Been Shunned, Blacklisted, Subject 2 Obloquy, Ridicule, Rejection?

andigazed

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Have any of you ever been shunned (I have, I am being), have any of you been blacklisted (I have, I am being), have any of you been subject 2 obloquy (I have, I am being), have any of you been subject to pattern rejection (I have, I am being), have any of you been subject to avoidance campaigns (I have, I am being)? Here I'd to discuss the behaviours which are emblematic of shunning, blacklisting, obloquy, pattern rejection, and avoidance campaigns. Provide examples of what the good public has done 2 you, and how you fight back. We can counter organize, against the public, organizations, corporations, and people who do this 2 us.
 

swimmerboynj

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I have numerous times. As a gay man, well educated, and with a free will, I refuse to tow the "LGBTQMNBHJDHJFHJKKLI...... " agenda. (I'm only 50 but when I came out there were only 3 letters... but that is another issue) I think for myself, look at the facts, and draw my own conclusions. I have been harassed at bars while trying to have intelligent conversations based on facts and intellectual discourse. I have been blocked by close friends on social media for not agreeing, or by even questioning or asking 'why?' Why is it easier to throw insults than to listen to someone else's opinion. That's all the other person wants. Hypocritical. Ya know what? I don't need a group, because a group will just be like them. " you MUST listen to us!!" I'm better ( and bigger!) than that. I just walk away.
 

Tight_End_SC

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Maybe back in the 1970s was bullied a bit but not enough to cause emotional distress. I guess in those days it was just part of growing up. I was not athletic so maybe it was the fact I was not a jock? Who knows and really does not matter now. That was in grade school but high school and college were a blast!
 
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O course have dealt with shit. Am queer, female bodied, person o color, an a goth. All sort of people hate me for shit I can no change or for stuff as dumb as what I like to wear. Not likely to change the idiots, though I do speak up if see bigoted bullshit, but am going to live my best life and they can drown in hate and ignorance for all I care.
 

ronin001

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I grew up in NY. In my schools, if you did not have the correct sneakers, you could be picked on, if you did not wear the in style clothes / you could be picked on, if you were not one of the cool kids / you could be picked on , if you were not an Alpha / jock, you could be picked on, if you were perceived as poor / you could be picked on, if you were perceived as gay / you would surely be picked on, if you were of a nationality or race not of the mani majority / you would be picked on . Hell even if you were a little smarter than the average student / you could be picked on

I can say in the same breath, I was both the bully as well as the bullied. It was part of life and the life of many around me. We grew up, many moved away, went to school. The stupidity of youth , luckily did not continue to shape the future of the men we became . At least in most cases.

People bully and treat people harshly for many reasons, some people are -A- Holes; and wonder why no one likes them.. If you are not one of the A-Holes, then just hang i there, expand your horizons, see the world , make other friends / acquaintances, join a club / take up a hobby

Good Luck
 

andigazed

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I have numerous times. As a gay man, well educated, and with a free will, I refuse to tow the "LGBTQMNBHJDHJFHJKKLI...... " agenda. (I'm only 50 but when I came out there were only 3 letters... but that is another issue) I think for myself, look at the facts, and draw my own conclusions. I have been harassed at bars while trying to have intelligent conversations based on facts and intellectual discourse. I have been blocked by close friends on social media for not agreeing, or by even questioning or asking 'why?' Why is it easier to throw insults than to listen to someone else's opinion. That's all the other person wants. Hypocritical. Ya know what? I don't need a group, because a group will just be like them. " you MUST listen to us!!" I'm better ( and bigger!) than that. I just walk away.

@swimmerboynj

Because you supported a non-mainstream point of view, were you consequently punished via shunning, blacklisting, and or pattern rejection?

