Being Bullied

[earllogjam]

Claire,

I admire your courage and being able to divorce yourself completely from your childhood bullying. Where do you think you got your inner strength and fortitude? I suspect you had no choice like me. You were forced to be strong. I 'm about 90% over it but sometimes I just feel like l'd like to beat the living snot out of those who bullied me. Looking back they were such losers too.

 

[madame_zora]

Never underestimate the power of the nerdy kids with something to prove!

I would love to do a study on the backgrounds of self-made "successful" people- one on financial success and one on satisfaction with life. Surprisingly, these don't necessarily go hand in hand.

Earllogjam and Claire, what you both show me is something I've noticed a lot through the years anyway. People who have something to overcome develop a set of skills that people whose lives are easier never develop. I'm not sure that going through horrific things would be worth it, but since we don't get a choice what our childhoods are like, might as well enjoy the few gifts you get from it. You get more arrows in your quiver. You get to know what your grandma meant when she told you what doesn't kill you makes you stronger (it really does, damn it). You learn how to cope with adversity, so the next time something bad happens, at least you'll have a fucking clue what to do, you won't just melt over every little thing.

I'm not rude or dispassionate enough to tell anyone to be grateful for their misfortunes, but since you did have them and you did survive them, be wise enough to benefit from them.

Claire, you kick ass girl! The more I know about you, the more I like you.

 

[D_Humper E Bogart]

As for me, I suck at sports, I'm a barbarian-intellectual. Heck, I'd even work in a smithy and then spend ages working out if I could do a tungsten-steel alloy blade!

Sadly, those do not exist.

To sum up, born a freak, grew up a freak, die most likely alone.

My appearance is "a tad off" and that seems to get tongues wagging when I'm in public, especially among younger people. This I find darkly amusing and emotionally frustrating because I AM the kind of person that fits the "most likely to do a high school massacre" profile give or take the black trenchcoats and it takes my in built laziness and a heck of discipline not to just stab the fuckers in the head. Especially in the UK where fighting in self-defence is criminal, and under 18s are immune to the law...that's another tale methinks.

As for bullying, well I think most of it was because I don't really fit in. Heck, I'm a nigger with an IQ 130 (or about 0.00000000000000...%) of the male population, so I act differently, use long words, talk eloquently when I feel like and so forth. I also am a biased introvert so I don't talk about my feelings and under stress tend to "burrow" heck, check my avatar.

Is there light at the end of the tunnel? Certainly, but I am also sure, that these kind of scum make the best managers, professionals and leaders in our society.

Being harsh, insesitive and cruel to those weaker than oneself is a virture.

 

[madame_zora]

As for me, I suck at sports, I'm a barbarian-intellectual. Heck, I'd even work in a smithy and then spend ages working out if I could do a tungsten-steel alloy blade!

Sadly, those do not exist.

To sum up, born a freak, grew up a freak, die most likely alone.

My appearance is "a tad off" and that seems to get tongues wagging when I'm in public, especially among younger people. This I find darkly amusing and emotionally frustrating because I AM the kind of person that fits the "most likely to do a high school massacre" profile give or take the black trenchcoats and it takes my in built laziness and a heck of discipline not to just stab the fuckers in the head. Especially in the UK where fighting in self-defence is criminal, and under 18s are immune to the law...that's another tale methinks.

As for bullying, well I think most of it was because I don't really fit in. Heck, I'm a nigger with an IQ 130 (or about 0.00000000000000...%) of the male population, so I act differently, use long words, talk eloquently when I feel like and so forth. I also am a biased introvert so I don't talk about my feelings and under stress tend to "burrow" heck, check my avatar.

Is there light at the end of the tunnel? Certainly, but I am also sure, that these kind of scum make the best managers, professionals and leaders in our society.

Being harsh, insesitive and cruel to those weaker than oneself is a virture.

Honey, you're my favorite nigger with a 130 iq, and I wish you didn't burrow so much.

