Being Used

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by Dorian_Gray, Aug 12, 2008.

  1. Dorian_Gray

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    Hiding in the light...
    Do you ever feel like you're being used by your "friends"?

    Lately I've been getting calls from people all the damn time wanting me to come fix something like their computer, or their car. I don't even answer my phone anymore because I know it's gonna be someone wanting me to do something for them, and then when I don't answer they come up with these snide little remarks about why I didn't answer. It's just pissing me off. I don't have time for this and I physically shouldn't be doing it. Sorry for the rant.
     
  2. invisibleman

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    Start charging them a fee for services rendered. Listen to them hang up.

     
  3. VeeP

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    I'm with ya there, XGX. Mr. Nice Guy always gets hosed in the end. Sometimes I think that societally we're rapidly devolving into the very few of us who can actually function in life and keep things moving ahead, meanwhile the majority beg, borrow, and steal their way through it. :mad:
     
  4. rbkwp

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    Hi
    Can you leave a message for them on your/a answerphone
    Perhaps be straight up and polite
    Say you are not available for repairs or any such thing..but if you have any other queries,please phone again and i will reply
    Whatever you do dont phone them back until they enquire after you without requesting assistance of any sorts then take the opportunity to TELL them why you took that approach.(i think thats important')
    Thats what i would do matey .. Good Luck with it all.
    enz
     
  5. Mr. Snakey

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    Well said.
     
  6. ballsaplenty2156

    ballsaplenty2156 New Member

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    You're right, XGX, you are being used. It hurts to be used by people you consider friends.
    I'll tell you what you need. A little pampering. When I get back home to the states, you head on over to my place, I'll have a nice dinner for you, a great bottle of wine all for you (I don't drink alcohol), some great background music, a deep conversation.
    Then I'll get a nice warm bath ready for you, with clove soap to stimulate you skin. While you're soaking, I'll scrub your back and shoulders with a soft loofah pad. I'll scrub your feet and legs.
    We'll get you out of the tub after you've relaxed, get you to lay face down on my big bed and I'll straddle your towel-covered butt, while I give you the best damned deep tissue massage from the top of your head down over your weary shoulders, along your aching spine, your tired legs, and finally, your overworked feet, not forgetting to work each toe until you are in ecstasy.
    You'll probably be so relaxed by then you'll have drifted off to sleep. That's ok. I'll cover you up and let you just dream on.
    When you awaken, I'll have a nice light snack ready for you, maybe some fruit or yogurt, something to boost your energy. If you want me to massage the front of your body that would be your choice, of course. Looking for that "happy ending"? We can do that. A long, slow, sensual hand job. Stroking you to just the point of absolute orgasmic delight, but stopping short of actual release. We'll do this several times, bringing you up from one wave of pleasure to the next. I'll be using the best lubricant and maybe even apply a small vibratory device to bring you so close and yet hold you from release.
    BUT, just before, just before, I bring you to the point of breaking the floodgates of sexual passion......I was wondering, could you fix my car? It needs a tune-up and a brake job. :biggrin1::tongue:
    Love ya, bro!!!
    Peace
     
  7. D_Amyntas Lillydong

    D_Amyntas Lillydong Account Disabled

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    I agree with VeeP.
     
  8. Domisoldo

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    Well XGX (sounds like an expensive gas-guzzling SUV), if they only want free services from you and give nothing in return, why do you even call them "friends"?

    If on the other hand, they take your help for granted, but likewise would think nothing of spending their whole weekend helping you move into your new place, or spending a whole paycheck on throwing you a birthday bash, then why not help them?
     
  9. silvertriumph2

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    My services of my profession are what almost everyone wants
    and needs. So, unfortunately, there are some who will try to
    take advantage of my family attachment or friendship.

    I don't mind hearing from friends or family, but when people
    I don't even know (friends of friends or friends of family) stop
    me on the street, the supermarket, at ball games or at Church, seeking "freebies", then that is just too much! Some stop me
    and say..."aren't you...so in so...who does so in so? Can I ask
    you for some advice?" Unbelievable!!!

    I have made it a point to say..."I would be happy to help you,
    but I only do business in my office. I give them my card (which
    states...."By Appointment only"...and tell them "Call my office
    and make an appointment and I will see what I can do for you
    If there is any way I can keep the price down, or find some
    specials for you, I will certainly do it."
    That usually does the trick, but then there are some that just
    never give up!!! LOL
    It never ceases to amaze me...the nerve of some people!