Sometimes the behaviours associated with the above mentioned forms of social punishment are very subtle. For example, at a store I frequent, I repeatedly complained about staff assuming I wouldn't want 1 penny in change, hence staff never giving me 1 penny when it was the change due to me. Instead, the staff would close the register, and give me a "What do you want", look. After my repeated complaints, on 4 occasions as I was about 2 enter the store, a cashier quickly locked the door B4, I could enter. Several times, as I approached the counter with merchandise to purchase, the cashier walks away from the register, and goes into an office closes the door, and never comes out, until another customer gets in line. Maybe about 3 times another customer didn't come 2 the register, the cashier never came out, and I left the store. Also, I've noticed that when I approach the counter 2 pay, the cashier will busy themselves with another task, or go into another room, make me wait an unacceptable amount of time, return 2 process the transaction without apologizing for walking away. This may seem to be a unimportant example of an avoidance campaign, but this is just the first one I've provided, and the behaviors increase in severity, and consequence.
 

andigazed

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O course have dealt with shit. Am queer, female bodied, person o color, an a goth. All sort of people hate me for shit I can no change or for stuff as dumb as what I like to wear. Not likely to change the idiots, though I do speak up if see bigoted bullshit, but am going to live my best life and they can drown in hate and ignorance for all I care.

@masqued.visage

When these biases against you are organized into a blacklisting, how do you, how have you formed your own counter-resistance? Imagine you call to rent an apartment, and when you arrive for a screening interview the landlord is horrified by your appearance, and concludes you worship satan. The landlord rejects your application, flags your telephone number, proceeds 2 call the entire universe of landlords he knows in a Tri-State area, and tells them to summarily reject your rental application should you apply for an apartment in one of their buildings. It doesn't stop here, though, because now these landlords instruct all of their friends to neither rent 2 you, nor hire you for any job should they encounter you. And so on, and so forth, until you really don't know why no one will rent 2 U, or will hire you for a non-marginal job.
 
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@masqued.visage

When these biases against you are organized into a blacklisting, how do you, how have you formed your own counter-resistance? Imagine you call to rent an apartment, and when you arrive for a screening interview the landlord is horrified by your appearance, and concludes you worship satan. The landlord rejects your application, flags your telephone number, proceeds 2 call the entire universe of landlords he knows in a Tri-State area, and tells them to summarily reject your rental application should you apply for an apartment in one of their buildings. It doesn't stop here, though, because now these landlords instruct all of their friends to neither rent 2 you, nor hire you for any job should they encounter you. And so on, and so forth, until you really don't know why no one will rent 2 U, or will hire you for a non-marginal job.

Never been that organized or enough evidence. Was pariah in school, but was fine. Am introvert. Was angry, hurt, offend, yes at people who threw trash at me or other thing. But. No so much lifelong/lasting thing. Possibly some discrimination at a work place or two, but no able to prove.

Have always been able to adapt. Fit work dress codes, no issue. No piercing or tattoos in places ppl would be bothered by. Held jobs within legal field and medical field. Has only been more personal/private life that has had people who hate. Can't change/hide ethnic background. Will always have to deal with that. Whether from folk who otherwise fit larger umbrella of similar ethnicity as me, to those who are not people of color. Can't make them not be idiots. Can only control own behavior. With being Asian an all the idiots w the Corona Virus stuff? On top o social distancing an stay at home as much as possible, even have partner get groceries right now instead of me, as they are not Asian. Really don't wanna be attacked by some psycho that thinks all Asian are same, and all Asian have a disease.
 
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LilJock

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It seems to me you have (and are currently) experiencing a lot of rejection: shunning, blacklisting, obloquy*, pattern rejection*, and avoidance campaigns. You may also be experiencing paranoia to boot.

Now I haven't experienced much of this. The only things along these lines I can recall I expect I fully deserved. For instance, the time I spilt coffee at my wife's mother's** house, I got the full dose: shunning, blacklisting, obloquy, pattern rejection, and avoidance campaigns. From both my wife and her mother. It went on for days. I amply deserved it. It was, after all, the Royal Doulton with the hand-painted periwinkles.

But I don't remember ever experiencing them on a continuous or wide-spread basis. I suspect anyone who does is either a fully reprehensible person or paranoid. People usually don't shun, blacklist, obloquize, pattern reject, or avoidance campaign someone without good reason. I mean, shunned? Actually? It takes a lot to be shunned. Like the Royal Doulton with the hand-painted periwinkles.

