good, it's sex! You're going to keep practicing and taking your time and it'll get a whole lot better, but she doesn't need to worry about that.

She's certainly going to suspect you have an ulterior motive when your lovemaking strategy changes like I suggest. Your response can just be "this is really fun, so I want it to last." You had a big realization that it doesn't make sense to rush through the most enjoyable thing there is about being a human being. Right?

And don't be worrying about whether your cock is adequate. Think of it this way, an average penis is all the average woman ever sees. Plenty of women have multiple orgasms thanks to men with average-sized penes. What you're looking for is to be an above-average lover. You can do it. It will take a lot of practice and patience on your part, but once you've got where you need to be, she'll "come" out of her shell for you and your lives will change forever.

Good luck!
 

Love-it

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Hopefully someone can help me. I'm extremely frustrated. I have what I would call an "average" size penis (6.5 inches, erect, bone-pressed, 5.25 inches in girth when erect).

There is the possibility that your wife may be experiencing some pain due to your girth. You say you have "average" girth of 5.25", I know for a fact that my wife would probably still find a penis of your girth to be painful, she has been dilating her vagina for nearly two years with increasing diameter of dildos and has only recently been able to insert a dildo of that size into her vagina comfortably. When we were first married we had intercourse fairly often, until I realized that she was experincing pain (less than 6 months). She has never had an orgasm from intercourse but she does enjoy oral sex and vibrators and cums easily from those types of stimulation.

My wife has past issues that have caused problems with intimacy, including that she doesn't care for foreplay which means that she doesn't have much of a chance to get aroused in preparation for intercourse.

I wish you well and I want you to know that if your wife wants to become a woman who understands herself and develops her own interest in pleasing herself and being pleased, then, and only then will she be able to share her sexual enjoyment with you. I know because my wife started to become self aware 2 years ago after 30 years of marriage. Please understand that she will go through a lot of drama in any trasition along this line. You have shown great patience and you will need to exercise even more patience, but love can win out.