"Bad" words

[Tattooed Goddess]

I thought i would ask this here i the Etc forum, mainly because i didn't know where else it would properly go. I am not sure how many parents i will get responding to this thread, but i will take advice or opinions from anyone.

When i was growing up....we were never allowed to say bad words. Sometimes these bad words were ridiculous words that my mom or dad just happened to not like, "fart, that sucks, hell" etc. These were in addition to the already bad words such as: shit, fuck, damn, bitch, bastard, etc.

The bad words I am referring to would be the typical curse words most American/European families would identify as the "four letter words".

I have a pretty foul list of words that come out of me when im talking about serious things with my husband, or here on the internet. I might throw out a damn hell or a fuck. I don't talk this way around my mom unless im mad about something or in a lot of physical pain. For example, if i am having a kidney stone you better hold your ears if you cant stand it. I have a wicked case of Tourette's that gets tweeked when im in extreme pain.

Ok, the point of this thread where i would like your opinions is: I have an eight year old daughter who is slowly learning what these words are and that sometimes in songs that she likes she doesn't want to say the word "ass" just because Lady Gaga does. Or when i said a joke to someone that had ass in it she said "Ass? I dont understand?" and i had to explain to her what the joke was and that mommy said a bad word.

When is it OK to allow children to say those words in your presence? Is it really a huge deal when they lose on their video game or spelling test that they say "damn!" should they be punished for that?

Or when i talk to her about when the little girls at school who are being hateful are just little bitches, i dont have a problem with her thinking along those lines because those are people we don't want to talk to.

How would you (or how do you) handle this topic of curse words with your kids?

 

[Skull Mason]

I was pretty much allowed to say whatever I wanted to say, but I was always aware enough to not use the words in certain situations like in school or around other kid's parents. Teach them some awareness (which in general is a far more valuable thing than most will realize) rather than outlawing words, which will only tempt them to use them more.

 

[Zeuhl34]

My parents were (or at least I perceived them to be) fairly strict on language to the point that, psychologically, I cannot bring myself to say something even as mild as "crap" around them without feeling extremely uncomfortable. Most of my friends' parents were considerably more permissive than mine, with one or two rather extreme exceptions. However, my parents never really seemed to mind me saying "suck." (I think my mom may have expressed slight disapproval but not enough to make any sort of impact on me.) I also apparently got away with saying "bastard" quite a bit in second grade. I heard it on TV (I'd wager The Simpsons; I've been watching that for basically my entire life) and then used it regularly for a few months until a friend of mine informed me it was a bad word. My parents allow my younger brother to get away with considerably more language-wise than I would've been able to get away with (or would have tried to get away with, at least).

I suppose the point of this rambling block of text is: Some boundaries are a good thing, but don't be too restrictive. Hell, I didn't know what the "F word" was until I was in 8th grade, and I really can't bring myself to say "crap" or even "hell" (in the context of "what the hell") around my parents.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

There's no right or wrong in this, Red. It's each to his/her own.

If you are comfortable with your daughter saying 'damn' then don't punish her for saying it around you.

What you do need to teach her is that it is not always socially acceptable in other settings for her to say and do the things you are comfortable with at home. For example, many kids like to wander round in just underwear, right? Maybe she does too - but I bet she already knows that that's fine at home but not at school or her friends' houses. You just need to teach her the same about swear words.

I'd be a little careful about being OK with her calling the bitchy girls at school 'little bitches', or indeed calling anyone names. If you and she are talking about those girls it may be OK to use that expression to make her giggle or feel better. But, personally, I think it is important that you teach her she can't say that to their faces or to other people about them simply because it could get her in a whole bunch of trouble.

She's about the right age to be learning all about more complex social mechanics. Of course there may be differences with the added factor of autism that I just don't understand but I know you have a good grasp of that. But basically, you have to do it your way - as long as you are consistent with her she will understand.

 

[D_wibbles]

this topic comes up more and more me workinf in tatoo shops and factorys thr "bad" words get mixed in quite alot. around small kids i tend to use the "f" word just the letter lol. in some cases its funny to. " i F ..ed her im the 'A' is funny so i guess it comes down to what you as a parent want to show ur kids what is ok in some cases we all know ist just a matter or time befor there droping F bombs and the other 13

 

[D_Sparroe Spongecaques]

There's no right or wrong in this, Red. It's each to his/her own.

