Baby Mama Drama

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Incocknito, Oct 27, 2011.

  1. Incocknito

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    So this is I believe the third thread in the (hopefully) trilogy.

    At this time, 'relations' between myself and the potential mother of my (or not my...) potential baby are non existent. I have not been particularly "difficult" or standoffish.

    Just all of a sudden, since she has a new "boyfriend" she is hatin' on me (that's the only way to describe it, coming out with complete, spiteful bullshit) and apparently I am not to be at the birth, my name is not going on the birth certificate and the child (if it is mine) can choose to see me "when she's older".

    We have not spoken for a long time and the last communique was her telling me the above. Recently I have also discovered that she is on a 'dating' website looking for a threesome partner for her and her new boyfriend. Which I think is a little bit abhorrent (just a little), since she is heavily pregnant.

    I am just wondering what people think I should do. Here are the questions/issues I would like some input on. Bearing in mind I am in the GB.

    1. Family are telling me that if my name is not on the birth certificate that she can't "pursue" me for child maintenance. Is this correct? I read around and it doesn't seem to be the case but wondered if someone else (crackoff?) might know more.

    2. To determine paternity I would require a DNA test. I would expect this to take at least a month. During which time I would not see the baby. Would this make me look bad? Not sure of the protocol in this situation.

    3. Assuming all the paternity are belong to us, I would prefer to have some sort of access/visitation whereby I see the baby and just the baby. Which means not seeing the baby mama, her boyfriend or her family. Is this possible or not?

    Many thanks for reading. Many more thanks for replying!
     
  2. redz_rule

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    1) Completely untrue
    2) Look bad to whom?
    3) I'm not sure how you envision this working with a very young baby...Baby Mama seems unlikely to offer up her newborn from what you have said and I am skeptical of the courts removing a young baby from it's mother's care for the purposes of access. What if she is breastfeeding?

    For such a young child, your best bet is to make it your business to get along with Mum. Yeah, yeah you don't get along blah blah blah - but seriously it is in your best interests if the baby is yours to be the bigger person.
     
  3. Joll

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    Difficult situation.
    I'll leave it to others who know more to answer your questions - apart from to say good luck, dude. :)
     
  4. minimag

    minimag Active Member

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    Who was it that said: "That's why I only do 'em in the butt" ??
     
  5. ConstantComment

    ConstantComment New Member

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    Tell us more about your situation. Did you have a relationship with this woman or was it a one night stand. Did you ever hope to have a relationship with this women before you learned that she was pregnant.

    I am one of those nice girls who will do whatever is necessary not to be pregnant with a fly by night relationship. So I am always curious about met who seem to get caught up in these liaisons.
     
  6. dolfette

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    something you both need to remember:
    this isn't about your rights to see your child. this is about your child's rights to have a relationship with it's father. people always get that the wrong way around, and only if you'd cause issues in the kid's life does she have the moral right to keep you apart.
    have you taken legal advice yet? i suggest you do now. don't go in all guns blazing, but find out where the law puts you.

    the threesome is none of your fucking business.
     
  7. aninnymouse

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    Consult a good father's rights attorney. You're going to need one.
     
  8. Incocknito

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    Orly? Well I have PDF'd it anyway, it may prove useful in the future. And all her hateful texts are saved too.

    As for constant comment:

    This was essentially a one night stand. I didn't want sex with her though, she pestered and mithered me til I gave in AND she told me she couldn't have kids. Yes, I should have worn a condom but I didn't. I had some on me too which is the most annoying thing.

    Redz: and what I meant was that given that I want to see the child on its own, assuming paternity, I would have to wait until the child is older. I'm just wondering if that would look bad to her family.

    Her family only really know one side of the story, they seem to think I was the typical horny guy and basically wanted to get her in bed but it was the other way around.
     
  9. Viking_UK

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    I'd say the first thing to do is have a paternity test. That way, you know exactly where you stand and can take appropriate action then. As far as I know, you don't have any right to demand one though, so that would be at the mother's discretion - unless she starts to pursue you for maintenance, at which point you should have the right to insist on a test.

    If you are the father, unless you and the mother are back on friendly terms, you'll probably have to go to court to gain access, but if you go that route, you can expect to have a long fight on your hands, probably with an unsatisfactory and frustrating outcome.
     
  10. hung

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    No matter who the "Dad" is I would suggest that, as others have encouraged you to do, "Get a Good Lawyer" to help you sort this situation out.

    When I say "Good Lawyer" I mean one who is into domestic relationships/child custody cases. Expending funds now, even if you have to have assistance from anyone/someone will be much more reasonable now than in the future. Now, if you want to simply abandon the child then you have to do nothing. But who is to say that the birth mother may not at some time in the future seek out funding from you for the support of this child. After all, from what you say, she may not be thinking correctly at this very moment.

    Hopefully some day she will come to her senses and become a "Real Mother." At least for the child's sake. As regards the "Three Some" adventure she is reportedly seeking, this is something that no responsible potential birth mother would be seeking at this time. We all know that people can and often carry bugs that can be future problems for an unborn.

