Backdoor Problems

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by TimBuckTooth, Jul 25, 2006.

  1. TimBuckTooth

    TimBuckTooth New Member

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    My partner loves to be fingered in her backdoor when she's got me in the front; she also loves to be fingered in back, when being licked-- these are how she experiences her strongest orgasms. The problem is that she can't seem to adapt to me in her backdoor-- which is what I enjoy the most.
    We have tried every kind of lube (Astroglide, baby oil, KY jelly, vaseline, suntan oil, saliva, etc.), and going slow, and entering her from all kinds of positions, but inevitably, there are problems-- either before, during, or afterwards. I think of myself as only slightly bigger than average, but she still seems to get sore back there, no matter how we do it.
    It seems like, if we use lots of lube, and go slow, about a third of the time she can take it in without pain; about a third of the time, it goes in with a little pain; and a third of the time, it hurts a lot (and we end up stopping). The difference between no pain and a little pain seems to be how much she has had to drink beforehand (more is better, because she is more relaxed). But regardless of which initial scenario happens, she is always very sore immediately after-- we can never do it twice in a row in the backdoor in the same night, and we can never do anal on consecutive nights-- in fact, we usually have to wait at least 1-2 weeks, before testing her backdoor again-- sometimes, it's a month or more... and this is true, no matter if I keep it slow, and ride her very low (getting high up on her ass seems to hurt her a lot).
    Her pain seems to be of two varieties: She often has stomach aches/constipation for the next several days afterwards; and she has burning around the rim of her backdoor (especially when going to the bathroom-- sorry for being so graphic), lasting for days (sometimes weeks) afterwards.
    We have tried everything-- I've read all the books by people like Tristan Taormina and others, saying that anal can (and should) be fun, pleasurable, and PAIN-FREE, but nothing seems to have solved our problem. She really wants to do this for me, because she knows how much I like it. And it's not like she's not anally receptive-- she loves being stimulated back there with my fingers-- she'll gladly take 1 or even 2 of my biggest fingers in her backdoor-- but no matter how much I try to soften her up and stretch her out in advance, she always ends up regretting it the next day.
    Any thoughts or suggestions on how to remedy this, ladies? (or men who have surmounted these problems with your ladies?)
     
  2. Love-it

    Gold Member

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    Different diameter dildo's, daily stretching, patience and a desire to let it happen.
     
  3. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    Since she can happily take fingers id say it may be more a psychological thing, not saying it dosent hurt and so forth but maybe she has issues with it.

    Try giving her hot bath or shower before had to realx her and her muscles and it will also soften everything. And different sized dildos, and maybe let her do that part on her how so she can become comfortable with it at her own pace...But it can honestly be painfree and very enjoyable but in reality some people just dont get off on it
     
  4. sares

    sares New Member

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    damn. with what she puts up with (pain, constipation), unless it is HER who is begging for more backdoor action, I think you ought to give the poor woman a break. jeez.
     
  5. Magnum10x2

    Magnum10x2 Member

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    A little Alcohol for her – Wine would be good
    A little 69en - okay (((lots)))
    Play with some big anal beads - her butt, not yours
    Greasy lube for you - not while in her mouth
    Flip her around when she’s ready to blow and grease up and drive it in while playing with her clit.
     
  6. alien51

    alien51 New Member

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    sares is right on.give the poor girl a break.i've been with a lot of women in my short life,and i can tell you(from my experience only),most would experiment at least once,few really liked it most said there was a little pain for a short time,and most really didn't like it with any aggression at all.most liked a little gentlness.
     
  7. TimBuckTooth

    TimBuckTooth New Member

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    It's not that she doesn't like it-- she really does, during those times where I'm able to enter her without pain (which as I said, can be about 2/3 of the time)-- she regularly gets off while I'm inside her... it's just that, after I work her over, she really feels it (or should I say, pays for it) afterwards-- and the next day (or weeks)... that's what we're trying to prevent.
    It seems like some are saying that it has to be really slow and gentle back there, or the girl pays for it in the end... but yet, to read a lot of the literature (e.g.- Taormina) on this topic, you'd think that, once the girl is lubed well, and gets adjusted to the size inside her, you can go at it hammer and tongs, without causing problems-- and, unfortunately, that hasn't been our experience... I guess that might be what I am asking for guidance on-- is there something about the position, or the angle of the stroking, or the speed or force of the strokes, or even how long (in minutes) you can ride the girl, that determines whether she is going to be sore afterwards... I will admit that it tends to take a lot of vigorous activity for me to get over the hump (so to speak)-- no matter which hole-- which may be a factor in why she ends up sore nearly every time.
     
  8. sares

    sares New Member

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    every person is different. meet your wife: she can't take the pounding. and you really ought to celebrate her for the amount she works to accomodate your preference.

    in almost every circumstance, pain is a message. and this message is saying, "cut out 1/3 of the anal and keep the 2/3 that doesn't hurt your goddamn wife."

    frankly if I was being pushed like this I would feel sick to my stomach too.
     
