Being a Friends Caretaker

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by 007Member, Feb 3, 2010.

  1. 007Member

    007Member Member

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    So many times I've read the threads about "WHAT IF" your friend broke his arms... would you help him out. Then the straight guys say "thats what a girlfriend is for"

    So the stars have aligned and I need your advice:

    SITUATION: My best friend and college roommate was involved in a serious accident two nights ago. Drunk driver ran a light and hit him so now he has 2 broke arms and light burns on his hands and had one dislocated hip.

    TRANSLATION: He can't wash, feed or groom himself. He can't go to the bathroom unattended. You get the picture. So I told him since his family lives up north... and we're in the south, that he should stay in the guest bedroom and I'd just work from home and take care of him......

    His girl is in Spain for Spring/Summer Semester so that counts her out on helping with him.

    Me and him are VERY close. Closer than me and my brother ever was.
    So what do I do when the HomeHealth Nurses leave next week and I have to bathe him, and all... and what happens till his hands and arms heal for poor ol' man down stairs???
     
  2. Cougar

    Cougar New Member

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    when you are that sick and ill the sex drive does not activate. If it does, then he can wash his own bum!

    I work as a caregiver and I like seeing "life" in a male patient so washing them is alays fun.
     
  3. 007Member

    007Member Member

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    The doctor said his hands wont be healed for about six to seven weeks... and his arms are longer than that because he broke both the lower and upper bones on both arms... he looks hilarious in the casts...

    but also remember WE're 20 y/o male humans = HORNY 24/7/365... so :/
     
  4. CUBE

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    I think first, you just attending to him will bond you on a level of trust that you never had. I would take it easy. He isn't thinking about jacking yet. You may find he has a delayed emotional reaction and he may need to even cry it out. In regard to anything else...just let events unfold as he needs them.
     
    dallas_dad65 likes this.
  5. Cougar

    Cougar New Member

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    If he gets an erection, just point blankly ask him "do you want me to take care of that"
     
  6. helgaleena

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    I think you need to ask him if you can 'shadow' the nurses and get an idea how to hold the basin and similar. That is, once they are home with you. Copy their attitude and it will be easier not to freak out your buddy with some of the intimate stuff you'll have to be doing for him.

    Dislocated hip is not going to be checking out of the hospital for a while yet. Requires traction usually. Traction means bedpans and often IV sedation.


    For the first while he'll need wheelchair to get to and from the toilet, and possibly one of those plastic stools in the shower, to shower seated.

    He's very lucky he has you for a friend.
     
  7. CUBE

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    good thoughts on the above stuff including with the erection
     
  8. actioncfc

    actioncfc Active Member

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    EVSN first let's just say what a great person you may be. To offer to take in your friend and to worry about his needs is shows you are a really nice person. Bathing him is not a big issue. It is what it is! As for the jacking off. He could always use a fleshlight wedged between the matresses or something. So what if you gave him alittle help. Like he is going to tell people you gave hime a hand! Don't sweat it.




     
  9. Principessa

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    1st - I'm sorry you're friend was hurt I hope the drunk driver gets the book thrown at him. :angryfire2:

    2nd - You should be commended for stepping up to the plate when a lot of people including family wouldn't. Feel free to PM me and bitch in 3 weeks when it becomes too much. :redface: Trust me, I know, I been there. :cool:
    3rd - He must have crap insurance! :eek: :frown1: He should be at one of those facilities designed for rehabilitation following a serious injury/surgery for at least 2 weeks before you have to take him in.

    4th - Definetely shadow the nurses that come so you learn the tricks/techniques to caring for his more intimate needs.


    My thoughts too! :tongue:

    :yikes:
    uhmm, I find that a bit disturbing. Makes mental note to cancel nurse scheduled to come bathe dad. :irked:
     
  10. 007Member

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  11. suprdave

    suprdave Member

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    i've been a caretaker for a few friends and its not all the fun you seem to think it is. first from my experience it will be very awkward for your friend. when its someone you dont know its different but when your bud has to wipe your ass its awkward and he will be embarrased. when i had to shower my friends i wore shorts because unless you have done something together in the past, your friend may not want to shower with you naked. put your self in his position and think how you would feel.

    my advice to you is to be a friend, "not many would do what your doing".listen to him, if there is something he doesnt want you to do, respect his wish. let him know that while it is awkward your here to help him recover, and dont ask to "help" him, if he feels the need and is comfortable he will let you know.
     
