Before You Went Big

[StillUnsure]

Many of you ladies have discussed the difference you feel between smaller and larger penises. For those of you who stayed in a relationship with a smaller man for an extended period of time, I was wondering how that affected your libido. Additionally, I was wondering how you compensated for the smaller guy’s inadequacies.



My wife and I have an amazingly open emotional relationship with gentle honesty being the rule. A while back my wife confided that she hadn’t had any libido for some time and she felt awful about it. She assured me she loves sex when we do it, but the instances when she feels like it are few and far between. I am doing my best to be patient and understanding, but am still struggling with sex on the brain. We are both mid-twenties and in great shape. During sex, I do my best to be attentive with kissing, oral sex, and holding off until she’s orgasm before I finish. We shake things up and have occasional quickies to keep things interesting, and she has always said she likes what we have. I wholeheartedly believe she was say something if she wanted something different.


All this leads me to my question. Could my wife’s low libido be attributed to my penis size? I believe I am a touch thicker than average at 6.5” x 6”, but when I enter my wife, there is no resistance to speak of. The first time we had sex, I actually looked down to see if I was in because I could barely feel anything. This is probably the only thing my wife wouldn’t bring up as a possible problem in our sex life. I’m afraid that she doesn’t feel anything during sex and that has in-part led to her decreased libido. I’d really appreciate hearing other women’s experience regarding size and libido. Thanks, everyone.

 

[D_Roland D Hay]

The thing that messes it all up is your own thoughts. Not what she thinks. If you feel that the relationship "all in all" is great then it's probably just your own mind playing tricks and not her. And the part where you said you had to look to see if you were inside. Ever crossed your mind she might be, sorry if I'm too direct, horny as hell?

 

[Snozzle]

Could my wife’s low libido be attributed to my penis size? I believe I am a touch thicker than average at 6.5” x 6”, but when I enter my wife, there is no resistance to speak of. The first time we had sex, I actually looked down to see if I was in because I could barely feel anything. This is probably the only thing my wife wouldn’t bring up as a possible problem in our sex life. I’m afraid that she doesn’t feel anything during sex and that has in-part led to her decreased libido. I’d really appreciate hearing other women’s experience regarding size and libido. Thanks, everyone.

I doubt very much that it's anything to do with your dick size. It's perfectly normal for a couple's libido to fall away over time, just from familiarity, but not necessarily at the same rate. (A new partner will buck it up, but that may not be the best method.) Libido also goes down when someone is depressed.

 

[Chaz]

You have good girth.. most women would be very happy with that, if someone is to be accused of anything it is your lady.. but obviously pointing the blame would be utterly pointless... If this is the issue u should get her to start doing her Kegal exercises to tighten up down below... many women have testified on this forum that this can help a great deal...

Cheers

 

[Chaz]

But as Snozzle rightly points out, it might have nothing to do with size of you or her.. its possible that it is something completely diff..

I guess u can just talk about it.. but don't be worried about your size.. u pack better than most.

 

[WildHoney]

:smile: HI,

I have to tell you, your wife is normal with her libido, and so are you. We are all very different.

It is hard keeping sex alive in a long term realtionship because typically libidos are simular in the begining due to the newness factor,the urgency and lust that comes with a new partner. After some time our true patterns emerge and most women are lower than men, men end up feeling 'jipped' and tricked into thinking she was all hot in the begining , what happened?

Women are affected by hormones. Ours fluctate wildly throught our cycle. Our cycle will affect their sex drive, its biology. We are programmed to be horny when our egg is released ( during ovulation) and then for our drive to subside. Men have testosterone and are high and up there sexually usually at a simular level , only dimishing with age or stress.
Alot of things can affect a womens sex drive.
The pill will diminsh it alot for some women. Stress is a major factor also. Resentment is a killer for a womens sex drive. Do you work long hours? Do you help around the house?

I very much doubt your penis size has anything to do with her drive at all.

I would however say that for a long term relationship to work sexually, you need to put in alot of work. Do not think that sex starts when you get into the bedroom. Women need time and attention and relaxation. If you want a good sex life, work on it, it does not come natrually with a ,long term relationship for many couples.

We like to feel special in other ways than sexually. I say to my husband sometimes if he wants a good fuck tonight, to start at around 10am on priming me up for it, text me naughty or loving things ( depending on the women) bring me home choclate or a bottle of wine. take care of the kids, or do the dishes....send me to a hot bath while you make desert etc. Me feeling loving towards my husband makes me want to have sex, even if I am not super horny.

Keep your sex life alive, be creative, fuck her mind not her vagina, give her time and attention, she will re pay you with sex.

