Bad sex, what to do next...

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Jonesy98, Dec 25, 2009.

  1. Jonesy98

    Jonesy98 New Member

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    Alright... I'll spare the long and full of the story for the sake of this thread, but you can read about my troubles here:

    http://www.lpsg.org/62125-anyone-else-have-this-problem.html#post1013756

    (there is a similar thread in Women's Issues that was created at the same time just to get more hits http://www.lpsg.org/62126-have-you-ever-had-happen.html)

    Please note the date of those threads. As an official follow-up, I finally had a completely hands-off, girlfriend-induced orgasm in September of this year (that's about 4 years into this relationship), and I have had no more than 5 additionally.

    For a few weeks I thought all was well, but the problem persisted and it's just wearing on me physically, emotionally, and spiritually. So my question is, what do I do about this relationship?

    The thought of ending it all seems unbearable, and I truly believe I want to save us, but my body tells me differently. I think about other women constantly... I wonder if my problem is just because of lack of sexual experience with other partners, lack of knowing what I need to get-off, etc... or would my unfortunate circumstances carry over no matter the woman?

    I used to be a well put-together young man, but now I feel like a wreck inside. I find myself hoping to be put in a situation where a woman makes advances on me, simply because, in my current head space, I know I wouldn't be able to resist. I've worked so hard my entire life to not be a stereotypical cheating, meat-head male, but the longer this goes on the more I want to be that POS person.

    What do I say? How do I have this conversation with her to let her know how badly I need things to change without completely crushing her?

    I'm sorry if this seems like rambling to you... I'm starting to panic.

    Thanks for any help.
     
  2. D_Landrocke DeLonguepiece III

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    I feel your "problem" goes much deeper than what we can help you on here. I would look into some professional counseling, and perhaps with one who offers a sex surrogate. That way you can work on the issues mentally as well as physically. But, in the meantime, don't panic. This is not life and death.
     
  3. KTF40

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    If you can jack off and cum, this problem sounds completely like a mental issue. I had something sort of similar where I couldn't get an erection during sex. Once again, I thought there was something wrong with me but I could jack off fine. Eventually, I realized my problem was completely mental and I got over it.

    With that said, if it is a mental issue as I suspect, having sex with someone else isn't really going to make a difference because it is all in your head and there isn't much anybody can do about it but you!

    As for how to solve the problem, maybe see a psychologist or something. Also, don't let your gf put any pressure on you to cum or anything. As long as your able to get her off, she shouldn't be complaining too much. And if she is complaining about you not cumming, she's an idiot.

    On a sidenote though, if "taking control" helps you get off, there is a chance you might be naturally dominant and need a submissive partner to make sex more enjoyable.
     
  4. Principessa

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    Am I to understand you have been having bad sex for 4 years and it is just now bothering you? :confused:
    Not to be rude, but are you sure the problem lies with her and isn't a physiological problem with you? :confused:

    There is no good way to say, "honey, I love you but you are a lousy lay." :frown1: Maybe you could try couples sex therapy?
     
  5. sexplease

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    First: nice that you have given into wearing the stereotypical (in my opinion) monogamy bullshit game. Humans, and this is fact: are not by nature monogamous. period. Some CHOOSE monogamy and it works for them. BUT we cannot assume or choose monogamy for others.
    Choosing to be or do something that may not be in your current psyche can have effects that (among other physiological discords) cause or lead to sexual dysfunction.
    In short, if you're not happy (subconsciously and/or consciously comfortable) your cock may show it.
    Forced monogamy will not work. And if it does, it will not last long and usually ends in hurt feelings... or worse.

    Second: you are way to young to be in a exclusive relationship. You're young and most young men are, as the saying goes- "sowing your oats."

