BDSM for Dummies!

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sammygirly: Wasn't SURE where to post this...etcetera, or Sex or....well here it is.

Okies, since another poster's comment on my "sick and demented lifestyle" as outlined on my webpage (which, judging from my IM quite a few of you have read recently LOL)...Let's just do it then.

BDSM, Ladies and Gentlemen, is the cyclical acronym for:
Bondage & Discipline
Domination & submission
Sadism & Masochism

Masters and slave, whips and chains OH MY!

What is your perception of BDSM (more commonly referred to as S&M)?

 

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bustyredhead: Leather and light bondage? And someone having a bit more say?

- Nene (Can Be A Tigress)

 

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prepky: nothin wrong with some handcuffs and/or spankings.....

 

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TragicWhiteKnight: Considering I'm potentially one of the most Puritanical prudes to ever make his way onto the board [well, I dislike promiscuity. And I still say 'promiscuity' instead of 'casual sex', which shows how Victorian my values are], I have a surprisingly positive opinion of BDSM and compared to many contemporary sexual mores completely harmless (ignoring whip-burn).

To me, it's just another form of sexual expression between a couple and that can never be a bad thing (unless it is expressed as homicide. Or alimony) - albeit one with a whole bunch of leathery imagery asigned to it.

Even those people I know who I'd imagine would disapprove of it wouldn't consider it "sick and demented." I mean, it's not like its miscegenation or anything...

[WARNING: The last sentence is a joke. Please remember this before you lynch me]

 

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gigantikok: lol, keeps things interesting I guess. I wouldn't mind messing around with some leather, as long as I don't become too submissive Whips HURT!

 

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sammygirly: LOL @ whips hurt.

There are two distinctive categories of people who indulge in BDSM (if I have to catergorize us at all that is, it's a very diverse lifestyle)

Those that experience sexually.

-and-

Those of us for whom the sex is actually only a VERY small part of the lifestyle.

The first group is the most media publicized (mostly incorrectly LOL)...and it's the second group, to which I belong, that gets the most criticism.

 

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aussiechick63: I recently went out with a guy that was a sub.
He was into bdsm in a very big way. He really got off on the pain.

I never thought it was something I could do. I really stressed about it when he told me. How could I ever inflict pain like that on another human being. I am, by nature, kind and gentle, soft and cuddly, warm and caring.

Let me tell you, I did end up getting off on the power trip and knowing that he would do or not do anything I let him.

I certainly wouldn't want to practice it as a lifestyle but as an alternative, on occasion, it can be very powerful.
If it is practiced between two consenting adults, then what is the problem? It is a decision they have made.
It is an expression of love, just different to what most people would consider to be normal.

A big percentage of the population think anal sex is sick and perverted also. I just think they don't know what they are missing out on, and aren't willing to find out.

 

[Pecker]

I was never at all interested in participating in kink, fetish or fantasy role-playing. I don't get turned on by pics of it either.

Have all the fun you want. You won't hear any condemnation from me.

You just won't find it in my bedroom. :-*

Pecker

 

[B_DoubleMeatWhopper]

A little bit of bondage is okay as an apéritif, but I prefer meat and potatoes for the main course!

 

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wvu_kerq: Not too bad if done right... but nothing too hard core for me... Like, whip me with limp noodle

 

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sammygirly: I have commonly heard the disclaimer from extreme sadomasochists that they prefer not to say the Master/Mistress inflicts pain but rather, inflicts pleasure via the stimulous of pain. I am not personally a pain slut, though there are forms of "pain" play that interest me.

I am, however, submissive to Maximillian (heh, should see my friends and family try to get their brains around THAT one. "Sammy...submissive?...OUR sammy?...that loud mouth over there...submissive??" Which usually follows with a "We HAVE to meet this Maximillian with so much power" LOL.

I am so far pleased at the open acceptance to this topic - thanks guys I do want to say however, that negative or contrary opinions will not hurt my feelings if you have them but aren't posting because you don't want to offend me.

Trust me. Whatever you say - I've heard LOL

 

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AnonyMs: [quote author=sammygirly link=board=meetgreet;num=1056895286;start=0#5 date=06/29/03 at 09:59:11]
There are two distinctive categories of people who indulge in BDSM (if I have to catergorize us at all that is, it's a very diverse lifestyle)

Those that experience sexually.

-and-

Those of us for whom the sex is actually only a VERY small part of the lifestyle.
 [/quote]
As i read through this thread, it seems that most posters are identifying more with the first category you have identified more than the second group which you self-define as being a part of. I know you shy away from being the "LPSG OFFICIAL BDSM SPOKESPERSON" but in your oh so humble opinion, what is the percentage mix of people in the lifestyle between the two categories? I know it is far too complex to answer so simplistically but give it your best shot!

Hmmm.... on your BDSM board, are you acknowledged as the official large penis guru? ? ?

 

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sammygirly: LOL Nony, I dont shy from being the official spokesperson if one's needed, I just don't normally preach it out unless asked. Not one to force my lifestyles on others...but in this case, I brought it up yes? And I'm not ashamed of it, actually quite proud. As for guiding others new to it, and answering questions...well that's my Max's fault LOL. We recently got tattoos together, mine is the BDSM emblem on my lower back, His was a phrase that inspired me the minute I read it "Come, Kneel, Know". He's very much a teacher, and since He taught me...well...it rubbed off.

As for your question...I think, of those who openly ADMIT and ADVERTISE the lifestyle there are more of the latter kind. Those who live by it, not just have sex by it.

However, having said that - I think that there are kazillions of couples throughout the world who fall into the first, purely sexual (experimentation) category...and even more who add something BDSM to their regular sex lives (can we all say spankings? yum) who DONT openly advertise or know to identify their "kink" as you will with the term BDSM or Lifestyle.

