being in a relationship with someone getting treated for depresssion

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by ring27, Jun 16, 2009.

  1. ring27

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    my last 2 gfs had depression issues and I helped them cope up (in one case, without medication). last night, my current gf said she is also depressive.
    I dont know if I am an attraction for depressive women!!

    i am curious about others who are in the same boat as me. Or how do you deal with it ?
     
  2. Principessa

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    Maybe it's Massachusetts? :tongue: I was living there in the late 90's when I was first diagnosed with anxiety and depression.

    I dunno if you are a magnet for depressed women or if there are just more of us out there than ever before. :redface: I do know that certain types of women like to be rescued; and so they glom onto strong positive men who can act as their knight in shining armor.
    i am curious about others who are in the same boat as me. Or how do you deal with it ?[/QUOTE] My ex-bf couldn't handle me being diagnosed as depressed and made cruel jokes about me being crazy. :irked: Hence him being my ex-bf. My current bf is more intelligent and well read on the subject and thus far my depression hasn't been a problem. Then again my current bf is a trucker so he isn't usually around when I'm in a funk. :cool:

    I take my meds as directed daily. I would love to get back into some form of therapy but my insurance doesn't cover that. :mad:
     
  3. lickme69

    lickme69 New Member

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    There are so many people out there that are being treated for depression. Most do not advertise it. If they take their meds as instructed I do not see a problem. Now if they are acting crazy and create drama all of the time, then maybe you should question the relationship.
     
  4. Principessa

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    On another note, and this is just from observation NOT medical fact. Dating a depressed man or woman is often easier than dating a bi-polar person. As long as the depressed person isn't suicidal. The reason being, as a depressed person we just have varying degrees of sad to normal. A bi-polar person can go from manic to depressed like a metronome and there is rarely any warning. I know one woman in Jersey who was in a manic state for 15 years! Everyone just thought she was naturally upbeat and happy. Then her cat died and she sunk into the deepest, darkest, depths of depression. She had to take early retirement from work. She has been in a serious depression for 7 years now. :frown1: She takes her meds and goes to therapy regularly but the overwhelming sadness lingers. :frown1:

     
  5. Enid

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    I posted this little bit in a response to someone else long ago, and I'm copying it here for relevance:

    When you walk into a relationship with someone with a mental illness, the best you can hope for is to walk into it with your eyes open and you have to be prepared to make sacrifices. One lesson I've learned is that we are never meant to sacrifice anything that is necessary to our being, but instead we must sacrifice what is superfluous to our needs.

    It's their own private war, really, and as much as you want to fix it or help or make things better, you can't. It's very frustrating, because you think if they love you, it should make it better, just love should make it better, your presence should make it better. But it can't. Not with mental illness. It's so difficult to love someone who dissociates, because they're always going away from you; even if they stay with you physically, they retreat into their own mental patterns which have nothing to do with you or your life. You feel shut out, and you can't get in. But...this is where the test starts, and this is where the real love begins. Because if you really love someone who is sick, you have to stay there, open heart and open mind, ego issues be damned. It is an illness, and, as with a physical illness, you have to focus on what's best for them. Usually, the thing that works best is letting them know in no uncertain terms that you're there and you're not going away--that their darkness doesn't scare you. That your love doesn't depend on whether or not they're having a good day or a bad day (a hard lesson for me). Physical contact is tremendously important--you can't be shy, or expect them to take the lead most of the time. In fact, you can't have any expectations at all. When you love someone who is prone to psychotic breaks or bouts of depression, none of the usual relationship patterns fit. You have to throw your own ego out the window and you have to find your own way through it as a couple. You have to remember that they tear themselves apart on a regular basis, and while we can't put them together again (no matter how desperately we want to), we can in fact guide them towards putting their own pieces back. Here's the clincher...it's very easy to get lost here, feel as if you're giving too much and getting not enough in return, it's very easy to feel hurt and neglected. But if you really love someone like this, you have to grow up fast, swallow your pride, and just know somewhere deep down that this is the right thing for both of you. That you are the right thing for both of you. And that will get you through.
     
    #5 Enid, Jun 16, 2009
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2009
  6. Stephenmass

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    Chrissy,

    What a well written response......kudos to people like you!
     
  7. Kimahri

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    Great post, Chrissy.

    I'm diagnosed a bipolar. I know it can be a trial for someone to be with a bipolar person, but if the bipolar person is taking care of themselves (ie staying on medication and seeing a therapist regularly), the relationship really isn't a whole lot different from a "normal" one. I have my ups and downs, but they are considerably minimized because I'm taking care of myself and doing what I need to so I can stay healthy. As Chrissy said, a mental illness is just that...an illness. I'm not saying a person should stay in a relationship with a mentally ill person if it's hell on Earth. But, you shouldn't let it be the deciding factor as to whether or not you should be with someone.
     
  8. mdp75

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    exactly!! chrissy!!!! I could not have said it better I am in the same situation with a bipolar wife. And it has been hard and easy all at the same time.But I love her with all my heart and soul. So its beautiful everyday good or bad!
     
  9. cheezsteak

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    chrissy is right, to an extent. i have a couple of bipolar ex's. notice i said ex's lol.

    im sorry i tried. hard. but that shit is exhausting. if you have any self-interests, throw it out the window. its more of a relationship where you help one person more than help each other. me being cynical, i think it can get abused if in the wrong hands. id rather date a woman w/ physical handicaps with a good head on her shoulders than a depressed woman. good luck w/ whoever has enough patience because i certainly do not
     
  10. naughty

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    Workin' up a good pot of mad!
    I do hope that you never find yourself in the position of suffering from any of the above ailments. The sad fact is that those who suffer from Mood or personality disorders is that they didnt ask for them either and are often reticent to get into a relationship because they know that many folks can not deal with it or they live on the constant edge of wondering when the other shoe may drop.
     
  11. WesleyJ

    WesleyJ New Member

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    one of the most enlightening and insightful things i've ever read.
    im in this position at the moment and its like im walking on eggshells not wanting to do anything to upset my bf as he's quite down atm. i love him so much but it is hard tho and you feel stupid just giving and giving while rapidly losing hope of getting any sort of affection back in return. its hard aswell because i feel like i always have to be sensitive not to upset him but if he says something that upsets me its not easy to challange it or start a row over it because theres the constant worry that it will just trigger a depressive state.. sorry for the ramble, its just that this post has really opened my eyes and made me realise that im not the only one going through this.
     
  12. wiretwister

    wiretwister New Member

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    Speaking from personal experience, been there, done that. My advice is to limit the relationship to friendship only, & walk away if things deteriorate. Protect yourself or lose in the end.
     
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