Being suicidal...

D_Harry_Crax

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I think it's critically important to point out that depression in men often has different symptoms and different treatments than depression in women, and many therapists seem to have been trained to mostly recognize symptoms that mostly women have, or that both men and women have, but not symptoms that mostly or only men have. See books such as: I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression, by Terrence Real; Unmasking Male Depression, by Archibald D. Hart; The Irritable Male Syndrome: Understanding and Managing the 4 Key Causes of Depression and Aggression, by Jed Diamond; Does Your Man Have the Blues: Understanding Male Depression & How It Affects Your Relationship, by David Hawkins; Male Depression, Alcoholism and Violence, by Dennis C Daley, Ihsan M Salloum, and Michael E. Thase; and The Pain Behind the Mask: Overcoming Masculine Depression by John Lynch and Christopher T. Kilmartin.
 

davidjh7

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I have been suicidal, or at least having suicidal thoughts, most of my life. I think the first time was when I was around 8. I tried the first time when I was around 10. I know what you are feeling, and I want to help if I can. You are feeling better now, and NOT committing suicide is mainly just having something distract you from the hurt long enough to work through it. You have people who care. _I_ care, and I want to help if I can. Feel free to PM me, or message me, whatever---I make a pretty good friend, and often, to get through the worst times, that is what you need. You are cared about, even here, whether you recognize it or not. And there are those of us who care enough about you to want to help you if we can, if you can let us. I'm here, when and if you want a friend. Hang in there---there are ways to get through just about anything, and I have learned many of them the hard way. Maybe I can share some of them with you.:hug:
 

naughty

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I think it's critically important to point out that depression in men often has different symptoms and different treatments than depression in women, and many therapists seem to have been trained to mostly recognize symptoms that mostly women have, or that both men and women have, but not symptoms that mostly or only men have. See books such as: I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression, by Terrence Real; Unmasking Male Depression, by Archibald D. Hart; The Irritable Male Syndrome: Understanding and Managing the 4 Key Causes of Depression and Aggression, by Jed Diamond; Does Your Man Have the Blues: Understanding Male Depression & How It Affects Your Relationship, by David Hawkins; Male Depression, Alcoholism and Violence, by Dennis C Daley, Ihsan M Salloum, and Michael E. Thase; and The Pain Behind the Mask: Overcoming Masculine Depression by John Lynch and Christopher T. Kilmartin.

THanks for listing those books. I have some in my collection and I have actually given them to friends to read who were going through the irritable depression so often present in males.
 

SomeGuyOverThere

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Isil_Siluvalyë;749845 said:
Well, I'm pretty sure I'm bipolar, but I thought that I might be able to find some help here, since I don't have health insurance and I don't think that spending 100$ at the doctor's office is going to help me any.

This morning my step-dad called and long story short, I've been almost suicidally depressed since then. He said some things that were deserved, and a lot of things that weren't, and I'm at the point of spontaneous crying. I cried earlier when I spilled some coffee on a blank piece of paper, and I got more and more upset because I felt stupid that I was crying over it, and you get what I mean.

Anyways, I wasn't sure what I should do, so I thought that maybe someone here might have some ideas as to getting me some help that doesn't cost a lot of money...even just talking on here to no one in specific is making me a bit better....

Anyways, I just wanted to rant a little...maybe I'll go get a double-double in a bit...those always help....

I've long done battle with my "black dog" of depression, and I have been suicidal before now. I have spent days, even weeks just thinking about it, about how much I could solve if I wasn't there.

My own way out was my family. I knew they could never recover from such a loss, and in my darkest hours I pulled through by vowing to live for them if nobody else.

Then again I've allways been a bit of a martyr.

The mosst important thing, as everyone has said, is to reach out and talk to somebody, and you've taken the first step by talknig to us here, because we are people and we are listening and we care.

Problems can seem like a mountain when you fight them alone, and you can so easily give up and fall back down to where you started. Find strength in numbers by sharing your problems with your friends and any family members you can trust.
 

dickman45885

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Bi polar here. Realize it is a chemical imbalance in your brain. You did not cause it, nor is it your fault. You do however have responsibility for taking care of yourself, and if it means you need prescriptions to take care of the imabalance...it is what you have to do. I am sure there are resources available in your area. Seek out and use them.
 

col

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Although tempting, I would say avoid masking it with drugs and alcohol. Even tho it may seem your life can't be any worse. Chances are it can

I would hugely second this comment. If people are treating you so badly you want to escape by losing yourself in drugs and alcohol, you just give the same people even more excuses to attack you with. Trust me, they won't hesitate to use them. It will piss them off just as much, if not more, if you show that you can take the abuse they have to throw without resorting to narcotics! :biggrin1:

I'm also a bit concerned about all the talk of bipolarism or needing to take drugs to 'level yourself out'. If you are constantly depressed all the time and can't place a reason for it, that might be a reason for feeling you are bipolar or need help. If you are depressed and wanting to commit suicide because of outside influences, such as what other people are doing or saying or making you feel like, then that is something quite different, and I don't see how drugging yourself will affect their attitudes, other than making you accept them without question.
 