Now sure, some forms of rejection are unreasonable. I just read that Wagner was so anti-semitic that he wore gloves whenever he conducted Mendelssohn and left them on the floor afterwards for the cleaners to pick up. But recipients of discrimination are quite aware of the cause for this and don't feel rejected wholesalely (if that's a word? it should be). I mean Jews may feel discriminated against by Christians and Arabs; blacks by whites; gays by straights. But even members of these groups don't feel everyone hates them.

But I'd be interested in listening to those who have experienced shunning, blacklisting, obloquy, pattern rejection, and avoidance campaigns. Especially the obloquy and pattern recognition victims.



* And a large vocabulary. Obloquy? Pattern recognition? The first is defined as (1) strong public criticism or verbal abuse or (2) disgrace, especially that brought about by public abuse. Now that I can understand. I once experienced it when I farted in church. I could find no definition for pattern recognition on the internet, although I did find a long paper about it from the Computer Department of Columbia University. I didn't fully understand it but it appeared to be about algorithms to recognize associated groupings of data. This may upset numbers and such, but I don't think that's what's pissing you off. However, I do recognize a pattern in your complaints.

** Mother-in-law is English by birth. Like the Queen, she always wears gloves and a hat and carries a purse. She also wears jackboots to bed. She detests me and displays the full panoply of shunning, blacklisting, obloquy, pattern rejection, and avoidance campaigns towards me. She has many additional ways of making me feel not wanted.
 
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andigazed

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Never been that organized or enough evidence. Was pariah in school, but was fine. Am introvert. Was angry, hurt, offend, yes at people who threw trash at me or other thing. But. No so much lifelong/lasting thing. Possibly some discrimination at a work place or two, but no able to prove.

Have always been able to adapt. Fit work dress codes, no issue. No piercing or tattoos in places ppl would be bothered by. Held jobs within legal field and medical field. Has only been more personal/private life that has had people who hate. Can't change/hide ethnic background. Will always have to deal with that. Whether from folk who otherwise fit larger umbrella of similar ethnicity as me, to those who are not people of color. Can't make them not be idiots. Can only control own behavior. With being Asian an all the idiots w the Corona Virus stuff? On top o social distancing an stay at home as much as possible, even have partner get groceries right now instead of me, as they are not Asian. Really don't wanna be attacked by some psycho that thinks all Asian are same, and all Asian have a disease.

@masqued.visage

Have you ever examined the process, by which, you became a pariah in school? It's not something 2 be minimized, and almost always has long lasting consequences. What types of behaviours did you observe in the tormentors whom assisted the process of making you a "school pariah"? What was your resistance to this process?
 
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@masqued.visage

Have you ever examined the process, by which, you became a pariah in school? It's not something 2 be minimized, and almost always has long lasting consequences. What types of behaviours did you observe in the tormentors whom assisted the process of making you a "school pariah"? What was your resistance to this process?

I knew they were bunch of racist, ignorant fucks. Not really able to avoid them when live in a town of only about 1000 people. No so much a "process" when by the shape of my eyes, the color of my skin, I am different. Having traveled a fair bit and much higher education level than a lot o them made me stand out too, even if did not make much o any comment about it. Lot o the students in that town had not been more than an hour or two by driving away from the town. Far as I am concerned, they can stay hateful idiots in their lil shit town. I left, they stayed. My life goes on an is the better for getting out of that area.

Behaviors? Spit on, stuff thrown at, racial slurs yelled at me, got shoved, had stuff stolen until never used locker, etc. Resistance? Always been a more quiet sort. Happy to read books n be by myself. Ate outside or in a hall, then spent rest o lunch in classroom with a teacher I was fond of (so did a few other o more nerdy students). Sometimes spent in the library. Knew was only going to be a short stint out o my life having to deal with them. Have had to cope with much worse than people saying dumb shit in my life. Not gonna let it ruin my life.
 

Tight_N_Juicy

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I've been shunned and targeted for being atheist, for being a woman (and for not being a thoroughly feminine woman 100%of the time), for being biracial, and for being in a long term biracial relationship.

