Being "just friends" after sex

Lex

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Haha, ThinKink, I can't wait for Lex to chime in on this one. I know what he will say!

It is, of course, possible... with the right person. It takes a degree of emotional maturity and honesty that's not all that common, and both people have to have a healthy self-image.

I think what usually "ruins" it is one or both parties feeling "obligations" of how they think others think things should be, rather than the two people deciding for themselves the constructs of their relationship. (Yeah, that sounds awkward, but read it a couple of times, and it will make sense.)

HAHAHA--of course it is possible, because I have done it. I like to think I have been friends with people before we ever had sex in most cases. There is great security in knowing that if Bubba and I choose, we can play with someone, share that experience, talk about it, and all remain friends after the fact. We both have friends that we would like to have sex with, some that we have and some that are on the "To Do" list (pun intended).

DC-- you really said everything the way I would have said it.

What do you guys think, is it possible to be just friends after sex? stories, comments, suggestions, etc. Lets hear it.

I think it really depends on how much emotion you involve in your sexual experiences with people with whom you are not "in love." I will not have sex with someone I do not like enough to be around for extended periods of time. If I like you and you like me and we decide it feels right to have sex, then we might--as long as you understand that I have a hubby and am not leaving him (and that he will watch and may want to participate).

I do not have to love someone to have sex with them, but I have many friends with whom I have had sex and it has really been just that--sex. We may care for each other, fool around when and if it feels right, and remain great friends.

I do not understand the thinking that holds that it is impossible to be "just friends" after sex. What were you before sex, if not just friends? What is so special about your sex that hereby commits your sexual partners to more than friendship just because you sleep together?

Those beliefs are, to me, founded on a false premise that you should only have sex with the person you will marry which is impossible to know, and I would NEVER marry someone that I had not been sexually intimate with. Who the hell wants 40 years of sexual incompatibility?
 

Poundera

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I've had varying out comes in this experience. It either would work out fine, which it has, other times it has failed completely. Both of the experiences were worth it. I think that if two people can be on the same page about what it is that they are doing there shouldn't be a problem. However, not all people have an easy time separating sex and "love."
 

maestro071

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Njgt466, perhaps friends should be just more honest in relation... when you want to be friend you say so and you act so! Simple, no! And, that stereotype "men tend to fuck without emotions envolved" ... yes, many would agree, but and women can and often do the same, no?
 

Principessa

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NJ - honey - you know my thoughts of you are fluffy and wholesome (mostly :naughty:) and my regard for you is high - but I am so sick of reading that, be it from you or anyone else.
*SNIP*
But 'doubt means don't' as an answer to a 'what do you guys think' type question on this board is getting really old.
Thank you for your opinion; but she asked a question and I answered it. I will probably continue to use that phrase whether you like it or not. :cool:

Lex, have you and DC had sex?
Just being nosy.
I think the appropriate answer is none of your business. :redface:

Njqt466, perhaps friends should be just more honest in relation... when you want to be friend you say so and you act so! Simple, no! And, that stereotype "men tend to fuck without emotions envolved" ... yes, many would agree, but and women can and often do the same, no?

It's clear English is not your first language, so perhaps you did not understand what I said.

Somebut not all women find it difficult to separate sex from emotion for extended periods of time.

Some, but not all men also have difficulty remaining friends after a breakup with a woman.

If you don't believe me read what lucky8 and _avg_ posted in this thread.
 

B_Think_Kink

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Yes,
I think it is possible but rare.
What do you think kink????
Are you facing something like that???
Yup to some degree I might be.

Haha, ThinKink, I can't wait for Lex to chime in on this one. I know what he will say!

It is, of course, possible... with the right person. It takes a degree of emotional maturity and honesty that's not all that common, and both people have to have a healthy self-image.

I think what usually "ruins" it is one or both parties feeling "obligations" of how they think others think things should be, rather than the two people deciding for themselves the constructs of their relationship. (Yeah, that sounds awkward, but read it a couple of times, and it will make sense.)
Well he's gay so there is no chance of relationship, most likely.

NJ - honey - you know my thoughts of you are fluffy and wholesome (mostly :naughty:) and my regard for you is high - but I am so sick of reading that, be it from you or anyone else.

