Being ogled and being OK with that.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by LongandBigSub, Jan 25, 2009.

  1. LongandBigSub

    LongandBigSub New Member

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    There is a gym I like in the morning. I've noticed the locker room is fairly relaxed too. I don't see any towel dancing and there are men that walk around nude from their locker too their shower. So there is a lot of casual nudity.

    After I've showered, I've dry off in the foyer, where I'm on display, so people who are using the restroom, shaving, or coming into the shower foyer can see me. Initially I felt comfortable to be naked and it shouldn't be an issue, and there maybe a exhibitionist streak in me because I work out a lot and I have a nice defined body.

    One morning, another gay man walked into that shower foyer, who has been giving me looks on the weight rooom floor. We don't talk but I know he's gay because he comes in with a gay workout partner, and I have the gay vibe from him. When he and I had eye contact, I sensed immediately he was checking me out completely naked, and then went into the shower stall, to get out of that ogled position, because I was looking directly at him.

    Since then, I haven't been comfortable showering in the morning because he's there regularly. I'm not attracted to this guy, but I feel exposed in a way, because every time I see him in the gym, he tends to 'eye fuck' me when I notice him.

    I know it's a locker room, and I should expect people looking at me naked, and I thought I was comfortable with nudity, but it bothers me if someone I'm not attracted too sees me naked. I know this is a double standard, but I think other guys on this forum have had similiar feelings about being nude around men that are attracted too them, and you're not attracted back.

    Granted, the guy has never went out of the way too see me naked, like follow me or deliberately have his locker next to mine, yet -- but we shower at the same time every morning, and it's the vibe I get from him.

    On the same level, I also feel kind of a double standard on myself, because I've wanted to see other guys naked that I was attracted too, but I try not to give off the "eye fuck" vibe, but when I catch a glimpse of a good looking guy, it does feel good to see them.

    I feel I'm being a prude, but I wanted to ask the opinion of others on the forum to how to manage others who see you naked, and tend to get a thrill off it, and you're not atttracted back.
     
    #1 LongandBigSub, Jan 25, 2009
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2009
  2. houtx48

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    what you five years old? he'sssss looking at me, get over yourself mary
     
  3. rocketred

    rocketred New Member

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    It's different for everyone who ogles you.

    Some I dont mind - but it's how they go about it that can be a turn on or a feeling of violation.
     
  4. D_Brecock Evileye

    D_Brecock Evileye New Member

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    Just be proud of your body and know that he enjoys it. I am not gay, however I am an artist and I cant help but admire beautiful things. I love the human form, both male and female, I like trees and animals and even bones. Sometimes people are just enjoying natural wonders, try not to feel threatened or creeped out. He may be sexualy attracted to you, but, it sounds like he isnt being agressive about it. As for me, I love being naked and if others enjoy seeing me I am glad of it. ( I, sadly, am not very built.lol)
     
  5. Roscoz

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    Due your kinda contradicting yourself a bit as you said ' i dry off in the foyer where people can see me ' if you know people can see you, and your doing it on purpose you can expect people to look. So why stand there in the first place ? is there no other places you can dry off ?
     
  6. LongandBigSub

    LongandBigSub New Member

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    Thanks to all of you for replying so far.

    I like serpent's view to be proud of our bodies. I also think rocket and rosco factor in another issue that I think hout48 may not have considered.

    When you're five years old, you don't factor in gay men masturbating over you privately, after they've seen you naked, and then eyeing you on the gym floor, so they can feed their fantasy more on how they have seen you with your clothes off.

    There is an innocence to being naked when you're five, and there is a sexual innuendo in it when you're an adult.

    Would it be OK to say it's natural for other men to mastubate over after they've seen your naked body? They may not be groping over you in the locker room, but they are groping over you in their minds.
     
  7. CUBE

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    "I want people to check out my body so I really show it off...then I got someone to look and I feel he shouldn't look." Good lord man....you are funny...








    Oh and show me to so I can eye fuck your sweet ass ;)
     
  8. D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead

    D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead Account Disabled

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    I think the OP is talking about a line between enjoying being seen and appreciated, and having it get inappropriate. I don't know if I would react the same as he would in the same situation, but I think I know what he's talking about.

    F'r instance, if you saw me and didn't know me from here, you would probably think I was a middle-aged dude who still took decent care of himself, took trouble to do what he could with what he had, but was no gym rat or body-beautiful-type. And definitely not a kid any longer.

    Now, I like it when both men and women notice me and take an extra second to look.

    But there are times when behavior goes over the line. Riding the commuter train once, I was standing near the door. This one guy, at his stop, stood right next to me waiting for the doors to open, and then copped a feel, grabbing my crotch as he exited. It was not an accidental brush ... it was a grope. Pissed me off a little bit.

