Being dumped

dasnico

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Two weeks ago I met a great guy and was just dumped by him today. Our first date went really well, as did the following dates. I really felt I finally met someone who I liked, and who liked me back. I'm not exactly torn up over it as it was only short term, but I'm still feeling anxious and down over it. I really liked him.

Due to conflicting schedules we never really got a chance to spend too much time together, but every time we were together our dates went well and we left each other beaming ear to ear. I was working out of town for five days earlier this week in San Francisco and returned yesterday. He text me often while I was away, calling me babe, saying he was thinking about me, yada yada. I felt like I would be coming home to something good. Yesterday upon my arrival we met up for lunch and everything went well. He even went as far as to plan our day today with a movie and suggest we take a trip together to San Fran. After lunch we came back to my place and decided we were at a good point in our relationship and decided to have sex for the first time, and all seemed to go well, at least for me. The only time either of us came up for air was to tell each other how sexy we thought each other was. After he had to leave for work, and I was happy as ever.

This afternoon he called me with an off-tone in his voice asking to meet me for coffee. He said he was going through a rough patch. As soon as we met he hesitated and then told me he's breaking up with me. The "spark" isn't there on his end he said, but he still wants to hang out and be friends. I practically shot that down straight away. After asking him a few questions, he said he started feeling this way earlier last week. What I don't get was right up to yesterday he was making all these plans with me. Last night while he was at work we kept texting back and fourth how much we like each other. I don't understand why he seems to have lied to me for a week, or what changed in the course of 12 hours.

After the worst coffee I've had in a long time, I sent him a heart felt text message, to which he responded how much it hurts him to have hurt me and that all he wanted to do was hug me after he told me. I told him about the surprise flower delivery I had planned for him tomorrow, to which he responded I was breaking his heart. I know he's still at a crossroads with identifying his sexuality, and I think that is partly to blame. He assured me there's no one else.

I don't really know how to feel.
 

invisibleman

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Two weeks ago I met a great guy and was just dumped by him today. Our first date went really well, as did the following dates. I really felt I finally met someone who I liked, and who liked me back. I'm not exactly torn up over it as it was only short term, but I'm still feeling anxious and down over it. I really liked him.

Due to conflicting schedules we never really got a chance to spend too much time together, but every time we were together our dates went well and we left each other beaming ear to ear. I was working out of town for five days earlier this week in San Francisco and returned yesterday. He text me often while I was away, calling me babe, saying he was thinking about me, yada yada. I felt like I would be coming home to something good. Yesterday upon my arrival we met up for lunch and everything went well. He even went as far as to plan our day today with a movie and suggest we take a trip together to San Fran. After lunch we came back to my place and decided we were at a good point in our relationship and decided to have sex for the first time, and all seemed to go well, at least for me. The only time either of us came up for air was to tell each other how sexy we thought each other was. After he had to leave for work, and I was happy as ever.

This afternoon he called me with an off-tone in his voice asking to meet me for coffee. He said he was going through a rough patch. As soon as we met he hesitated and then told me he's breaking up with me. The "spark" isn't there on his end he said, but he still wants to hang out and be friends. I practically shot that down straight away. After asking him a few questions, he said he started feeling this way earlier last week. What I don't get was right up to yesterday he was making all these plans with me. Last night while he was at work we kept texting back and fourth how much we like each other. I don't understand why he seems to have lied to me for a week, or what changed in the course of 12 hours.

After the worst coffee I've had in a long time, I sent him a heart felt text message, to which he responded how much it hurts him to have hurt me and that all he wanted to do was hug me after he told me. I told him about the surprise flower delivery I had planned for him tomorrow, to which he responded I was breaking his heart. I know he's still at a crossroads with identifying his sexuality, and I think that is partly to blame. He assured me there's no one else.

I don't really know how to feel.


You are disappointed that things went bad with that guy. You thought that things were cool...but they really weren't and aren't with him.


He shouldn't be dating anyone until he gets his personal shit together. He should've stayed away from you if he is having personal difficulties. It isn't fair to you and any other people out there willing to date. It was a waste of time and money.

