Best friend falling in-love with me ?

Star Island

Sexy Member
Joined
Aug 25, 2020
Posts
26
Media
0
Likes
83
Points
23
Location
London, UK
Sexuality
No Response
I’m in my mid 30’s and my best friend is in his early 20’s

he knows I’m sexually open minded

he has this yo-yo style of attachment with me where one week he is codependent on me with everything he does and always needs my opinion, then next week he pushes me away

he can’t be around a girl from more than 2 days at most and doesn’t want a relationship with one, he just chases girls to have sex with them

he has a cycle of getting close to me, pushing away…finding a girl to sleep with…tossing her away after the deed and then he runs back to me

he also has a cycle of being a fearful avoidant, so when life is hard for him…he shuts me out completely, can’t msg him..can’t phone him…he goes into his cave and hides

He has been drunk once and admitted he finds me attractive and that he’s curios

all of our mates have thought we have hooked up because of how close we are, we hug and cuddle a lot in very intimate manners too

He did say to me once that if he ever lost me, he would need to sleep with over 1000 girls to get over me

Right now, major events have happened in his life and he’s ghosted for me 3 weeks….and he just won’t answer me as to what is happening

My question is this…..is he falling in love with me ?
 
  • Like
Reactions: roni11

bijockfl

Superior Member
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
Nov 3, 2010
Posts
1,705
Media
23
Likes
8,918
Points
693
Location
West Palm Beach (Florida, United States)
Sexuality
50% Straight, 50% Gay
Gender
Male
I think he may not be ready to change the status of your relationship. He knows you will always be there for him. Curious about his family situation if he has a healthy relationship with them.

He may indeed be curious and pushes it aside by hooking up with a girl as not to admit his feelings.

One other thought could he have been potentially abused by a close male when he was younger and lost that relationship with the guy.
 

Star Island

Sexy Member
Joined
Aug 25, 2020
Posts
26
Media
0
Likes
83
Points
23
Location
London, UK
Sexuality
No Response
I think he may not be ready to change the status of your relationship. He knows you will always be there for him. Curious about his family situation if he has a healthy relationship with them.

He may indeed be curious and pushes it aside by hooking up with a girl as not to admit his feelings.

One other thought could he have been potentially abused by a close male when he was younger and lost that relationship with the guy.
He was raised by a single dad, who was career focused

so he wasn’t given the love and attention he needed, so when his life spirals, he retracts from everyone and ghosts and hides to self regulate, his childhood has really given him bad coping mechanisms

He always calls me a father figure to him, strange since I could be his older brother

never puts me into a bother category
 

halcyondays

Worshipped Member
Joined
Feb 22, 2014
Posts
6,359
Media
2
Likes
10,357
Points
158
Location
US
Sexuality
80% Straight, 20% Gay
Gender
Male
IMO he doesn't sound like best friend material. How long have you known him?

In my experience best friends are "in love" with each other but platonically. It can be as intense as a romantic crush. This leads to my next question. Are you in love with him? Romantically?

If you really want to know if he's falling in love with you just ask him but know your own feelings first, ie whether you want your friendship to remain platonic or become romantic. Be ready to answer either way.

Because my best friends are long term platonic I usually bed curious young yo-yo guys. It's almost always what they admit they really want. If not that's okay too.
 

Star Island

Sexy Member
Joined
Aug 25, 2020
Posts
26
Media
0
Likes
83
Points
23
Location
London, UK
Sexuality
No Response
IMO he doesn't sound like best friend material. How long have you known him?

In my experience best friends are "in love" with each other but platonically. It can be as intense as a romantic crush. This leads to my next question. Are you in love with him? Romantically?

If you really want to know if he's falling in love with you just ask him but know your own feelings first, ie whether you want your friendship to remain platonic or become romantic. Be ready to answer either way.

Because my best friends are long term platonic I usually bed curious young yo-yo guys. It's almost always what they admit they really want. If not that's okay too.

