Best friend screwed up bad - to tell or not to tell girlfriend

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Viper73, Oct 7, 2011.

  1. Viper73

    Viper73 Active Member

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    Guys,

    The soap opera that was my life has leveled out and things - for me at least - or going well. However, my best friend is not so fortunate... His relationship with his current girlfriend is going very well, however this afternoon his world got turned upside down.

    Back in August (before they met), after a night out drinking (with me) he went home with a female friend of ours who had also been drinking. One thing lead to another and they had an all night binge of unprotected sex which they both regretted the next morning. They basically just got each other off. There's zero chemistry there other than physical.

    Fast forward to current, my friend is in a committed relationship with the best friend of my new girlfriend. They're obviously in love as the chemistry between them is almost electric.

    Today, he and I were having lunch and he informed me that he needed my advice.

    He explained that the friend from his one night fling believes that she is now pregnant. He has no idea if or how he should tell his current girlfriend. He wants to do what is right and support the child if there is one, but doesn't want a relationship with her.

    My advice was that he unquestionably needed to tell his current girlfriend and honestly explain the entire situation. However, he's terrified that his current girlfriend who he has very strong feelings for will bolt and leave him.

    What do you guys think? Has anyone been in a similar situation?

    I really feel bad for him but in my heart I can't believe there is any chance in hell of this not ruining his current relationship even though it happened before they met.

    Thoughts?
     
  2. dolfette

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    there's no sugar coating it.
    he just has to tell her.
    she'll either stay or she'll go.

    but he should wait until the first scan.
    to make double sure the dates add up.
     
  3. D_Kitten_Kaboodle

    D_Kitten_Kaboodle Account Disabled

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    Well, I'm older and I think coming from a different perspective. These comments are my opinions and thoughts on the subject.

    He should first and foremost be sure the girl is pregnant. Once she confirms she is and looking at "potential" paternity, he should be honest with his girlfriend and tell her. It will eventually come out and best for him to tell her as soon as he finds out than to wait and let her hear it from someone else.

    Secondly, IMO, he needs to remind her that this "interlude...not even an affair" occured after a night of drinking (BEFORE he met her) and they were both regretting their impuslive actions of the night before. And hopefully he learned a valuable lesson.

    And THAT he has chemistry and connection with his current girlfriend that he certainly doesn't want to lose (if he Loves her he should tell her.... if he doesn't love her then he should not use that word.)

    There is no guarantee that the girl will leave...or stay. But his sincerity and honesty should be worth something.

    I think he needs to be clear on where he stands and needs to have support of his friends and family. The girl that is pregnant needs the same support system. The decisions that will be made are not easy ones. His desire to accept his role and responsibility is honorable and he should be commended for that. IMO, it shows that he has character and integrity....we all have lapses of judgment.

    I've said this before to a very very close family member in this situation. We all make mistakes, we are all human and no one is error-free. A baby is a baby that will one day grow to be a man or woman. (I said some other things but they are not applicable to this situation...but hopefully his family and her family will both support and love them unconditionally.)

    The last thing he should do is marry the girl with the baby if there is no love there. That is NOT a valid reason to marry someone.

    I don't know how old your friend, the girl, and GF are...but am guessing they are at least 'adults'.

    Good luck.


    .... AND while I am writing a book... Dolfe says it short and succintly...:biggrin1:
     
    #3 D_Kitten_Kaboodle, Oct 7, 2011
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2011
  4. LongWalk

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    He should definitely wait until he knows for sure that she's pregnant, but, then, he should be tell her as soon as possible, so it won't look like he's hiding it.

    I know that he's got a knot in his stomach right now, and he probably wants to share it with his girl, but there's no reason to put her through the worry, unless it's a fact. He didn't do anything wrong, at least as far as their relationship goes, so, if it turns out she's not pregnant, then no harm no foul.

    Hope everything works out for the best for everyone involved.
     
  5. Florida Boy

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    He needs to be sue she is pregnant. Then remember the truth may hurt, but it burns clean.
     
  6. Stephenmass

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    Not only be sure she is pregnant, but make sure the baby is his. If she was "easy" with him (and that is truly NOT to blame her) she may have been "easy" with others too. It may not even be his baby.
     
