Becoming Illegal

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by Shelby, Feb 28, 2007.

  1. Shelby

    Gold Member

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    the following is probably a hoax but it gave me a laugh...

    Becoming Illegal (From a Maryland resident to his senator)

    The Honorable Paul S. Sarbanes
    309 Hart Senate Office Building
    Washington DC, 20510

    Dear Senator Sarbanes,

    As a native Marylander and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue
    Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the
    Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process
    for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

    My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen
    to illegal alien stem from the bill which was recently passed by the
    Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's
    provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the
    United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay
    a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I
    know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process
    started before everyone figures it out.

    Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay
    taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two
    years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way
    that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an
    excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in
    2004 and 2005.

    Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local
    emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have
    stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures
    I could save almost $10,000 a year. Another benefit in gaining
    illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential
    treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as "in-
    state" tui tion rates for many colleges throughout the United States
    for my son.

    Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the
    burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome
    car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still
    have college age children driving my car.

    If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become
    illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary
    forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

    Your Loyal Constituent,
    Pete McGlaughlin

     
  2. rawbone8

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    Swiftian sense of humour, no?
     
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