Being Flamboyant

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Ever thought how the "flamboyant" gay's think of you as a "straight-acting" gay?

Any bisexual or gay guy who calls himself straight acting is full of self loathing since if he were really straight acting he would not be having sex with men at all and he just wishes he was really straight instead of being bisexual or gay.
 
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Fuzzy-So, in forty years there have been two advances: We can drink in a bar, and the Supreme Court struck down sodomy laws. Now, balance that against DADT (don't ask don't tell), DOMA, dozens of anti-GLBT constitutional amendments, etc. There was a brief period of progress between 1969 and around 1975, but if anything we've gone backwards since then, the only notable exception being the 2003 sodomy decision.
 

Viking_UK

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I tend not to be sexually attracted to camp, flamboyant guys, but part of that is because I prefer not to stand out. One of my best friends is as camp as Christmas and very out and proud and has no qualms about discussing intimate details of his sex life in a crowded cafe. I know some people will say that makes me uncomfortable because I'm not secure in my sexuality, but that's not the case. I just don't think that everyone wants to hear the lurid details of his escapades. I'd be the same with anyone discussing their sex life in a public place.

The guys I have most trouble with are the really hunky-looking, brooding, sexy guys who open their mouths and squeal camply. Turns me right off every time! lol
 

B_theOtherJJ

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Its called "personality" people, and its that which makes you unique and individual..

We do not come from cookie cutters. Noone says you have to like or be attracted to a certain type of person, but merely acknowledge that they have every right to live their lives just as you do. "If you dont like it, dont buy it".... nuff said.
 

mitchymo

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Any bisexual or gay guy who calls himself straight acting is full of self loathing since if he were really straight acting he would not be having sex with men at all and he just wishes he was really straight instead of being bisexual or gay.

Big hairy BALLS!

Straight-acting is not a metaphore for 'pretending' in this circumstance, its just the term that has been applied by others and adopted by gay men who feel it best reflects them.

Self loathing has got nothing to do with it to begin with, from experience of having suffered internal homophobia i can tell you that for me it was loathing of the 'camp' stereotype that started the ball rolling. For me i felt emasculated coming to terms with being gay because all i knew about other gay people was that they behaved in a way that i did not and that other people would see me the same way with just one word, it feels isolating when you don't feel the community image matches how you feel or that you are not straight like your mates are. Only growing up and seeing that there is diversity allowed me to overcome my issues.

So, for me and many like me the term straight-acting is perfectly apt for describing the type of gay guy we feel we are, this does not mean we go around saying 'hello i am a straight acting gay' anymore than a flamboyant or a butch might express their type. I say i am gay, that's all that needs to be said....if on the slightest chance a person couldn't figure it out for themselves and asked what type are you then i would say straight acting because that is how i define it.
 

D_Tintagel_Demondong

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I wonder why the term "straight acting" is preferable to "masculine".

Maybe it means that those who make this claim are more stealth, and thus more safe. Maybe those who make this claim are self-loathing gay men who desire to be straight. Maybe many gay men are more attracted to straight men--or at least straight-acting men--then admittedly gay (but masculine) men--so those who make this claim are more likely to score.

This reminds me of Indy's old signature:

"...what the fuck does "Straight acting and appearing" mean in a gay personal ad? I don't think any man looks very straight with a dick in his mouth or up his ass." (Industrialsize, 2008)
 

DadsAreUs

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Hey don't be insulted by my ignorance, if I wouldn't have asked I wouldn't have an answer right? Shit it's hard for me to let go of my biases, I'm trying. Thanks.
And some day you will look back at this with disbelief that about those biases. You're just figuring this stuff out now but, and this is in response to your other posts as well, it's not as scary as you think.
 

D_Relentless Original

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Ever thought how the "flamboyant" gay's think of you as a "straight-acting" gay?

