Becoming Friends After Hooking Up

kr8zy

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Why do guys have such a hard time still being friends after hooking up? Even if the sex is not that great, what makes it so awkward to just talk and hang out?
 

cedarizzo

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That is how I met my best friend. We were cruising each other at the local city park that was very cruisy. Unfortunately it was late at night and the park was closed. A cop came upon us, but the entrance to the park was so long that you knew somebody was coming long before they got there. So the cop shows up, we were fully dressed just sitting on the hood of my car talking. The cop told us we needed to leave. So I followed the guy out of the park and down to another park about a mile away. This park was pretty secluded but never closed because people lived in the park. So we parked over on one side that wasn't used and we sucked each other off. The sex was horrible. I know I wasn't turned on by it and I am pretty sure he wasn't either. I didn't talk to him again until about a year later. I went to a restaurant and he was working. I gave him my number and we became really good friends. We eventually had 3 ways together with another guy on 2 different occasions. Him and I were best friends. He taught me about adult bookstores. I taught him about gay bars. We did everything together. We went on trips together. Most people assumed we were partners or we were brothers. I knew his family. He knew my family. He loved my first boyfriend. He hated my 2nd boyfriend. But he was there for me when the 2nd boyfriend passed away from a heart attack. And then my heart was broken again 2 years later when my best friend passed away. To this day I still want to call him and tell him something. Sometimes it is really hard to accept that he is gone and it has been 14 years since he left. But at no point did I ever want to date him. The sex between us was NOT good and I loved him much more as my best friend.
 
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Why do guys have such a hard time still being friends after hooking up? Even if the sex is not that great, what makes it so awkward to just talk and hang out?

Great question.

I have a good friend who has easily had sex with at least 500 or more guys (including me way back when). We became very good friends (no more sex) and remain that way today. I doubt he has ever reconnected with over five of his other hook-ups.

We have often talked about this and there is no good answer that explains why we have continued as close friends.
 

malakos

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I don't think it's so much that there is something about having sex that makes being friends difficult. More so it's that there's just a lack of relevant basis. People generally make friendships on the basis of common interests (occupation, hobby, values, etc). With hookups there tends to be no such basis for making friends. Sure, you had sex. So what? What does that have to do with what makes friendships?
 

theplayerking

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I don't think it's so much that there is something about having sex that makes being friends difficult. More so it's that there's just a lack of relevant basis. People generally make friendships on the basis of common interests (occupation, hobby, values, etc). With hookups there tends to be no such basis for making friends. Sure, you had sex. So what? What does that have to do with what makes friendships?

I agree with this. I have friends that started as online fuck buddies, but we found we had mutual interests beyond sex.
 

Chowderbomb

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That is how I met my best friend. We were cruising each other at the local city park that was very cruisy. Unfortunately it was late at night and the park was closed. A cop came upon us, but the entrance to the park was so long that you knew somebody was coming long before they got there. So the cop shows up, we were fully dressed just sitting on the hood of my car talking. The cop told us we needed to leave. So I followed the guy out of the park and down to another park about a mile away. This park was pretty secluded but never closed because people lived in the park. So we parked over on one side that wasn't used and we sucked each other off. The sex was horrible. I know I wasn't turned on by it and I am pretty sure he wasn't either. I didn't talk to him again until about a year later. I went to a restaurant and he was working. I gave him my number and we became really good friends. We eventually had 3 ways together with another guy on 2 different occasions. Him and I were best friends. He taught me about adult bookstores. I taught him about gay bars. We did everything together. We went on trips together. Most people assumed we were partners or we were brothers. I knew his family. He knew my family. He loved my first boyfriend. He hated my 2nd boyfriend. But he was there for me when the 2nd boyfriend passed away from a heart attack. And then my heart was broken again 2 years later when my best friend passed away. To this day I still want to call him and tell him something. Sometimes it is really hard to accept that he is gone and it has been 14 years since he left. But at no point did I ever want to date him. The sex between us was NOT good and I loved him much more as my best friend.
Curious question if youdon't mind me asking, what made the sex mediocre? I guess not so easy while cruising i guess.
 

cedarizzo

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Curious question if youdon't mind me asking, what made the sex mediocre? I guess not so easy while cruising i guess.
I'm not sure. He had a nice body. He had a nice dick. But I just didn't get that spark. And all we did was suck each other off. But the next time we ran into each other and started talking, it really felt like I was talking to somebody I have known my whole life. WE got along great and were best friends right away. The few times we had 3 ways, the first time was truly based upon us all being horny. We let another guy suck us off at the same time, but we didn't have much contact with each other. The other 3 way was with a guy he had been with before. They were wanting to have sex but I was the 3rd wheel. But we all agreed to mess around. I sucked both of them, they both sucked me (and each other). But I never saw him sexually after that first time we cruised each other in the park.
 

RammingGull

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I've probably messed around with 2/3 of my gay friends, mostly as a hookup that I stayed in touch with, less so messing around after having met otherwise. I think some guys (like me) see sex as a simple way to get off and others have a deeper connection and have a hard time separating the sex with something more - thus can't remian 'friends'.