Back off, get your own Surfer

[B_duracock9x6]

Nix

I am so sorry, You were and still are so supportive to me, and of me. If there is anything I can do let me know. You know I will listen I will chat, I will be there for you.

And Nix just for the record if you do love him ( and I know you do ) dont give up. You deserve the best.

It may not help much but there is a saying ( If you love someone set them free, if they love you they will return ) I think Chris and your love can endure but for now time will... ( must ) tell.

Lots of comfort hugs and Aloha

Dura

 

[BuffMusicIdol]

Nixxy and Chris, I'm very sorry to hear about this turn of events. I really am.

However, I'm going to be 50 this year, and I have a bushel of kids ranging from 13 to 33. We are a blended family. I already wrote this post once, and my computer froze. (SH*T&#33 But in a nutshell, I completely understand what you are going through, because I'm bi, and I have a bi best friend. It's like having a twin brother turned lover. HOWEVER, we have both been very faithful to our wives and families, because of the astronomical loss it would create if we got sexual with each other. So, we've had to create some boundaries to maintain a life-lasting friendship. And so far, it's working, and it appears we will be life-long friends. Our wives are friends, and even know of the attraction that we have had for each other. It's all calmed down to a comfort that we are not ashamed of, and we enjoy getting together doing workouts occasionally, and other things. I help him, he helps me, we do couple dates, guy's night out occasionally, etc. and it's good.

As a parent, I would be concerned for Chris and you. But I don't believe in the mean stuff. Your bodies and minds are still developing and the changes in your lives are extremely quick. If you get into a deep sexual relationship too early, it is doomed to disaster because you don't have all the skills and experience to make the really deep stuff work.

That's just being honest. If I was your dad, I would take you in my arms, let you have a good face wash, and listen, and try to give you as much hope and encouragement as possible, but also try to help you not let this go too far, too fast.

Chris's mom may be mean and have all the wrong approaches, but her intent and motive is probably good. She is over reacting. But you don't have to. You are bright, young, and you don't have to be mean in return.

I say to my kids,
"You're grounded till your 21. (Smile wickedly.) Now got to your room, figure it out and get back to me." Meaning, be smart, keep talking to me and negotiate things. You don't have to be afraid of mean, stupid adults, because you're better than that.

Have hope, but take a deep breath, and be smart. Keep a friendship, enjoy your time together if you have it, but keep some boundaries so you both can go on with having a good life.

Warm and fuzzies to you both.

Buff

 

[Pene_Negro_Grande]

Sorry dude - but I can honestly understand where the mom is coming from...I wish he was older so you guys could really see where your relationship could go but being in my twenties too - can't hook up w/the under 18 group...I wish you both the best - and just remember his mom might not just be mean - she is protecting her child...I am sure you mom might respond in a similar manner...But you guys are young - enjoy yourself and have fun - who knows what might happen in 2 or 3 years...Good luck dudes...

 

[13788]

carolinacurious: When is Chris' birthday?

http://www.ageofconsent.com/florida.htm

 

[ziggity]

oh man oh man

i lost ya, nixxy, i lost ya

the internet is a fast-moving and fascinating place to connect, and it has the strangest tendency to make for interesting and exciting relationships..

best of luck to ya both

 

[SomeGuyOverThere]

Ah, so thats who you were talking about Hung_big.

Bummer about hte legal situation, but, there is no law against you guys going out or speaking, just as long as its a sex-less relationship.

And, I was told you were 17 :wacko: whichwould make it only 1 year to wait.

I hope things turn out for the best.

 

[surferboy]

Originally posted by carolinacurious@Feb 16 2005, 02:02 AM
When is Chris' birthday?

http://www.ageofconsent.com/florida.htm

[post=283513]Quoted post[/post]​

October 13th. His birthday's easy for me to remember because mine's September 14th.

So wait, that law states that me, being 21 at the time of his 16th birthday cannot get into any legal trouble? I'm not the best at interpretting the law, so like, can anyone help me out?


Edit: I'd also like to thank everyone for support him and I in this. All the PMs and emails I've been getting have meant a lot to me. You guys here are totally like a second family to me. Since there's been like, so many of you supporting us, I can't hug you all individually, so....


*GROUP HUG*

Seriously, all of this has meant a lot to me. I love you all! Stay stoked everyone! Thanks for the renewed hope in the relationship!


Love,
Everyone's favorite surfer,
:wub: Nixxy* :wub:

 

[D_Barbi_Queue]

However, for the sake of argument and clarification, if a person is less than 24 years old, they may enter into sexual contact with a person who is at least 16 years old.]

according to their own interpretation, I'd say that you guys would be "good to go" once he turns 16. However, I'd talk to a lawyer or someone else in the legal world to find out for sure. Better safe than sorry. ^_^

 

[Royal_T]

Originally posted by TexAssgirl@Feb 16 2005, 09:32 AM

I'd say that you guys would be "good to go" once he turns 16. However, I'd talk to a lawyer or someone else in the legal world to find out for sure. Better safe than sorry. ^_^

[post=283569]Quoted post[/post]​

I'd agree with that. It seems like you'd be free and clear once he's 16, but the lawyer consult is still a good idea. Besides, you never know if there is some loophole that forbids those ages in a same sex relationship. (Its not likely, but it is a Bush state after all.

