Because i'm on lpsg i have no right to complain about being sent an unsolicited dick pic

[693987]

Absolutely @swoon - old school! Is this really not a thing - this should be baseline like always walking on the street side of any woman you are walking with... and holding hands. Don't dads teach this anymore - shit I must be old

Those things are fine, and I appreciate them. Car door opening or scooting my chair in for me... Not so much. Truth be told, if I get to a (non car) door first, l can open it my own damn self and will hold it for someone. If my partner gets to the door first, he can open it. The chair scooting I just can't manage gracefully and it makes me feel like some kind of weird invalid/lazy some fucking thing and I dislike it. As far as my partner being on the side towards the street, that depends. I walk on his left, so his dominant hand is free, as he almost always carries a firearm.

 

[rtg]

Being treated like that is 100% not ok. Yes we as men sometimes do dumb things, but as a man you own it and you try to make it right, not flip it on you and start saying mean hurtful things... @rtg whatever he said is more about him than about you. Lastly, trust me on this one, they type guy that you're ultimately looking for would only see you being on a site like this as a huge huge huge turn on. I know it would turn me on.

Thank you The guy who initially sent me that message was running his mouth off in this thread yesterday and was saying again that no man would want a woman on this site. If that were actually true then he wouldn't be harassing women on here with dick pics would he

 

[Wave85]

Those things are fine, and I appreciate them. Car door opening or scooting my chair in for me... Not so much. Truth be told, if I get to a (non car) door first, l can open it my own damn self and will hold it for someone. If my partner gets to the door first, he can open it. The chair scooting I just can't manage gracefully and it makes me feel like some kind of weird invalid/lazy some fucking thing and I dislike it. As far as my partner being on the side towards the street, that depends. I walk on his left, so his dominant hand is free, as he almost always carries a firearm.

@Fade - of course if you don't want any of these things and you communicate that the man should respect that, but they should be offered for you to decline. If just the offer would bug you than I would really bug you

 

[Snakebyte]

Honest question... are there women, middle aged or younger, who still like this if they don't have their hands full and they're not wearing something that restricts their movement?

Car doors (not building doors. Car doors).

Did it a few times and the reactions were positive 100% of the time. But I also could imagine that some wouldn't like it.

 

[950483]

Those things are fine, and I appreciate them. Car door opening or scooting my chair in for me... Not so much. Truth be told, if I get to a (non car) door first, l can open it my own damn self and will hold it for someone. If my partner gets to the door first, he can open it. The chair scooting I just can't manage gracefully and it makes me feel like some kind of weird invalid/lazy some fucking thing and I dislike it. As far as my partner being on the side towards the street, that depends. I walk on his left, so his dominant hand is free, as he almost always carries a firearm.

It's a game for me really. It's about the power dynamics. What do you dislike about it? Does it make you feel submissive or dominant?, because I think people can have completely different feelings about the same thing. Arguably this kind of 'etiquette from the olden days' could be viewed either way.

 

[Wave85]

It's a game for me really. It's about the power dynamics. What do you dislike about it? Does it make you feel submissive or dominant?, because I think people can have completely different feelings about the same thing. Arguably this kind of 'etiquette from the olden days' could be viewed either way.

@swoon - I don't view it as power - merely courtesy and manners - of course if declined it should not need to be declined more than once, but it should be offered. Now I will shut up on this

 

[deleted924715]

I love old school manners, they're really endearing - especially when it's so ingrained he is doing it on autopilot. Not to impress, not for points but because that is just how he was raised <3

 

[185248]

Old school, way old school.

 

[LargeInLife]

It's a game for me really. It's about the power dynamics. What do you dislike about it? Does it make you feel submissive or dominant?, because I think people can have completely different feelings about the same thing. Arguably this kind of 'etiquette from the olden days' could be viewed either way.

As a man we have to speak to the love language of the woman we're wooing, if she's the type that enjoys old school manners, then we should cater to that. If those actions mean nothing to them and we do them anyways and expect her to appreciate that we're doing them, then it's on us, and we're setting ourselves up for frustration.

If only we men could learn to just listen to the needs of our women and truly hear them, not try to fix them, but help her feel supported in a way that works for her... man things would be better. Unfortunately we men aren't usually smart enough for that haha.

Bottom line, if a man can help his woman feel loved and supported, things in his life will get considerably better. If old school manners don't do it for her, find out what does, then do that thing. For some women it might mean we need to open up about our feelings, or it might mean that we need to help out around the house, or it might mean we need to surprise her with a thoughtful gift, or it might mean we need to give her our time and go do something together.

Cater to her needs. Whatever they may be. Respect her, and support her and earn the trust.

 

[inspectordickins]

I hold doors to anyone, I especially like to do it when they're far from it, I love seeing them rush their ass to it, it makes me laugh internally and it also shows how grateful they are

More seriously I think good manners are appreciable, some guys think they will seduce women only with their "gentlemanry" but it takes more than that obviously.
I also somehow agree with @Fade, the man doesn't HAVE to hold the (car) door or whatever thing that blocks the way, the first person to get there has to make the move and show patience, regardless of gender.
I don't think it has to do with being submissive or dominant, being helpful is a great quality and it can't be reduced to that, imo.
But what do I know? I don't own a car!

 

[Beedie Tijii]

As a man we have to speak to the love language of the woman we're wooing, if she's the type that enjoys old school manners, then we should cater to that. If those actions mean nothing to them and we do them anyways and expect her to appreciate that we're doing them, then it's on us, and we're setting ourselves up for frustration.

If only we men could learn to just listen to the needs of our women and truly hear them, not try to fix them, but help her feel supported in a way that works for her... man things would be better. Unfortunately we men aren't usually smart enough for that haha.

