BDSM.

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by D_Machelle Longclaws, Jan 18, 2010.

  1. D_Machelle Longclaws

    D_Machelle Longclaws Account Disabled

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    I was wondering has anyone tried it? My boyfriend has had fantasies about it and ive always been curious. I would like to do some stuff along those lines just nothing extreme at the moments any ideas,exp,storys please share.
     
  2. dolfette

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    i've done a lot i s'pose.

    my advice would be to list the things you're curious about and the things you refuse to touch, then compare lists and talk about where to start.

    the most important thing is to have a safeword.
    stop things if they get too much.
     
  3. bibblemoo

    bibblemoo New Member

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    I agree with dolfette. Sit down together and make detailed lists about what you're interested in trying and what you're not comfortable with. You also need to figure out if your interests are compatible in this area. If you're both interested in dominating, but not being submissive, or vice versa, it won't end well.;-) there needs to be a dom and a sub, even if you're both switching up.

    The most important thing here will be communication. Talk about it, use a safe word, and never ignore it.
     
  4. psidom

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    what about BDSM is interesting to him?

    is he genuinely submissive or just into roleplay?
    does he like pain,humiliation,restraints,or more feathers,blindfolds,and vibrators?

    i ask because alot of people use BDSM differently.

    as for a first "BDSM" experience that may be good for you to try,
    i would suggest QUEENING and a Hot Waxxing whilst queening.
    maybe try scarves or a ripped up towel for tying him up.
    that way it is nothing heavy but still get the effects of leather or rope.

    candles that are in glass containers usually burn cooler so it feels
    morelike hot water rather than "torture".

    if you are the dom...try it on your inner thigh or arm
    before using it on others,you need to be able to guage
    what you are doing.

    also what everyone else said is right on the money. ; )
    Safeword...just nothing like cassanova or wopahtulli.
    think short words that you do not just say when excited,
    something like cut or red.
     
    #4 psidom, Jan 18, 2010
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2010
  5. dolfette

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    i s'pose most people start with a little light bondage & gentle spanking...just to see if you're comfortable with it.

    i suggest some velcro cuffs! people tend to tie too tight, have trouble with knots, cut off blood flow.
    and you can get out of velcro by yourself if you need to.

    safety first!
     
  6. dolfette

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    another thought...

    personally i don't like the scene,
    but you might find talking to people rl useful.
    if you google 'munch' and your area you should find a group.
    they usually meet up once a month, talk about toys & gear & other such practicalities.
     
  7. shr1125

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    All of the above are good suggestions. Like dolfette, I am not a fan of the "scene" but have met other kink-minded folks through munches when I've moved to new cities.

    I got involved in BDSM several years ago and was also very new to all things kink. I met a woman who helped me explore the limits of my submission and allowed me to experiment with new sensations, ideas, etc. You and your man may have a harder time than I did in finding out what you both enjoy, but be sure to go slowly and by all means have a safe word and respect that safe word. There is a great deal of power that is surrendered by the submissive; be sure that the two of you trust each other implicitly.

    By all means, have fun! Through BDSM and D/s, I have been exposed to a number of sexual and mental pleasures that I would have otherwise never experienced!

    SR
     
  8. faceking

    faceking Well-Known Member

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    Keep in mind, you can partake in it to varying degrees... from the kinky spikes, whips, severe bondage... on down to just being "passionately owned". Start out slow I suppose.
     
  9. EllieP

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

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    I love being submissive, but I don't get into pain at all. Don't like bondage either. I just like being overpowered by my lover and totally surrendering to him. Makes me tingly just thinking about it.
     
  10. Mal_the_Wolf

    Mal_the_Wolf New Member

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    "Screw the roses give me the thorns" (I think that's the name) is the best book to learn from. Find out where you stand before you go around the "scene" cause all that shit is one tide of extreme over a totally different tide ove extreme. You go there with just a passing fancy and you'll eitheR wind up wearing a fish net shirt and hot topic boots writing blogs about how you only feel healed after cutting like the rest of the bitch ass posers, or you"ll wind up late to work monday cause you spent the morning hanging from hooks in a latex bib and cock ring cause your mistress didn't give you permission to loose consciousness ......... And no matter which gang gets you you're gonna wind up with a 2000 dollar credit card bill for gear you got at booth prices that is a 1/3 as much online all day.......... In other words, take it slow, ease into it. Its not about power you have over some one its about the power they GIVE YOU. It dosen't matter if you're 2 strokes from weak knees and a stain on the celing that safty word pops out and dead stop you turn from masterblaster in mel gibson's road warrior to mel gibson in what women really want
     
  11. closetfreak

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    Velcro cuffs are a good way to start. Theres a few cheap kits that have basic wrist/ankle cuffs and a get decent blindfold for a few bucks extra. I didnt get into giving/receiving pain until a while later, but as dolfette said, discuss it with your partner first and see where your mutual curiosities lie.
     
  12. anoushka

    anoushka Member

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    I have nothing to add here, but I did want to mention that dolfette's comments and contributions in this thread are tops.
     
  13. D_Machelle Longclaws

    D_Machelle Longclaws Account Disabled

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    i love all your advice
    and thank you very much
    dolfette it was usefull
    were gonna try to start of slowly
    and respect our safe word c:
     
  14. friendlyfriend

    friendlyfriend New Member

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    the most successful way i've introduced BDSM into relationships, has been to watch porn together. watch things that you want done to you, and things that you'd like to do to the other person. it gets a lot of junk out of the way. if you can't find videos, pics will do, heck try literotica, maybe you can construct a scenario.
     
  15. D_Anus_MacHemorrhoid

    D_Anus_MacHemorrhoid Account Disabled

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    my wife and I are active in our local bdsm community. there are many aspects, i would recommend it to anyone
     
  16. Chark

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    We've (hubby and I) only recently begun to explore it ourselves, though it has been in my fantasies since before having sex. We talked about it for a while and watched bondage porn before trying anything more than just light bondage with velcro cuffs. We researched some different aspects, gathered some questions, then went to our local Newbies Munch. Everyone there was very welcoming and answered all our questions. We're members at our local dungeon now and I find it hard to stay away.
    Advice: COMMUNICATION! above anything else, this is key. Talk with your partner, explore your likes/dislikes/areas of curiosity. BE SAFE-don't be in a hurry, someone could get hurt. There are local websites you can join (some free) where you can ask questions without having to go into the 'public' scene. It never hurts to ask advice from those who have been there. Regarding safewords-some common practices use 'yellow' to temporarily halt the 'scene'. This gives you a chance to catch your breath/find a more comfortable position/or just end that form of play but not the entire scene. 'red' is commonly used to stop everything, scene over, night over, your done. It is used because sometimes using the words 'no' and 'stop' are actually part of the scene itself. Ok, I've babbled enough, so I'll run along now. hope this helps.
     
  17. D_Sparroe Spongecaques

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    I agree.Everyone has their limits but the dom can push the limits,i do with some but not others.I love the feeling of power over what are usually very powerful men at work etc but when they come to me they are totally at my mercy for want of a better word.

    I don't personally like pain so i am never the subby but i know how fair to push with the guys.Always a safeword and i don't deal with blood either.

    Light paddling is good,not painful but stingy,pegging,velcro bonds,silk scarves,stockings,stuff like that are good for tie and tease.

    The best thing to do is talk it through so you both get exactly what you both want from the experience.

    Enjoy!
     
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