  7. molotovmuffin

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    Ok...I'm odd person out. He should tell her now. I'd be pissed as hell that the guy I love wasn't honest enough to tell me when he found out. I got the feeling the new girlfriend isn't going to bolt but if he waits to tell her then he might be sending the wrong message.
     
  8. jump_start

    jump_start Member

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    My line of thinking falls along these lines as well.

    Either way, I don't think it's necessary to stir up a load of drama with his current girlfriend if there's a possibility that there's nothing to worry about to begin with.
     
  9. Luvs2Squirt

    Luvs2Squirt Active Member

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    This!!!!!
     
  10. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    I agree with molotov and would also be pissed as hell if he didn't tell me straight away. I might in fact leave him because he didn't tell me immediately.
     
  11. MickeyLee

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    if she's preggers. if she continues the pregnancy. if the kid is his. how he'll be in the kid's life... too many unknowns to break open a possible bucket of suffering.

    unless he wants some support/guidance from his girlie... keep mum until he's got more information/answers.

    friend and his girlie have only been going out less than two months, right?
    is not like they are long term or insanely serious.

    eta: randomly, to the "if she was easy with you.." dudes.. fuck you. best friend is throwing around as much dick as he humanly can... no shame thrown his way. double fucking standards suck.
     
    #11 MickeyLee, Oct 8, 2011
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2011
  12. dolfette

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    indeed.
    and it's maybe-preggers private information until he knows that she's really preggers and the dates point to him. until it's his baby then it#s not his gf's business.
     
  13. MickeyLee

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    what Ms. Dolfette said.
     
  14. D_Tim McGnaw

    D_Tim McGnaw Account Disabled

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    I'm not normally censorious about safe sex, people have a right to do what they want with their own bodies, but it pisses me off royally when some people treat the possibility of causing a whole new human being to come into existence as if it were nothing important.

    I'm pro-choice so this isn't some kind of "life begins at conception" bullshit, but I've seen so many kids with shitty family backgrounds and damaged emotional lives whose parents should just have used a fucking rubber for fuck's sake.

    And acting like it's some horrible surprise that having had unprotected sex might have lead to a pregnancy gets on my tits too.

    Those are my thoughts.
     
    #14 D_Tim McGnaw, Oct 8, 2011
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2011
  15. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    I totally agree, but didn't see any point in saying it now the deed is done.
     
  16. D_Tim McGnaw

    D_Tim McGnaw Account Disabled

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    Yeah, I know what you mean. But as it goes, if a friend of mine told me that kind of story it would transform how I viewed them, I don't think I'd be able to respect them all that much.


    I'd tell his GF straight away that he's out having unprotected sex with randomers. The GF has a right to know that he could be exposing her to STDs or himself to paternity suits. That kind of shit is very much her business.
     
  17. blacklegend

    blacklegend New Member

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    Lots of ifs, buts and maybe's here!
    For all you know, the "other " women may have a hidden agenda and this whole drunken seduction was part of a plan. Women do drop their guard when drunk, but is sounds like she knew what she was doing.
    As far as your friend is concerned, being unfaithful is unacceptable and if it wasn't for this bit of Karma that's about to fuck up his relationship, he would have happily hidden the fact that he is untrustworthy to his current partner.
    When will the next drunken fuck happen and what excuse will he had next time?
    Sounds like he has got what he deserves. Hopefully he will take more responsibility in future and learn that infidelity comes at a cost.
     
  18. MickeyLee

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    fuckin breeders :tongue::wink::rolleyes:
    *note the emoticons of immunity, folks.*
     
  19. D_Tim McGnaw

    D_Tim McGnaw Account Disabled

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    :tongue: Racist! :biggrin1:
     
  20. MickeyLee

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    thank you for renewing my faith in men. :smile:

    all whores are sperm/DNA coveting schemers.
    even if you use condoms, make sure you count the used ones.
    never know what could happen.. spermicidal lubricant, yeah right!!
    she could have falsified the condoms. :rolleyes:


    yeah... he wasn't in a relationship at the time.
    "before he met his girlfriend"
    but it was kinda cute how you tried to throw some shade his way.
    equality FTW!!
     
    #20 MickeyLee, Oct 8, 2011
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2011
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