    Third: This is about you. Youth is learning about your feelings and needs and finding out about what works for you. You should be experiencing and taking in many things, ideas, travels and AND relationships. Stepping-stones and trial relationships.
    Your GF has needs as well, but you both must realize, you need to find some things about you that she cannot answer.... nor you - for her.
    It's not a bash to her, but rather an opportunity to see you grow (and her) and bring tales of slain dragons back one day. (as she searches for her answers through her journey in life) ( slaying dragons is a metaphor for meeting our challenges in life. Hopefully with noble intentions and successful solutions.)

    How we do that is unique to each of us.

    My advice to you: take away the sex and keep the friendship.

    How you do that is your dragon to slay.
     
  6. Jonesy98

    Jonesy98 New Member

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    @ Principessa:

    the problem is something I've tried dealing with for some time, treading lightly of course... but I've kept a lot of my frustration at bay for some time... it's just hard to do it any longer.

    @ sexplease:

    I often contemplate your point #1... looking forward at my life, I don't have faith in my ability to be monogamous... not a statement I'm very proud to make, nor is it one that I ever expected to genuinely believe.

    2nd point: I get attached really easily. I've only had 2 girlfriends, and never even showed interest in anyone who wasn't a candidate for marriage (imo)... I don't know where I got this from... I guess I never really had anything in common with the girls I grew up with (small town), so not having any female friends, I suppose I have just always viewed women as someone to marry... if I could go back in time I would have been more sociable, I think... anyone else grow up this way???

    3rd point: That's kinda what I feel like I should be doing.

    Thanks for any and all help.
     
  7. sexplease

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    Your heart will choose its loves.
    maybe it's love is marriage, maybe not. maybe it's science or theology or art...or not
    maybe it's all of those things.
    You have to live to find out.

    Until then, have fun! Life is full of such great things. Some, in your small town (I grew up on a farm) and some in lands far away. (I've been to 38 countries.. awesome home planet!)
    adventure awaits you. make it happen. You'll probably break a few hearts, and yours will surely be broken too, but that's ok. It's life.

    Just be kind and honest and always cherish those whom you call friend.

    M*
     
  8. helgaleena

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    I think you are too hung up on a narrow definition of the sexual act. You think it only means slot a and tab b. Giving a woman a facial or a pearl necklace is just as sexy. If she really is the love of your life, you can scrape a fingerful off and insert in her before giving her a marvelous hand job, and you will have children as well.

    And I have left out the 69 and the fellatio and so many other lovely sexy things!
    Read a few books and find out how many things you and your lady can do for fun besides intercourse vanilla.
     
  9. Jonesy98

    Jonesy98 New Member

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    Again... just to clarify, we have tried every position in the book and then some... b/h/r j's are a near daily occurrence at this point... it's not like "let me get on top of you, I'll pull my johnson out through my pj's, then bounce up and down like a modest millie"... I throw her up against walls, toss her around the bed like I own her, etc etc... 69 is a personal favorite of mine that we do a lot... I often wonder how my performance in bed stacks up... I'm fairly certain that I don't suck at the art of love making, but unfortunately I have no other experiences to reference.

    Just clarifying to help stay on topic.
     
  10. sexplease

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    get your minds off sex and love because, eventually, your wanderings will take you back there.
    you need some space between the columns to hold up the roof.
     
  11. Jonesy98

    Jonesy98 New Member

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    Update... after 4.5 years it just got to be too much. I got through my bouts with thoughts of infidelity. She, to my surprise, did not.. She decided she wanted to sleep with a bigger dick, so now I have to deal with all the bullshit that comes with that.

    We're done and I just want to drown my memories of her in a night with a total stranger. Doesn't look like that's gonna happen anytime soon... I've blown all my recent attempts at what seemed to be "shoe-in" lays.

    I finally had an orgasm from sex... but it's not easy. I have to pound away, tighten every muscle in my body, give myself an aneurysm, etc. It's happened maybe 20 times or so since September of last year. I usually just get a crippling migraine and have to call it quits.

    I just wanna lay on my back and be brought to ecstasy for once in my life... is this a pipe dream? Can any of you just relax while your partner brings you to orgasm?

    This shit is really old. I'm bout to lose my damn mind.
     
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