Benefits With Friends

Of your gay male friends, how many have you had sex with? (Think of sex as hj, jo, oral, anal)

  • None. I would never want sex with a friend.

    Votes: 11 12.9%
  • None. I would have sex with a friend but it hasn't come up.

    Votes: 23 27.1%
  • A few of my friends have also been sexual partners

    Votes: 25 29.4%
  • Several of my friends have also been sexual partners

    Votes: 11 12.9%
  • Many of my friend have also been sexual partners

    Votes: 4 4.7%
  • 50-75% of my friends have also been sexual partners

    Votes: 4 4.7%
  • Over 76% of my friends have also been sexual partners

    Votes: 3 3.5%
  • Of the friends I've slept with, they've all started as hook ups and became non-sexual friendships.

    Votes: 7 8.2%
  • Of the friends I've slept with, only a few became sexual after we were friends.

    Votes: 3 3.5%
  • Of the friends I've slept with, most became sexual after we were friends.

    Votes: 2 2.4%

  • Total voters
    85

chancesare

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I've had a weird process of coming to terms with my sexuality later in life, and I've been wondering about the nature of sexual relationships in the gay community. In the process of coming to terms, I've been trying to figure out the nature of relationships and friendships as I've navigated an open relationship, almost formed friendships with guys I've kissed at bars, and remained close to my former boyfriend who wanted the open relationship I did not want. I just met a guy at a bar, for example, where I don't know if he wanted to be friends or possible lovers.

I'm curious about how many gay men have slept with friends, and whether those friends were initially hook ups or if the sex came later into the platonic friendship.

In the poll, you can select multiple choices to reflect your experiences (there are sort of two questions in one poll). I would define the term friend as someone you hang out with platonicly, the same as you would a straight or female friend. So the questions are geared toward someone you see for more than just sex.

If you have any stories, I'd love to hear them. How your hook up melted into a non-sexual friendship or how your friendship became a sexual one (and how it affected the friendship) or how your hook up became both a friendship and a sexual outlet.
 
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tito21

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In my previous shared house. My house mate told me that he has slept with most if not all of the regulars that frequented the gay bar that he went to. I didn’t doubt him one bit because he’s a good looking bloke + gym fit body + masculine (at least he pretended to be anyway).
 
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I think part of the issue is that the gay world even in larger towns or cities is actually quite small and limited. So it happens that groups of guys you hang out with as friends, some will become lovers or partners, and also as you make a new partner you end up making new friends some of whom then become lovers in time. All 3 of my lt exs i'd consider friends and I see them platonically now, of my 3-4 really good male gay friends there is only one that I haven't hooked up with at some point either as a drunken one off or in the case of one good mate an on/off lover over 2/3 years. I think its just part of the nature of the gay world?
 
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Brodie888

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In my opinion, I think it's because homosexuality has been illegal or shunned by society for centuries. Out of necessity, gay sex was often anonymous, opportunistic and secretive. Relationships operated outside the boundaries of social convention. It's never had to conform to a Brady Bunch etiquette.

While many have chosen to adopt heterosexual societal norms, gays have also made their own rules.

A benefit of being gay is the freedom to live a life of your own choosing.
 

StuJr

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I have one good friend who I dated first, and then when we broke up, stayed friends. Since then, we haven’t had sex, but when I’ve gone to visit him, we’ve jacked off in the same room. No touching, just mutual masturbation.

Another guy that I’ve been friends with for a very long time, when we were younger, we would sometimes go out dancing. A few times, while high, we would make out on the dance floor and one time I stuck my hand down his pants and started stroking his cock. He reciprocated and we stroked each other for a little bit. We might have done that twice. We didn’t orgasm, but it was a fun, “kinda sexual” playfulness.

I have another friend I’ve known for a long time. We would usually go to festivals and street fairs and stuff like that. Sometimes our discussions would turn to sex, but just in fun. He showed me jack off vids he’d get from guys, and it was all in good fun. We often got to discussing sex stuff. Well, long story short, he offered to rim me and I happily obliged! We would still meet up and hang out, but sometimes it included rimming me as well as prostate stroking and jacking off. We look at it as just fun, but no strings attached. It’s almost like I look at it as an extension of my masturbation.

Then there’s another guy who is a friend, but I only saw a few times a year. We hung out very randomly. We went to a nude beach once, and oddly, I didn’t think we were going to get naked! We did and we walked around a bit and while we were walking near the water, he playfully tapped my cock. I got hard and he said, let me take care of that, and he sucked me off. I was pleasantly surprised. We walked back to where we started and we met up with a friend of his. After talking for a few minutes, my friend started blowing his buddy and jacking off at the same time. I was spent, so I just enjoyed the view. His buddy came, and then I watched my friend shoot his load. It was the only time I ever did something like that with my friend.
 

Stratavos

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over time, since my working hours are not the same as most of the working world, I'm finding that the relationships I'm able to maintain involve sex, so friends with benefits are lasting longer than regular friends. The workplaces I'm in are very much so "do the work" kinda places so I don't get much of a chance to know my co-workers to be friends with them.

a friendship involving a teacher friend who's in a relationship became sexual when they opened up about their relationship allowing play, as long as the boyfriend didn't know (because that's the boyfriend's wishes).

It helps for reducing the amount of filtered content you have with those friends (in my experience).
 
