Being thought "straight" a compliment?

[Lynx]

Gentlemen help me out. This has happened a few times: While speaking with someone (either salesgirls, office personnel, etc.) they would mention something like, "oh your girlfriend would like that", or "maybe for your wife", or something similar and my initial feeling was as if they had paid me a compliment; I felt good about it. On none of the occasons did I correct them, in fact, I usually just agreed and left it at that. I'm not butch although I'm not effete either (except for my man-bag collection, haha!). Has anyone else ever had this quite strange feeling; being proud of something you're not?

 

[D_Jared Padalicki]

Hahaha, all the time on here... comments like : 'wow you must rip girls open with that dick' and 'wow girls must adore your dick'... etc... and then knowing I never had sex :biggrin:

Also, was many times insecure and thought i looked gay etc, and then comments like you don't look gay are very nice to hear.

 

[DiscoBoy]

I wouldn't call it being proud of something you're not. A flamboyant/flaming/effeminate gay man is the stereotypical image most people get when they think of a gay man. To be told you don't fit into this stereotype (or are mistakenly thought of being straight) allays any fear that you may have had of your [homo]sexuality defining the person you are (or perhaps become). I think it's perfectly normal, and many people feel this way.

Mind you, there's nothing wrong with feeling the opposite way either. Some people embrace it whilst others simply embrace it.

In my experience, some people are able to correctly guess that I'm gay and some cannot. To be honest, both ways make me happy. When someone can guess that I'm gay, it lets me know that I'm not subtle (meaning, other gay men would easily be able to pick me out) or subconsciously repressing any feelings or avoiding to act in a certain way that would intimate that I am gay. On the other hand, when someone assumes I'm straight, it makes me feel good for the aforementioned reason. I'm neither blatant nor subtle and I like it that way.

 

[Beanie]

im the same as you, when people tell me i dont look, sound, act gay its kinda a compliment but i dont really know why lol strange feeling i must admit...?

 

[invisibleman]

Gentlemen help me out. This has happened a few times: While speaking with someone (either salesgirls, office personnel, etc.) they would mention something like, "oh your girlfriend would like that", or "maybe for your wife", or something similar and my initial feeling was as if they had paid me a compliment; I felt good about it. On none of the occasons did I correct them, in fact, I usually just agreed and left it at that. I'm not butch although I'm not effete either (except for my man-bag collection, haha!). Has anyone else ever had this quite strange feeling; being proud of something you're not?

Well, maybe, people assume that straight is a compliment when people assume all men are interested in women. And, women are interested in men. Maybe that is homophobia. People don't know...so they assume.

As a gay man, I don't find it complimentary to be thought of as straight. But society is fucked up and they want things to be defined as such. Like it is a membership club with benefits. But when you really honestly look at it. People are better off letting people find out who they are for themselves and not assume anything. I think that anyone can be anything when things are honest. That is the ultimate test of tolerance. Could society truly deal with people not being defined? Could they truly deal with varied truths. I dunno. I doubt it. But then, I don't really worry about it. Because if people ever had a problem with me liking men...I don't lose any sleep over it.

 

[chuck216]

People have a predetermined notion of how they think a gay guy should act. People simply assume I'm straight because I don't "act" gay but nothing could be further from the truth. Then again I don't correct them either unless there's a reason to. Like if it's a cute gay guy

 

[earllogjam]

I suppose it's a compliment if you believe that acting like straight guy or passing as a straight guy is somehow better or more manly or masculine than someone who likes having sex with other guys.

It would be a relief rather than a compliment if you were deeply closeted and homophobic because you could pass as "normal" but live your secret gay life with impunity. Kinda like being a Jew but looking like an Aryan in Nazi Germany.

 

[Steinweg9]

Hahaha, all the time on here... comments like : 'wow you must rip girls open with that dick' and 'wow girls must adore your dick'... etc... and then knowing I never had sex :biggrin:

Also, was many times insecure and thought i looked gay etc, and then comments like you don't look gay are very nice to hear.

Ah, Pieter. It is a mystery to me why you took your pics off lpsg. You're one of the cutest men I've ever seen. I thought maybe it was because I told you that before. :kiss: There are guys who do not like to hear that they are attractive.
And how could you be a virgin in Amsterdam? Aren't there any other people there besides you? Oh well...what was this thread about again?