Yes, so true and boy have i been crucified for it. I no longer visit the gay village, i had a couple of experiences where i was being hit on by two "flamboyant" guys, now i like Men because they are men, but thats my prefernce, anyway these guys would not take no for an answer, stroking my hair, touching my face etc, when i said i'm not interested, hell broke out,they made comments like " oh Deary i don't want to chip my nail polsh on your hair gell" etc, told me i don't fit in the bar, because i was an embarassment to the gay society,the DJ who was the boyfriend of one of the guys stopped the music told me in front of everyone that i was a sell out. It was awful, i have never been treated like that in my life. Yes that is one example and i guess you cannot tarnish all with the same brush, but flamboyance does not work for me and i think i can see, i maybe wrong where the OP is coming from.
 

FuzzyKen

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What gay and lesbian community? Nevermind that lots of Gay and Lesbian people do not care about Bisexual and Trans people and pretend that Bi and Trans people are rare or do not exist. Yes lots of our queer brothers and sisters hate Bisexual and Trans people not surprising. There is no such thing as a GLBT community or culture at all. What people think of as being a real GLBT community and GLBT culture is really just people being reckless, vulgar, mindless, irresponsible, being massive consumers, massive conformity, bad politics, and living in a ghetto. Look at GLBT Pride parades they are nothing but Consumer driven events and are pointless nowadays and fueled by booze and just show Heterosexual people and society the bad parts about being GLBT. We need to grow as human beings and not define ourselves and validate ourselves with the trappings of a trash culture that has only existed for a generation or so. Voluntary self-confinement to a cultural ghetto is even worse than being forced into a concentration camp by the homophobes because it is freely chosen and self-limiting. Have the backbone to think for yourself and to talk back to the GLBT/gay culture cops when you don't "fit in" (god help anyone who does want to fit in). Forget about being "GLBT". Love who you choose - and don't worry if you are "living the GLBT lifestyle" or not. Quite frankly, it isn't worth worrying about, defending, or investing in. If anything, it can kill you. Openly criticize those who claim to speak for us (usually because all opposition has been shouted down). In summary: live your life - not some life designed for you by the gay/GLBT culture or gay/GLBT community. It is all nothing but a strait jacket.


I agree with most of the points that you raised.

My agreement in fact went a great deal farther than that. I put my money where my mouth was and I moved away from the Coachella Valley/Palm Springs area of Southern California because it had evolved into the worst kind of "gay ghetto".

I moved to a horse ranch in Southwestern New Mexico and I must honestly say that I do not miss one single minute of the "drama" that went on in that former location and in fact the living "soap opera". I do not even want to go back to the cesspool you aptly describe as a "gay ghetto". I could in fact be far more critical of my gay brothers and sisters than I have been here without doubt.

I did my part at one time in numerous organizations to promote this and that and in the end I became absolutely "burned" and "burned out" by people with many of the "qualities" that you cite and describe quite accurately.

The subject here however was flamboyancy and as a result I tried to use a nice tactful manner in which to describe my personal feeling on that issue alone and not a bunch of peripheral issues that may or may not be a part of the original thread. My statements in some ways also agree with yours with the exception of diplomacy and tact.

The great George Bernard Shaw made the statement: "The English and the Americans are two peoples separated by a common language." The exact same is true within the ranks of the latest politically correct group of initials.

When people are young and single they gravitate as has been said to various community events. Some events are designed to show civic responsibility and to accomplish some good thing. As one ages within the community they begin to discover that much of what they are protecting is a great deal of "lip service" by those who derive financial profit, fame, political advancement, or are simply trying to be one of the 5,000 frogs looking for a larger lilly pad in the pond. They infact are not advocates for anything other than some strange forms of self promotion.

After we find ourselves in successful long term relationships and we sit back and look at the "dog and pony show" we back away. I know numerous other couples who have done the same. The last time I was in a gay bar is heading towards nine years ago. I went to Palm Springs "pride" and I asked myself and my other-half why it was again that we were attending this event?

Not all flamboyant people are bad, not all macho people are bad or good. My main statement and ending to my previous response in this thread was basically that often the "flamboyancy" was done at innappropriate times and did more harm than good.





