being stood up sucks

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by earthstorm, Mar 18, 2007.

  1. earthstorm

    earthstorm New Member

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    heyall,

    around the time i signed up on here i also signed up on adult friendfinder and hornymatches because i'm interested in trying something new (ie. some action with a guy). found someone who was interested, chatted on msn for a while, exchanged phone numbers and arranged to meet up today.

    today came and went, no word or response from this guy. turns out he's also blocked and removed me from his msn as well (i know this 'cause gaim tells me this). what gives?

    can't say i was expecting it really, which is why i guess i'm so pissed. it seems like it was a really bitchy thing to do...as bad as it sounds i really didn't expect this sorta crap from a guy as much.

    that's it really. just wanted to get it off my chest. :tongue:

    cheers
    e.s.
     
  2. No_Strings

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    Some are satisfied from the fantasy, rather than acting upon these feelings. Unfortunate but it happens :(
     
  3. Greekdick69

    Greekdick69 New Member

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    LMAO....when I read this subject I thought of typing that not only girls like to stand up guys, but some guys think it's not a big deal to waste someone else's time...well no need to say such thing after reading your message.....

    Anyway, this is just some dude who either freaked out, or just continues to be a pussy...cheer up, it seems you have started a few leads (or services) already, so in no time you'll have an opportunity to meet some other dude who's got the balls to play.

    Keep it safe,
    Rick
     
  4. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    It's easier just to blow someone off and ignore them than it is to come up with an excuse, be real, or anything else. This has happened to me many times, often in situations where it seems like the last logical thing that could happen, but I've come to realize the truth of what I just said above after recognizing the pattern. People, men and women, are fickle, neurotic, self-conscious, deceitful both intentionally and unintentionally, riddled with contradiction and insecurities... sometimes this makes them act in ways that don't quite make sense if you look at the world through the filter of assuming everyone is as they appear to be or as they present themselves to you.

    He probably lied about who he was, or wasn't quite honest with you or himself about exactly what he wanted, had some second thoughts about your meeting for a hundred different reasons, had other plans he forgot about or decided he wanted to do something else more or something else along those lines. Could be anything. I know it sucks, having been there many times myself, but usually it's best just to grin and bear it, chalk it up to him being an ass and not worth your time anyway, and then move on..

    Very true. Being logged on to the internet, sitting at your own computer gives people a certain comfort zone that they can use in dealing with other people they meet online. Inside this comfort zone they are empowered to act on impulse and do/say things they might have reservations about doing/saying outside the realm of the online world. When that online world starts to bleed into the rest of someone's life, with the imminent threat of meeting someone you had previously only known online as a good example of that, people often get scared.
     
  5. {sharp}

    {sharp} New Member

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    its too bad you live to far away, i got blown off by this chick and was interested in a guys for a bit...to bad your around the world. but no, being blown off totally sucks no matter who you are. i owuld honestly like it if whoever was doing it, actually just said, i dont feel up to it, or its not what i really want. its better than hearing later on, oh yea, i deleted you, or just not hearing, its really rude!
     
  6. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    This would be so much nicer wouldn't it? Sad that people just take the easy way and put someone on "ignore" without so much as an explanation.
     
  7. davidjh7

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    People are cruel, selfish, stupid, cowardly jerks, who aren't worth spitting on. Except for those that aren't. Unfortunately, you have to wade through a whole bunch of bad ones to find one good one, but the good one helps make it worth it. Think of it this way, he did you a favor, by proving quickly he was a complete wanker, as the vernacular goes, and not wasting your time and energy actually having to converse with him anymore. Trust me, he is/will be hurting himself far worse than you could ever think of, so feel free to pity him, but don;t waste any real emotion on him--he definaely is NOT worth the electrons sent out on his behalf on the net. You'll find someone worthwhile, just don't think too hard on the jerks that aren;t worthwhile. Good luck! I know you will accomplish your goals!
     
  8. earthstorm

    earthstorm New Member

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    well, i gotta say i'm glad i shared that. :biggrin1:

    thanks for the feedback. if i'd stopped and thought sooner, hey, it mightn't be personal, then i probably wouldn't have got so offended in the first place...

    after all, it can't really be personal if the guy hardly knew me, right? :rolleyes:

    happy now!

    cheers
    e.s.
     
  9. D_Garmanswait Glassnads

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    He should of at least told you he wasn't coming, most people would understand, he should have known better.
     
  10. DC_DEEP

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    There is NEVER a good excuse to stand someone up. Never.

    ES, it's a long story, but that's sort of how I ended up finding the love of my life. I had given up, after a long (really, very long!) string of meeting nothing but flakes, idiots, and assholes.

    Sometimes, it seems that they are in the majority - but keep in mind, when you use hook-up sites or personal ads, that's what you are going to find - ones that like you yank your chain or play games, or who are in it simply for the fantasy or the chase. They really have no interest in meeting, it's like a video game to them. Flirt and tease, that's how you score points. When your target finally says "yes," that's the "game over" signal.

    Best of luck to you in the future.
     