There are plenty of men who will find time for sex...and once they get it...they have "chemistry" problems. :rolleyes:
 
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deleted500031

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Sorry you're feeling down. All I would say is, use this as a learning experience about not getting too involved too soon. It's easy for us to say all the right things with our mouths but it's our actions, sustained over a decent period of time, that really demonstrate how we feel and what kind of person we are.
 

anglerect

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u should feel disappointed, sad, angry and frustrated. You will feel happy sooner or later as you were only in the powers of love for 2 weeks. This guy is a jerk. He is a phony, he is not genuine. He has done u a favor , letting you down bedfpre u wasted any more energy on him.I say you have a lot of devotion and love to share with a worthy man.
 

D_Bob_Crotchitch

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I am sorry you are hurting.
Two weeks isn't long enough to be totally madly in love with someone. Could it be he was in love with the idea of being in love? There are a lot of confused people passing like ships in the night. I hope you get better soon.
 

rbkwp

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Think
from what you have explained, he may well have done you both a favour
Sounds as tho he is hurting also by his decision
Maybe he is not able to explain himself satisfatorily to you, for you to understand fully, where he is at
Perhaps he feels it is best this enforced break happens early on
in the piece, and he is not able to explain to you his reasons why?
An alternative way at looking at it i geuss.

Saying being dumped are fairly strong words, me thinks, breaking off a burgeoning relationship seems a little easier to stomach huh?
 

Phil Ayesho

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People do the stupidest things over feelings.

If he's new to this orientation... perhaps the sex wasn't what he thought... perhaps it scared him...

Perhaps he is actually feeling overwhelmed... fearful that he could fall into your thrall and lose control of his life...

Perhaps he wants to play and experiment with his new sexuality, and is afraid of getting tied down almost immediately and not getting to explore.

Whatever it is, it almost certainly comes down to fear of some sort, on his part.
And that's not your issue.

All you can do in life is be open to loving as honestly and fully as is possible...
and understand that there is nothing really bad about having your heart shattered.

That is just the proof that you were willing to give it your all.


You can never see the glory of a dawn without the sun going down... without having passed thru a darkness.

Feeling, intensely feeling, is all that life has to offer...
Both sorrow and joy.

Compared to an eternity of feeling and knowing nothing... they are, both, an ecstasy.
 
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dasnico

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thanks for your kind words guys. I feel better today, but am still a little puzzled over his abrupt descision. he was the one who decided he wanted to have sex. he was the one who decided we were dating. I feel I was strung along for the ride unfortunately. I didn't cancel his flower delivery and he sent me a very nice message this morning thanking me and telling me of his roommate's jealousy. I purposefully didn't cancel it, and his positive reception of them has kind of given me the closure I need. I hope he figures out what he is looking for.
 

Infernal

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It's normal to feel some attraction to someone in a short period of time, but to call it dating after 2 weeks seems a little quick. You said you really didn't get enough time to be with each other due to schedules and such. It's hard to define something so new.
 

dasnico

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It's normal to feel some attraction to someone in a short period of time, but to call it dating after 2 weeks seems a little quick. You said you really didn't get enough time to be with each other due to schedules and such. It's hard to define something so new.

I thought the same thing, but like I said, he's the one who said we were dating. I think the fact we didn't get to spend much time together was also a factor in his decision, and I have been tempted to address that to him in hopes that we could try again. I don't know if he would agree, and even if he did, I don't think I could handle the same thing happening again in a few weeks. The situation sucks but I suppose this is how it has to be regardless of my feelings unfortunately. Every attempt I've made at a relationship has failed over the past couple years and I think that frustrates me the most. We got off to a good start and I got my hopes up only to be let down. I need to lower my expectations it seems.
 

invisibleman

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The situation sucks but I suppose this is how it has to be regardless of my feelings unfortunately. Every attempt I've made at a relationship has failed over the past couple years and I think that frustrates me the most. We got off to a good start and I got my hopes up only to be let down. I need to lower my expectations it seems.


Dasnico,


I wouldn't take none of what he did personally. There are a lot of flaky people out there. And in this economy...you definitely shouldn't take his flakiness personally.


If a dude is gonna break...it is better he does it earlier in the process than later. It is a disappointment. But there is someone out there for you. Just date men without expectation of anything. Just be yourself and allow the men in your life to be themselves.