I have to disagree about bullies making good managers, and this is only based on MY expereince, but I am an inconstant soul, so I job-hopped a lot before I left the corporate world four years ago. Bully managers make their employees resentful and angry. They make them want to steal things from the company, waste company time, call in sick more because they don't respect their boss enough to want to show up and do well for them.
Bullies make shitty leaders, positive reinforcement works better by a fucking landslide. I ALWAYS posted far above average numbers for my sales teams by using simple "techniques" like telling my people I appreciated them, buying them lunch once in a while, having contests, but keeping it fun so they were competing with each other, not against.

It's free to be a decent human being, and it pays well enough too. Oh, I'll never have penis cheney's money, but I don't have to wake up and look at a parasite in the mirror either. It's actually not only possible but easier to be assertive without being a bully. "Never lie, cheat or steal, always strike a fair deal"- I don't know who wrote it, but it was on a poster I kept on the wall, and I consider it words to live by.

You're probably right about dying alone.

 

[naughty]

First and foremost ,I would like to thank my mother for making me wear green tights in middle school! LOL! Yes, I did just say that! Up through 4th grade I went relatively bully free, but when we moved to our new home the games began. I too am a bird of paradise. That being said my uniqueness drew attention. I do have to say that my tormenters were girls who themselves were probably going through some sort of emotional trauma at the time. but be that as it may I didnt appreciate it. I will never forget my eleventh birthday. I was treated to having my two long braids wrapped around the handle bar on my seat on the bus and beaten in the back till I was black and blue. Then I arrived home only to have my poor harried parents totally forget my birthday.Oh yes and my period started so my eleventh birthday was a memorable one. I enjoyed harrassment up through my freshman year in high school. After college I met many of these same people again and they to my surprise embraced me and told me that they were going through their own private hells at home (divorce, abuse, etc) THough it was not pleasant I can look at them with a little less anger now. I suppose that is one reason I am so rabid about being kind to one another here on the board. None of us know what the other has been through to get here or is even going through at the moment.

 

[earllogjam]

First and foremost ,I would like to thank my mother for making me wear green tights in middle school! LOL! Yes, I did just say that! Up through 4th grade I went relatively bully free, but when we moved to our new home the games began. I too am a bird of paradise. That being said my uniqueness drew attention. I do have to say that my tormenters were girls who themselves were probably going through some sort of emotional trauma at the time. but be that as it may I didnt appreciate it. I will never forget my eleventh birthday. I was treated to having my two long braids wrapped around the handle bar on my seat on the bus and beaten in the back till I was black and blue. Then I arrived home only to have my poor harried parents totally forget my birthday.Oh yes and my period started so my eleventh birthday was a memorable one. I enjoyed harrassment up through my freshman year in high school. After college I met many of these same people again and they to my surprise embraced me and told me that they were going through their own private hells at home (divorce, abuse, etc) THough it was not pleasant I can look at them with a little less anger now. I suppose that is one reason I am so rabid about being kind to one another here on the board. None of us know what the other has been through to get here or is even going through at the moment.

*eyes blurring and watering up* silence.

 

[ClaireTalon]

You suspect quite right, earllogjam. I was forced to summon the strength I needed, and was forced to look for options. But I think that is only half the truth, the other was that I burned the bridges behind me, so I never had a back exit left over. Also, I knew the consequences of my failure, and the fear of failing kept me striving. A life on the run? Probably. But as I said, I think I wouldn't have the ridiculousness I'd have been welcomed with if I had returned. I have risked a lot, but as Madame said it, the additional arrows in my quiver have saved me more than once.

However, as I get older and (probably) wiser, I started noticing the downsides. I have always found it hard to build up relationships of depth, and found it even harder sustaining them. I can be very competitive, often for little reason. When I feel like I'm under fire, even if I'm not, I am tempted to fire back very hard. I can be very pedantic at work, I work for long hours and sometimes don't find the point where to end, like a terrier. I find it hard to accept a tactical victory, or a stalemate: my desire has always been to not only win over someone, but to defeat him and stomp him into the ground, pee into his wells and steal his MREs. A few personality inventories probably looked very interesting.