  9. B_dxjnorto

    B_dxjnorto New Member

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    Since the positions must get a little contorted, how about an Aneros? They are made for prostate stimulation, but I know women have various glands in the upper rectal wall too. The thing is designed to move in the anus from humping motions and when the pc muscles are contracted.

    I got one a couple weeks ago and I like it. There's five different types. Here's a review.
     
  10. TimBuckTooth

    TimBuckTooth New Member

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    I didn't say she was my wife, but thanks for your advice anyway-- you've been really helpful, though I'm not sure why you feel the need to be so abrasive in your responses.
     
  11. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    First ive got to say that since she is the one who wants it i applaude you for trying to find ways of making it less painful for her.

    I personally find the position dosent make a difference but the angle does. If when inside he goes upwards along my back im fine but if he goes on an angle where he would be almost pointing at my belly button them it hurts. As for stomach pains and constipation maybe she should try an enima before hand. And for the burning just try different lubes as having the right one makes a big difference

    and as long as she physically isnt too tight eventually and with a little more trial & error there is no reason why you shouldnt be able to get a little rough with her as long as you work out how to stop her pain first
     
  12. sares

    sares New Member

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    pardon me, looking back you said "partner." I shouldn't have assumed.

    you're right, I was too abrasive. this kind of pain scares the PANTS off me. or maybe I should say it scares the pants back ON me. and there are many guys out there who never have a willing partner to explore this area. you are spoiled and you don't seem to know it!

    your partner is such a good sport and so open-minded and I hate that it just isn't good enough for you. probably because I would be heartbroken if it wasn't good enough for my partner. so yes I am over-identifying and that's why I was short with you.
     
  13. TimBuckTooth

    TimBuckTooth New Member

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    I recently read about some porn starlets talking about how they perform anal; one girl (who is noted for being able to accomodate especially large units) noted that she always uses an enema before any filming; she said that, of course, this is partially to avoid any unwanted messiness during filming-- but she also noted that the enema seemed to help her with not having constipation and/or pain the next day, even despite taking on multiple really large units. In other words, she said that she had had these problems in the past, but found that enemas pretty much solved the problem. My question is, have other women here found this to be the case as well? Do enemas beforehand make anal more enjoyable both during the act and afterwards (i.e.- the next day)?
     
  14. bakardi420

    bakardi420 Member

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    Learn to rim. I bet she will tell you it feels damn good if she likes anal play, and she will probably ease up more knowing YOU'RE really comfortable with that area.

    Get a small butt plug. Finger nails are no fun in the ass. Ease it in and let her relax with it. Have a bit of sex while it's in. The internal sphincter is involuntary and you are trying to go in too quick. It may take time, but she needs to relax and IT needs to relax for anal to be enjoyable at all for her.

    Try different positions too. The shape of your dick is going to determine which position is best for you guys probably.

    Cuddle while just your dick head is inside of her. Play with her clit. Relax and take your time! Get her to cum before you even start anal play.

    And most of all, have fun! :)
     
  15. MissEricaCourt

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    Due to my recent sex probation from my gyno, I broke down and started having anal sex. I always enjoyed a finger or 2 to kinda jump the stimulation when i felt close to the edge, but I was a bit scared to actually have anal sex. My boyfriend's girth definetely doesn't make it easy, but I am getting more used to it. I still get sore the next day, but no pain no gain right? I would definetely advocate having plugs of different sizes, that has helped me alot. It is still a bit painful when we start, but I am actually starting to enjoy it once we get going and I am more relaxed. Smoking a joint helps too :tongue:, but not everyone is an herb enthusiast. Basically with anal I think if you have a patient guy, then practice will make perfect.
     
  16. Ed69

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    First go see a doctor second she needs to put more fiber in her diet.When you're already bound up nothing feels good back there.I love anal play and also battle with I.B.S..As long as I keep things moving well(I know ick!)everything feels good and we have great fun.:smile:
     
  17. Mumzi

    Mumzi New Member

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    I have to agree with sares. There is nothing that can be said here that's going to make it any easier. It hurts her, she's tried all different ways and it does not work.
    I am stimulates by anal play, but only with my husbands fingers. He is much too big to have anal sex. Not going to happen. We do other things, life goes on.


    Enema? No, that has nothing to do with the sphincter muscle. Good god, I cannot imagine having an enema to have sex. How awful. You do know they can cause cramps. It is not good to use an enema unless there is real medical need.

    You're answer is it hurts her. Sares is right, pain is a signal. She has so much pain you have to wait weeks? Doesn't that scare you? Stomach pain and constipation? You may be causing real damage to her bowels. Look, I'm am RN and I'm going to tell you that the symptoms you describe are dangerous.
     
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