Seriously though, I think you guys will be alright legally, you just need time to get chris's parents comfortable with the whole thing.

Good luck!

 

[mindseye]

I'd give a lot of thought before saying, "wait until October to fuck like bunnies." Doing so might be legal, but Chris will still be 16 and a minor. Is he prepared to support himself? Is he willing to strain his home life and his relationship with his mother this early in his life? Florida's age-of-consent law is only a small part of the problem.

 

[D_Barbi_Queue]

Mindseye brings up some very good points. Even though it might be legal, you probably don't want to jeopardize him getting kicked out of his home or anything like that.

 

[Royal_T]

I know the concerns about chris' situation are all well-meaning, and I have to admit I dont know these guys personally, but Nix sounds too mature to jeopardize chris' family life.
I think a relationship is cool once the family settles down, though that will take time and effort. And (obviously) chris needs to be able to finish school and finish growing up at his own pace, but as long as that can happen, a relationship wont hurt anyone.
Call me a dreamer, but I think that at their ages, time is on their side.

BTW - to chris and nix: I dont mean for it to sound like Im dissecting your lives. Im a big believer in freedoms of choice and I only want to help out a bit, not push anything on you guys.

 

[surferboy]

Originally posted by mindseye@Feb 16 2005, 08:53 AM
I'd give a lot of thought before saying, "wait until October to fuck like bunnies." Doing so might be legal, but Chris will still be 16 and a minor. Is he prepared to support himself? Is he willing to strain his home life and his relationship with his mother this early in his life? Florida's age-of-consent law is only a small part of the problem.

[post=283578]Quoted post[/post]​

Yer totally right.

 

[dcwrestlefan]

Adding my two cents.

GO SLOW SLOW SLOW.

Even if you both were in your 30s, there is no reason to rush. Hang out, be friends and get to know one another. It'll solve alot of problems, including legal ones.

I killed a relationship in the past by moving too quickly. We moved in together after dating for a month. The lifestyle differences were too much to overcome that fast, and the "marriage" died after a year. Don't repeat my mistake.

Best wishes to you both. You both seem very sweet.

 

[SomeGuyOverThere]

About the law, it says:

A person 24 years of age or older who engages in sexual activity with a person 16 or 17 years of age commits a felony of the second degree, punishable as provided in s. 775.082, s. 775.083, or s. 775.084. As used in this section, "sexual activity" means oral, anal, or vaginal penetration by, or union with, the sexual organ of another; however, sexual activity does not include an act done for a bona fide medical purpose.

It specifies what is considered "sexual" and ages, but it does not specifically target sexes.

So I think it is probably A-ok by the letter of the law once he is 16. And by the time you are 24, Nix, Chris will be 19, and hence, above the age of consent, so it will still be legal then.

And Mindseye's post was very wel lthought out, and I salute him.

 

[surferboy]

Originally posted by SomeGuyOverThere@Feb 16 2005, 10:12 AM
About the law, it says:

A person 24 years of age or older who engages in sexual activity with a person 16 or 17 years of age commits a felony of the second degree, punishable as provided in s. 775.082, s. 775.083, or s. 775.084. As used in this section, "sexual activity" means oral, anal, or vaginal penetration by, or union with, the sexual organ of another; however, sexual activity does not include an act done for a bona fide medical purpose.

It specifies what is considered "sexual" and ages, but it does not specifically target sexes.

So I think it is probably A-ok by the letter of the law once he is 16. And by the time you are 24, Nix, Chris will be 19, and hence, above the age of consent, so it will still be legal then.

And Mindseye's post was very wel lthought out, and I salute him.

[post=283587]Quoted post[/post]​

That would be so fucked if it's different for same sex couples. That's total discrimination.

 

[Pene_Negro_Grande]

Yeah these guys bought up some good points about making waves w/his family life...But taking it slow sounds like some good advice...His mum is just trying to protect him...And he is at that age - I know for me when I was that age - that I was so pissed off w/mum when I didn't get me way - like going out w/friends she didn't think was appropriate...Now that I am older - I now know that she had my best interest at heart...

 

[13788]

Sweet Caroline:

Originally posted by surferboy@Feb 16 2005, 11:10 AM
That would be so fucked if it's different for same sex couples. That's total discrimination.

