Best Friend Leaving, Adrift, and Nearly Drowning

[blondetwink11]

I know that this isn't the primary use of this forum, or even this site for that matter. But I don't really know where to go. If anybody has experienced this, please tell me how you overcame it. If you didn't overcome it, what have you done to cope. I have no idea what to do. I feel like I am drowning, and unless I do something, I am going to lose myself completely.

(I know that was weird, sorry, but I figured I should preface this thread with how I feel emotionally)

My best friend, of nearly two years, is leaving for a job she got in Texas. And while I am happy that she has a secure future, I am losing someone who has been more than integral to the formation of who I am today. And it is an indescribable improvement. She has been my anchor. And now that she is leaving, I have no one. I have friends to talk to, but none of them can offer me the support, guidance, and love that she could.

I know it is hard to decribe feelings at all, let alone in words. But does anybody else feel this? Has anybody lost (not throught death) somone that they loved with every single fiber of their being?

Please let me know. I feel very alone, and it would be nice to talk to someone that understands.

 

[atlclgurl]

Why do you have the mentality that you're "losing" her?

Yes, she is moving away, but doesn't mean she will cut off any and all communication with you. You will have to adjust to her not being down the street, but in this day and age, there are so many ways you can continue to connect with her. Skype, facebook, texting, email, all of those can keep you guys close.

It will take some work and it will take effort on both your parts, but it sounds as if you love her enough to make the effort and if she has been such a big part of helping you be who you are, I think she probably loves you just as much!

My best friend and I have been friends since we were 12, we've lived apart for many many years, we have found that we are completely capable of picking up our connection with each other right away, as soon as we talk (or hang out). Many people have long distance friendships that are warm, loving and supportive.

I think you are scared of the unknown... what will it be like to live so far from her... but oftentimes the anticipation of an dreaded event is worse than the reality of that event.

I hope, and trust, that you and she will remain friends for many many years. You should too.

 

[B_Nicodemous]

Sweetie I hve been there many times. Each was hard in its own way.:frown: I managed by talking to them almost dailey, then every third day, then once week.

It sucks when you can't find the same connect. But you will meet new people, or develop your existing friendships. It is painful, esp when you have that "i can tell them anything, and they'll stil love me" kind of relationship.

I would write more but I am tired and fading fast. I will write more tomorrow.

Take care and hang in there.:kiss:

 

[AlteredEgo]

Clearly you have internet access. I hear they have it in Texas too. Use it. Download Skype immediately. In addition, get out there, mingle, make new friends. Launch your career. Live.

 

[blondetwink11]

Thank you so much. You are very insightful, and your post helped a great deal. I think I am so afraid because she was just in Arizona for 6 weeks, and we talked once via text.
And you are totally right about the unknown. Especially in regards to the unknown friendships that I might form. (She was really good at grounding me and she made me think about certain friendships.) She was one of the few healthy relationships that I have had during college.
I don't know what I wanted to accomplish with this, I think I just wanted to acknowledge how perceptive you are and how comforting your advice is. Thank you so much

Why do you have the mentality that you're "losing" her?

Yes, she is moving away, but doesn't mean she will cut off any and all communication with you. You will have to adjust to her not being down the street, but in this day and age, there are so many ways you can continue to connect with her. Skype, facebook, texting, email, all of those can keep you guys close.

It will take some work and it will take effort on both your parts, but it sounds as if you love her enough to make the effort and if she has been such a big part of helping you be who you are, I think she probably loves you just as much!

My best friend and I have been friends since we were 12, we've lived apart for many many years, we have found that we are completely capable of picking up our connection with each other right away, as soon as we talk (or hang out). Many people have long distance friendships that are warm, loving and supportive.

I think you are scared of the unknown... what will it be like to live so far from her... but oftentimes the anticipation of an dreaded event is worse than the reality of that event.

I hope, and trust, that you and she will remain friends for many many years. You should too.

 

[atlclgurl]

Well, if you only talked once during her visit to Arizona, its because neither of you made the effort to keep in touch. You will have to make an effort! She will too!

If you are one who makes unhealthy relationship choices, you can change that by changing your expectations of who you are willing to be friends with. You have to make sure that you respect yourself enough to DEMAND, yes, DEMAND quality people in your life be they friends or lovers. Surround yourself with those who are kind, those who are goodhearted, those who care about other people, who aren't selfish and who appreciate you for being the fabulous you that you are.

Look at how the person you're with is to other people. Not how they treat YOU, but how they treat everybody... look for ways you can gauge their character, remember this, even if they are nice to you, if they are not nice to a server in restaurant, they are not a nice person. Some of the most powerful CEOs in the world use this as a "measurement" of their top executives, and if it works for them, why shouldn't it work for you?

Do yourself a favor, read the article attached to the following link, it may very well help you a great deal as you move onto to new friendships (and other relationships) USATODAY.com - CEOs say how you treat a waiter can predict a lot about character

Good luck with all of this! *hugs*

 

[Mal_the_Wolf]

My aunt and her best friend went through the same thing. I wish there was an easy answer. Even with cell phones and the web its not the same as seeing them. Truth is, everyone is gonna leave eventually, in a cab or a hearse. Enjoy as much as you can and don't waste any time on feeling bad a worrying. Enough of that in life as it is

 

[helgaleena]

Just in case your good friend decides not to make the effort to stay in touch, it's always a good thing to enjoy your own company. Lonely is just a mental category, really, if you have interests and occupations.

Value yourself. be your own best friend, now that someone has shown you how it's done.

My SO's are both on the road a lot, and I am not. I have to get used to 'not now, Helga' and learn to expect the sweetness of the times we do have. Life can only get richer once there is time to try new flavors. I will always be grateful for the relationship skills I have learned from them.

 

[RumperRoom]

Your in love with her, and it is like loosing someone very special. Time will heal all and as long as you stay in touch you will always remain friends. (I don't mean in a sexual way more emotionally)