    You have a lot on your plate. That is why I said get good legal counsel. It will be cheaper now than at some later date.

    Anyone else who reads this thread should also learn from your overlooking the fact that any casual sexual activity should always involve a properly worn "condom." You know that now; but others can and should learn from your error several months ago.

    I wish you well.

    By the way, I lost two lovely daughters via a marriage and a divorce that I did not seek. It is painful. Again, that is why I say and repeat again: A lawyer is essential and vital for your future well being and happiness.
     
  11. B_debonair87

    B_debonair87 New Member

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    When you do the paternity test and the baby is yours try to gain full custody of the child. Keep record of everything (including proof that she's looking for a 3some while heavily pregnant) to show that she is an unfit mother who is even willing to put her unborn baby in danger for her own selfish sexual needs.
     
  12. LaFemme

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    I'd be careful about the threesome issue. Not to be critical, but you do have membership on a large penis site where you have over 2000 posts, including a post where you seek advice on this issue. Should she ever gain access to the content of those posts, it might be considered an equalizing factor as far as fitness as a custodial parent goes. The threesome factor might be an issue I'd just let go.
     
  13. houtx48

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    This drama is all well and good but how big is her dick?
     
  14. ConstantComment

    ConstantComment New Member

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    I always wonder how helpful Fathers for Justice might be. The other reason to see lawyer sooner rather than later is to be advised of the correct behavior while you're waiting around as that may come into question for your objectives.
     
  15. B_debonair87

    B_debonair87 New Member

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    This isn't a sex site. Its a support group. The OP doesn't have nude pictures on here nor is he looking for hook ups so there's nothing than can be used to question his character or good judgment. Seeking outside advise isn't illegal. Not sure why you believe these would be a problem for the OP.
     
  16. dolfette

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    conflict is bad for the child.
    i would like to think there's still hope of her coming around for the sake of the child's emotional health.
    professional mediation.
    if you seek it then, even if she refuses to do it, it will be points in your favour from a legal standing.
    keep the dirt, sure, but use it as a last resort. you want people to think you're the reasonable person who wants to work things out like an adult, not a tit-for-tat muck raker.
     
  17. B_Bjen2848

    B_Bjen2848 New Member

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    get a paternity test man, hopefully the child isn't yours so you don't have to deal with this chick again ... don't get caught up in her bullshit and just ignore it and let her have fun with her boy toy (he & she are both obviously desperate) seriously who wife's up a chick who's preggo with someone else's kid? a lame (her boyfriend) and who goes out looking for threesomes with random dudes? a skanky lame .. so who cares? you don't need lame squares in your winner circle :smile:
     
  18. Ramsey

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    I've been in a similar situation, although it was a woman I dated for several months and really tried working things out with even though I was miserable, just so I could be with my child. If she was someone you weren't trying to date or really cared about-as others have said-ignore the threesome (or were you dating her?). Let her deal with her own stupid decisions and bullshit.

    Yes, seek out a lawyer. And after the child is born, go to the court and file a paternity action. She will get served papers, and when you go to court, they will ask if you want a DNA test. If you say yes, they will set up a time, maybe that same day, to do the test. The results will take about a month. If you are the father, you can have your name put on the birth certificate-for a smallish fee ($30-50 I believe).

    After that is when the lawyer will be more useful. If you can work out a deal with her, good, otherwise let the lawyer do the fighting. The ONLY reason that you will be denied access to the child is if the court views you as a detriment the child. But, that requires investigation, and the courts are now becoming more in favor of the child having access to both parents. If she wants to pursue any horrible unnamed issue, she will be encouraged NOT to unless she has some sort of proof because the courts are not able to keep up with all the accusations-many of them turning out to be false.

    But once you are on record as the father, you have partial custody of the child. Now bear in mind, custody and placement are 2 different things. Custody is decision making and things like that, school, church etc. Placement, is where the child actually stays. In the meantime, until the placement and custody are completely figured out, you will be charged child support, at whatever % of your GROSS income, BEFORE taxes. Usually, it is 17% for the first child, per woman (yes, I know guys who are paying the full 17%, for 2 different women, meaning his pay gets docked 34% before the rest of taxes and he sees a dime).

    If you can get 50/50 placement, the % will be dropped dramatically. Did you date her for awhile? If it was a 1 night stand situation, that may work against you and not get as much custody or placement, but work on the other issues I mentioned before you worry about that.
     
  19. Ramsey

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    Also, if you keep a journal of what she says/does, it won't really matter in court, but it is good to keep doing. The judge may be favorable to looking at it, depending. But as the others said, avoid the dirt and mud slinging. It may be hard to do, and I had to deal with lots of shit talk from my child's mom, but be the mature one and don't do it.
     
  20. LaFemme

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    Many people would consider this to be a sex site. As well, there are also a number of people here who would would prefer that their membership here not be revealed as it would jeopardize their employment. This site can be contrued as morally ambiguous. Seeking advice from people who argue the validity of a 13 inch penis could be viewed as questionable.

    Certainly it's up to the OP what he chooses to reveal and he should always follow the advise of his lawyer.
     
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