Remembering that the second group DOES have fetish sex most usually...and the first group is certainly having kinky sex....and most couples have tried or want to try a kink or two...

I'd say it's overwhelmingly sexual on the majority.

Um, as for me being the official LPSGer on my BDSM board...erm, Max isn't one to brag about His dimensions and it is just not usually a topic of conversation...um, THERE anyway.

 

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bustyredhead: I think I'm having an epiphany. I'm not into BDSM, but something similar, I think. The key difference is that my sexual aggressiveness of pacificity is directed more towards one person just doing as he/she wishes, rather than having the other person do as he/she wishes. Like when there's a guy I really want, I grab him, and have my way with him, and then I let him make use of my body as he wants. What would that be called?

- Nene (Even Dictionaries Get Revised)

 

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gigantikok: I have no idea...lol, but god damn it sounds nice!

 

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sammygirly: LOL Nene, I'd call that "You go girl!"

Honestly I think everyone has a bit of both Dominant and submissive qualities (Don't tell Maximillian I said that, He'll deny it!) and just dont identify them as such. Once examined closely...I bet you could all find a BDSM flavour to your life. Maximillin and I just embrace those qualities in ourselves a little more freely than others. It requires an immense amount of self-confindence and understanding of what makes you work...and the power to not be ashamed of either side.

I am not weak, I am submissive to him.

He is not domineering, he is Dominant to me.

~puts up her dukes and dares any of you to say I'm weak...so Max can beat you up LMAO~

 

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Maximillian: 's for sammy for starting this thread

I thought I would add my 2 cents to this thread because BDSM education is one of my fortes. Most people when they hear of BDSM think of the sado-masochistic image that has been portrayed to society thru popular media. However thats not what BDSM is all about, its like a checkerboard with each different square signifying a different part of this lifestyle. It is not a promiscuous lifestyle overall with monogamy being the norm in roughly 90% of the couples involved. Yes, some are into the S & M scene, but seriously once you look at those who live this lifestyle overall, its a very small part of living and loving the life.

I live the D/s lifestyle which basically means I am the Dominant one in this relationship and sammy is the submissive one. An important thing to remember, submissive doesnt mean doormat, submissives can and do have rights, limits and needs which must be met by the Dominant. This applies where the Dominant is concerned also. Typically, a D/s relationship is a very loving, open one with a higher level of understanding where each others needs and wants are concerned and thats over and above any sexual aspect of the relationship.

Contrary to popular belief BDSM is not all about the sex, its about learning to trust someone else and to give fully of yourself on a higher level, no matter if you are Dominant or submissive. There is another category of "classification" called a Switch, this is someone with both Dominant and submissive tendancies who prefers to switch back and forth between the two.

Now, if you think about it, the majority of "traditional" relationships are D/s with one partner being the decision maker and head of household, so the lifestyle that sammy and I lead is not that different, we just like a little kink on the side and I am the more bossy one I could ramble on for hours as I am very passionate in my belief that the lack of education about this lifestyle leads to alot of the "sick and demented" comments made by the un-informed, but I wont. Feel free to IM myself or sammy with any questions you may have regarding this, however I have to admit I am very slow in answering IM's.

P.S. you make me proud love with the way you have explained this to others, extra swats for you!! *laughs*

 

[D_Martin van Burden]

Just like to add here, glad to have you aboard Max. I was always wondering about the male half of your relationship with Sammy, not to mention you both receive kudos from me for being very intelligent, thoughtful, intensely funny, and beautiful human beings.

Glad to hear a "crash course," if you will -- always willing and eager to learn more.

 

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Javierdude22: well...i understand people have different life styles, and especially when it comes to sex. But i have never understood this part of the sexual spectrum.

I havent seen your website Sammygirly, probably because the BDSM thing is not my thing, maybe i will, but i'll post my idea on this subject beforehand. I'm not really sure how to word all this...hm....i guess i have a general problem with sex being a defining part of someone's life. Obviously this BDSM thing is an important part of your life, and something you guys define part of your relationship with. For me personally that sounds very....sterile....i don't know if thats the correct word, but it's all i can think of...

Maybe for you guys this is an expression of love...i just have a different opinion on that. Fact is that i'm kinda traditional in a lotta ways, which would explain my opinion. I personally believe that when you have to use artefacts, and pain (or pleasure, whatever you call it), or outspoken roles....to express any kinda feeling of love, that your own the wrong path. Acts of love should express love...trust should express trust...to me it seems inherently impossible that they are being expressed by any other emotion, or act.

My two cents

 

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sammygirly: [quote author=Javierdude23 link=board=meetgreet;num=1056895286;start=0#18 date=06/30/03 at 01:44:02]....i guess i have a general problem with sex being a defining part of someone's life...[/quote]

And this is what I meant by misconception - the sex, as I said earlier is actually not any more important in our relationship as it is in yours.  It does NOT define our relationship.  Our expressions of Dominance and/or submission come in everyday living, not simply in the form of sexual fun.

I am sure you know of couples where one partner is the more controlling personality....this is much the same, only on a deeper level.  We could have sex in the missionary position every day, without a single toy, whip, or handcuff to assist...and we would STILL be living as a D/s couple.

For us, in the latter categories mentioned earlier, we are so much more than the sexual kinks...and that's the misconception I fight every day.

We are totally committed to each other, and this is what I mean by going to another level - you mention that you think it's how we express our love. No, the SEX is not the sole expression of our love. EVERYTHING we do is an expression of our love. How I conduct myself, how He makes decisions for us both, how we live...all condusive to our arrangement.

Remember - our CONESENTUAL arrangement...I'm no prisoner.

:-* to Dee for flattering us shamelessly yet again LOL.
:-* for my Love for joining in!