Find out what she really likes...give her an avenue to express her self sexually without fear of offending you. Take her out to lunch, don't talk about it in bed.
Tell her you want to be a better lover and you would love to know if she would like to try anything, or if there are things she would rather leave out of your sex life.
For instance you may be kissing her neck as she used to love this, but now it irritates her to death, but she does't want to offend you by saying so ( because she used to like it alot......things change, as do our likes and dislikes)

Don't get stuck doing the same things over and over, what we say we love one day might be something we are not in the mood for the next. Get better at reading her very very small signals. Talk talk talk to her, ask her to show you how she masterbates. learn to read the way her body moves when she is liking something and how she responds when it's not working for her.

My husband used to be so frustrated at not getting my signals for either wanting sex or wanting to be left alone he put a white board on the kitchen wall and had boxed marked yes, no, maybe ( when i ticked maybe, he worked overtime on being nice to me and always got sex anyway) ...he asked me to tick them every night hahahahh..it worked for a while untill he got better at reading my body language and clothing or appearance effort.
'
Now days the best way for my hubby to get laid is when he cleans the house.....:biggrin1:


Honey

( sorry I get long winded )

 

[Wonderboy]

You are not small or inadequate!

If she's had children that could be a reason or it could psychosomatic; all in your head!

If you're not confident in your THICK slab of man meat, you won't feel all the sensations of sex.

You're bigger than a lot of guys, in both length and girth.

In my limited experience, girls don't like quickies.

They need foreplay and to be lubed and wet before you fuck her brains out. Try some romantic candlelight dinners, recreate your first date or go to the place you first met etc. Or just go for a meal get drunk and have some wild sex.

You're probably busy with work and things, but try to make time. And don't seem too eager/like a dog with two dicks...women like to feel loved and cared for more than they like feeling like somewhere warm for you to put your dick.

There is nothing wrong with either of you, being an avid reader of Agony Aunt type columns, the problem is [most likely] that you've just not had time for each other or some one-on-one time. Then when you do get time, you probably just want some nice sex, but women need more than that. Fair play though, sex is great, and you should want it

Good luck.

 

[IntoxicatingToxin]

There are a million things that could shake a womans libido - we aren't like men. Stress can do it, being tired, hormone levels, menstrual cycles, even the foods we eat. Just be patient, I'm sure it will come back. Also, make sure everything else in the relationship is good... because that can cause a libido to sway as well. Women normally associate sex with something emotional, and if her emotional needs aren't being met, she could easily have a decreased sex drive. Try romancing her... withOUT hoping for sex later. Just make her feel special. Don't put the moves on her or anything.

 

[D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah]

A big or small penis attributes to better sex and orgasms but shouldnt affect her libido. Considering she is only mid-20 id rule out hormonal unless she displayes other symptoms and put it down to either mental, emotional or physical (possibly tired).

Sorry to say maybe you arent as an attentive lover as you think. Also if you are aware she is loose down there she will know to and she may be feeling self concious about it.

It say 99% it has nothing to do with your penis..just talk to her about it

 

[Riven650]

You've had some great replies here (I like it when WildHoney gets long winded, don't you?) I just want to join in and say that it definitely isn't your penis. Yours is a nice big one. We're all agreed on that. In fact, 6" is a lot more than 'a touch thicker than average'. So what about her? You mustn't expect her to be tight. If she's happy and relaxed with you, and well turned on, her vagina will automatically open up for you. That's a natural reaction and it's good. When you're inside she should be able to grip you, but unless she uses those muscles frequently they'll fatigue quickly. But even if those pussy muscles are in great shape they will relax invoulntarily as she nears orgasm. Don't worry about it. It's supposed to be this way. Stop worrying and enjoy it.

 

[Pirate Wench]

I think Wildhoney hit the nose on the head with a lot of couples.
Don't assume it is your size.

Ex: Do you complain that the house is a mess, while the garage looks like a bomb went off in it ? (usually seen as the guy's territory)......
I know that irritates me.

Also if I feel disrespected, or insulted, even on a small issue.......it turns me off cold......don't even come near me.

*********************************************


Is your wife taking an anti-depressant ?
Most of those drugs kill libido......(as if the person doesn't already have enough to be depressed about....now their sex drive is in the dirt.....a bit counter-productive)

 

[Gain on 10]

This post is going to get me in a lot of trouble, and I know that, but I'm going in anyway.

Your wife doesn't see you as someone to get turned on by. She is taking you for granted.

If you have a female friend from work or something that's tight enough with you to work with you I'd suggest you find some excuse to go out together and have your friend flirt with you in front of your wife and come on to you, act a little tipsy, whatever. Just have her make a pass in front of your wife, but not so blatant that it will ruin a friendship, just super strong flirtation.