  11. invisibleman

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    I think that being stood up and flaked upon is really cruel. I have been on the receiving end of that too many times. I don't use the computer that much to meet people. I'd rather meet them in person. [I have met people in person only to get dumped because they met people on "e-harmony" or "Gay.com". Hehehe.:smile: ]

    Maybe people are opportunists. I think that it is the way of American capitalism. If you don't have what is necessary (that differs for every individual)--you are unfortunately may get flaked upon--i.e. get dumped.

    Then you have to look at those individuals like they aren't good enough for you. If they can leave that quick, you definately don't need them. Maybe, people don't really value or respect one another.

    Don't just rely on the computer as a middle entity for a date. Go out and meet people. Start a singles club. Even better, start an enthusiasts (a shared hobby--whatever hobby you have that you may think others may share or like to do as a group) club.

    Yeah, it sucks being stood up. There are people out there that would be more than happy to be by your side. Every rejection is a stepping stone to success. :smile:
     
  12. fortiesfun

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    That is exactly the point. Glad you have decided to roll with the punches. Though being stood up feels like the most personal thing in the world, it is almost always about the "stander"'s insecurities and has nothing to do with you.

    (Well, here is the one thing it might have to do with you: Lots of guys on big dick sites have exaggerated their size. They freak out when the time comes because they will have to present the real goods. If you are actually packin', it can freak 'em out to even think about it. Seems a small price to pay, though, for the pleasure of being hung, yes?)
     
  13. naughty

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    Earthstorn,

    I am so sorry to hear about someone doing that to you. Most of the time when people do things like that it isnt about you , though it probably affects you. The ignore trick however sounds like a panic attack. It is unfortunate that some individuals see the NET as their own personal playground and thus subject to their own brand of bad behavior. I have had to back out of meetings at the last minute at times, but it usually was not for reasons of panic .Sometimes things really do happen, but I definitely wouldnt put someone on ignore because of it. So, write him off as suffering from insufficient social skills. :biggrin1:
     
  14. Rikter8

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    Oh Ya.

    Let me tell you about my story eh? (Pronounced aye)

    I agreed to meet a guy for dinner and drinks.

    He showed up.
    So we get eating dinner, and then suddenly, he says "Im not the guy you are supposed to meet."

    Me - "Excuse me?"

    "Yea..you are supposed to meet my roomate...but im just here checking you out making sure your cool enough for him. I don't think he would be interested."

    Now how fucked up is that??
    Ive dated so many....been through ups and downs...
    It happens. Pick yourself up, learn to be more selective, and don't get frustrated when these jerks stand you up.
    It's not worth the frustration.
     
  15. DC_DEEP

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    Naughty, I agree. But the big difference, as I see it, is the difference between cancelling and standing someone up.

    The first time I had made plans with MercurialBliss for us to meet, she called about 3 hours before our agreed time, and cancelled. I understood, I accepted her reason, and we just simply said "another time." Sending an email if no phone numbers have been exchanged is almost as good. But simply not showing up at the arranged place and time is just not acceptable.

    To all: if you have no intention of showing up, don't make plans to show up. If you get cold feet at the last minute, or if unavoidable circumstances occur, at least have the decency to call and cancel. The only acceptable excuse for standing up another person is if you die.
     
  16. musicman

    musicman New Member

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    Yeah, it sure does suck. Last year I was dating a guy for a while, and then one day he stood me up for dinner. (Valentine's Day was coming, and I'd hand-dipped strawberries in chocolate.) Late that night he sent me a text message saying he wasn't going to be able to see me or talk to me, and didn't want to talk about the biopsy I had scheduled for a few days later.

    This bothered me for months and months; we'd been dating enough that feelings had started to develop. After I challenged him about it a couple of times, he finally responded (almost a year later) that he'd been dating someone else at the same time.

    What a total asshole.
     
  17. invisibleman

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    Yeah, my ex did a similar thing like this to me. Well, life is too short to be brought down. You should start meeting some other people in your life. I am considering dating multiples of people at the same time.
     
  18. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    That's a little harsh, DC, don't you think? Though I agree it does suck how absolutely inconsiderate most people are. Just a tiny bit of common courtesy would go such a long way.
     
  19. fortiesfun

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    Completely off topic, but I am curious about the avatar. It seems to be an extremely popular one. Many people use it, but I can barely discern what it is a picture of and can't figure out what it means symbolically at all. Care to give a hint to a clueless one? Feel free to PM to avoid a thread hijacking...

    Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.
     
  20. B_big dirigible

    B_big dirigible New Member

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    Maybe it was the guy you were supposed to meet and he made that up as a dodge.

    That would still be pretty fucked up.

    For a while Berne's Games People Play - The Basic Handbook of Transactional Analysis was all over the place. I think he sold about five million copies. You couldn't go to a book sale without bumping into it. The thing's downright spooky. After reading it I realized that I can't believe anything people say; they lie all the time, even when they think they aren't. Note that the book is not part of the modern paranoia genre. Berne was basically just describing the behavior of real people, his patients. But it's contributed to my grounds for suspicion of the sorts who do write in the modern paranoia genre.

    Your experience sounds like one of the games. Some thirty years after it came out, I asked a few medical types if that stuff was real or if the guy was just a crank. All I heard from them was a bunch of hemming and hawing. Nobody said forgetabout, he's a crank. I would have preferred to think he's crank (or rather, was a crank; he died in 1970 - Eric Berne - Creator of Transactional Analysis and Author of Games People Play)
     
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