Be gentle

[Drifterwood]

No.

I can be gentle, I understand the need to be gentle, but if I am going to express my sexuality and experience that expression, I will not be being mindful of being gentle.

I can love someone, I can have good sex with someone, but at some point I want to express my sexuality, I want to channel my lust and desire into abandoned wild sex. If that isn't possible then I won't be truly satisfied.

It has taken me a long time to realise this and in so doing I think I understand women size queens better. You can put other people's needs first for so long, you can think that this makes you a good lover, and it probably does, but it won't make you wholly satisfied.

Any other guys feel like this? Or size queens for that matter?

PS - yes, I was with someone at the weekend who asked me to be gentle during the latter stages of our lovemaking. I was of course, but it ruined it for me as it has in the past. And yes, it probably ruined it for her as well. So, sadly, not compatible sexually.

I am not normally this polarised on things.

 

[Kotchanski]

I'm neither a guy nor a size queen, but as the wife of a man who feels much as you do, though not related to penis size in the slightest, I find your self-awareness and honesty refreshing.

I know when my husband is holding back because he feels it's the right thing to do, thinks he needs to for my sake, and not only does it make things less satisfying for him (he'd deny that of course) but it does for me too. I can't let myself go and express myself fully if I feel he's holding back and not getting what he wants completely.

 

[The Dragon]

I feel the same when I 'm asked to hold back with my noise, with my teeth or my nails.

It's stifling and the focus shifts to not doing those things rather than living the purity of the moment and enjoying it with abandon.

I love a man who can drop the trappings of civility and forget he is a gentleman and leave behind the conditioning that he is to be gentle with the fairer sex for that moment.
I'm not made of porcelain and I won't break.

 

[B_subgirrl]

Not only can I not do gentle, I can't do vanilla anymore. It leaves me desperately aching for the floaty high I get from kink.

 

[Drifterwood]

I'm not made of porcelain and I won't break.

I accept the challenge :wink:.

Thank you all for your responses, I was a bit worried that I might get a negative reaction.

More generally, I think we are talking about inhibiting your lust/desires and their free expression. With regard to it being size related, the posts of a member called Love It, struck me many years ago. He had given his life to a partner with whom he was physically incompatible, I respected him for this, but it rang so true for me also with many of my own experiences.

Of course, you shouldn't go in like a Bull in a China shop unless you really know that is what a partner wants, but I had so many experiences that made me inhibit myself. Then in my thirties (I said it took me a long time), I met some women who showed me that they weren't made of pocelain - oh joy. Since then I have gradually lost the desire for or acceptance of vanilla, as SubG resonantly puts it.

And now Kotch has got me wondering about previous partners who were happy for me to inhibit myself. I don't think I have ever wanted a partner to inhibit themselves (let me come up for air perhaps), but to inhibit? Not sure that I am going to like the answer to that one.

 

[D_22]

I've been where you're at for sure. From both guys and girls. If you really wanna turn me on, I'm into rough play. Slapping, hitting, bitching, all that crap. I've been fortunate to get some partners who were into it, but it's rare at the same time. There's been folks who turn me on but the minute the sex starts, I have to "be gentle" or "hold back." And I don't want to be annoyed from it, but I do. I'm not entirely satisfied, but I don't let it get to me or show it. But it is a bit of a mood killer internally for me. I get not everyone is into what I am, but just a bit of a disappointment.

 

[Drifterwood]

For the record, the aim is precisely not to cause pain, the aim is to share great pleasure when giving free rein to sexual expression. For me, anyway.

 

[D_Dick_S_Lapp]

I hear ya. I've been in similar boats off and on.

 

[musclebare9]

Sex is about putting yourself in the trust of your partner where you can let go and really enjoy each other. We don't just remove our clothes but remove all of the thoughts and cares of the day while we focus on the other person. It's about letting go, experiencing pleasure, understanding each others body and knowing what they like. My wife, as probably most women, does like gentleness in the beginning. Certain places must be touched lightly at first and then pressure increases as time passes. I understand all of this. But there are times when I loose control; the animal nature takes over. Sometimes the deep, hard thrusting causes pain. It's not on purpose but an uncontrollable nature that takes over as a result of all the above.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

I think you gotta find the person whose own appetites and passions match best with your own.

If you like abandon, she had better, as well.

The only thing you can really do wrong in bed is make love to someone whose tastes or needs do not jibe with your own.

 

[Bbucko]

I've always been pretty open about my requirements regarding extreme sex around here; I negotiate a rough outline of what I'm expecting. If the guy's unwilling to participate (and trust that I'll respect his specific limits) in what I want, then nothing's gonna happen.

 

[art]

I'm gentle when my partner wants to be gentle, and more aggressive when that's required. For me and my partner, sex is an ever-changing panoply of feelings and desires. We hope to be enough in touch with each other to be able to respond to whatever the other wants. If you think sex is solely about you and your desires, you've got a lot to learn,and should probably return to solo masturbation.

 

[D_Viscount de Cockpump]

I thought that it was just common courtesy that the default setting was gentle, unless you know otherwise.
Personally, I always start gentle, especially if it's my first time with the girl and she isn't used to my girth, an then slowly speed up, but I never go to full-on pounding unless I know that's what she wants.
Life isn't porn, you can't just fuck raw-dog straight out the gate, you can hurt your partner.

 

[Drifterwood]

With all due respect, did you read anything I said?

 

[D_Viscount de Cockpump]

With all due respect, did you read anything I said?

Are you referring to me?
If so, yes, but I don't know why your getting defensive. I didn't call you out, I was just sharing my point of view, I wasn't challenging you.

 

[Drifterwood]

Life isn't porn, you can't just fuck raw-dog straight out the gate, you can hurt your partner.

I know this, I said so I think. Default gentle, agreed, don't do what your partner doesn't like, agreed, but then what about what you want or need to do to express yourself? That is my question, Consul.