FrenumFellow

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I'm also a bit concerned about all the talk of bipolarism or needing to take drugs to 'level yourself out'. If you are constantly depressed all the time and can't place a reason for it, that might be a reason for feeling you are bipolar or need help. If you are depressed and wanting to commit suicide because of outside influences, such as what other people are doing or saying or making you feel like, then that is something quite different, and I don't see how drugging yourself will affect their attitudes, other than making you accept them without question.

It does need to be sorted out - with some knowledgeable help. There are times that short-term use of drugs can be beneficial, and other situations where longer-term use of drugs may be necessary, plus certainly situations where therapy or other forms of help may be all that is required. From what I have learned drugs are certainly not a universal solution; but in situations where they are necessary, putting off starting with them only prolongs unnecessary suffering, and even risks permanent damage. I have a brilliant and creative friend who is bipolar, but before he finally got consistently on the proper medication, he ended up living in the street and suffering permanantly crippling injuries.

Another option I should have mentioned before, is group therapy. It can be very effective, and is also available at low or even no cost. One thing it is known to work particularly well for, is helping people reduce the sense that others have power over their emotions, and instead increase their sense of responsibility for their own lives - and any illness they may have.


FF
 

dolf250

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I checked and realize that you have not logged on in three days, so I am uncertain if you are feeling better or if you are still upset about your stepfather. I would have posted earlier, but thought that most of what I could offer had been covered. I got to thinking though, that there is one last thing I would add.

You said that some of what he said was deserved and some was not. Sit down and consider if that is true. Did he say things that were deserved (even if it was in a harsher tone that was deserved as I suspect.?) By that I mean did he criticize aspects of your life that need to be fixed? If he did I would concentrate only on those, and only on the things that are in your control to fix. I know ignoring what somebody who is close says is beyond difficult but try to push them from your mind and only retain the essence of what he said that had some truth to it. (I still have not managed to do it, but I am giving the advice to do so; pretty good, Eh?) Oh, and don't try to deal with everything at once.

I honestly hope that it gets better and that you can take what he says with a grain of salt.
 

AlteredEgo

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The O.P. Has been away for three days. Any of you know this person in real life?

Isil_Siluvalyë I have nothing to offer that the others did not say. I have only this:

Do not give into the temptation to stay awake for days, or sleep too much. Force yourself to wake and sleep at the sme times daily. This will go a long, long way to keep your BPD in check. None of my BPD friends are medicated, and they say regimented sleep patterns are key.

Stay well, and good luck! If you get lonely, come to the chatroom.
 

naughty

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The O.P. Has been away for three days. Any of you know this person in real life?

Isil_Siluvalyë I have nothing to offer that the others did not say. I have only this:

Do not give into the temptation to stay awake for days, or sleep too much. Force yourself to wake and sleep at the sme times daily. This will go a long, long way to keep your BPD in check. None of my BPD friends are medicated, and they say regimented sleep patterns are key.

Stay well, and good luck! If you get lonely, come to the chatroom.

AE

Suffering from a form of depression, I wish I could control my sleep patterns! It generally is very difficult to sleep at night and in the morning I am like the Tasmanian devil to awaken. It is a chemical issue. I, as many others I know, have tried various medications which for one reason or another did not fit the bill. If someone can control their sleep patterns I am very glad for them but try as I might mine are rather resistant to scheduling...
 

Isil_Siluvalyë

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Hehe, well, I went to a random bar and beat the living daylights out of some guy in pool and got money for it (sometimes being short is a damn handy thing....) and with it I bought myself a cheap set of pencil crayons and a book from Chapters.

I'm fine now, and I've actually found someone who (shhh, I might jinx it) might--let me repeat, MIGHT--be willing to actually going out on a date with me, so at the moment I'm giddy as all hell while I'm colouring in a periodic table.

Oh! And something that I've found that really relaxes me:

Colouring in colouring books for hours on end.

I don't know why, but I went to the dollar store and bought a colouring book...the next day I bought three more. :)
 

AlteredEgo

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AE

Suffering from a form of depression, I wish I could control my sleep patterns! I... If someone can control their sleep patterns I am very glad for them but try as I might mine are rather resistant to scheduling...

What has worked for me (and some folks I know) is to stay awake until exhausted, and then stay awake until it is an apropriate time for sleep. Then get up on time. And go to bed on time. Currently, my dude has been having sleep pattern problems. His doctor gave him some relaxing tea (think "Sleepy Time") and melatonin. He still complains of fatigue, but he is sleeping 7 hours a night during the work week, and 9 hours on weekends. Maybe this will work for you? Getting adequate sleep has brightened his outlook a little.

Isil_Siluvalyë;754781 said:
I'm fine now...:)
You! Don't scare us like that again. We may not all know you, but some of us care anyway. Glad you're pulling through.

*huggles*
 

dolf250

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Good to hear that things are looking better. I am a little confused (probably because I am not much of a pool player) but why is being short an advantage?
 

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Isil_Siluvalyë;754781 said:
Oh! And something that I've found that really relaxes me:

Colouring in colouring books for hours on end.