    Of course, some I will go out of the way to help and to find the
    lowest price, or for that matter, even provide the service at cost.

    When I want help from friends, I let it be known up front that I
    want to pay for their services. If they want to give me a break
    then that is a plus....
     
  10. Dorian_Gray

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    Because they all start out normal, then once they know that I can fix stuff, that's all I hear.
     
  11. Mr. Snakey

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    One of the many pitfalls of being a nice person. I know this feeling well.
     
  12. Rikter8

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    Agreed

    Your time is worth something too.
    I cant believe they are snotty like that on the phone and expect you to help them.

    I'd say, well I've gotta have some cash for helpin you do that, just because I have to cover my time and gas.
    If they hang up then GOOD. GET RID of them.

    If theyre friends, then they'll pay you for your work.

    If that wont work for you... use the classic "Sorry, Im busy". They'll stop calling after a while.
     
    #12 Rikter8, Aug 12, 2008
    Last edited: Aug 12, 2008
  13. EagleCowboy

    EagleCowboy Well-Known Member

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    I get the same thing when people find out what I can do. I just had to get to a point where I tell them flat out, nope-can't do it-I'm busy re-formatting my gizablinkers. or something like that. They almost NEVER offer to pay me after telling them no. They just expend more effort on their part to get me to give in.

    Now I don't mind doing anything for my friends that 1) truly appreciate it, 2) do things for me as well, 3) do things for me out of the kindness of their hearts.
     
  14. Principessa

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    This is exactly why most people have no idea that I can not only cook but am capable of organizing and executing wonderful parties on a shoe-string budget and a days notice.

    Imagine my shock and hurt to find out that one of my friends only chose me to be her maid of honor because she knew I would give her a great bridal shower. I did too. :rolleyes: It's 16 years later and attendees still tell me that I set the gold standard for bridal showers.
     
  15. lucky8

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    Stop calling them friends and start calling them customers
     
  16. SpeedoMike

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    turn off the answering machine...
     
  17. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Soon as I get that I just let it gloss over and then ask, "What do you do?"

    If someone's that rude then I'll ask that question and I very, very, rarely ever ask someone, "What do you do?" The reason? If they want me to fix their computer then I want to know what they can do for me. If it's not a service I want or need, then I'll tell them I'd be glad to help and to call and make an appointment and I charge $50 an hour plus 25 cents a mile for every mile outside of the township I live in. That shuts them up pretty damn quickly but some do just as I advise and they become customers! It's great! There are a handful of close family and friends I don't charge a single cent to, but that's a very small number and I tell them FLAT OUT I'm only doing it for them as a personal favor.

    Charge man, charge! Make up some Avery business cards on your printer and you're in business.

    More seriously, you've had a lot of shit going on in your life and don't need any more stress than you currently have. You deserve some time to be selfish to get your head together. Stick with just your closest friends and family for now. You need all the support you can get and lots of time to relax.
     
  18. transformer_99

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    I'd still answer the phone, but like a boxer trapped in a corner, bob and weave and make the target harder to measure for the sucker punch. I have co-workers like that, they think because the company has a problem that you're the resource to do it all the time. They sell it on how interesting or fascinating the results might be. I'm not interested or even curious. And often the approach is to come around for advice and council. I've become a master of escaping that trap, even if I have to go fake taking a dump, it beats listening to the "dump and run" of a project they were assigned, that you'll get no glory for doing beyond the headache and ulcers of doing it.

    The same holds for your social life, real or contrived, always have a backup plan. Find out what they want first, have something else lined up and steer the get together towards that. If they can't, well, tell them you understand they need to tend to their own affairs and you can find someone else to do something with. But if you have somewhere to go, something to do, a busy man is hard to corner and get a commitment from regarding a free repair. Hell, you could always even have a headache ?
     
  19. Dorian_Gray

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    It's just hard for me to say, "Umm, sir, that'll be $25/hour parts excluded." ...lol But thats what avery makes business cards for... thanks Jason for that Idea :cool: And transformer, that's another good point. It's hard to catch a busy man.
     
  20. hockeyguy741

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    start charging those free loaders for your services or tell them you don't have the time.....if they get pissed at you for saying no there not very good friends and you would be better off without them
     
    #20 hockeyguy741, Aug 12, 2008
    Last edited: Aug 13, 2008
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