being stood up sucks

[musicman]

I also once got stood up for coffee by a guy I'd only met online. We'd emailed for weeks before that. He didn't show up. Then he tried to claim he was there, that I wasn't. There were seven people in the cafe. None of them were 6'3 and blonde.

 

[B_NineInchCock_160IQ]

Yeah, my ex did a similar thing like this to me. Well, life is too short to be brought down. You should start meeting some other people in your life. I am considering dating multiples of people at the same time.

dating multiples of people? You mean you don't want to date actual people? But their clones would be okay? =)

 

[invisibleman]

dating multiples of people? You mean you don't want to date actual people? But their clones would be okay? =)

:smile: SoRRY for the misuse of the word "multiples".

I am considering multiples if the twins are cute and mannerable. Hehehe.

I was saying that I am a little tired of investing all my energies on one man (As in a "monogamous" relationship.) So, I am going to focus my energies on many men simultaneously--I want to try out polyamorous relationships.

 

[novice_btm]

...i also signed up on adult friendfinder and hornymatches because i'm interested in trying something new (ie. some action with a guy).

While you are looking to experiment with a guy, he could've been also. Many times, that can mean that the "experiment" is not really completely, shall we say, unfettered. This could be because he's not fully comfortable with a guy, and freaked out, thinking, "I can't believe I was going to do that", and followed by panic, deletion, blocking, etc. This can be magnified by any number of things; religion, marriage, etc. There are tons of straight guys on those sites that are married. Being with another guy can be a fantasy for a million reasons, ranging from "if it's with another guy it's not cheating" to "it'd be so cool to be attracted to one of my buddies (because my wife is currently driving me crazy), where we get each other, and everything is simple", etc. Bottom line, you have no idea why he may have wanted to be with a guy, and you also have no idea why he suddenly didn't want to be with a guy, but as noted, you can be sure that none of it had anything to do with someone (you) that he doesn't even know yet. Still, it sucks to be dissappointed, and on the other end of someone behaving badly. It wouldn't have killed him to be respectful enough to just drop a note saying, "I'm really sorry, but I panicked, and just can't do this."

 

[invisibleman]

Oh Ya.

Let me tell you about my story eh? (Pronounced aye)

I agreed to meet a guy for dinner and drinks.

He showed up.
So we get eating dinner, and then suddenly, he says "Im not the guy you are supposed to meet."

Me - "Excuse me?"

"Yea..you are supposed to meet my roomate...but im just here checking you out making sure your cool enough for him. I don't think he would be interested."

Now how fucked up is that??
Ive dated so many....been through ups and downs...
It happens. Pick yourself up, learn to be more selective, and don't get frustrated when these jerks stand you up.
It's not worth the frustration.

I hope that motherfucker paid for your dinner. I wouldn't have paid for his meal. That is shady. That is truly fucked up.

You were there to date your date not his "fucking shady bitch ass" roommate. That was sooooo wrong of that guy to have done that to you.

 

[DC_DEEP]

That's a little harsh, DC, don't you think? Though I agree it does suck how absolutely inconsiderate most people are. Just a tiny bit of common courtesy would go such a long way.

No, really, I don't think that's harsh. Just honest. And wow, "honest" would eliminate the assholes who stand other people up, wouldn't it? Yes, the tiny bit of common courtesy (which, actually, is not very common) would go a long way. And even backing out, saying "sorry, I panicked, I can't do this" is better than just not showing, then blocking emails and phone numbers.

Even a call, after the fact, is better than nothing: "sorry I didn't make it to the coffee shop, I had to have an emergency craniectomy." Anything besides no-show, no-contact.

 

[chicagosam]

I'm sorry to hear that someone treated you poorly. No one has the right to do that to someone else no matter what. However, it does happen. There are big time losers in the world who do this on a daily basis. You may have ran into one of those that does this on a continual basis in a need to stroke their ego, or one who is scared. If nothing else, you need to believe that you have done nothing wrong. It's a sick game and these are sick puppies. You just need to be wary.

I have run into men who in the course of messaging with me have revealed similar situations, have gotten hurt, and the same names keep coming up. Often, out of a sense of loyalty, they are reluctant to reveal the names until they realize that is not owed in any way. There are notorious users who have played trusting people like yourself and then discarded them. They often want online sex without commitment. They crave attention but are self-absorbed and do not give anything back. They constantly take. They lead people on and are quite charming about it, albeit insincere. They have one reputation in public and another in messaging. Negative. The latter they will try to hide at all costs.

