Being too nice/attraction

[D_Cass_D_Whey]

Do you women start feeling less attracted to a man when he starts being too nice?

I am talking about the phase where the guy is nice but after a point where he does falls for you and starts acting really nice and sweet, is this a turn off? And do you lose any respect for the person in the process?

 

[Jillang]

I think it's nice for a guy to be on his best behavior for a period of time and maybe overdo it a little in the nice and sweet department. I think I naturally just act that way too but eventually I think as we get more comfortable with each other that wears off but I think it should wear off evenly. Idk, I've never really had a problem with it personally but I can see where if I thought he was overdoing it I'd feel uncomfortable.

 

[EllieP]

Believe it or not, there's a limit to the nice guy image. It's one thing to be nice but not milk toast. When the time comes to be firm or even a little angry because of poor service or some jerk just doing the wrong thing. Flying off the handle is never good, but handling the matter with finality is.

My guy is a genuinely nice person, but cross him the wrong way and you'll see him change pretty quickly. Still he will give a bad guy enough rope to hang himself before he begins to tighten the lasso himself.

Manners are always appreciated as well as expected. Even manners during an altercation are necessary.

I will lose respect to anyone who lets themselves get walked upon without reacting.

 

[D_Cass_D_Whey]

Thanks Jillang and Ellie for shedding light on this topic!

 

[Tactfulgal]

"Nice" in these discussions is usually code for lacking assertiveness or confidence. There is no such thing as too nice. There IS such thing as too passive, too needy, or trying too hard. These things have nothing to do with being nice though.

Do you women start feeling less attracted to a man when he starts being too nice?

I am talking about the phase where the guy is nice but after a point where he does falls for you and starts acting really nice and sweet, is this a turn off? And do you lose any respect for the person in the process?

 

[AlteredEgo]

"Nice" in these discussions is usually code for lacking assertiveness or confidence. There is no such thing as too nice. There IS such thing as too passive, too needy, or trying too hard. These things have nothing to do with being nice though.

This. Nice, to me, is being complementary, considering my feelings and preferences, and anticipating my needs and desires in ways appropriate for the state of our relationship. Generosity, as appropriate, is also nice. Manners are nice. Letting people walk all over onself or abuse us is not nice. It's weak. I'm not attracted to that at all.

 

[Mercurygirl]

I've had some super nice guys try and get with me in the past and for the most part I find myself not sold or attracted to them. I'm not talking about the guy who's respectful and sweet I'm talking about the guy who goes beyond being a nice person and becomes obvious and annoying. There's this phoniness about it all. They're like fucking car salesmen. Too nice becomes patronizing when they agree with everything you say and don't have a mind of their own. Add, makes for really boring conversation. The last thing I want to hear is an echo. The whole super nice guy act reeks of desperation and makes for pushover and doormat personalities. There's a lack of honesty when a guy overdoes it because you feel he's putting on an act just to get in your pants. I usually don't trust super nice guys as I inevitably think they're hiding something.

 

[redz_rule]

What do you mean by too nice? I prefer nice guys - I don't want an arsehole. I don't see what's bad about being considerate and sweet and treating people with respect, I appreciate it and I'm certainly not going to punish anyone for it.

I do have a caveat though - it must be genuine.

I don't want someone who is not being themselves and acting the way they think I want them to act, or someone who just agrees with me because they are afraid not to. I do lose respect for someone who comes across as desperate or acts like a doormat. Be sweet, but don't put me on a pedestal - I'm far from perfect too.

I am wary of guys who describe themselves as 'too nice' and blame that fact for all of their woes. I've rarely found it to be true.

 

[SprinkleMe69]

My guy is nice to everyone; in that, I do mean respectful and cordial. The more we're together the more nice he is. I have to pinch myself and ask, how did I get so lucky in my old age? (I'm 45.) I'm loving it.

 

[LaFemme]

My guy is nice to everyone; in that, I do mean respectful and cordial. The more we're together the more nice he is. I have to pinch myself and ask, how did I get so lucky in my old age? (I'm 45.) I'm loving it.

Yay, Sprinky!!! I am so damn happy for you! You deserve the best.

As to the OP....nice is good. Doormat is not. Being a great guy because that's how you roll is good. Playing nice to get something is not. Any person should have their own boundaries and limits and not sacrifice themselves for any relationship. Buying flowers, paying for dinner and not paying your rent makes you a sucker.

Sometimes I really don't understand why guys struggle with this issue so much. It's like being nice is a persona that a guy feels he has to put on - can't you just be yourself? Aren't you respectful enough in and of yourself? Aren't you kind enough? Thoughtful enough? Generous enough? All without selling yourself out? If you have to put this much thought into it, maybe you aren't ready to be with someone yet. Maybe you need to work on your own issues and look at who you really want to be.