Being suicidal...

[Isil_Siluvalyë]

Well, I'm pretty sure I'm bipolar, but I thought that I might be able to find some help here, since I don't have health insurance and I don't think that spending 100$ at the doctor's office is going to help me any.

This morning my step-dad called and long story short, I've been almost suicidally depressed since then. He said some things that were deserved, and a lot of things that weren't, and I'm at the point of spontaneous crying. I cried earlier when I spilled some coffee on a blank piece of paper, and I got more and more upset because I felt stupid that I was crying over it, and you get what I mean.

Anyways, I wasn't sure what I should do, so I thought that maybe someone here might have some ideas as to getting me some help that doesn't cost a lot of money...even just talking on here to no one in specific is making me a bit better....

Anyways, I just wanted to rant a little...maybe I'll go get a double-double in a bit...those always help....

 

[danerain]

Alot of my friends are suicidal and broke, the best we've done is talking to each other. Grab a friend that you trust and talk to them. And remind yourself that you know that you need help, and killing yourself is not going to make everything better.

If anyone knows of free or low-cost help, I'd like to know, too.

 

[pmd7867]

I agree. Reach out to someone...a friend, really anyone. Just talk until you feel a bit better. If you really think you might hurt yourself, get over to a hospital or a mental health center. Most importantly, connect with someone...in person, on the phone...remember that life has its setbacks, but you can get through them. You really can.

 

[viking1]

The only way to get free help would be if there are any free clinics nearby.
If there are go to one.

I have suffered from depression most of my life and I know what it's like.
Like danerain said find some trusted friends to talk with. Get out and do something that you like to do to get your mind off of it. For me if I can get into something that takes all of my energy I will forget my troubles pretty quickly. Killing yourself is definitely NOT the answer. I hope you feel better soon.

 

[steve8437]

hi please seek help you can call care line 020 8514 1177 for support

 

[mattflanders]

I'm bipolar too, and what always gets me going again is social activities - whether I like it or not. I too have been suicidal recently but I've never done anything because something always happens that makes me feel just a little better again. The best remedy for me is falling in love, I know it's stupid, but when I have someone to care about and love I feel like I have a purpose in life.
So far I haven't needed any medical treatment and I hope to keep it that way.
My advice is: go out and don't be around people that get you down, try new things.

 

[pmd7867]

Isil -- send us a message and let us know you're alright.

 

[basketbulge]

I'm sorry you are in distress, but glad you are communicating. I notice you are in Canada. We have a free national help phone and website for young people. The number is 1.800.668.6868 and here is the site. Please check them out.

Good luck, and keep reaching out for help.

 

[Isil_Siluvalyë]

Yeah, I'm fine...I've taken out my pastels again, which can't be a good sign, but it keeps me occupied.

Thank you for everyone who's said something...makes my day a little brighter.

And as for finding someone to love...I've never been with anyone, and most people don't like me anyways, so I don't push it. If someone likes me, that's great, but I won't take it any farther without prompting from them.

 

[Rikter8]

You must remember that there are MILLIONS of americans, MILLIONS of Canadians, and Millions of others that suffer from Chronic Depression, Anxiety, Bi-polar disorders etc.

You are not alone.
I too suffer from Severe Depression and anxiety that I know will never go away. It's in my genetic makeup, so I have to move forward with life knowing this.

Danerain gave the best piece of advice. Grab a friend, Call a friend, go for a walk, Go mall browsing. Anything to clear your mind.

You have to remember that the world is a Phucked up place, but you need to remain strong.
Your awfully Young, and you have a Long life ahead of you.
You can choose to give up, or you can choose to be strong, and make a change in your life for the better.

It's a battle, but we must go on.

 

[NCbear]

I suffer from chronic depression. I have done so all my life and don't expect this to change. It's likely chemical, not situational.

For me, what helps is getting out of my shell and being around people. Even when I don't want to be.

Is there a mall nearby? A theater (either a cinema or live theater)? A comedy club? Someplace to walk and people-watch?

There's also exercise and eating comfort food and watching good movies or reading good books ("good" meaning ones that I know make me feel happy/happier).