I don't regret leaving my so-called home and family without good-byes and without the intention of ever returning, I have made my choices and was willing to live with the consequences. I can understand you and all the others who were bullied around very well, probably that's a bond we share.

Like Mme. Zora, I also would be very interested in a study on the backgrounds of successful self-made professionals. I think I'll keep my eyes open for one, and if I find it, I'll let you know about the results.

Claire,

I admire your courage and being able to divorce yourself completely from your childhood bullying. Where do you think you got your inner strength and fortitude? I suspect you had no choice like me. You were forced to be strong. I 'm about 90% over it but sometimes I just feel like l'd like to beat the living snot out of those who bullied me. Looking back they were such losers too.

 

[MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK]

I've had only one guy in High school who virtually terrorized me to the point of threatening to come over to my house & shooting me for no damn good reason. He's since gone to jail last I heard.

 

[earllogjam]

Claire,

You are a comfort. We do share a common bond and I am grateful that I found you here. We share a lot of things, funny how people are more alike than different. I was extremely driven as well, and very hard on myself if I ever fell short on anything I would do it until it was perfect. There was no room for failure because it was interwined with my self worth. I needed to prove that I was not what others saw me as and strove for "success". I never really got to know myself as a kid because I was dealing with this shit and it was all consuming. It sounds worse that it was actually - I do have fond memories of parts of my childhood, family and the place where I grew up. I have a trust issue with new people, and I'm very guarded all of which I attribute to being bullied. And I always need to feel I'm better than everyone else in my own way. My childhood has led me to strive for perfection in all that I do. I probably will never attain it but I have found that the striving creates vitality in my life. I'm much nicer to myself these days.

Regarding the issue of childhood adversity leading to a successful adulthood- the problem I found later in my life was that the "success" that I strove for that was sold to me and everyone else in America - go to college, get a great paying job, own a big house, drive a expensive car, marry a beautiful wife, have 1.5 kids and retire at 55, was ultimately not really my idea of success or what I enjoyed. That came much later after getting out of the corporate world. I am reticent to say I am who I am now because of the abuse I suffered as a kid and that abuse was actually good for me. That would be a lie. I do look at the world differently than most folks who had idealic childhoods, and as Mme. Zora put it I have more arrows in my quiver which I know has helped me - and I didn't even realize that they were there. It's a long way down to where I came from though and I know I will never go back to that place, not even an option.

 

[jeff black]

At the risk of adding another tale... I was "bullied" in my grade 9-11 years but only because I was interested in various school activities. One day, someone tried to make fun of me for some play I was in, and I stood up for myself.

Word got around, no more bullies. I wish there was a way that we could instill that the opinions of others in highschool don't really matter. IT would have saved alot of people tears.

 

[Lordpendragon]

Bizarrely, the guy who bullied me at boarding school was a gay guy. The gay bit had nothing to do with it, he was just a nasty piece of shit. I was thirteen, he was seventeen. He knocked me out once hitting me on the back of the head from behind.

When I was 21 and a light heavyweight amateur boxer I was coming out of a restaurant in Soho and saw him coming towards me. He saw me at about forty yards and ran away.

Bullies are cowardly little shits. I have always been proud without humility that we stopped bullying at my school. OK we had to beat a few people up to do it - but hey.

 

[earllogjam]

As for me, I suck at sports, I'm a barbarian-intellectual. Heck, I'd even work in a smithy and then spend ages working out if I could do a tungsten-steel alloy blade!

Sadly, those do not exist.

To sum up, born a freak, grew up a freak, die most likely alone.

