Best friend gets involved and forgets about you.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Island Club Guy CT, Oct 11, 2009.

  1. Island Club Guy CT

    Island Club Guy CT New Member

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    My best friend recently got involved in a relationship since he got involved we have spend no time together, I asked him for a quick lunch today as its been 3 weeks &he said his available next weekend. I am deviasted as his putting his Fling first & me 2nd. We have been friends for 6 years and he knows this person 3 weeks. I know him very well he does not plan things so to wait a week for a quick lunch to catch up is ridiculous esp after we made a Pat to be friends forever , Help me ,i don't know what to do?Throw away 6 years or Stick it out and be unhappy & sad.
     
  2. edmouse

    edmouse New Member

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    They say Life's a Bitch. I say love's a bitch! I hope we can help.
     
  3. D_Harry_Crax

    D_Harry_Crax Account Disabled

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    Oh, just be patient. I hate to say this, but odds are your friend's relationship won't last anyway, so for now just indulge his intoxication and preoccupation with his new "friend." What that is over, he'll be back. Even if his new relationship does last, at some point he won't want to be spending every spare second with his new "friend." (At the extreme, a lot of women don't want their husbands/boyfriends to retire or become unemployed because the woman doesn't want him around the house that much!) What has happened to you happens A LOT among both gay and straight people--I can think of numerous examples of friends of mine who are gay men, straight men, and straight women who suddenly had a lot less time for me, their other friends, relatives, etc., the minute they got caught up in a new romance.
     
  4. B_mitchymo

    B_mitchymo New Member

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    If the new person in your friends life is potentially a permanent fixture then that person will always take priority over you, over his family, over everybody.

    Be patient, 3 weeks aint that long a time, best friends will understand so if you really feel upset about it, let him know.
     
  5. nudeyorker

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    Be patient love can come and go, but real friendship will last forever. Let him feel his way around the course with the new flame and eventually his life will return to normal. It's a tough putt; but you will come out ahead in the end.
     
  6. Kimahri

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    Give it a little time. He's in that honeymoon phase. That'll stop soon enough. Just keep asking him to do things, but don't guilt him about not going with you. Like another commenter said, it probably won't last.

    BTW, you've got a hot body. :)
     
  7. Island Club Guy CT

    Island Club Guy CT New Member

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    The problem is we had confirmed dinner plans last Saturday & Sunday and he left me alone without canceling no sms/call beforehand on both occasions. He did ph the Sunday to apologise for Saturday but just did it again on Sunday eve. I than discover (through my brother) that him and new thing went out for dinner. It hurts when your best friend ditch you esp when i am his only friend. His friendships never lasts , our friendship had a fair share of red flags (he uses drugs & we both gamble big) but this last episode is almost the last nail in the coffin.
     
    #7 Island Club Guy CT, Oct 11, 2009
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2009
  8. Rugbypup

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    You're just the mate, frankly, right now he's think with his cock and that's just not an equation you're part of.

    If his new found relationship goes down the pan, he'll be back like nothings wrong, if it doesn't' you'll just have to learn to live with third place.

    His cock, his misses, his mates.

    Life's a bitch... and then they marry one. :biggrin1:
     
  9. kurios

    kurios Member

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    Every thing said so far makes sense but I think you have to ask yourself if he really is the type of person you want for a friend. Does this mean that as long as he isnt 'in heat' he is your friend? Yes, he probably will be back but till he focuses on a yet another new interest.
    Maybe you should look for someone that values and maintains friendships as well as love interests.
    I say back off and don't ask him to do stuff but find other people to develop friendships. When he does come back take him or leave him as and when it suits you.
     
  10. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    This is an actual psychological part of falling in love. Love has a few phases and this one is known as the exclusionary phase as the couple pair bonds with each other. It is, for friends of the couple, the most annoying part of the entire relationship. It usually lasts from a few weeks to two months or so. It's normal and healthy behavior (though dropping plans with you is not and you need to remind him of that). Just ride it out and when he eventually comes back to reality you'll be back to your old selves. He may have to do the same with you someday so cut him a little slack. He's not quite in control of his faculties at this time.
     