NCbear (who in spite of knowing all this advice often has to jumpstart his own actions to stave off the deeper blue funks)

 

[IntoxicatingToxin]

I agree with what viking1 said about free clinics... surely you have one nearby. As someone who has lost her brother to suicide, let me just say this. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Just keep repeating that to yourself when you're down. There IS a light at the end of the tunnel. I think friends help, but I definitely think a trained specialist would be best at this point. For me, writing always helped. Just getting my thoughts out. I would write in a journal, or even write letters to whoever I was upset with. I never delivered them, but just getting them out helped me clear a lot of things out and helped organize my mind so I didn't feel so cluttered and out of control.

 

[Isil_Siluvalyë]

Well...I went down to the mall and bought myself a double-double with a shot of hazlenut, and sat in the food court people-watching.

And (with no small part done by you folks) I'm feeling better. I know that I'm not going to be my normal ADD-self for a few days, but things go on.

In the famous words of Doris Day:

Que sera, sera. What ever will be, will be. The future's not ours to see. Que sera, sera.

 

[wishihadone]

glad you are feeling better. Hang in there. things will look better Be patient

 

[col]

Que sera, sera. What ever will be, will be. The future's not ours to see. Que sera, sera.

Very true. I was fired from my job six months ago in a very bad fashion where the boss made a number of personal allegations to justify the firing (unfortunately they couldn't attack me for the standard of my work), ending with him questioning my mental state in a very patronising manner.

It has been a very bad time, especially realising that a number of people I had talked to in the office had been through my office and had been making a number of comments to the boss over the period of two years to prejudice him, and unfortunately there was really nothing I could do except leave with what little dignity I had left!

Unfortunately there has been no luck with jobs since, which is pretty worrying - and to be honest I have considered suicide a number of times, the only reason I've never 'gone for it' was because I was too much of a coward in a way! I'm glad I was, because it is wrong to let people treat you so badly that they make you think so little of yourself that you feel that you deserve to die. You don't, no one does!

I have no idea what will happen in the future, or even whether I have a future any more, but thinking back I never had a 'secure' future even when I was in my previous job.

While job hunting I have at least managed to do a number of jobs around the house I hadn't managed to do, and even learnt to drive and passed my test last month! So I've done something I would never have found time to do if this situation had never happened.

My problems with work is nothing compared to the problems with your stepfather - it is a more personal situation. Wanting to kill yourself over a horrible situation is a natural way to feel, as long as you don't let people push you to actually hurting yourself. They don't deserve to have had that effect on you.

 

[IntoxicatingToxin]

Here's another little saying that might help... food for thought, anyway...

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

 

[BigA]

Although tempting, I would say avoid masking it with drugs and alcohol. Even tho it may seem your life can't be any worse. Chances are it can

 

[FrenumFellow]

Well, I'm pretty sure I'm bipolar, but I thought that I might be able to find some help here, since I don't have health insurance and I don't think that spending 100$ at the doctor's office is going to help me any.

It sounds like you want to take personal responsibility for your mental state, and possible illness. As part of doing so, I highly recommend that you get at least an intial interview and screening to find out more about the realities of your state and your future. There should be low cost or no cost options available to you at the beginning, and support for your current desperate feelings. If you take the initiative, you might even find some options you haven't even thought of, like getting into a trial of cognitive (non-drug) therapy for young people in your situation.

It is important to keep in mind, that at your age, it is quite possible if not even likely that a bipolar condition may continue to get worse. You can make your own treatment decisions now, or you risk having them made for you later. You will have the greatest control over your life if you are proactive at this point, not in trying to go it alone, but in reaching out to find resources and information.

Good Luck,


FF

 

[rawbone8]

Isil

Checking out is a mistake that you can't undo. Take care of yourself. I know opportunities can seem bleak or hopeless but don't overreact. Respond with careful consideration.

Maybe someone at one of these links can help you:

http://www.suicideinfo.ca/csp/go.aspx?tabid=79

CALGARY
Distress Centre/Drug Centre Crisis Line 403-266-1605
Teen Line 403-264-8336
Canadian Mental Health Association, Suicide Services 403-297-1744
Eastside and Westside Family Centres, crisis 403-299-9699, or 1-800-563-6106
Telecare Crisis Line 403-266-0700

 

[invisibleman]

Hello, Isil--

Check out this website.

Samaritans > Confidential emotional support 24 hours a day

Sometimes you just need a friend to talk to.

Whatever storm you face in life, you can survive it.