    Once, I had a guy working for me who worked in a room with a window on the office lobby. He would stare, sometimes slack-jawed, at women walking through the lobby. Most of them found it extremely offensive ... even the ones who dressed to highlight their good points in a semi-sexual sort of way. I had to talk with him a few different times about how his behavior was interpreted by those women. Agree or disagree, most people have some agreement over where those behioral lines are!

    So I get what the OP is talking about here. I don't know where that line is, but society does have a certain standard. It doesn't sound like the OP is putting on a sex show in the shower; so there should be a decent level of looking when it comes to those of us who might look.
     
  9. ledroit

    ledroit New Member

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    Why not try being more direct in how you manage something like this? I'd strike up a private conversation, and tell this guy you don't find him sexually attractive, and it makes you uncomfortable when he's staring at you. Unless he's a moron or is obsessive, he'll stop. If he doesn't, then you can get pissed, and lay down the law more forcefully.

    It's good to learn how to be blunt and direct about these things, I think, without being aggressive. Most guys do not want to have enemies in a gym. I've run into a few who take steroids or who need to get pissed at something or someone to work out, but they're usually in the minority.
    The guys who go for aggressive sports (like rugby or football) tend to be pretty nice, in my experience, gay, straight or bi. Same with those who really work hard at bodybuilding or fitness.

    But you also find narcissists and idiots in a city gym, just like you do anywhere else. If this guy turns out to be one of those, you've done what you need to do by making your own boundaries clear. So you can go about your business. Stay focused on what you want to achieve, and try to ignore the "noise" that can go on around you. You can't control other people's brains, eyes or behavior, but you can be direct about what you like and don't like. If they have any social skills at all, they will respect the boundaries you want to put in place, even if you're naked and like a little exhibitionism. There are plenty of guys in my gym like that, and I know exactly which ones don't mind being looked at (at least by me), and which ones do--provided they give out some kind of signal. There are lots of ways to do that, but if the signals are not working, or are unclear, then a few direct words, man to man, are a good exercise. That's true in a gym, and it's true everywhere else, in my experience.
     
  10. Knick

    Knick New Member

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    I get this behavior, sometimes. (I'm another middle aged guy who's in good shape--for his age.) Guys ogle, eye-fuck, sometimes even jerk off in the steam room, discreetly. But not discreetly enough.

    I am at first flattered, then a bit uneasy. If it gets too much, what I find effective is talking to the guy (!). Not about the subject of ogling, or sexuality, or anything. But about the temperature of the steam, or the weather, or some very neutral topic. And don't look him in the eye.

    This often works, because you are breaking apart the guy's fantasy. He's thinking of you as this sex object, what he'd like to do, and so on. And you're telling him, "I'm a plain old person, like you. I talk about the weather. I worry about the market. I hate it when the gym's water fountain is broken. I'm not just a body, and if you want to relate to me you have to talk about the weather and the stock market. And I'm more interested in all that than in your sexuality."

    The danger is that he take it as an opening for mor flirting. But if you don't look at him, especially not below the belt, you're not giving off flirtatious vibes.

    Anyway, it has worked several times for me.
     
  11. invisibleman

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    What would Henry Rollins do? If people who work out at a public gym don't like being ogled by people at the gym, why not buy a home gym and workout at home? (That is what Henry Rollins does. He works out at his home.) People have showering and/or bathing facilities at their own home, do they not?

    No chances of anybody doing any inappropriate ogling when you are working out or showering there.
     
  12. AG08

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    It's part and parcel of using the locker room and showers. I have to agree with other posters that if you are uncomfortable with being looked at, you are best off staying out of the locker room and shower. You can't control who looks at you and who doesn't, so you have to take the bad with the good. I'm in my early 40s, but don't look it as I'm in pretty good shape. Last week alone, I got 3 compliments from guys older and younger than me about what "excellent" shape I'm in for my age. I took it as a compliment. I've been ogled in the shower and locker room before. Sometimes I enjoy the attention and sometimes I don't (it depends on who is looking). If it's a young, good looking and physically fit guy, I like it. If it's a fat, hairy old guy I don't like it. However, I have to take the bad with the good if I choose to use the facility.

    Just the other day I was using the open showers and an incredibly good looking young guy with a smoking body (he was on the wrestling team) was blatantly checking me out in the shower, and I would be lying if I said I didn't like it. If a guy that looks that good finds me attractive enough to ogle, I'm flattered. I'm not gay, but I like checking out good looking guys too - more out of admiration than sex. However, there have been times where incredibly unattractive guys have ogled me and I didn't like it, so I just moved out of their sight line, or finished up as quickly as I could and covered up with a towel. I can't tell another guy not to look at me because he's unattractive. You said that you too like to check out other good looking guys. Maybe they find you unattractive and don't want you to look at them either. It's a two way street.

