Being Comfortable With Dating

[msmnmjg]

I wanted to see from your experiences, what did u learn from dating over the years to connect with new dates better?

I stepped away from dating for 2 years. Although I was meeting guys during those 2 yrs mostly to hook-up, I still feel like i get too nervous and self conscious on dates where I don't feel comfortable.

Right now, i'm hoping to prioritize dating again. Goal would be a LTR but hoping not to much too much pressure on that.

 

[MuscledHorse]

just remember to go looking for friends. And do NOT confuse a good fuck with a potential good boyfriend. My current bf, I wasn't even looking for. I had lost my previous one to liver failure from alcoholism at 32 and wasn't even looking. It had been over a year and I was preparing to sell my house and move to a knew city. We met by chance at a furry convention and after I moved we started hanging out. He knew I worked in the sex industry in addition to have college degrees and that I didn't smoke, drink, use drugs beyond poppers. And neither did he (well a couple of drinks a month at most). He also shared my view of the unNatural and destructive force that is sexual monogamy.The rest just took care of itself. By the time we decided to call it boyfriends everyone else who knew us was going "finally you guys figured it out." Apparently they all knew before we did. So, just get out there and meet guys. Be up front about your views of relationships, if /when it comes up, and don't compromise yourself. I did that the first time and his alcohol fueled slow motion suicide took me through a physical, emotional and spiritual hell that I wouldn't wish on anyone. My current bf is a wonderful guy and we Love each other very much, and we do not confuse our Love and our Lust nut we allow them to overlap.

 

[Brodie888]

I think the first step is taking time to think or even write down what traits are the most important in a partner and what you have to offer them in return. This will stop you wasting time dating the wrong people.

Successful relationships tend to be those that are equally balanced overall.

Feeling nervous is the exciting part of dating someone new so try to look at it as a positive. But if the nerves are getting in your way, it means you are putting too much importance in the meeting.

As suggested above, look at dating as an opportunity to make a new friend. Projecting too far ahead can kill a relationship because you're not giving the relationship the space to grow naturally.

Remember finding a good match is a sifting process. It's important to see rejecting and rejection as a good thing. There's nothing more lonely than being in a bad relationship.

Being self conscious is a good trait, it means you probably aren't some narcissistic pig like that orange cheeto in the Whitehouse. If the guy doesn't like you for being yourself, that's fine, move on. It's normal not to be liked by everyone and vice versa.

 

[SpeedThePlow]

I guess I'd throw a question back: why did you "step back from dating"? The reasons for that may massively affect what you need to do to make dating rewarding etc. Were you not looking for a relationship? Or found it socially awkward? Or too high stakes?

I haven't dated for years, because I'm all settled down. But TBH I always hated the whole idea of "dating" which seems very straight and sort of highscoolish to me. Meeting people (with whatever expectations) and spending time with people are what counts, and I can't really see why we need to put some of those occasions in a special box, and call them "dates".

 

[tito21]

Call me old fashioned or maybe a Christian, Or maybe even a jehovah's witness.

If you caught a glimpse of my ankle, you’d better start planning for our wedding! Because we’ll be doing it in missionary position and with the lights off!

On a serious note, anyone else find that it’s much harder to find guys (in their 30s) to date? It seems like mostly younger guys in the 20s aren’t interested in dating with grindr, scruff and whatnot infiltrated the gay culture and turning hook-ups as the way of life for gay men this generation. And the most of the older guys 40s+ are only interested in chasing the 20s guys for ‘long term relationships’. Leaving the 30s guys in limbo.

 

[Brodie888]

On a serious note, anyone else find that it’s much harder to find guys (in their 30s) to date? It seems like mostly younger guys in the 20s aren’t interested in dating with grindr, scruff and whatnot infiltrated the gay culture and turning hook-ups as the way of life for gay men this generation. And the most of the older guys 40s+ are only interested in chasing the 20s guys for ‘long term relationships’. Leaving the 30s guys in limbo.

30s is the best time for a long term relationship for the same reason you mentioned!

 

[concupisys]

i think the first thing one should assess when embarking on a love quest is whether they are fully available to give and receive it.... some are not available because they are simply too busy with other things like work..... it's especially an issue among gay men because we tend not to have dependents and can pretty much be a free spirit.... that's not really conducive to dating.... others are not available emotionally, either because they're not totally out, may be on the rebound, or simply be immersed in a lot of complicated life drama, which is also quite prevalent among gay men....

i personally don't date as i am classified as an 'undateable'.... i'm too jaded for romance, too introverted to go out, too socially conscious and awkward to be in crowded or busy places, and too sexually vanilla to satisfy the status quo.... i don't make myself available to date, and walk away from people who try and push the matter.... i like being single, albeit isolating, but at the very least i don't have the potential to hurt myself or anyone else....