I’ve known him just over a year

I love the guy more than anything, he knows this

the only downside is his up and down, hot and cold actions, he’s a yo-yo of emotions
 

dreamer20

Worshipped Member
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
Apr 14, 2006
Posts
7,963
Media
3
Likes
19,593
Points
643
Gender
Male
my best friend, >20, has a cycle of close to me, pushing away..finding a girl to sex..runs back to me.
when his life is hard he hides from msg & phone contact..He admitted I'm attractive once.. our mates thought we've hooked up because of how close we are..he’s ghosted for me 3 weeks..what is happening...is he falling in love with me ?
The only thing that you're going to get from us is useless speculation ATM. I assume you know where he lives Star. Find him & ask if he loves you, wants to hang with you, what is going on in his life. I suspect he's found another girl to play with. Why don't you hookup with someone instead being part of his yoyo cycle.
 

FrankieGuile

Admired Member
Joined
Apr 12, 2023
Posts
870
Media
0
Likes
786
Points
103
Location
San Diego, California,United States
Sexuality
50% Straight, 50% Gay
I’m in my mid 30’s and my best friend is in his early 20’s

he knows I’m sexually open minded

he has this yo-yo style of attachment with me where one week he is codependent on me with everything he does and always needs my opinion, then next week he pushes me away

he can’t be around a girl from more than 2 days at most and doesn’t want a relationship with one, he just chases girls to have sex with them

he has a cycle of getting close to me, pushing away…finding a girl to sleep with…tossing her away after the deed and then he runs back to me

he also has a cycle of being a fearful avoidant, so when life is hard for him…he shuts me out completely, can’t msg him..can’t phone him…he goes into his cave and hides

He has been drunk once and admitted he finds me attractive and that he’s curios

all of our mates have thought we have hooked up because of how close we are, we hug and cuddle a lot in very intimate manners too

He did say to me once that if he ever lost me, he would need to sleep with over 1000 girls to get over me

Right now, major events have happened in his life and he’s ghosted for me 3 weeks….and he just won’t answer me as to what is happening

My question is this…..is he falling in love with me ?
It's highly unlikely he's "falling in love" with you and ignoring you is hardly a sign of love. He is still young so the more likely alternative is that he will find a woman, fall in love, get married and have children. For even the most committed bachelors or bachelorettes, it happens suddenly and unexpectedly and turns their previous, rather immature notions, of relationships upside-down.
 

joshycockfan

Cherished Member
Joined
Feb 17, 2020
Posts
91
Media
0
Likes
351
Points
313
Location
Kansas (United States)
Sexuality
No Response
He's not falling in love with you. If he was, you wouldn't be wondering. Love is easy. It falls into place. If you have to ask on a forum, it isn't love.
Also I think the age difference needs to be addressed. I don't think it's appropriate for someone in their mid-30s to be pursuing an early 20s man
 
  • Like
Reactions: FrankieGuile

R788

Experimental Member
Joined
Aug 7, 2023
Posts
11
Media
0
Likes
10
Points
3
Location
London, England,United Kingdom
He was raised by a single dad, who was career focused

so he wasn’t given the love and attention he needed, so when his life spirals, he retracts from everyone and ghosts and hides to self regulate, his childhood has really given him bad coping mechanisms

He always calls me a father figure to him, strange since I could be his older brother

never puts me into a bother category
In an extremely similar situation with FA “straight” best mate I’ve known 4+ years

The push/pull is either down to a fear of closeness or there’s something specific you’re saying or doing that’s triggering the trauma response..takes a lot to figure out..

..as far as figuring out whether he’s into you at all it takes reading between the lines and thinking carefully whether the slightest little hint may mean he is..practically zero chance someone with FA attachment will ever tell you straight out or clearly, unless there’s some other abuse/chaotic childhood/unstable parent I’d say it’s more likely he’s Dismissive Avoidant opposed to Fearful Avoidant. Absent parents likely result in DA..unpredictable/abusive caregivers are the root cause of FA

DM me
 

CUBE

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
May 28, 2005
Posts
8,542
Media
13
Likes
7,667
Points
433
Location
The OC
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
I’m sure you are fond of him but this yo-yo thing he does with you is ultimately selfish. I can relate as I have had a friend that is similar to yours. Just this past month I decided no more. It’s exhausting. I sense the loss but I also have stopped worrying if he is around. There is just a familiar narcissism I see in your friend. I think he has no problem knowing you will be there for him as he knows you are a carrying person. Unfortunately, he does not extend the same care. I think you need to be clear with him as to how this makes you feel.