Avoidant Personality -

[D_Diesel Oyl]

Do any of you know if you have an avoidant personality? How have you dealt with it?


People with avoidant personality disorder are preoccupied with their own shortcomings and form relationships with others only if they believe they will not be rejected. Loss and rejection are so painful that these individuals will choose to be lonely rather than risk trying to connect with others.



A person with avoidant personality may:

• <LI class="Signs anLi adamLi">Be easily hurt by criticism or disapproval <LI class="Signs anLi adamLi">Show excessive restraint in intimate relationships <LI class="Signs anLi adamLi">Be reluctant to become involved with people <LI class="Signs anLi adamLi">Avoid activities or occupations that involve contact with others <LI class="Signs anLi adamLi">Be shy in social situations out of fear of doing something wrong <LI class="Signs anLi adamLi">Exaggerate potential difficulties
• Hold the view they are socially inept, inferior,or unappealing to other people

 

[canuck_pa]

I probably have it. How do I deal with it? I don't. And by not dealing with it re-enforces it. I've had counselling but was unable to make any progress.

 

[D_Diesel Oyl]

I know it sounds stupid, but I realize that I just don't want to be around people.

So I googled, found this term "avoidant personality" and it seems to fit.

Should probably see someone about it - one of the things I read said that it can get worse and you basically never want to deal with people again.

 

[nay-nay]

hmm that describes me to a tee. after being unemployed for a year, i'm finally looking for a job. i've been scared of the world, and everyone on it. i can't trust anyone fully anymore. i think most people have some good in them, and maybe they mean well, but most people disappoint me and when it comes down to it, they're capable of shoving me back down in the black hole in my mind. i've learned to enjoy being alone and having no friends in real life. i have friends online, and i'm totally fine with it at this point. most of the time, i just want to enjoy time by myself in solitude. :smile:

i avoid people as much as possible.

...at least i can actually go outside w/out having a panic attack, though. i think i've come a long way, and i've found ways of coping with my anxiety, though i have no way of explaining it except "calm the fuck down, nay!" lol. in a way, i have this "i-don't-give-a-shit attitude" which makes it easier not to worry about every little thing. i just think "hmm, oh well" everytime i'm disappointed or rejected by someone or something. my mom hates it.

 

[vince]

Shit I think I have the opposite of that. Maybe I should get some help.

 

[earllogjam]

I hate labels as they reduce everything to pigeonholes and pat fixes while people are much more complex than some "expert" psychobabble term you look up online that some "doctor" made up.

But honestly if you are avoiding people contact and genuinely scared of them I don't think you could be happy having this condition. For your long term mental health I'd try to nip this hang up in the bud before you sink into a deeper depression. Go talk to someone who may offer you some suggestions on how to plug back into the world.

As Babs says, "People who need people are the luckiest people in the world."

 

[nay-nay]

I hate labels as they reduce everything to pigeonholes and pat fixes while people are much more complex than some "expert" psychobabble term you look up online that some "doctor" made up.

But honestly if you are avoiding people contact and genuinely scared of them I don't think you could be happy having this condition. For your long term mental health I'd try to nip this hang up in the bud before you sink into a deeper depression. Go talk to someone who may offer you some suggestions on how to plug back into the world.

As Babs says, "People who need people are the luckiest people in the world."

some people enjoy it. :smile:

 

[whatireallywant]

Do any of you know if you have an avoidant personality? How have you dealt with it?


People with avoidant personality disorder are preoccupied with their own shortcomings and form relationships with others only if they believe they will not be rejected. Loss and rejection are so painful that these individuals will choose to be lonely rather than risk trying to connect with others.




A person with avoidant personality may:

• Be easily hurt by criticism or disapproval This describes me.
• Show excessive restraint in intimate relationships This describes me.
• Be reluctant to become involved with people This sort of describes me.
• Avoid activities or occupations that involve contact with others Activities - not really. Occupations - somewhat, although I don't always have a choice. Right now I have two jobs and BOTH of them deal with the public!
• Be shy in social situations out of fear of doing something wrong This definitely describes me.
• Exaggerate potential difficulties This describes me.
• Hold the view they are socially inept, inferior,or unappealing to other people This describes me.