[post=283603]Quoted post[/post]​

And this would surprise you because........ Not trying to be cynical here, I believe we'll see the day when our rights are finally upheld, I just don't see it happening any time soon. Given the current Administrations "ideals" not to mention the referendum the American people gave in the last election on the Gay Marriage bills in the states I think we've still got a looong road ahead of us.

I'm not trying to start an off topic politcal discussion here, I'm just hoping you'll keep your head about these things and approach them in a constructive manner. As mentioned above, the law is really the least of your concerns at this point. Right now you have to focus on the family and gain thier trust. I'm sure his mother really, in her heart, wants what is best for her son. Staying cool, being patient, and proving that you're looking out for his best interests is a good way start that process. Unfortunately, the best way to do that at this point may be to step back and say "I love you, You're worth waiting for, I won't come between you and your family, and I'll be here when it's time".

Good luck to both of you...

Carrie

 

[SomeGuyOverThere]

Originally posted by Sweet Caroline+Feb 16 2005, 04:37 PM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Sweet Caroline &#064; Feb 16 2005, 04:37 PM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-surferboy@Feb 16 2005, 11:10 AM
That would be so fucked if it&#39;s different for same sex couples. That&#39;s total discrimination.

[post=283603]Quoted post[/post]​

And this would surprise you because........ Not trying to be cynical here, I believe we&#39;ll see the day when our rights are finally upheld, I just don&#39;t see it happening any time soon. Given the current Administrations "ideals" not to mention the referendum the American people gave in the last election on the Gay Marriage bills in the states I think we&#39;ve still got a looong road ahead of us.

I&#39;m not trying to start an off topic politcal discussion here, I&#39;m just hoping you&#39;ll keep your head about these things and approach them in a constructive manner. As mentioned above, the law is really the least of your concerns at this point. Right now you have to focus on the family and gain thier trust. I&#39;m sure his mother really, in her heart, wants what is best for her son. Staying cool, being patient, and proving that you&#39;re looking out for his best interests is a good way start that process. Unfortunately, the best way to do that at this point may be to step back and say "I love you, You&#39;re worth waiting for, I won&#39;t come between you and your family, and I&#39;ll be here when it&#39;s time".

Good luck to both of you...

Carrie

[post=283609]Quoted post[/post]​

[/b][/quote]

Fantastic post

I wouldnt be suprised if it is different for same sex couples, descrimination is instatutional in every country, every where, and most people have their own predjudices, I had to battle my own inbuilt bigotery for months to stop myself instantly presumeing theings about people.

Infact, its different for same sex couples in England, I believe the age of consent for strait sex in England is 16, but for gay, it is 18. And it was the same untill recently in Scotland, but now it is 16 for everyone.

Could be worse - in Northern Ireland, Anal sex is illegal&#33;

And also, It is important to remember, that although is mother is beign obstructive, she is doing it because she is worried about him, she is worried that he is takeing this decision out of influence from you or others, and is worried for his saftey and good.

Its what parents do, it is her job, and it will take convinceing her that you are not a nefarious to make her let go.... hopefully.

 

[Freddie53]

Originally posted by surferboy+Feb 16 2005, 09:41 AM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(surferboy &#064; Feb 16 2005, 09:41 AM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-mindseye@Feb 16 2005, 08:53 AM

[post=283578]Quoted post[/post]​

[post=283584]Quoted post[/post]​

[/b][/quote]
I sent a private message to Nixxie via e-mail. But I wanted to publically support both he and Chris. Nixxie, guys have wanted to date a girl who was 15 and waited until their 16th birthday to have a date. It has been done countless times in the straight world. I guess it is not different in the gay world either.

As I told you in my e-mail, if you two really love each other, you will be able to wait until you can get together. If it is just a passing fantasy, then you will get a new partner some where. Either way, you can win.

You are so right to realize that just because the law won&#39;t get you in trouble in October, that Chis is not home free. Unless you are prepared to set up housekeeping for the both of you while he finishes high school. I am not suggesting that. I am saying that if he lives at home, it really does&#39;t matter what his age is, he has to follow the rules of the house.

I am just commenting on some of the posts that different people made.

Most of all, I still keep you in my thoughts and support.

Chris,

I don&#39;t know you as well. You are 15. You need to go slow. Is this your first romance. Are you bi or gay? What is your interests in girls. How do your parents feel about all of this other then Nixxie is too old. What if he were also 15, would that make it all right? Do you or your parents have religius issues to settle?

You are so young. You need to clear all of this and move slowly. Of course right now it is come to a halt due to your mother.

If you are allowed to proceed, go slow. Feel free to e-mail me if you need someone to talk to. I am a youth director for youth groups and would be glad to listen to you and give any emotional support I can. Not being personal and not expecting you to comment, but are you even thrugh with puberty? How will that effect everything. I don&#39;t know. Just thoughts for you to ponder.

Best of luck to you to.

Maybe in a few years, we will all get invitations to your Partner Celebration.

Love you both. You are good young people.

Freddie