Basically, @masqued.visage hit the nail on the head. I'm not letting anyone keep me from being the actual badass I know I am and from continuing to improve on what I've already accomplished.

I speak up for myself and others when I feel the need, it's kinda hard to get me to shut the fuck up if we're being blunt. But I'm aware that my chances of making a direct impact on the mind of a bigot with willful ignorance are basically none. So I'm not wasting the little time I have in this body by trying to convince idiots that they're idiots. I just locate, and avoid like they're landmines on a battlefield.
 

andigazed

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I knew they were bunch of racist, ignorant fucks. Not really able to avoid them when live in a town of only about 1000 people. No so much a "process" when by the shape of my eyes, the color of my skin, I am different. Having traveled a fair bit and much higher education level than a lot o them made me stand out too, even if did not make much o any comment about it. Lot o the students in that town had not been more than an hour or two by driving away from the town. Far as I am concerned, they can stay hateful idiots in their lil shit town. I left, they stayed. My life goes on an is the better for getting out of that area.

Behaviors? Spit on, stuff thrown at, racial slurs yelled at me, got shoved, had stuff stolen until never used locker, etc. Resistance? Always been a more quiet sort. Happy to read books n be by myself. Ate outside or in a hall, then spent rest o lunch in classroom with a teacher I was fond of (so did a few other o more nerdy students). Sometimes spent in the library. Knew was only going to be a short stint out o my life having to deal with them. Have had to cope with much worse than people saying dumb shit in my life. Not gonna let it ruin my life.

Thanks @masked.visage. Being one of the, or the only "school pariah", is major. Here i'd say some of the behaviors associated with shunning might be everyone getting up and moving when you sit at a lunch table in the school cafeteria, cancelling of school trips, extracurricular activities, elective classes once your name appears on the list of participants. Some of the behaviours associated with pattern rejection might be, your class instructors repeatedly ignoring your raised hand when you have a question, and instead repeatedly calling on the acceptable, proper students. Within the context of being "school pariah", some of the behaviors associated with blacklisting might be reluctance or refusal of instructors to write a warranted recommendation for work, and or university, refusal to provide remedial in school tutoring by repeatedly offering it to the acceptable, and proper students first.
 

andigazed

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I've been shunned and targeted for being atheist, for being a woman (and for not being a thoroughly feminine woman 100%of the time), for being biracial, and for being in a long term biracial relationship.

Basically, @masqued.visage hit the nail on the head. I'm not letting anyone keep me from being the actual badass I know I am and from continuing to improve on what I've already accomplished.

I speak up for myself and others when I feel the need, it's kinda hard to get me to shut the fuck up if we're being blunt. But I'm aware that my chances of making a direct impact on the mind of a bigot with willful ignorance are basically none. So I'm not wasting the little time I have in this body by trying to convince idiots that they're idiots. I just locate, and avoid like they're landmines on a battlefield.

@Tight_N_Juicy

We should be enraged that anyone would be, could be shunned in the public sphere for their religious values, and or their contrarian stance to traditional views of religion.
 
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Thanks @masked.visage. Being one of the, or the only "school pariah", is major. Here i'd say some of the behaviors associated with shunning might be everyone getting up and moving when you sit at a lunch table in the school cafeteria, cancelling of school trips, extracurricular activities, elective classes once your name appears on the list of participants. Some of the behaviours associated with pattern rejection might be, your class instructors repeatedly ignoring your raised hand when you have a question, and instead repeatedly calling on the acceptable, proper students. Within the context of being "school pariah", some of the behaviors associated with blacklisting might be reluctance or refusal of instructors to write a warranted recommendation for work, and or university, refusal to provide remedial in school tutoring by repeatedly offering it to the acceptable, and proper students first.

I was a good student. Some o the teachers were shit to me, but the librarian and a couple teachers adored me. Was quiet, did my work well. I didn't do any "extracurricular" stuff because of The Suck from that shit tiny town. Didn't sit at a table for lunch, because of reasons mentioned.

Your definition of pariah n mine are different. Doesn't mean shit did not have impact, but also does not mean should allow it to shape my life or make me change who I am.