If you are comfortable with your daughter saying 'damn' then don't punish her for saying it around you.

What you do need to teach her is that it is not always socially acceptable in other settings for her to say and do the things you are comfortable with at home. For example, many kids like to wander round in just underwear, right? Maybe she does too - but I bet she already knows that that's fine at home but not at school or her friends' houses. You just need to teach her the same about swear words.

I'd be a little careful about being OK with her calling the bitchy girls at school 'little bitches', or indeed calling anyone names. If you and she are talking about those girls it may be OK to use that expression to make her giggle or feel better. But, personally, I think it is important that you teach her she can't say that to their faces or to other people about them simply because it could get her in a whole bunch of trouble.

She's about the right age to be learning all about more complex social mechanics. Of course there may be differences with the added factor of autism that I just don't understand but I know you have a good grasp of that. But basically, you have to do it your way - as long as you are consistent with her she will understand.

I agree.

 

[D_Andreas Sukov]

My parents were fairly liberal with words. I mean, they swore every two seconds, especially my dad, but i was aware not to use it at certain places.

I think thats best, because if you outlaw words, some other kid is just gonna come and undermine you by teaching them it anyway.

 

[vince]

My 23 yo daughter can swear like a trooper. As can both of her parents! But we taught her when it was socially acceptable and when it wasn't. ManlyB's example of your child knowing when it is ok to run around in her skivvies and when it isn't, is right on. Like anything else, it's best just to be str8 up with kids. They know when you are bullshitting and when you aren't.

It's amazing how they always use the 'bad' words in perfect context isn't it? When she was about 18 months old we were sitting at the kitchen table with a friend and the kid dropped her tomato on the floor. She looked down at it and said "shit, shit, shit!". Perfect. Just exactly like Mummy did..... :wink: I had to leave the room to rofl.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

Addendum: I'll never forget the time I was suspended home from school for calling the vice principal a wanker. My dad came home from meeting with him about this 'serious situation' and said "You're right, though, he is a wanker". :biggrin:

 

[Sergeant_Torpedo]

I have no problem with "bad" words if in context. What is annoying is gratuitous use of offensive words (you may not be offended but many good people are) especially by so called educated people. There is a vocabulary of over 25.000 words in the English language yet (Americans in particular) seem incapable of holding a conversation without repeating the following Neanderthalisms: wow, shit, stuff, shit, awesome, shit, like, shit, - did this come over with the Puritans or more recent immigrants.

 

[midlifebear]

Like, as if!

 

[Countryguy63]

This is a very touchy subject with me. I would rather my children not cuss at all and have raised them as such. However, at the age that they are now, I really have no "control", only possible influence, and will reprimand with "You know Dad(dy) doesn't like that language, and ask that you don't use it around me".

I am realistic enough to know that I cannot dictate what they can and cannot say, especially when they are not with me. And what do you do when radio, tv, movies, and even movie titles use vulgar language so freely?

I fugure the best that I can do is remind them that some people still consider that type of language ugly and that they can still be "cool" without them.

However, something that will stick in my mind forever..(read - hypocrisy will always find you :redface ....
My eldest daughter was about 4 or 5 and was out "helping" me build fences :wink:. She went over to the post pile and tried to lift one up...
Her - "Shit, this is heavy!"
Me - "Honey, you're not supposed to say that" (trying not to chuckle from hearing it for the 1st time from someone so cute)
Her - (sweet as can be, without skipping a beat) "But Daddy, you do" at:

wned22::haha:

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

Excellent reponses. MB you are totally right about using it in the proper situation. Love the wanker story. It's a great word since we Americans dont use it very often. She is very good at following rules, probably moreso than the neuro-typical child because she can make it a cut & dry, black and white issue. She's quite understanding when it comes to thinking about others and how they might feel about things (well a lot of the time she is)

 

[accemb]

I remember hearing the word "fuck" as a child from a classmate who told me it was a "dirty word". Since I had never heard that word before, I challenged him and said it was not a "dirty word". Then I asked my parents about it, and was seriously advised NEVER to use that word. It wasn't until years later, in Catholic High School, when I learned the entire "dirty word" vocabulary !