Being More Open/coming Out?

imawhoreboi

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Hi does anyone have any tips on how to be more open with my sexuality/slowly come out? Not only to other people/publicly but also to myself in general. How can I sort of accept myself as gay/bi? Feel like it would make my dating life easier lol.
How did you guys go about this stuff? Any tips are greatly appreciated
 
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Brodie888

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Coming out to yourself is the first step.

Your preference in porn when you masturbate should give you a ballpark on what degree of gay/bi you are (focusing on the men in straight porn counts in the gay column!).

A lot of gay men hesitate to wear the label because they don't fit the media driven stereotype. Just remember that this stereotype is to make straight men feel more comfortable because you can spot this type of gay from the moon.

Don't think that you have to tick any of the boxes to be gay or bi other than you have some degree of sexual attraction to men. Gays come in all flavours, you just need to find guys who are into the same as you.

My suggestion is to make as many gay friends as you can, even if it's initially virtual on apps or platforms like Secondlife.
 
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deleted1074483

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Coming out to yourself is the first step.

A lot of gay men hesitate to wear the label because they don't fit the media driven stereotype. Just remember that this stereotype is to make straight men feel more comfortable because you can spot this type of gay from the moon.

.

absolutely agree that you have to come out to yourself, accept yourself for who you are and be comfortable with it.

not quite sure what you meant by the next bit ? Got a bit confused!!
 

Brodie888

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absolutely agree that you have to come out to yourself, accept yourself for who you are and be comfortable with it.

not quite sure what you meant by the next bit ? Got a bit confused!!

Yes that was a bit conveluted. I wanted to make the point that stereotypes are created and persisted by those with an agenda and to not accept those as reality.
 
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deleted1074483

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Yes that was a bit conveluted. I wanted to make the point that stereotypes are created and persisted by those with an agenda and to not accept those as reality.

thanks for clarifying @Brodie888, that makes more sense and i do agree with you. People just need to be their genuine self and not attempt to be something they're not and not try to live up to other people's expectations of what a gay person looks like.
 

SpeedThePlow

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Everyone has to work this one out for himself; you'll work it out for you. It's scary. It's fun. It's for the best. Just a few ideas:

- Slowly coming out is hard, and it's arguably easier to rip the bandaid off. You can however come out to "distinct groups" (e.g. close friends, or work colleagues, or just family). Just remember, if you are out, people may talk about your sexuality to people you didn't come out to. You can't really come out and expect it to stay a big secret which leads to ...

- The easiest people to come out to are strangers, because they don't know you and they don't care. You don't have to explain how you weren't (or were) sucking dick while with your university girlfriend. You don't have to justify why you didn't call someone out on their homophobic remarks 10 years ago. There's low expectations. If you want to practice coming out, strangers are great. Try coming out in different ways to strangers including flamboyantly and defiantly.

- When you want to come out to a group, easiest thing is to pick the biggest gossip in the group and let them know. They will spread the word. Saves you a lot of effort.

- You don't have to be so gauche as to come out with a big "I want to tell you something ... I'm gay" speech. Save that for your parents. Just say gay stuff. Say a guy's hot. Say you've got a date with a hot guy. Say you're going to such-and-such a gay club. Just treat it as matter of fact, which is what it is. If someone says "Do you have a girlfriend" don't say "No, not at the moment", say "It could be a boyfriend, but no ..."

- Don't be afraid to dress gay, talk gay, act gay, dance gay. Or not. There's not one way to be gay/bi. You are you first of all. All I mean is, don't self-censor. Be comfortable.

- Get yourself some (more) gay friends. Contrary to popular belief, I think, gay guys make great friends. We look out for each other. (Also, the one person you probably can most trust NOT to out you if you don't want to be outed is a gay guy.) Go to places which are full of gays: go to clubs, go to bars, go to gyms and bathhouses if you want. If you are more serious, try charities, community organisations, reading groups, whatever. Aim to meet people not just because you might sleep with them but because people are great.

- Get yourself educated in the parts of gay culture that aren't porn and the popular media. Read some history. Watch some movies.

- Resolve to be tough. If someone can't cope, that's their problem, not yours. Wait for them to come round. (But be circumspect about taking big risks with people like parents. Easy to ditch an unsympathetic acquaintance or homophobic colleague, hard to find a new dad.)

- Never explain. Never apologise. Never suggest doubt (Not "I think I might be bi", just "Yeah, well I'm bi and ..."). Don't expect roses or kisses or tears. Don't tolerate disrespect or homophobia or bi-phobia.

- Don't jump from one pigeonhole to another. You don't have to be a twink, or a bottom, or a top, or a dom, or a sub, or a cub, or a gym-bunny, or a fem. (Unless you want to be!) Don't take these sorts of things too seriously.