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chancesare

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over time, since my working hours are not the same as most of the working world, I'm finding that the relationships I'm able to maintain involve sex, so friends with benefits are lasting longer than regular friends. The workplaces I'm in are very much so "do the work" kinda places so I don't get much of a chance to know my co-workers to be friends with them.

a friendship involving a teacher friend who's in a relationship became sexual when they opened up about their relationship allowing play, as long as the boyfriend didn't know (because that's the boyfriend's wishes).

It helps for reducing the amount of filtered content you have with those friends (in my experience).
I'd love to hear more about the conversation and what led to you having sex with him. Also, ow has it affected your friendship?
 

Stratavos

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I'd love to hear more about the conversation and what led to you having sex with him. Also, ow has it affected your friendship?

well... he's a teacher so currently he really doesn't have much time for me, or anyone else for that matter (I might see him once every other week, and hear from him once in 3 days at best). Part of what lead up to the conversation was that since we would give each other massages to "help a buddy out" when I covered some of the more erotic areas (mostly glutes) he said that "it's ok if you go further, do whatever you want" which raised a flag to me.
it took about 3 hangouts after that before we had the discussion about what's ok and not ok, which I initiated (and should probably revisit). We're both of the same understanding that porn isn't a "bad thing" in moderation and being able to share clips that we find hot is always nice.

I'm quite tired and this isn't going to be able to be gone over as well as it should be.
 
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51arledge

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I had not shared in this thread. I am not and never have been into the bar/club scene. And I haven't fucked all that many guys. I had a good friend 32 years ago who really wanted me to fuck him; we had known each other about 3 years and he asked me out for a date. I picked him up at his house and his lesbian housemate said, "Now you boys be careful!"
I already knew I wasn't going to fuck Jeff because I valued our friendship and didn't have many gay friends. He was much more comfortable with his sexuality than I was, and I wanted that degree of comfort but without fucking him. We are still friends but I live far away now.
I haven't wanted to remain friends with most of the guys in my past; one of them would have been a great friend but he met a husband candidate, moved 800 miles, bought a house with him and then they split.
I would like to remain friends with one of me recent FBs and I think that's going to happen. He changed my life for the better and my life will be better going forward if we can continue as friends.
 
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MuscledHorse

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As anyone who has read my posts on here knows, I separate the act of sex for sport and pleasure from the emotional connection of Love, even though the Xian church has long conflated sex and love as synonyms and relegated lust to being sinful even though it's the same act. it just somehow magically transforms itself if monogamy is involved. For some reason, no one ever questions this complete failure of logic. So for me, sex among males is a casual social experience, if not our primal social sport. No surprise then that I've had sex with nearly all of my friends at least once.
 

ahardglance

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I'll be frank, I prefer sex with friends to hook-ups 1000%. I love casual sex, but I'm not really into sex with strangers. Even on the apps, I try to get to know people at least a little bit before hooking up. So when a friend expresses interest in sex, I tend to jump on it (so to speak.)

I don't think romantic love is the only kind of love that improves sex. I have a handful of close friends who I also have sex with — and it's great. Full of love and trust. I also have a couple friends who I trade dirty pics with and/or cam with. My best friend and I used to fuck and make-out on the regular (he's married now.) We also have several friends we've both fucked separately (and sometimes together.)

I don't really have a type and find lots of different size, shapes, colorings or people attractive. And if I love someone I'm even more likely to find them attractive.

In conclusion, if you're my friend, please send me a dick pic. ;)
 
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chancesare

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I'll be frank, I prefer sex with friends to hook-ups 1000%. I love casual sex, but I'm not really into sex with strangers. Even on the apps, I try to get to know people at least a little bit before hooking up. So when a friend expresses interest in sex, I tend to jump on it (so to speak.)

I don't think romantic love is the only kind of love that improves sex. I have a handful of close friends who I also have sex with — and it's great. Full of love and trust. I also have a couple friends who I trade dirty pics with and/or cam with. My best friend and I used to fuck and make-out on the regular (he's married now.) We also have several friends we've both fucked separately (and sometimes together.)

I don't really have a type and find lots of different size, shapes, colorings or people attractive. And if I love someone I'm even more likely to find them attractive.

In conclusion, if you're my friend, please send me a dick pic. ;)
How has your friendships changed from traditional to fuck buddies? How does that conversation start? Do you go see a movie with these guys sometimes, make out on the couch other times? Just curious.
 

theplayerking

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I’ve had hookups that became fuck buddies that became friends after the sex ended, but I’ve not hooked up with a Platonic friend. Part of the issue is a get bored after a few hookups. I like playing with a lot of different guys so having sex with friends seems risky.
 
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ahardglance

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How has your friendships changed from traditional to fuck buddies? How does that conversation start? Do you go see a movie with these guys sometimes, make out on the couch other times? Just curious.
I'm not shy about talking about sex, and when talking about sex you can usually tell if the other person is casually minded. And I'll say "I prefer to fool around with people I know, even if it's just as friends." And see how they react.

Or you bring up somebody's dick, like, "Oh, so-and-so's got a big dick" and then you mention your own dick and if the conversation keeps going you offer to show a picture. And if they're interested, it goes from there.

I'm also very affectionate with my friends, so we might be sitting close on the couch and I'll offer a friendly cuddle, which in itself is always nice. And if it goes further, I'll suggest we could fool around as friends.

(I've also just made out with friends, even straight friends. Which is great too.)

Also, sometimes people will be more open to cybering (chatting, pic trading, or even camming).

It's not a matter of "tricking" someone into sex...that's never good. Just never be ashamed about talking about sex and sexuality with your friends. Even if nothing comes of it, you can learn a lot. And talking about sex is always fun. ***It's always good to talk***
 
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