Normal people can be open with other people online after a certain amount of time if trust is built. If you look around the site, you will find a lot of great friendhsips and many of these people are in constant contact offline and in real life. However, these predators play on that. You need to be careful. A sure sign: see how much information they reveal about themselves, and then see how much can be verified in the real world. If their name keeps changing, if they are evasive about themselves, if they are over-protective about their identity, if there are constant excuses about not being able to reveal information—get out fast. There is reverse information that can be obtained on the internet. Phone numbers can prove very interesting. If you have the chance to go back and read what they have written, you can often put two and two together and discover more information. These people are not infallible. They screw up eventually. Investigating can also prove interesting. In my conversations with victims I am aware that the information given did not add up. There are no records to verify these guys existence. Sometimes these guys will assume the identity of another person—living or dead. Some have prison records. Some have severe social problems. What these guys eventually found out was just plain creepy. Consider yourself lucky that this did not go farther. You may have been spared a world of hurt.

A very wise friend of mine keeps reminding me: "never trust anyone until you have met them in person and looked into their eyes."

You seem like a good guy and I hope that you will eventually meet someone wonderful who is deserving of you and has your best interests at heart. You haven't done anything wrong other than deal with a highly flawed person. You may have been the best influence on them, but until they realize what they are doing and how it is affecting the person that they use, there is nothing you can do to help them without continuing to hurt yourself. You need to take precedence. A worthwhile person enhances your life and makes you feel good about yourself. They give back. Trust me, there are more good people in the world than schmucks.

You'll be fine. I wish you love and great happiness in your life. You are deserving.

Sam

Addendum: I wrote this some weeks ago and it may be more appropriate here.

Yes, and it also needs to be noted that it's amazing how far some of these men will go in their pursuit of homoeroticism and in cyber sexual or real life sexual encounters with other men, how they will use people for sex and then discard them in an effort to disclaim their cyber and possible real life gayness, and yet will adamantly proclaim how straight they are and get quite angry when questioned on it or outed for it. The denial in these men is as amazing as their voracious appetites for the sexual encounters they aggressively initiate with other men, and the lack of accountability for their actions is always self-serving and callous in covering their sexual identity and in how they treat the people that they engage to satisfy their needs. They are never gay in their mind, nor do they see themselves as the aggressor: it is always the partner that they use that is at fault. The ethics of this type of man are sadly lacking as they will unconscionably lie to their girlfriends, friends, and anyone else who they feel they must cover their secret lives from. Fortunately, these sociopaths are in the minority. It also needs to be noted that there are a lot of great men in the world who accept who they are, what they are, and are morally responsible toward the people that they are involved with.

 

[geekslut]

Ever hear of manhunt? Welcome to the net. Why I never EVER agree to meet guys at their door (or invite them over the first time). A street corner, bus stop, bar - whatever. But i wanna meet someplace where there's an easy exit and I can get lost if he never shows.

He stood you up. Judging from your pictures it's his loss.

 

[D_Coyne Toss]

I can imagine it pissed you off.

Anway be really careful before meeting in real life persons you met in the web: you never know who you are chatting with.

 

[dickman45885]

I have been stood up...and do get pissed...but in the end think...well fucker, you do not know what a good guy you missed, boy are you out of luck.

 

[earthstorm]

excellent discussion! thanks to everyone for getting involved and sharing their experiences. this community is awesome. :smile:

thanks to those of you who pm-ed and emailed me too. i responded where i was able to.

all the best
e.s.

 

[notsmallmatt]

same sorta thing happened to me a couple days ago... guy was still in the closet.. and even though people have warned me in the past i still went ahead and tried....

actually.. it was all going good.. things might of gone ok.. but when we were talking about meeting(more for sex than to get to know each other)... i told him about my dick... and suddenly... he disappeared.. lol

freaking depressing.

 

[chicagosam]

same sorta thing happened to me a couple days ago... guy was still in the closet.. and even though people have warned me in the past i still went ahead and tried....

actually.. it was all going good.. things might of gone ok.. but when we were talking about meeting(more for sex than to get to know each other)... i told him about my dick... and suddenly... he disappeared.. lol

freaking depressing.

His loss, Matt! You're a good guy. Someone great that is deserving of you will come along. As will for all the other great guys in this discussion that have had to deal with these losers.

 

[Rikter8]

I hope that motherfucker paid for your dinner. I wouldn't have paid for his meal. That is shady. That is truly fucked up.

You were there to date your date not his "fucking shady bitch ass" roommate. That was sooooo wrong of that guy to have done that to you.

He "Forgot" his wallet.

I paid, but I also gave him a ride in my TransAm that he'll never..ever forget. I had that motherfucker ghost-white with fear.
It didnt fix the situation, but I felt better LOL

 

[novice_btm]

... i told him about my dick... and suddenly... he disappeared...

Well, that was just foolish on his part. :wink:

 

[MidwestGal]

I agree, it sucks. The person should respect you enough to call and cancel at the very least and apologize. Some people seem to lack even common courtesy these days.