I don't always "choose to be lonely rather than risk rejection by others" though. I have a social life, although I don't have as much of one now for simply financial reasons! I do go out and do things, but I am very shy and nervous around people even though I DO get out there and do stuff! I have a history of actually BEING rejected though, and that's where my avoidance comes from. Before I was rejected and bullied repeatedly growing up I did not have this problem.

It's a slow road getting over it. I don't really fear the same kinds of things that happened to me growing up happening again. I fear a lot of criticism and verbal abuse over my views and all that though if I open up and let anyone know what my views are (I also have a history of THIS actually happening...) But at the same time I like to try to get out there and have something of a social life, doing activities that I enjoy (and lately, I have to also take into consideration what I can afford financially, which means I'm limited to activities that are free!)

The worst part of this is that I get very nervous in some situations at work, and then I make mistakes that reinforce my thoughts that I have trouble doing any kind of job. I try to get over that too, and I have to some extent - I have kept my one job over the holidays and they kept me on even afterwards, and it's my second season at my other job - whereas 20 years ago I would've probably been fired from both jobs!

 

[B_Nick4444]

I don't know any. probably for the fact that even my best friends tell me I'm difficult to approach, so if true, can't imagine that type coming up to engage me

 

[B_Hickboy]

Personality disorders are the toughest to treat. My heart goes out to the people who suffer with this group of disorders, and the people who suffer with the people who suffer with this group of disorders. It's as convoluted as it sounds.

 

[D_Diesel Oyl]

It's not as bad as described above, but bad enough that you meet no new people. You only want to hang out with people you are comfortable with

 

[D_Gunther Snotpole]

Sometimes I avoid people, but I'm just cussed.
I have a touch of masochism, I think.
But I agree with earl that labels are limiting in themselves and should be flushed.

 

[avg_joe]

Don't know about the avoidant personality, but I have the chronic depression since my dad passed away.

 

[B_Nick4444]

my condolences

 

[D_Diesel Oyl]

anyone else?

 

[Incocknito]

I wonder if there's any social affective disorder I don't have... lol.

I wouldn't say I fear rejection because I don't court it that much being that I only ask a girl out a handful of times a year. It's because I don't normally see many pretty girls. But maybe that's just what I tell myself

Sounds like some CBT may be in order for you folks. For example instead of thinking you are a freak for making a mistake at work, realise that everyone makes mistakes and especially makes mistakes at work.

Personally, I have no problem talking to women (of any age) but I do get nervous around men especially if they are taller and/or broader than I am...this could be due to not having a 'male influence'.

Anyway, I don't think about this often and I try to keep myself busy and concentrate of the things I'm good at and that relieve me, in an emotional sense. Of course I do sometimes relieve myself physically by masturbating :smile:

 

[D_Diesel Oyl]

I'm pretty much have trouble talking to people, don't make friends easily.

 

[SpeedoGuy]

I think some of the "avoidance" tendency runs in my father's side of the family.

After I reached adulthood I could look back and see that my father, his brother, and their father all had pronounced "loner" tendencies. It didn't puzzle me then but I see it more clearly now. Now my brother has it, badly. He avoids any social contact for weeks at a time, sometimes for months.

I occasionally feel some of the same tendencies in myself: disappointment with almost every aspect of contact with others, depression, the need to withdraw for "alone" time.

I feel fortunate that it isn't worse than it is.

 

[D_Diesel Oyl]

I have felt that a lot, disappointment in dealing with others. No confidence here

 

[midwestrob]

I just stumbled across this thread. Thanks for posting it. When I read the check list for the disorder, I was amazed to see it describe me quite well - especially how I feel inside. My initial reaction to the labelling of these attribues as a disorder, rather than causing me to feel pigeonholed or labelled, was a relief, because I hope it implies that there might be a way to deal with it. It never occurred to me that this was anything other than the way I feel. Indeed, as it seems that people always disappoint me, it seemed like just how the world is. It never occurred to me that the rest of you aren't so disappointed all the time! It would be a relief if I could find that attitude.