Questioning something, wanting to think about the pluses and minuses, wanting to have other people's opinions is not only natural but it is bloody sensible. Are the proponants of 'doubt means don't' seriously of the opinion that if you feel the need to question something at all then you shouldn't do it? Bollocks - bollocks on toast, in fact. I think this phrase is overused - if you have examined something and questioned it rationally and you are still unsure (have doubts) then yes, I'd agree that not doing whatever it is is more sensible than doing it. But 'doubt means don't' as an answer to a 'what do you guys think' type question on this board is getting really old.
Thanks. :smile:

HAHAHA--of course it is possible, because I have done it. I like to think I have been friends with people before we ever had sex in most cases. There is great security in knowing that if Bubba and I choose, we can play with someone, share that experience, talk about it, and all remain friends after the fact. We both have friends that we would like to have sex with, some that we have and some that are on the "To Do" list (pun intended).

DC-- you really said everything the way I would have said it.

I think it really depends on how much emotion you involve in your sexual experiences with people with whom you are not "in love." I will not have sex with someone I do not like enough to be around for extended periods of time. If I like you and you like me and we decide it feels right to have sex, then we might--as long as you understand that I have a hubby and am not leaving him (and that he will watch and may want to participate).

I do not have to love someone to have sex with them, but I have many friends with whom I have had sex and it has really been just that--sex. We may care for each other, fool around when and if it feels right, and remain great friends.

I do not understand the thinking that holds that it is impossible to be "just friends" after sex. What were you before sex, if not just friends? What is so special about your sex that hereby commits your sexual partners to more than friendship just because you sleep together?

Those beliefs are, to me, founded on a false premise that you should only have sex with the person you will marry which is impossible to know, and I would NEVER marry someone that I had not been sexually intimate with. Who the hell wants 40 years of sexual incompatibility?
Thanks Lex.
 

goodwood

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I have had sex with plenty of women and are still friends with them simply because we are all in the same social circle. To be less than friendly would be uncooth. I have even attended the weddings of ex-sex girls, all the while smiling and waving and being photographed. That would be better if the guys they married knew them as deeply as I did. No pun intended. Or if the guys understood them in the way I did. They never did. So whatever.
Yup. Friends after sex? NO. Polite social interaction of course. Friends? No.
 

B_lamdellboo

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Depends on the people and situation.

I started dating this one friend of mine after about a year of knowing her in high school. It was really fun, we really grew close, and even lost our virginity to each other. It was great for a while, but eventually we both decided we'd be much better off as friends. And we were right-- to this day she's still my best friend.
 

dc9

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Well, lets see. My best friend, from back in college years, well we eventually began blowing each other. This went on four about six years. We drifted apart and we only exchange cards during the holidays. I think he wanted more than what we were doing. I, well I messed around with some other of my friends and hate to say it, I haven't seen them in years as well.
I kind of regret it now. I miss their friendship.
 

Lex

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Lex, have you and DC had sex?

Just being nosy.

Actually the appropriate answer is


That depends on what your definition of "sex" is...:biggrin1:

If you can't fuck your friends who can you fuck?


Note: this is not an admission of anything... :biggrin1:

People will assume many things based on available information. For example: my avatar pic of my kissing my hubby was taken in DC's basement (dungeon) and we were both naked. We (the three of us) did not have sex.
 

Ms.Teacher

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What do you guys think, is it possible to be just friends after sex? stories, comments, suggestions, etc. Lets hear it.

No. It's too weird unless you're into the "friends with benefits" lifestyle.

It is, of course, possible... with the right person. It takes a degree of emotional maturity and honesty that's not all that common, and both people have to have a healthy self-image.

Not this again. :rolleyes: I'm having flashbacks of the "infidelity" thread, and all that mumbo jumbo psychological stuff.

As I mentioned previously, that is pretty much something men who fuck men do.

Ain't that the truth!

There is great security in knowing that if Bubba and I choose, we can play with someone, share that experience, talk about it, and all remain friends after the fact. We both have friends that we would like to have sex with, some that we have and some that are on the "To Do" list (pun intended).

Have you had a lot of therapy or read a lot of self help books? I've noticed a lot of these "new age" type comments similar to the ones you made on the infidelity thread; your comments and DC's.


I will not have sex with someone I do not like enough to be around for extended periods of time.

That makes sense.

If I like you and you like me and we decide it feels right to have sex, then we might--as long as you understand that I have a hubby and am not leaving him (and that he will watch and may want to participate).

And that's true love.:confused:
:rolleyes:

I do not have to love someone to have sex with them, but I have many friends with whom I have had sex and it has really been just that--sex. We may care for each other, fool around when and if it feels right, and remain great friends.

