Being taken advantage of by a guy?

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by njman2008, Nov 14, 2009.

  1. njman2008

    njman2008 New Member

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    Have any of you women felt like a guy has taken advantage of you sexually? Maybe not while you were engaging sexually but maybe after it was over?

    For example, you were sad or feeling depressed?
    Guys who just don't accept "no" as an answer?
     
  2. ManlyBanisters

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    Of course.

    I have also taken advantage of men sexually. And of other women, well one - and had a woman take advantage of me, too.

    That's life. 'Taken advantage of' is a very broad expression - people often use others to meet their needs without caring too much, if at all, what the other person gets out of it.

    Have I been taken advantage of to such an extent that I felt wronged, hurt? Sexually, no - emotionally, yes. But then I don't know a single adult who hasn't been. It's what you do with experiences like that to learn that counts.
     
  3. voidout

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  4. bek2335

    bek2335 New Member

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    Very well put.
     
  5. D_Hyacinth Harrytwat

    D_Hyacinth Harrytwat Account Disabled

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    Yes, and it lasted about 5 years until I slapped myself in the face and said "get over it".
     
  6. njman2008

    njman2008 New Member

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    I guess I ask because I was cheated on and this was the reasoning I was given. The girl who cheated on me had a best friend who had continuly expressed interest in her. Nothing happened and then weeks of depression and troubles with us communicating led to him continuly pushing for sex until it happened. It happend about 5 times before it stopped and this was the explanation I was given. He would "listen" to her problems and in return, ask for sex. I have had such a hard time coming to terms with this explanation.
     
  7. D_Hyacinth Harrytwat

    D_Hyacinth Harrytwat Account Disabled

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    I lost a bf like this once; some chick came crying to him with all her problems and made him feel important then tricked him into sex. I guess it could also play out the way you described, where the man is manipulative and takes advantage of the fragile woman.

    It's plausible but it'll never sit well.
     
  8. Opalite

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    I will likely get burned for this, but I honestly think you can only be 'taken advantage off' if you want to be. Unless we are talking rape, it takes two to tango. And eventhough you might be in a bad place at the time, it's not like you've lost your mind completely and are beeing taken over by the 'helpless sexmonster' or something silly like that.

    I'm not implying that there aren't any horrible, respectless men and woman out there, but there always is such a thing as free will. It might not even be about the actual sex, but intimacy, attention, reinsurance, self worth and so on. Denying won't solve anything, eventhough the truth can be very harsh.
     
  9. D_Hyacinth Harrytwat

    D_Hyacinth Harrytwat Account Disabled

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    I sure won't burn you for that one. It takes a big person to come out and say "I did something bad and I regret doing it" instead of putting the blame entirely on someone else.

    Maybe it's ok to say it here. I usually make people very angry with me when I tell them they should own up and take responsibility for themselves.
     
  10. Twistbarbie

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    are often for some strong precursors to sex, this of course works for guys looking to jump on stressed women and man-traps who stroke a guys ego before she strokes his cock.

    Both deserve a good slap.
     
  11. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    No. I take full responsibility for my actions, whether they were to my benefit or not.

    Katt - I agree. But, I think some are more inclined to be victimized, or claim so, over others who were never given that option from early on in life. Therefore, while they probably won't attack you, I'm sure any naysayers could give 511+ tragic reasons why they are the exception.
     
  12. Twistbarbie

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    I'd also be a little concerned in a new relationship and the ex starts sniffing round. Seen that one go bad before now.
     
  13. Opalite

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    Denial is the first step, so they say eh. In the end, partners will come and go and there really are more men than bridges. But eventually you will have live with your own decissions - if denying works for you, consider yourself to be very lucky I guess.

    As much as it is a personal choise to be taken 'adventage of', it is to be with a partner that does so - theres always a reaction to any action; I think the thing the TS shoul do is find out what his choise will be, considering the one his partner made.

    Nothing more interesting than the wiked ways of a human's mind.

    (Nevermind the horrid spelling and seriousness, I choose to blame alcohol. Lol)
     
  14. Principessa

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    No,not sexually but emotionally taken advantage of.

    If they aren't taking no as answer, then he is a rapist and a letch. :angryfire2:

    Agreed. :yup:

    Dump her, she's stupid and easy and he is a lascivious letch. Where were you when I was living in Lawrenceville? I so could have made you happy. :flirt:

     
  15. D_Ivana Dickenside

    D_Ivana Dickenside New Member

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    yeah, but i was also using him for sex and he was a bad lay anyway. now that i look back on it, i'm think to myself, "EWWW. WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?"

    thankfully it was only one encounter and i never let it go further than that, although he kept pushing to "hang out" on several ocassions.
     
  16. njman2008

    njman2008 New Member

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    She has always taken responsibility. She started to go to therapy and has always taken responsibility. As much as he is to blame, she has said that she put herself in that situation. She has claimed to be lost and to just go with things because everything else was so messed up. She did it to hurt herself is the claim.
     
  17. voidout

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    to clarify my answer -

    emotionally:

    we've all been taken advantage of. in any relationship there is supposed to be an equal push and pull...you take, you give, you learn, you teach, you laugh, you cry...etc etc.
    there's always something to balance the other.

    however, we're human. human's by nature are flawed, which is what makes us so beautiful, even in our ugliness. we're constantly pushing the balance of things...seeing how far we can take it. like a toddler, we test the boundaries, and we always will.

    that includes those who take, and those who give...
    in order for someone to take too much, someone is obviously giving too much away.
    it wouldn't be there to take otherwise.

    everyone has been there. everyone has taken too much, and everyone has given too much of themselves, in whatever way, at some point. it's what you do after you've made those mistakes that counts, and taking responsibility for whatever part you took in the situation is included in that realization.

    so i think what i'm trying to say through all this is that i agree with katt, and the other chickidees.

    sexually:

    this is the only way i've been taken advantage of that i know i should NOT be taking responsibility for, but even now, i still take VERY much responsibility for.

    it's funny how that works, isn't it?
    a lot of people overlook knowing something, and believing in it.

    i could sit in front of the mirror, and write pretty things about myself, and repeat those little things people say like, "it's not your fault" or "you didn't deserve this" over and over for weeks, and still not believe it.

    it will take a long time before i forgive him, and forgive myself...but i'm getting there.
    it will take an even longer time for me to believe that it is not my responsibility, even though it feels like so much of it has been put on me by force.
    physically and emotionally.
     
  18. Katiecav_34D

    Katiecav_34D Member

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  19. D_Hyacinth Harrytwat

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    Good for her. Therapy is a really tough thing to get into. Speaking for myself, I chewed into her lack of responsibilty because it sounded like she was using the best friend as an excuse for cheating on you but this post clarifies that.

    I hope therapy can do something for her because it's not fun to live that way.

    I've always been like this, too. I never felt like I was wronged by the guy so I never hated him or got angry. I always felt like it was my fault.

    I saw a therapist years later and he tried to teach me how to shrug off the responsibility and to me that would just teach me how to do it in all facets of my life; woops I got into a car accident, not my fault! It would take years to learn that way of thinking and then even longer to undo it all again.

    Needless to say, my biggest pet peeve are people who will blame everyone else before they'll blame themselves.
     
  20. voidout

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    i'm glad someone can relate to me on that level.
    i was angry at him at first. i was angry once i started confronting the fact that it happened to me again...on the surface. deep down, it's all anger at myself.
     
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