I don't know why, but I went to the dollar store and bought a colouring book...the next day I bought three more. :)
Glad to hear that something is working for you.

Seriously, if you think you may be bipolar, that needs to be diagnosed or ruled out, and if you are then you are going to need some sort of outside support in your life. There are a lot of lines and jokes about bipolars inside the helping professions, usually along these lines: bipolars are too depressed to get help when they're down, don't think they need help when they're up, and so you get to start treatment with them when they've crashed and are brought into the ER in a straight jacket. The point of that is a certain truth - going it alone or toughing it out are not really options for bipolars, but they often only figure that out by finding out the really, really, hard way. It doesn't have to be that hard, and there are lots of options, starting with online support groups such as Bipolar Support. Org, and including everything from in-person support groups to the sort of medical treatment that you mentioned.

Please get in contact with someone, or some sort of group, who can really help you figure out what is going on with you, and determine exactly what sort of supports you need to move forward with your life - and then let us know what you found.

I, myself, am swallowing all my pride and John Wayne independence, and am going to an appointment in the morning on a campus where I am taking some classes and discovered I can qualify for some free services. I know need a bit more help managing my ADD at moment, and I've decided I really need to deal with the possibility that I have something else going on (and maybe even two somethings), as well.

Best Regards,


FF
 

naughty

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Glad to hear that something is working for you.

Seriously, if you think you may be bipolar, that needs to be diagnosed or ruled out, and if you are then you are going to need some sort of outside support in your life. There are a lot of lines and jokes about bipolars inside the helping professions, usually along these lines: bipolars are too depressed to get help when they're down, don't think they need help when they're up, and so you get to start treatment with them when they've crashed and are brought into the ER in a straight jacket. The point of that is a certain truth - going it alone or toughing it out are not really options for bipolars, but they often only figure that out by finding out the really, really, hard way. It doesn't have to be that hard, and there are lots of options, starting with online support groups such as Bipolar Support. Org, and including everything from in-person support groups to the sort of medical treatment that you mentioned.

Please get in contact with someone, or some sort of group, who can really help you figure out what is going on with you, and determine exactly what sort of supports you need to move forward with your life - and then let us know what you found.

I, myself, am swallowing all my pride and John Wayne independence, and am going to an appointment in the morning on a campus where I am taking some classes and discovered I can qualify for some free services. I know need a bit more help managing my ADD at moment, and I've decided I really need to deal with the possibility that I have something else going on (and maybe even two somethings), as well.

Best Regards,


FF

Though I am not bi polar, I am glad you said something about people actually being too down to go get the help they need. Also so often because depression is not even recognized or accepted by the person who has it or even others who are around them, they dont know how it looks . What may look to just be an anger problem, can be a signal that the depression is deepening.
 

B_cigarbabe

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Good to hear that things are looking better. I am a little confused (probably because I am not much of a pool player) but why is being short an advantage?

Hey dolf,
I suspect he was refering to being short means, you are closer to table level, and sometimes, this gives you a tiny bit of an edge when shooting. At least for me it does! Suyil, I haven't heard back from you, and I hope your'e still feeling good,whats going on?
cigarbabe:saevil:
 

D_Adoniah Sheervolume

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i've struggled with depression since puberty, but it wasn't until college that i realized the cyclical nature of it. you see, i was an athlete in college and started keeping a performance journal; everyday i practiced or raced, i would write down what went well, what sucked, etc...

anyway, while reading through journal entries i noticed how my comments went from being positive to shitty and then positive again over the course of a month. i compared my comments to a calendar and discovered i had an 18 day "cycle" between good and bad times.

for me, that was huge--just knowing there would be a few days a month i would feel bad, but that it would get better.

you might want to consider keeping a journal to see if you have a cycle too.

and do remember: when you're feeling low and just want to end it all, think about how devastated your family, friends and even we here at lpsg would be if you checked yourself out permanently. please don't do it!
 

D_Garmanswait Glassnads

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Do not give into the temptation to stay awake for days, or sleep too much. Force yourself to wake and sleep at the sme times daily. This will go a long, long way to keep your BPD in check. None of my BPD friends are medicated, and they say regimented sleep patterns are key.

I suffer from MDD and since taking medicine that works my sleep has become very important to my mood, I slept untill lunch today and woke up feeling like shit.
 

Isil_Siluvalyë

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Naw, what I meant is that people don't expect much from you, and the kind of people who generally put money on games are also the kind that tend to have major superiority compexes, which leads to me playing a long line of tall, egotistic, jocks who really don't know that being tall doesn't mean you'll win. Then one challenged me to a game of blackjack.... I card-counted...and won an extra 15$ off the guy...I'm happy, but I don't really want to do anything more with money since I've made enough to go see the doctor, and I have an appointment booked for the Tuesday after next.

Oh, and by the way, I just wanted to thank ALL of you for actually caring! If I had said that stuff to my "friends" in high school I would have (rather expediously, I might add) been beaten up and the whole school would have known before long...the whole school minus the teachers, of course.

Anywho, thank you all!