I do not understand the thinking that holds that it is impossible to be "just friends" after sex. What were you before sex, if not just friends? What is so special about your sex that hereby commits your sexual partners to more than friendship just because you sleep together?

In the world you live in it's quite "normal", but in the ordinary every day world that most of us live in, it's not quite run of the mill.

For the most part, friends don't have sex with each other. They may play cards, play sports, go to dinners or movies together, or just hang out. That's it. Friends usually don't even see each other naked unless it's in the locker room.

You're trying to present this as American as apple pie and easily digestible; you're the exception, not the norm. More flashbacks of the infidelity thread.


Lex, have you and DC had sex?

Just being nosy.

Enquiring minds want to know. :biggrin1:

I'm sure they have, but if not, they will be soon. They're gay men who know each other in person, and have open relationships with their partners. It's kind of a no brainer.


If you can't fuck your friends who can you fuck?


Note: this is not an admission of anything... :biggrin1:

People will assume many things based on available information. For example: my avatar pic of my kissing my hubby was taken in DC's basement (dungeon) and we were both naked. We (the three of us) did not have sex.

LOL You didn't that time. You guys are being so coy about this, but yet your lives are almost an open book on all other topics on here. If you have, you have. It's not like people would be shocked or anything.:tongue:
 

Sh0t

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It's tough. It's insulting, even. It's a direct commentary on you as a lover. She likes you but not the sex; she would rather take her chances with a stranger than have sex with you again. And if it's not a direct commentary on you as a lover, it's a commentary on you as a person; no amount of good sex will ever let her enter a relationship with you.

How do you make peace with that?

I'm trying, but it's tough.


that's a good breakdown
 

dean88

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Yes, I think it's possible.

I have a good friend that I know very well. She's a pretty attractive girl and she used to be my girlfriend when we were younger (14 years old).
After a year or something we broke up but stayed really good friends.
Less than a year later, I was 15 and she was 14, I stayed over at her house. Her parents were on holiday, but their company (a little shop) was still open.

She had an older boyfriend but we did end up kissing, jerking, fingering and sucking, the next morning. I remember that I was so afraid of her boyfriend walking in. It was around noon and he would come to see her at around 1 p.m. but he was always early. And, everybody could just walk in through the shop.
I remember that we both heard a moped stopping and somebody jumping off. So she told me to see who it was, and I did. With my erect cock I walked to the window and looked to see who it was, luckily not her boyfriend.

Nowadays, we are still good friends!
 

ManlyBanisters

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No. It's too weird unless you're into the "friends with benefits" lifestyle.

Here we go on the judgemental bullshit again.

Ms. Teacher - you really need to learn that your opinions and choices maybe right for you but they are NOT right for everyone!


Not this again. :rolleyes: I'm having flashbacks of the "infidelity" thread, and all that mumbo jumbo psychological stuff.
*snip*
Have you had a lot of therapy or read a lot of self help books? I've noticed a lot of these "new age" type comments similar to the ones you made on the infidelity thread; your comments and DC's.

So because you don't agree with it it is mumbo jumbo. Not to mention the fact that you seem to think DC and Lex incapable of formulating their own opinions? WFT? Time after time these two guys come out with thoughtful, well phrased, inclusive and non-judgemental posts - whether you agree with them or not (I sometimes do, I sometimes don't) you can't possibly think of either of them as thick - so why this accusation they they've got their ideas from self help books or therapy, rather than arriving at their conclusions through experience and applying their own intelligence?

And that's true love.:confused: :rolleyes:

More judgemental bullshit. If Lex and his hubby are comfortable enough to be able to include other people in their physical relationship then that is their decision - and frankly how dare you suggest they don't love each other because of it. Part of me wishes I was emotionally secure enough about myself to allow my man experience pleasures that others can offer him.

In the world you live in it's quite "normal", but in the ordinary every day world that most of us live in, it's not quite run of the mill.

For the most part, friends don't have sex with each other. They may play cards, play sports, go to dinners or movies together, or just hang out. That's it. Friends usually don't even see each other naked unless it's in the locker room.

You're trying to present this as American as apple pie and easily digestible; you're the exception, not the norm. More flashbacks of the infidelity thread.