    I also don't understand why you would be bothered that someone might be masturbating to the memory of seeing you naked. Why would you even care? It's not like you're there and being forced to participate in their fantasy. Are you saying that some of the good looking guys you've seen naked in the locker room and shower have never been unwitting parts of one your fantasies while you were masturbating? Maybe they too would be offended to know that you have masturbated while thinking about them naked in the locker room and shower. Again, it's a two way street. You can no more control what people think and fantasize about than you can control who is looking at you, so why sweat it? Does it really impact your life in any way at all? If some guy jerks off after they get home thinking about me naked in the shower or locker room, I really couldn't care less. I would have no way of knowing if they did or didn't, so what does it matter? I'm not presumptious or conceited enough though to think that I'm so good looking that some guys would use me in their fantasy after seeing me naked despite the fact that I've been ogled, "eye-fucked", checked out and verbally complimented by other guys about my body and looks more times than I can count.
     
    #12 AG08, Jan 25, 2009
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2009
  13. D_Gunther Snotpole

    D_Gunther Snotpole Account Disabled

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    I like it, Knick.
    As you say, it brings you forward from the fantasy the guy has of you.
    And it's perfectly respectful ... even gives the guy a way that he can relate to you, if he still wants to.
     
  14. LongandBigSub

    LongandBigSub New Member

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    Thanks to all for your thoughtful replies. I have to thank krispdx, ago8, ledroit and knick for helping me to focus my thoughts on boundaries. And invisible I appreciate the thought, but I'm not giving up on my paid gym membership (grin).

    But where do we draw the line between an admiring look and an 'eye fuck'?

    I really think it's the intention of a look and how it makes us feel as we react too it.

    I accept that men may look at me and might look at me sexually. I do it too, but I'm careful for how I send it, and I don't try to assert the look, instead it's more a casual admiring look. I think there's a difference.

    Meaning it's one thing to be naked and feeling proud of your body, and it's another thing to stand your ground when someone sends you aggressive unwanted sexual energy to assert themselves into your experience, because they want more. It's like fuck off -- I'm not interested.

    Of course I don't have to be rude about it (grin), but I think it does mean to do it with the signals you send off, like LeDroit wrote.

    I also want to mention that on Friday I sensed this guy 'eye fucking' me in the weight room. I know he was picturing me naked, like he saw me, and getting off on that image. I could feel it. I gave him eye contact, and sent this the vibe of, "You know, it's one thing to see me naked, but it's another thing to think I'm your sex show. And I know that guy felt that vibe because he immediately looked away, quickly (like a jerk) avoiding any eye contact, and pretending he wasn't gazing at me."

    And like AG08 wrote, I can't control what other guys think, but if their energy is affecting how I feel, then I'm going to give off some signals that I don't like it. To be honest I think this avoids anyting confrontational that might happen in the future, since you're kind of like standing your ground on what you're going to tolerate. You send off the vibe like telepathically. At least it's true for me.

    Anyway, Knick, your idea is not a bad idea. I may try it.
     
  15. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    Hey Serpent 13, this is off topic, but I think you've got a nice body, sensual and smooth. Your cock is beautiful too.
     
  16. D_Brecock Evileye

    D_Brecock Evileye New Member

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    Thanks, complements make my day. Is that you on your avitar? I wish I had abs like that. :biggrin1:
     
  17. houtx48

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    let me put it this way.....if you don't want people looking at you stay the fuck out of the gym and keep your clothes on that should take care of it.
     
  18. EL_Duderino

    EL_Duderino New Member

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    doesn't everyone check people out at the gym? in the locker room i honestly try to avoid it and really can't stand when a naked guy comes and sits down next to me at my locker, it wouldn't be hard to cover up. Of course my own father was that way when he used to take me to the gym as a kid so its kind of strange that it bugs me. but on the other hand i wont even get naked at the gym. i wash my face and hands before i leave than shower at home.
     
  19. smoothy

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    I've recently had a guy at the gym go out of his way to check me out in the locker room- day before yesterday he walked into the shower area fully clothed and for no apparent reason- just to look at my cock- I'm taking it as a compliment. If I'm providing some pleasure for him and he doesn't do anything but look, where's the harm? I know I've admired other guy's bodies at the gym, usually less obviously though.
     
  20. Gogiboy1

    Gogiboy1 New Member

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    If HE makes you uneasy...simply COVER UP, when he's around.
     
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