Bottom line, if a man can help his woman feel loved and supported, things in his life will get considerably better. If old school manners don't do it for her, find out what does, then do that thing. For some women it might mean we need to open up about our feelings, or it might mean that we need to help out around the house, or it might mean we need to surprise her with a thoughtful gift, or it might mean we need to give her our time and go do something together.

Cater to her needs. Whatever they may be. Respect her, and support her and earn the trust.

Well said!

 

[deleted924715]

To be fair, Texan asked if women here appreciate chivalrous behaviour from a man and the responses were kinda specific. Everyone should be well mannered - men and women - I hold doors open for everyone too... but that wasn't the question. It wasn't about obligation - more about appreciation as the recipient.

 

[693987]

It's a game for me really. It's about the power dynamics. What do you dislike about it? Does it make you feel submissive or dominant?, because I think people can have completely different feelings about the same thing. Arguably this kind of 'etiquette from the olden days' could be viewed either way.

There is zero power dynamic to it for me. With my upbringing, I generally am very polite. I've made jokes that I make a better gentleman than a lady. I'm just trying to be polite *shrug*

 

[TexanStar]

My question was actually about car doors specifically

Helping someone who's carrying unwieldly / heavy objects gets them on their way more quickly.
Holding a building door open for someone gets them on their way more quickly.
Letting someone with only a couple items cut in line at the grocery store gets them on their way more quickly.

Those all make sense to me as good manners.

But car doors, assuming the guy is driving, slows everything down. There's the trek to and from the passenger side. It's not a huge timesink by any means, it's just something where I'd lean towards @Fade's view of it. If my passenger is in restrictive clothing or holding something, sure, but otherwise it's not something I ever did even back while dating.

 

[693987]

My question was actually about car doors specifically

Helping someone who's carrying unwieldly / heavy objects gets them on their way more quickly.
Holding a building door open for someone gets them on their way more quickly.
Letting someone with only a couple items cut in line at the grocery store gets them on their way more quickly.

Those all make sense to me as good manners.

But car doors, assuming the guy is driving, slows everything down. There's the trek to and from the passenger side. It's not a huge timesink by any means, it's just something where I'd lean towards @Fade's view of it. If my passenger is in restrictive clothing or holding something, sure, but otherwise it's not something I ever did even back while dating.

Yeah, car doors I appreciate the gesture, but it's unnecessary. It makes the person (to me) go the hell out of their way and makes it slower for us to get to where ever. I do like older school manners to an extent.

I've held submissive partners to a hell of a lot of etiquette in the past, as well as friends hosting extremely formal BDSM dinners, with protocol all over the place XD

 

[deleted924715]

My question was actually about car doors specifically

Helping someone who's carrying unwieldly / heavy objects gets them on their way more quickly.
Holding a building door open for someone gets them on their way more quickly.
Letting someone with only a couple items cut in line at the grocery store gets them on their way more quickly.

Those all make sense to me as good manners.

But car doors, assuming the guy is driving, slows everything down. There's the trek to and from the passenger side. It's not a huge timesink by any means, it's just something where I'd lean towards @Fade's view of it. If my passenger is in restrictive clothing or holding something, sure, but otherwise it's not something I ever did even back while dating.

My bad - it was the person you quoted who used the word chivalry

 

[MickeyLee]

i was reared a proper southern butch boy
manners, courtesies and certain graces are a given
i open doors, car and building
i take coats, offer a seat , push in chairs
walk on the correct side of the street
always have an umbrella

i do this for everyone, appreciate when it's returned
don't get spun if it's not

the first two years with the boy was a constant power struggle over opening doors
we eventually worked it all out

 

[Scarletbegonia]

To be fair, Texan asked if women here appreciate chivalrous behaviour from a man and the responses were kinda specific. Everyone should be well mannered - men and women - I hold doors open for everyone too... but that wasn't the question. It wasn't about obligation - more about appreciation as the recipient.

My view is the person with a free hand opens the door.
Taking turns is good.

Car doors? Only when raining, and the driver unlocks and opens the passenger door. Gender not involved. It's a non keyholder issue, and waiting for someone to settle in and reach over to unlock. (which is fine in good weather)
The flip side is person seated by driver reaches over to unlock that door.
(until that embarrassing moment when you realize your gorilla arms are T. rex arms, and you cannot reach.)

 

[TexanStar]

My view is the person with a free hand opens the door.
Taking turns is good.

Car doors? Only when raining, and the driver unlocks and opens the passenger door. Gender not involved. It's a non keyholder issue, and waiting for someone to settle in and reach over to unlock. (which is fine in good weather)
The flip side is person seated by driver reaches over to unlock that door.
(until that embarrassing moment when you realize your gorilla arms are T. rex arms, and you cannot reach.)

Whoa, I didn't even think about the key issue. Mind blown. The majority of cars out on the road now have keyless entry.

Back in the day, if the driver didn't walk around to unlock the passenger's door, the passenger had to stand there derpily waiting for the driver to get in, reach over, and unlock their door. Moreso than any assumed weakness in women, they just couldn't get in the door even if they wanted to because it was still locked.

It's a manner largely made obsolete by the fact that the driver can now unlock all car doors with an extra click of a button.

 

[Snakebyte]

Whoa, I didn't even think about the key issue. Mind blown. The majority of cars out on the road now have keyless entry.

Back in the day, if the driver didn't walk around to unlock the passenger's door, the passenger had to stand there derpily waiting for the driver to get in, reach over, and unlock their door. Moreso than any assumed weakness in women, they just couldn't get in the door even if they wanted to because it was still locked.

It's a manner largely made obsolete by the fact that the driver can now unlock all car doors with an extra click of a button.

Science killed the gentleman