  12. B_Lightkeeper

    B_Lightkeeper New Member

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    That's what friends (real friends) are for!
     
  13. SpeedoMike

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    the other drivers insurance should cover ALL expenses. I hope he HAD insurance.
     
  14. greengrass_89

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    Here's my 2 cents. I think it's awesome that you are doing all that you are for your friend. It really is amazing and says a lot about you. My mom was a nurse for 25 years, so I picked up on some things from her. It's a lot of work to take care of someone like that, and as awkward as it can be to do some of the things you have to do, you treat it like any other job. As far as taking car of the poor guys blue balls, (that is of course when he starts getting back some sex drive) (I'm 20 I know how it is) My advice on handling the situation would be to communicate about how feels and ask him to be blunt and honest with you. If he is horny, my suggestion would be, watch a porn together. As you're taking care of youurself, with his permission, reachover and help him out. If its a good porn, it shouldn't take too long anyway. So the awkwardness would be over shortly. But don't be concerned about the whole "does that make me gay?" thing. You may find it to be a very innocent and rewarding bonding experience for you both. Only a real friend would do that. But if he's opposed to that, just ask him if there's any way you can help in that department. And he'll tell you.
     
  15. dickman45885

    dickman45885 New Member

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    Agreed...the other drivers insurance should cover all costs...let them do and you show up for moral suppport and help. I tihink lou might be getting in for more than you bargained. Have you ever had a child..that's what it will be like...only he will be able to express needs.
     
  16. D_Passmoore Fearsomgas

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    If he is straight... i doubt he'll ask for what u are thinking or hoping he will ask for... im sure he has girlfriends that could so that for him.. and if he is ur bestfriend wouldnt that be a little weird... i wouldnt wanna do that stuff with my best friend. its kinda like family
     
  17. Viking_UK

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    I'd suggest being as business-like about it as possible. Shadow the nurses to see what they do and copy them. If you end up showering him, I'd suggest that you wear a speedo or shorts at least. It's one thing to be washed by someone else, and another thing entirely to be washed by someone who's naked. Also, if he's in multiple casts, chances are he won't be showering for quite some time. It's more likely to be a wash cloth and basin unless he has good cast covers.

    I would hesitate to bring up the subject of lending him a helping hand unless he mentions it first. If you do it in the wrong way, you risk being seen as a sexual predator. I know you said he has a girlfriend, but if she's miles away, he might be more comfortable with a girl helping him out on that front, or maybe a fleshlight, as a lot of straight guys aren't too comfortable with other men holding their erections.

    Off on a tangent, another thing you might consider is getting some gel ice packs. When his casts have been on for a while, his skin will itch like crazy and if you put a cold pack on the cast over the itchy spot for a few minutes, it will help. It also helps to reduce some of the pain. I broke my wrist a few years ago and would have gone crazy if someone else hadn't suggested that to me.
     
  18. dc46064

    dc46064 New Member

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    Your friend should thank God that he has you for a friend. Alot of men would not do this, not even for a friend. When I was young, in high school, I remember a conversation that came up one time. One of my friends asked " if we were out in the desert and taking a piss and a snake bit one of us on our dicks, would you suck the venum out? There was 6 of us and only 2 of us said that we would. I would do anything that I had to help a friend out in the situation that you are in. Not all would. Thank God for men like us. Friendship means something to me.
     
  19. Symphonic

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    I'd ask the home health aide what to do and focus on learning the 4 skills you'll actually need? His penis is going to be fine, at worst he'll have nocturnal emissions.
     
  20. piratebulldog

    piratebulldog Member

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    Sorry, but this one seems like it should be in Fictitious Stories or at best some type of fantasy. The kid's best friend is involved in a terrible accident and the first thing he thinks of is that he needs to jack the guy off? Come on! IF the friend was so seriously injured that he would require Home Health and hospital beds etc, where are his parents? He is 20! No way would I let another 20 year old guy be the sole caretaker of my son. Slip this one in another thread cause it smacks of fantasy instead of truth.
     
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