1) I trust him to make wise decisions regarding my sexual, mental, and emotional health, and to exercise good judgment as to what commands to give me, how often, and when. He has proven worthy of this trust. He does not take more than I am capable of giving. He understands my need to give, and often pushes me to the limit, for his and my satisfaction, but he does not push beyond my limits in any way that would cause serious injury to me, whether physical, psychological, or emotional.
A lot of people dont realize that being a good Master/Dom is very hard work. It is. When you do so, you may be gaining a slave, but you are also taking responsibility both for yourself and for another person. You must be mature, strong, and wise enough to make the best decisions for your slave and for yourself.
This is in stark contrast to being a Chauvinist pig or an abuser...such a person either does not care about his partner, or actively seeks to do her harm, or a combination of both. She does not have a safe word to stop his actions if things get too intense. She cannot trust him to make the right decisions for her, because he has proven himself unworthy of that trust.
2) It turns me on. The reasons for this are varied. There are so many aspects to our Master/slave relationship that various aspects turn me on for different reasons. In some cases, neither one of us completely understands why a certain activity turns us on. We just know it makes him hard, me wet, and both of us hotter than anyone or anything else ever has.
3) It sets me free. I am a very independent woman, and tend to assume control in personal and professional situations. I bring order to chaos. I manage projects and people. But when I try to manage my own sexual pleasure and balance it with a partners, I have great difficulty.
When engaging in non-BDSM (A.K.A. vanilla) sex, I thought too much. I was constantly trying to gauge what the man wanted from me, and pleasure him. I was also seeking my own pleasure, but often couldnt truly experience it, because I was so preoccupied with performance. Often I only sought to come as a means to satisfy the man, and not myself. I would pressure myself relentlessly to orgasm because I wanted my partner to feel like a stud. I faked orgasms sometimes. In many ways, sex became a chore during which I had to exercise extreme focus to get off so my partner would feel satisfied, while also anticipating and fulfilling his needs. The only time I truly felt free of pressure was when I masturbated, and during those times, I fantasized about being taken and dominated.
Why did I want to be taken and dominated? Because sexually, I need to give up all control. The way this plays out in real life is that I concede to my Master the right to use my body for his pleasure, whenever he wants, however he wants. I obey all of his sexual commands, whether it is to suck his cock at 2 AM, to bend over the kitchen counter in the middle of cooking dinner so he can fuck me, or to spread my legs wide over the legs of a chair so he can lick my pussy. He has complete access to all areas of my body at all times and controls and directs all of our sexual encounters.
The benefits to him are obvious: he can take his pleasure at any time, and know that I am not only willing, but deeply satisfied by doing things this way.
The benefits to me are:
I no longer have to guess at what he wants. He tells me what he wants, or takes what he wants. It is no longer my responsibility to figure it out, and my mind is clear and free.
I no longer have to pressure myself to respond sexually. My sexual response is not at issue -- only his is. If I happen to come, so be it. If I dont, so what. If he wants to give or withhold orgasms to and from me, thats his decision, not mine. My only responsibility is to be mentally present, feel, and do as he tells me. Thats all. And therein lies the magic -- I am able to enjoy sex and sexually related activities as I never could before.
4) Loving Discipline:
I didnt trust my ex-husband to make the best decisions for either one of us, and he often ignored or took for granted the things I did for him. We wanted different things out of a relationship, and although he is a good person, he was not the right person for me.
In contrast, I do trust Artfulwilly to make wise decisions for both of us. When I took my wedding vows with my ex, I had the word obey removed, because I bristled at it so much. Who wants to obey someone when you dont trust him enough to hand over the reins? However, when Artfulwilly and I marry, I will make sure the word obey is included in my vows, because I trust him implicitly, and because I deeply need to be directed and disciplined.
What kinds of non-sexual commands does Artfulwilly give me? First, he absolutely will not tolerate me putting myself down. He says, Nobody talks about my Holly that way, not even you. If I put myself down or disobey other commands (which usually involve taking better care of and loving myself), he will physically discipline me. When he does so, I feel like he really gives a shit about me, as opposed to someone who would just make an offhand comment about my self-destructive behavior. He cares enough to intervene, with force if necessary. And a side benefit of the discipline is that it turns us both on.
5) I am his Esteemed Slave. Although I am submissive, serve his needs, and obey his commands, I know my Master sees me as a priceless treasure, and cherishes me as such. I have never had any other man lavish such attention on me. I have never felt so valued and loved. He values my opinions, abilities, and talents. He appreciates everything I do for him. And he takes excellent care of me, protecting me from harm, protecting me even from myself, if needed. He does not squelch my personality in any way. Rather, I am set free to fly within the gentle, loving boundaries he creates.