My appearance is "a tad off" and that seems to get tongues wagging when I'm in public, especially among younger people. This I find darkly amusing and emotionally frustrating because I AM the kind of person that fits the "most likely to do a high school massacre" profile give or take the black trenchcoats and it takes my in built laziness and a heck of discipline not to just stab the fuckers in the head. Especially in the UK where fighting in self-defence is criminal, and under 18s are immune to the law...that's another tale methinks.

As for bullying, well I think most of it was because I don't really fit in. Heck, I'm a nigger with an IQ 130 (or about 0.00000000000000...%) of the male population, so I act differently, use long words, talk eloquently when I feel like and so forth. I also am a biased introvert so I don't talk about my feelings and under stress tend to "burrow" heck, check my avatar.

Is there light at the end of the tunnel? Certainly, but I am also sure, that these kind of scum make the best managers, professionals and leaders in our society.

Being harsh, insesitive and cruel to those weaker than oneself is a virture.

Hey ORCABOMBER,

You're OK. The world needs odd balls like you and me to make it a more interesting place. There's room for everyone here I've found. It's a nice place.

 

[earllogjam]

Bizarrely, the guy who bullied me at boarding school was a gay guy. The gay bit had nothing to do with it, he was just a nasty piece of shit. I was thirteen, he was seventeen. He knocked me out once hitting me on the back of the head from behind.

When I was 21 and a light heavyweight amateur boxer I was coming out of a restaurant in Soho and saw him coming towards me. He saw me at about forty yards and ran away.

Bullies are cowardly little shits. I have always been proud without humility that we stopped bullying at my school. OK we had to beat a few people up to do it - but hey.

Good for you LPD. The faster they are confronted and made to feel like little shits the less damage they do. They thrive everywhere and are not just a childhood phenomemon unfortunately.

 

[witch]

I had little to none in the way of bullying when I went to school...... I was a tall skinny gal who hit with my fist and aimed to draw blood when I did, over time bullies leave you alone and move to easier prey.

Now its been many moons sense I’ve seen the inside of a classroom, so are schools and parents doing anything about it in this day and age???

If I was a parent I would be climbing down the school Principal's throat with stiletto heels if one of “mine” was getting hurt physically and mentally by a thug.

 

[madame_zora]

However, as I get older and (probably) wiser, I started noticing the downsides. I have always found it hard to build up relationships of depth, and found it even harder sustaining them. I can be very competitive, often for little reason. When I feel like I'm under fire, even if I'm not, I am tempted to fire back very hard. I can be very pedantic at work, I work for long hours and sometimes don't find the point where to end, like a terrier. I find it hard to accept a tactical victory, or a stalemate: my desire has always been to not only win over someone, but to defeat him and stomp him into the ground, pee into his wells and steal his MREs. A few personality inventories probably looked very interesting.

Haha, I almost spit pop across the room on that one.:biggrin1:

I also have a great deal of difficulty with relationships. As a matter of fact, I am of the opinion that MOST relationships are not in the best interest of women, and the only real way to have a satisfactory relationship is to accept a LOT of bs. I haven't found anyone who made me willing to do that in a very long time, and the few times I did, I sorely regretted it very quickly.

Yeah, in the corproate world I can be a piranha (ain't I lucky that rhymes with Jana? Old nickname), and I can relate to wanting to stomp someone into the ground, pee in his wells and steal his MREs- it was war, and I took no prisoners. On the other hand, the VAST majority of people loathe making decisions and seem to appreciate a very clearly defined set of dos and don'ts. I'm not a sadist, I just expect people to do their job and not make excuses.

In personal relationships, I try the same approach, and it doesn't work at all. I lay out what my expectations are, I have two stipulations that I make clear are non-negotiable, NEVER tell me a lie, EVER, and don't tickle me. Not too tough a list, right? Well, for whatever reason, people just can't fucking resist doing what they're told not to, then they wonder why we can't get along. Ugh, if most people didn't have the behavioral patterns of a three-year-old, it would sure be easier. The truth is, very few people understand at all what it means not to lie. We are ALL liars, me and you included. EVERYONE'S natural response in many situations is to lie, to tell the truth is difficult and takes real effort. It takes practise too, and I really resent having to coach people through this "new" way of life, where every goddamned thing in the world becomes difficult and uncomfortable. Ususally, it's just easier to kick them to the curb, take a hot shower and retreat to my fantasy world where people who don't lie constantly really exist.