 

closetbi

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They start to say things that were off limits to males before. Some guy told me he can be a "total bitch" today. I don't want to come out and turn into that.
 

Maruli

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The only part that bothers me is when a guy acts one way one day, and all of a sudden acts another way the next day. When that happens, it's really hard for me to take them seriously.
 
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I must be very naive, I wasn't aware that there was a set of rules about what makes a man a man and a woman a woman...

I'm also very offended by all this talk of how they are acting like girls, I don't act as described by the OP, does that mean I'm less of a woman too?

The only thing that makes any man or woman lesser, is not being true to themselves.

I live in California. I visit family up in Los Angeles quite a bit.
I have seen and met every slice of gay life there is and a few seldom seen or written about.

All of my growing up, my folks were overly cautious about making sure I never stuck out or drew attention to myself. I have since learned that fear cripples your ability to understand and comprehend the human experience for others. It opens the door to judgments, stereotypes and further robs us of enriching our lives with the varied differences each of us has to offer as individual, unique expressions of life.

Variety is truly the spice of life. The trick is surrendering your ideas of what is right and wrong, let go of personalizing another persons demeanor.

I enjoy people with good character, reasonable sensibilities, compassionate, intelligent and most of all (the sexiest trait of all) a sense of humor. Let's not forget common sense and the ability to maintain balance.

Some of the best people I know are gay, others are str8 and ALL are people I call "friend". These are the only people that call to say "How are you?".

Uptight, overly religious and critical people with emotional hang up's do nothing but annoy me. I feel sorry for these idiots, for they will never know the joy of being slayed to tears with laughter by these unique flamboyant characters. (If you are gay man and you can do that in heels, you get a gold star!)

Show me what you are made of, if that happens to be a human being with good character. You're in!!
 
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jjsjr

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I very well may be the most flamboyant guy on this site.... I wear makeup, I own a few pairs of high heels, and I even have the fucking courage to post my own photo with makeup and feathers as my avatar.

Also, I went to an all male Catholic school, where any flamboyance got you shoved down the hall. I can tone down the flamboyance if I want to, but that's not who I am. The way I speak is with a lisp and if someone can't accept that, so be it. But I'm not going to act straigher or more masculine just because people don't like it. I really dislike threads like this because it makes me feel like less of a human for having a lisp. I'm gay and the way I move and speak is characteristic of my gayness. It's more accepted for a female to act masculine, yet I get slayed for being feminine. I saw this thread and had to put in my 2 cents as someone who truly lives and represents the gay lifestyle in its truest form... and I will defend myself to the fullest, because I'm not embarrassed any longer.
 
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jjsjr

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ok, yeah, that did sound weird.

What I was trying to say is that I'm rather stereotypically gay and in response to the OP, I shouldn't have to feel excommunicated for being just that.
 

catman

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What about the 'effiminate straight men'? c'mon..we ALL know one or two..

the guys who are so...(for lack of a better word) "nelly"..that EVERYONE wonders...are they...you know?

worked with a guy...one of the swishiest, nicest men you ever could meet- had 3 great kids, devoted to his wife, dressed like a yuppy (god he loved pink and yellow), played golf, and never once 'got' what everyone wondered...he woud give you the (pastel) shirt off his back...

so where does that 'fit' in this 'definition'?
 

mitchymo

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ok, yeah, that did sound weird.

What I was trying to say is that I'm rather stereotypically gay and in response to the OP, I shouldn't have to feel excommunicated for being just that.

No you shouldn't.
I think the OP might feel quite the same actually though in that flamboyence is often associated with being extroverted and confident people and so it dominates as a stereotype and makes it more uneasy for straight acting gays to deal with their own sexuality and whilst this is an issue of theirs (+ mine) it does seem to create a sense of alienation and dare i say contempt sometimes. You can surely agree that if you represent the stereotypical then you have nothing to feel uneasy about whereas those that don't do, simply because they don't feel represented as they see themselves.