Everyone has to work this one out for himself; you'll work it out for you. It's scary. It's fun. It's for the best. Just a few ideas:
- Slowly coming out is hard, and it's arguably easier to rip the bandaid off. You can however come out to "distinct groups" (e.g. close friends, or work colleagues, or just family). Just remember, if you are out, people may talk about your sexuality to people you didn't come out to. You can't really come out and expect it to stay a big secret which leads to ...
- The easiest people to come out to are strangers, because they don't know you and they don't care. You don't have to explain how you weren't (or were) sucking dick while with your university girlfriend. You don't have to justify why you didn't call someone out on their homophobic remarks 10 years ago. There's low expectations. If you want to practice coming out, strangers are great. Try coming out in different ways to strangers including flamboyantly and defiantly.
- When you want to come out to a group, easiest thing is to pick the biggest gossip in the group and let them know. They will spread the word. Saves you a lot of effort.
- You don't have to be so gauche as to come out with a big "I want to tell you something ... I'm gay" speech. Save that for your parents. Just say gay stuff. Say a guy's hot. Say you've got a date with a hot guy. Say you're going to such-and-such a gay club. Just treat it as matter of fact, which is what it is. If someone says "Do you have a girlfriend" don't say "No, not at the moment", say "It could be a boyfriend, but no ..."
- Don't be afraid to dress gay, talk gay, act gay, dance gay. Or not. There's not one way to be gay/bi. You are you first of all. All I mean is, don't self-censor. Be comfortable.
- Get yourself some (more) gay friends. Contrary to popular belief, I think, gay guys make great friends. We look out for each other. (Also, the one person you probably can most trust NOT to out you if you don't want to be outed is a gay guy.) Go to places which are full of gays: go to clubs, go to bars, go to gyms and bathhouses if you want. If you are more serious, try charities, community organisations, reading groups, whatever. Aim to meet people not just because you might sleep with them but because people are great.
- Get yourself educated in the parts of gay culture that aren't porn and the popular media. Read some history. Watch some movies.
- Resolve to be tough. If someone can't cope, that's their problem, not yours. Wait for them to come round. (But be circumspect about taking big risks with people like parents. Easy to ditch an unsympathetic acquaintance or homophobic colleague, hard to find a new dad.)
- Never explain. Never apologise. Never suggest doubt (Not "I think I might be bi", just "Yeah, well I'm bi and ..."). Don't expect roses or kisses or tears. Don't tolerate disrespect or homophobia or bi-phobia.
- Don't jump from one pigeonhole to another. You don't have to be a twink, or a bottom, or a top, or a dom, or a sub, or a cub, or a gym-bunny, or a fem. (Unless you want to be!) Don't take these sorts of things too seriously.