Yeah, I'm really starting to believe that being strong and standing up for yourself is a bane for relationships. MOST people enter into relationships to get THEIR needs met. It really grosses me out, and I honestly know know one couple whose relationship is not based on this premise. They may exist, I just haven't seen them.

 

[Lordpendragon]

Haha, I sorely regretted it very quickly.

I told you it wasn't going to fit!

Seriously, I wonder how much truth people can take.

Does the responsibility for truth rest with the person asking the question?

 

[viking1]

I was bullied, by some family members, and in school. I finally learned that to fight back was the only solution that would end it. The "ignore it and don't let it bother you" thing doesn't work well with school age kids. It will work pretty well with mature adults though. The old "still water runs deep" does bring some level of concern. That's probably why most don't want much to do with me. I am too enigmatic, and aloof. I don't say much and just tend to the work at hand. I don't trust anybody now...not on a personal level, anyway.

I am sure I will die alone. I think it's far too late to change anything at my age. Oh well, it most likely won't be as long as it has been.

 

[madame_zora]

I told you it wasn't going to fit!

Seriously, I wonder how much truth people can take.

Does the responsibility for truth rest with the person asking the question?

Yes, and this is something I need to learn. You may possibly have gotten through to me, thanks for the PM.



Viking, dying alone is the one thing so many of us have in common. I think we can look forward to more years of bugging each other online because none of us are suitable relationship material.

 

[earllogjam]

I've found some resources about this topic. They are pretty good sites to bring this problem out in the open. I think we need to take the shame out of this and confront and end it. For all the suffering kids and parents who suspect their kids are being bullied -

SafeYouth.org - Teen Facts - Bullying
Stop Bullying Now! Information, Prevention, Tips, and Games.

The sad part is that we didn't need to have all suffered silently and that it could have been nipped in the bud if we as kids just had more information and support.

 

[madame_zora]

I've found some resources about this topic. They are pretty good sites to bring this problem out in the open. I think we need to take the shame out of this and confront and end it. For all the suffering kids and parents who suspect their kids are being bullied -

SafeYouth.org - Teen Facts - Bullying
Stop Bullying Now! Information, Prevention, Tips, and Games.

The sad part is that we didn't need to have all suffered silently and that it could have been nipped in the bud if we just had more information and support.

Word the fuck UP. keeping silent, "being polite", not ratting, or any other reason people have for avoiding rather than confronting problems is NEVER the best solution. Ever, ever, EVER!

Most people don't take subtle hints, and the only way to gaurantee the issue will be dealt with is to adamantly refuse to back down from it. Tell every teacher, parent, counsellor, principal, coach and interested adult you can find until someone gives enough of a shit to get off their lazy ass and DO something about it. These bullies need help too, which they will never get if people just turn a blind eye to their reprehensible behavior or say "boys will be boys"- my fucking hairy asshole! Beating a weaker kid up for his lunchmoney is aggravated assault AND theft. It is NOT a normal part of learning to be a man!

What kids don't understand is that adults fear confrontation too. When they blow kids off, it's usually from being afraid of doing something uncomfortable. Well, that's just not good enough, sorry. If you're big enough to bring kids into the world, then it's your goddamned JOB to see that they are living in acceptable conditions. I'm so sick of everyone's namby-pamby excuses as to why "it's just too hard!" Oh boo-fucking-hoo.
Pull up your frigging diapers and grow some balls. Grown adults afraid of bullies, just leaving their kids to fend for themselves, or teaching them to fight? Really inexcusable. Learn to fucking communicate like a rational adult, talk to the bullie's parents, and if you can't resolve it on your own, get the school or even the police if necessary involved. Duh.