More of the moral judgemental bollix again! So your experience is normal and everyone else is a freak? How the hell do you know what goes on behind closed doors? How the hell do you know those all guy poker nights you see portrayed in the TV sitcoms don't evolve into suckin and fuckin when the blinds are drawn? I bet some of them do. How do you know that "friends don't have sex with each other"? I used to have sex with my friends. Many of my friends had sex with each other. My sister has sex with her friends. LOADS of people have sex with their friends. Maybe you are the weirdo.


Enquiring minds want to know. :biggrin1:

I'm sure they have, but if not, they will be soon. They're gay men who know each other in person, and have open relationships with their partners. It's kind of a no brainer.

I'm actually completely fucking furious about that remark - it's the one that tipped the scales from not bothering to responding to you monocular, self-righteous vanilla posting to calling you on your shit.

Lex and DC are two gay guys who know each other and have open relationships therefore they will automatically fuck? Oh my fucking sainted aunt!! So gay men are promiscuous horn-dogs who can't help but stuff each other six ways from Sunday unless they are physically separated or something? That's a thoroughly revealing comment about you Ms.Teacher. I won't forget that little prejudice. Has it never occured to you that they may not be attracted to each other. You are single (I seem to recall) - do you automatically fuck every single guy you meet? No. Do you fuck all the guys who propostion you? I sincerely doubt it. Do you, in fact, select who you want to have sex with based on your attractions to them and your own personal feelings regarding your comfort level with that person? Yes, I suspect you do. What makes DC or Lex any different? Is it that a mouth is just a mouth and an asshole just an asshole to these lecherous immoral gay fiends! (DC, Lex - you dig I'm taking license there. You know that's not how my mind works)

LOL You didn't that time. You guys are being so coy about this, but yet your lives are almost an open book on all other topics on here. If you have, you have. It's not like people would be shocked or anything.:tongue:

How very big of you.

Ms.Teacher - please understand that your view of the world and what is right and normal is skewed by your own experiences. The longer I live and the more I do the more I realise that no book can be judged by the cover and that there is no such thing as normal. That happy couple that live in your neighbourhood - the ones who look so 'normal' to you - how do you know they aren't swingers? That nice man you work with, with the beautiful wife and 3 gorgeous children - how do you know he doesn't enjoy watching his wife fuck other men, or women for that matter? That nice lady at the post office - how do you know she doesn't tie up her husband and bring him off with a little CBT of a weekend? You don't. Different people do different things. The very fact that you have this nutso idea of normal is testiment to the fact that you probably go round pontificating like this all the time so no one bothers telling you about their real lives because people don't like to be judged.
 

DC_DEEP

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LOL You didn't that time. You guys are being so coy about this, but yet your lives are almost an open book on all other topics on here. If you have, you have. It's not like people would be shocked or anything.:tongue:
You are such a judgemental, insular, sanctimonious, egocentric, self-absorbed, self-righteous bitch, it is no wonder you are single. I can't imagine anyone who could stomach your incessant preaching and pontificating long enough to fuck you, let alone fall in love with you. You are absolutely incapable of comprehending that you are not god. Just because you see it that way, anyone else who sees it any differently is a freak, right? Well, fuck off.


ManlyBanisters, thanks for saying most of it before I had a chance to.
 

B_KOKOBWARE

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What a LONG thread:rolleyes:

I think it is not wise or manageable to be just friends and have sex...most times there is emotional attatchment that goes along with sex and people get hurt when one or the other decides to move on to a relationship.
 

Primal_Savage

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You are such a judgemental, insular, sanctimonious, egocentric, self-absorbed, self-righteous bitch, it is no wonder you are single. I can't imagine anyone who could stomach your incessant preaching and pontificating long enough to fuck you, let alone fall in love with you. You are absolutely incapable of comprehending that you are not god. Just because you see it that way, anyone else who sees it any differently is a freak, right? Well, fuck off.


ManlyBanisters, thanks for saying most of it before I had a chance to.

DC_DEEP, I couldn't have said it any better. Only thing that you possibly left out was mentioning her dried up cunt.
 

SandraSmithCarver

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What do you guys think, is it possible to be just friends after sex? stories, comments, suggestions, etc. Lets hear it.


do you mean platonic friends with no more sex?
if its good well yeh, if its not? thats a tough one, ive have been with men that i liked as friends, but not necessarily a long time friends, the sex was awful and disapointing, so I did have to end the friendship, cuz for them, it was good, and they kept wanting to do it again, i couldnt help it, then later thought, i wish i hadn't slept with them, cuz they were nice guys