Be Carefull What You Eat

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by jakeatolla, Aug 28, 2006.

  1. jakeatolla

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    Fat free Pringles will grease your ass - Only read with empty stomach!

    From Craigslist: Don't even fucking say a word. I like potato chips, and can't eat them very much or I'll get fat.

    I tried out these Pringles Fat-Free chips because they were super low-cal. BBQ flavor. the fuck.

    The can said they had 70 calories per serving, which meant the whole can had 490 calories inside total. I could munch through a can in a day with my lunch, dinner, etc. So I got several cans, and began enjoying one a day for the past four days. But what they dont fucking tell you...

    Except in tiny print you cant read without a fucking electron microscope

    ...is that the primary ingredient is something called "olean" which I have since learned is Latin for "Unwashable & Indestructible Ass Grease."

    Oh Yeah. I'm not even kidding.

    So today, while I'm standing in the living room debating whether or not Laundry or Dishes will get done first, I get the urge to fart. I live alone, so sweet. I let the honk loose and its wrong. Something just sounded wrong. I know my own wind, and I have never farted a sound that sounded like a fart wrapped in a pillow.

    Oh yes, something was very wrong. I had just shat myself. But this evil olean makes shitting yourself sound almost like a regular fart, and had I not been particularly attentive, it could easily have gone unnoticed, I'm telling you. THAT's how utterly covert and evil this olean stuff is. What the fuck?! What if I'd gone out to hang with friends or gone for a drive, what then?

    So I walk carefully to the bathroom and disrobe. before I even sit on the toilet, I wad paper and carefully wipe from the front. Sure enough, it was light brown, and had the texture of soft spackle. You fucking Pringle bastards.

    I sat down and pushed a bit, and lo, out came a jet that I didnt even feel an urge for one minute earlier. It piled in the bowl like brown marshmallow fluff.

    The problem rose when I tried to wipe. I went through a whole fucking roll of TP and could not get it all off me. So.

    I jumped in the shower. Yep, its gross, but it had to be done. There I stood, water pouring down, cheeks spread, and using my own hand to make certain I'm clean.

    That was when I discovered that after using my hand to wipe myself (before I soaped the area) my hand came back covered in some sort of transparent grease. It was so fucking foul. The grease made water bead off my hand. It was tacky too, and very difficult to manage.

    So I grabbed the bar of saop and went to work.

    You fucking Pringle bastards.

    The bar of soap came away coated in grease as well, and would no longer wash. I had to turn the water to hot and massage the soap for five minutes to get it to the point where I could use it again. It took me an hour to get the fucking grease off my pucker. I shudder to think of what its doing INSIDE ME right now, but I will damned sure never eat that shit again.

    Fucking Pringle bastards.

    This is where the joke about "anal leakage" came from. its real. Fuck Pringles.
    LINK
    Note from the editor: I personally love Pringles and I will keep eating them ... Hey dude from the story, next time don't pig out on them! Try eating 3 kilos of plums and then tell me your story....


     
  2. Ethyl

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  3. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    It's true. Lays tried the Olean chips a few years ago and the news warned about the 'possiblity of digestive distress' if you ate them. They lasted only a few months and were made to disappear from the market.

    Olean is definitely the fat-free oil from Satan.
     
  4. Heather LouAnna

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    I can eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and I rarely ever gain weight. The most I've weighed in my life (I'm 5'11") is 140. I attained this weight after I started a new birth control and was ovulating. I usually weigh around 130 now.

    and I LOVE potato chips. :)
     
  5. jakeatolla

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  6. Gillette

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  7. jakeatolla

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    Personally, I love going to Costco and getting the mega sized bags
    of Lays (used to be Hostess) and just devouring the whole thing in one
    sitting. I too was 140 lbs for the longest time.
    Then I discovered Guiness. Hello instant beer gut....
     
  8. Ethyl

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    It's all about the absurdity of the visual.

    Think about it.
     
  9. MattMatt

    MattMatt New Member

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    *throwing my head back laughing*

    Write pringles..

    ( TMI though *g* )
     
  10. D_Elijah_MorganWood

    D_Elijah_MorganWood New Member

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    I thought everyone found out about this years ago when Olestra came out. My favorite term from the report I read was anal leakage.
     
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