  11. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

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    Had the same scenario happen to me last year...
    My best gf had a bf, great for her. I knew her for 15 years... and suddenly she don't answer on any of my messages... after a few months I went so mad that she eventually decided to say why she won't talk to me, the reason: her bf don't like me and don't want her to have contact with me or other of her friends... Conclusion, she isn't a friend anymore and she doesn't have any friends either, only him. Bigger conclusion: who is the loser in this game ---> SHE, not me.

    I still get angry and upset at times about it, because she lives in my street and turns her head away when she sees me in the street. Man i hate her now. 15 years of friendship thrown away and not by my choice... that hurts...
     
  12. flame boy

    flame boy Account Disabled

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    It sounds to me like your best friend is just in that "new relationship" phase where they spend every waking hour together. It will settle down soon when/if they get to the time in their relationship when things level out and normality returns. If you truly want his person as a friend you wont want to throw away 6 years of good friendship over some new squeeze. Give it time.
     
  13. davisk7

    davisk7 New Member

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    i feel your pain.this usually happens to me and i always hurt bad during the 'process'.like everyones said you just have to be patient. let him know how you feel but dont seem to wanting of him cause that'l just make him stay away from you more. if it really is true friendship then hel realise his mistake and definately come back to you.hang in there!!!
     
  14. SpoiledPrincess

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    You've called his new gf/bf 'his fling', 'that thing' if you don't get your hostility under control you're going to lose your friend. Friends come second to partners, thats how it is for most adults and that's how it should be.
     
  15. Island Club Guy CT

    Island Club Guy CT New Member

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    I think its my emotions typing , I will respect his partner but don't treat me in that manner bailing out on me two days in a row. It is easier to take your frustration out on the new person than on your friend , even though he is at fault.
     
  16. SpoiledPrincess

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    It was wrong of him to bail on you, an arrangement should be kept unless there's a really good reason.
    Have you tried inviting them out as a couple, he is in that first flush of a relationship where all he wants to do is be with this other person, but if you include them both you might manage to see more of him.
    If you can get along with his partner, make a bit of an effort with her/him you haven't lost an old friend, you've gained a new one.
     
  17. almost_4_inches

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    Hello Spoiled Princess, how are you? Saw your reply, but it is not necessarily so. Please read through the following

    Friendship - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    Friendship may certainly be the central relationship in one's life, and in many cultures, is still honored as such
     
  18. thadjock

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    i think u should try to be more understanding, and patient, i had a couple of friends accuse me of blowing them off earlier this summer when i started hangin out with a new friend, (special friend), and to be honest i didn't even realize i was doing it. I was just so eager to spend time with him i didn't think about the usual routine with my other friends suffering.

    I'm glad they said something, and we are all still great friends and there's room for everybody, as time has gone by they've gotten to know my new friend as one of the group and now we all hang out together frequently, and they understand when we want to do stuff as just the two of us.

    don't feel hurt, and don't throw away a 6 yr friendship because ur friend has found someone who might be the one. find a way to give him time/space and become friends with his love interest/fling, whatever it turns out to be.
     
  19. sundevil12

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    Unfortunately, this is a factor of life. I'm only 19 and have been through this with every single good friend I've had. One factor of it is that sex is a natural part of life, and people's hormones will sometimes get the better of them. So, if they're not getting sex from you and they are getting it from somewhere else, that becomes a priority. And before anybody replies and says that I'm wrong for thinking that their relationship is based on sex or that sex is the only thing that matters, know that for a majority of younger couples, it is.

    As the "best friend" of 6 years, you're expected to be happy for the other person. You should grin and bear it, and not be "selfish" or "whiny" about the whole situation. You don't get to be upset or anything, because then you're automatically not supportive or a bad friend, or whatever your friend chooses to call you. My suggestion is to perhaps tell your friend that they're being distant and you'd like to spend time with them...simple, to the point, and fairly uncontroversial. However, it does suck while you're watching a 3 week relationship overtake a 6 year friendship. It's not easy, and I'm sorry you are going through it.
     
  20. lokican

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    Yeah this has happened to me many times before. It sucks but it is a natural part of life and relationships. It's normal to spend time with a significant other especially when you first start seeing each other. Plus let me guess, your single right? If you were in a relationship then you'd probably not be as bothered by this, would you?

    In the end try to focus on the positive, such as when he does try to make time to see you. Finally do not try to make a big deal about this, I have done this and in the end I just ended up looking petty.
     
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