That night your wife will suck you dry. Then she'll demand you empty another load into her just to make the point. She'll get really pissed that "no bitch is going to steal MY man!" and fuck you silly for a week.

It's wrong on so many levels, but you aren't really cheating and it will make you look sexual to your wife again. You decide. Your wife will always hate your "friend" after this, so choose carefully.

 

[WildHoney]

Playing mind games is the best way to live a long life on your own sadly masturbating into your cum rag.

:smile:

Honey

 

[Gain on 10]

'Tis a good point. It's probably best to keep the honesty going and talk about it. The good point is at least you're paying attention to her desires and needs.

 

[StillUnsure]

Thanks to everyone for the thoughtful responses; I really appreciate everyone’s kind comments. I’ve always been a little self-conscious about my size, particularly when flaccid, but took solace that most surveys suggested I had pretty good thickness. I was a virgin before my wife so I don’t have any point of reference, but I expected some resistance when I entered her. Even two years later, I’m still regularly surprised when I start to enter and slide in without any push. Like Swede80 suggested, I have tried to convince myself it’s just nice arousal on her part, but no matter how into it we are, I basically slide in like I’m packing a tootsie roll down there. As I noted, we talk about everything and talk openly like best friends should. When I asked, she said my size is just fine, but I have to think that my size might be the one thing she wouldn’t criticize. Women are savvy and insightful and it’s not too difficult to see how important size is to the fiefdom of men. This makes me wonder if sex isn’t that enjoyable, then maybe it’s harder to maintain a high libido.

One other side-concern is aesthetics. I’m 6’4” and wonder if the stereotype of larger build equaling larger penis makes my penis look small for my body. I know women don’t tend to be as visually aroused, but I wonder if the visual of looking like I have a small penis has any effect. The two guys my wife was with were both small from head to toe. I wonder if me being so much larger created a bit of a disappointment. Do I look disproportionately small in my pictures? Does anyone’s libido wane if their partner looks smaller than expected? Anyway, I’ll finish whining now, but I think the therapy of my questions and your questions helps sort things out. My wife did start a new job a couple months ago so that is probably contributing to the equation. Thanks again to everyone for the great answers.

 

[Wonderboy]

The height:cock size thing only really matters when viewing a cock from a distance I think. Up close and inside, a 7" cock feels like a 7" cock whatever the guys' height is. The only thing that would make a difference would be girth, which gives a woman that 'fuller feeling'. And you're thick, most likely thicker than your wife's previous partners.

About going right in, it most likely means your wife is REALLY turned on...sometimes they do that, especially when they move their hips or pull you inside them.

Unless she uses huge dildos or has had children...I don't see how she could be loose, unless there's some medical condition that causes 'loose vagina syndrome'. It's probably all in your head, you would not believe how many things and how markedly things in the mind can manifest phsyically.

Just try and find the spark again, make some love and set the mood etc, try not to look too eager. My friend has a small flaccid penis (smaller than yours) and he gets it out all the time.

 

[D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah]

One other side-concern is aesthetics. I’m 6’4” and wonder if the stereotype of larger build equaling larger penis makes my penis look small for my body. I know women don’t tend to be as visually aroused, but I wonder if the visual of looking like I have a small penis has any effect. The two guys my wife was with were both small from head to toe. I wonder if me being so much larger created a bit of a disappointment. Do I look disproportionately small in my pictures? Does anyone’s libido wane if their partner looks smaller than expected? Anyway, I’ll finish whining now, but I think the therapy of my questions and your questions helps sort things out. My wife did start a new job a couple months ago so that is probably contributing to the equation. Thanks again to everyone for the great answers.

She has already married you so stop being concerned she isnt happy with you physically. And sure most people would probably expect you would be big all over, but if you are working fine with what you have then.....be happy

Firstly can you make your wife orgasm/cum easily even without much fricton? If so it just may be the way she is built form birth

However id suggest you start her on her kegals..If she isnt that tight already age and child birth arent going to make her any tighter.. Try and make a game of it using different sized objects "baby can you grip this with your pussy"......you get the idea

 

[ruffboy]

My husband used to be so frustrated at not getting my signals for either wanting sex or wanting to be left alone he put a white board on the kitchen wall and had boxed marked yes, no, maybe ( when i ticked maybe, he worked overtime on being nice to me and always got sex anyway) ...he asked me to tick them every night hahahahh..it worked for a while untill he got better at reading my body language and clothing or appearance effort.
'
Now days the best way for my hubby to get laid is when he cleans the house.....:biggrin1:

THAT is fantastic! love yer husband already, sometimes we have to be just in your face blunt about it huh, then the signals become easier to read. its always a challenge to have two human beings on the same page most of the time, but yer right honey, only working at it and making it a priority (on both sides) is the way to get the kinks out (so to speak)