 

[turnstall]

I think being assumed your str8 is as generalizing as being assumed your gay. Which str8 guy are you assumed to be which gay guy are you assumed to be. There isn't one type of any gender. I would not be flattered to be defined by a generalization.
All people are beautiful ..lets enjoy each ones indivual person.

 

[Rugbypup]

I would take it as a compliment.

Straight men are treated like 'men' and on the whole gay men are 'treated' differently in main stream society. To be considered straight basically bypasses all the shit you get labeled with as a gay man.

As a gay man, I don't want to stand out as gay, perhaps with a bit of a basis in embarrassment if not, dare I say it, shame which I can accept from a personal stand point and am learning to cope and accept within myself... long story... am sure you all know it by now, lol.

So for me, being assumed or mistaken as straight is a compliment, all be it in place of acceptance for being who I really am, sigh.

 

[Zeuhl34]

One needs to keep in mind 90+% of the population is straight, so unless one exhibits tendencies/mannerism generally associated with gay people, one will generally be assumed as straight.

 

[D_Jared Padalicki]

Ah, Pieter. It is a mystery to me why you took your pics off lpsg. You're one of the cutest men I've ever seen. I thought maybe it was because I told you that before. :kiss: There are guys who do not like to hear that they are attractive.
And how could you be a virgin in Amsterdam? Aren't there any other people there besides you? Oh well...what was this thread about again?

Errr... Amsterdam is located in the Netherlands... I'm from Belgium...
The mistery stays why I took my pics off lpsg...

 

[B_daunte]

Not every comment has to be a compliment or derogatory...that's just a bad assumption.

 

[ruggerkit28]

I was sitting outside a local bar having a drink on my own the other evening (this is in a town with a population of about 250,000 in the UK) when one of the local 'ladies of the night' decided that I needed some 'company' for an hour or so. When I politely declined explaing that my boyfriend would not be terribly happy about it, she took a look at me and said "Are you gay then?"

I nodded yes, she stormed off, turned round and said "You don't look gay". Me thinks she needs to improve her professional skills!.

 

[D_Jerry_Atric]

It means that you're not flaming, femmey, or a swishy queen or they are just too complacent to think that men who are not heterosexual are not normal or aren't walking stereotypes who are anything but femmey queens.

 

[greekgott]

For me straight men mean:
boring and conservative
dogmatic
weak (they are lured bey women, as a dog by a bone)
dangerous for businesses as they are susceptible to traps and feminine charms
chained to life by wives or girlfriends and therefore cannot enjoy life

They also do not explore around them (no pun intended)
I have found many of them to be lacking in courage too.

 

[invisibleman]

Well, maybe, people assume that straight is a compliment when people assume all men are interested in women.

One needs to keep in mind 90+% of the population is straight, so unless one exhibits tendencies/mannerism generally associated with gay people, one will generally be assumed as straight.

Heterosexism.

 

[FuzzyKen]

This is one of those "damned if you do and damned if you don't". The problem is that you are being judged on a private part of your life in the first place and that is what always makes me uneasy about it. I have had the same experiences and I simply sit and try and ignore it. When we belong to this exclusive little club it is one of the things that we just have to live with. If you correct them stating that you're gay, you have given them information that they maybe should not have. If you deny orientation it is the same thing. Either way in this one it is a situation of what I refer to as "TMI" or "too much information". I do not personally consider it a complement I consider it a person trying to be judgmental and looking for help in that judgement call.

 

[invisibleman]

If you correct them stating that you're gay, you have given them information that they maybe should not have. If you deny orientation it is the same thing. Either way in this one it is a situation of what I refer to as "TMI" or "too much information". I do not personally consider it a compliment I consider it a person trying to be judgmental and looking for help in that judgment call.

Amen to that. That is how I see it as well.

 

[B_Hamadim]

Gentlemen help me out. This has happened a few times: While speaking with someone (either salesgirls, office personnel, etc.) they would mention something like, "oh your girlfriend would like that", or "maybe for your wife", or something similar and my initial feeling was as if they had paid me a compliment; I felt good about it. On none of the occasons did I correct them, in fact, I usually just agreed and left it at that. I'm not butch although I'm not effete either (except for my man-bag collection, haha!). Has anyone else ever had this quite strange feeling; being proud of something you're not?

They don't know your Sexual Orientation so they will address you as a Straight because it is the Common thing.

Perhaps you need to correct them the next time?